


Falling Embers

by Graymalkyn



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Drama, F/M, Multi, Romance, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-10
Updated: 2014-07-28
Packaged: 2017-11-28 19:26:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 88
Words: 149,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/678049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Graymalkyn/pseuds/Graymalkyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the year 2025, Lucía Hawke and her family find themselves wandering around Thedas, trying to find a place where they can have a fresh start. But there comes a time in which escaping from trouble is no longer enough. In order to live without fear, Lucía has to make a stand, and fight for something greater than her life. (Modern AU)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How Far We Are

"Next!"

Lucía patted her mother's knee, waking her up from her restless slumber. They quickly picked up their ragged bags and made their way over to the counter.

"Name?"

"Hawke. Lucía Hawke." She pointed to her companions, "Carver Hawke, Leandra Amell, and Bethany Hawke."

The last name was said in such a hurry that the officer took his apathetic eyes away from the form he had started to fill to take a look at the last member of the family. He rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Nationality?"

"Fereldan."

"How long will you be staying?"

"I hope many years."

"You must know, Miss Hawke, that you won't be eligible for any kind of pension for at least 7 years."

"Yes, I know it."

"You understand this."

"Yes."

The officer looked at her.

"I suggest you look for another place, Miss Hawke. It is obvious from the look of all of you," he eyed the rest of the group, "that you need financial and social assistance  _badly_. You will not find it here." He reached out to get the stamp of 'Rejected', but her hand stopped him.

"Please, sir. We don't have another place to go." Lucía's cheeks burnt with shame.

"Miss…" The man withdrew his hand contemptuously.

"We can't return."

"I've already heard that story from half of Ferelden. There's nothing I can do for you. I'm sorry."

"I don't need you to do something for me. I only ask that you permit I have this chance…" Her dark eyes looked aside, and even though the fringe almost covered them, he saw the glistening of tears.

Lucía took a deep breath and glanced at her family. Her mother was wiping the drool falling off her sister's cheek –Bethany's self-control had suffered greatly with the exodus and today was a rather difficult day– and her brother was hiding under his cap as usual. She could feel his vulnerability, in spite of the macho attitude he'd adopted after their father had left them.

For her, it was a lost battle. She had no way of persuading someone in a language that she didn't fully understand, let alone a government employee. Those were hard to persuade in any language. She closed her eyes and swallowed her pride.

"I will do anything."

The officer raised an eyebrow. Her cheeks were red. Surely she hadn't meant…?

"Miss…"

"Anything."

The fire in her eyes made his heart skip a beat. He cleared his throat and played with a pen. What to do. It wouldn't be easy, and it could possibly be dangerous. If someone at the Department leaked that he was helping a family of refugees with an  _amenta_ , he'd probably lose more than the annual bonus. But there was something about this woman that told him that, given a chance, she would make it. He wondered about the hundreds of people that were turned down every day, and if his companions felt the same way about them.

"Listen: there's no place or opportunity for you in this city, but there's a train that leaves at 9 tonight, departing from Platform 8 at Central. If you contact this person," he scribbled a name and directions on a slip of paper, "he'll be able to help you."

"But…"

"Believe me, it's your only chance." His green eyes were fixed on her. He didn't blink. She nodded and thanked him silently. "Tell him… Tell him that _Broody_ sent you. I'm giving you a limited pass. You can reapply for citizenship in two years, but not before. If you're lucky, you'll be someone by that time."

He took the 'Temporary approval' stamp from his desk and applied it to the form. He signed his name _–L. Fenris–_ at the bottom of the page and slid it over the counter towards her. She took the form and clutched the other piece of paper with a trembling hand.

"Thank y---"

"Next!" His eyes looked away.

Lucía turned around and sighed with relief. She waved at her family with the form, much to the joy of Leandra and Carver, took Bethany by the hand, and walked out of the Migration Pavillion.

When she told them about what had happened with the clerk, Carver snorted.

"I can't believe you fell for that! He surely did it to get rid of you, dumbass! I swear, I don't know why we let you do everything for us. That's it, next time _I'm_ taking care of things."

"Carver, please." Leandra put a hand over her son's shoulder. He shrugged it off.

"Alright then, let's go to this 'magical' station, to see what help we can get."

They walked the 30 blocks that separated them from the station because they didn't have enough money for transport. Bethany complained once, but Lucía offered to buy her something to drink once they got there, and the girl had calmed down. When they reached the station, it was almost time for the train to leave. She read the name and directions on the paper and frantically look for a match among the hundreds of faces walking up and down the platform. And then she saw him, standing at the steps of the last wagon, in a worn-out suede jacket and half-finger gloves.

"Andrés?"

The man didn't reply. She called his name again and ran towards him. A short man who was standing next to the man patted him with the back of his hand and nodded towards her. The man turned around and raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Andrés?" Lucía asked, panting.

The man frowned for a second and then smiled.

" _Anders._ "

Lucía re-read the slip of paper. She blushed.

"Sorry, I read it bad. Anders, my name is Lucía Hawke. This is my family. A man called Broody told me to find you. He says you can help us, yes? That the train can take us to another city where we can stay?"

Anders looked at the Hawke family. The mother and the boy didn't stir anything in him, but the  _girl_ … He felt a voice in his head, telling him they had to help her.

"Okay…" he said slowly. "You can come with us, but you must know that where we're going is a difficult place. Very few people succeed."

Lucía's heart sank a little.

"Still," he continued, "it's not impossible to make a living, provided you're not afraid of working hard."

"I'm not." Lucía shook her head emphatically.

"Okay then! My associate here, Varric, will help you with whatever luggage you have. I hope you're not squeamish about the seating arrangement…"

"Oh no, we're not  _squeakish,"_  she said hurriedly.

Anders gave her a half-veiled smile. He shook her hand warmly.

"Welcome to the Free Marches. Get a seat. We're leaving in ten minutes. Say goodbye to Kirkwall, at least for some time. If you're lucky, when you come back, everything will be different." There was a light in his eyes that made her believe that change was possible.

"Change," she nodded.  _Things can only look up for the Hawkes,_  she thought.

**...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: 'How far we are' is a line from Enya's song "Fallen Embers" - the title of the story is "Falling Embers" because of the same song, and also because to me it's reminiscent of an in-game part.


	2. Whispers In Blindness

 

Bethany was having a bad night. 

Lucía could hear her crying – first, it was a little sob, like a baby's. Then, it became more intense and continuous. By this time, however, it had turned into a full-fledged wail that her mother seemed unable to stop. Lucía counted the seconds, waiting - hoping that for one night, her mother didn't come asking for help. She knew Leandra was trying to do her best – she had ever since Malcolm had left them, broke and helpless– and most days, she managed to calm poor Bethany down. Tonight, however…

 _Thud_ , Lucía heard. She closed her eyes and breathed in and out slowly.  _Thud._

Leandra opened the door and approached her eldest child carefully and apologetically.

"¿Luz? ¿Estás despierta?"  _('Luz? Are you awake?')_

Lucía got up from the couch and put on her slippers. "Sí, mamá. Ya escuché. No te preocupes, ahí voy."  _('Yes, mom. I've already heard that. Don't worry, I'll be right there.')_

Leandra looked positively mortified. "Perdóname, corazón…"  _('Forgive me, darling…')_

_Thud… Thud… Thud…_

Lucía entered the room quietly. Bethany was sitting on her bed, hugging her knees, banging her head on the wall. Thud, thud, thud. She wasn't shouting anymore, but the tears gushed down and the eyes were wide open in horror. Lucía's heart sank – every time Bethany had a spell of lucidity, everybody had to relive the pain of explaining to her what was going on. After years of doing this, Lucía had come up with a simple method that had proved effective.

She lay down in her sister's bed and patted the mattress. Bethany dove and buried her face in her sister's neck, sobbing uncontrollably and clinging onto her with such a strength that made Lucía wish Bethany was 5, not 18.

"¿Pesadillas otra vez?"  _('Nightmares again?')_

Bethany nodded, but didn't say anything.

"¿Quieres contarme?"  _('Do you want to tell me about it?')_

The girl shook her head nervously.

"¿Quieres que mañana vayamos a ver a Andy?"  _('Would you like us to go and see Andy tomorrow?´)_

Bethany was quiet. And then she gave a little nod and a little sob.

Lucía put her right arm around her and kissed her sister's forehead repeatedly, stroking her hair, caressing the back of her head, and humming Bethany's favourite song. She felt her sister's body relax against hers, and when Bethany started to hum along, she knew that the worst part was over.

Once she'd made sure that Bethany was sleeping again, she slithered out of the bed, picked up her slippers and got out of the room. Her mother had made some tea and toast for three, and she was opening one of the jars of homemade Embrium jam, Lucía's favourite. She slipped a fingertip in the jar and Leandra slapped her hand playfully. She smiled at her daughter and tossed her fringe lovingly. They sat at the table and the mother poured the tea for the yawning daughter. And then they heard the rattling of the keys. Carver went in, tossed his bag and the keys on the couch, and closed the door behind him.

"You know… I could have been sleeping and you'd have hit me right in the face," Lucía complained.

Carver shrugged. "Shouldn't you be getting ready for work? It's almost 6."

"Bethany had a bad night. I'll call Varric and ask him to cover for me one more hour," Lucía said, reaching for her cellphone in her bag.

Leandra looked at her two children, half-proud of their progress in learning another language, half-confused because she'd only understood a few words. Carver kissed her on the cheek and told her not to worry. She poured some tea for him while he was washing his hands, and when he sat down, he wolfed down his part of the breakfast.

"Varric, listen… We had another episode," Lucía explained in a hush voice.

"It's the second one this month. Are you sure you don't want Blondie to see her?"

"I told Bethany we would see him today. You know why I didn't want to do it before…"

"Yes, I remember. I told you: you're just seeing things. There's no way-"

"Better safe than sorry, right?" Lucía's voice had become tense.

"And if it was like that," Varric said, trying to relax her, "you should feel happy that it's Blondie and not someone else. You've known him for almost a year now. Has he ever been rude to you or Bethany?"

"No, but-"

"Maaaaaaybe, and it's a big maybe," Varric teased, "you're just jealous, Hawke."

Lucía frowned. "What? No! The things you say, Varric… You know you're the only man for me," she purred.

Varric laughed heartily. "And that's how I know that you're actually phoning to say you're coming late. It's alright, Luce. Take your time. I'll go and spend some time with Bianca."

"I'll come to the shooting range when I get there, then."

"Take care, sweetheart."

"Bye."

"It's good to have friends, right?" said Carver right behind her, munching on a piece of toast with jam.

"You'd know if you had-hey! That's mine!" Lucía took the toast from her brother's grinning mouth and stuck her tongue out at him. Carver yawned and stretched out. Lucía massaged his broad back for a couple of seconds and then told her mother that she'd be taking Bethany to Anders's clinic that day. Leandra said that she'd use the extra time she'd have to go to the market that was a bit further away, because the prices were lower and she could get better deals.

"¿Por qué no aprovechas y visitas a Benoit?"  _('Why don't you take the chance to visit Benoit?')_

"No estoy segura de ir… Su hija volvió hace poco de Orlais y tal vez quieran pasar tiempo juntos…"  _('I'm not sure about going… His daughter just got back from Orlais and they may want to spend time together…')_

Leandra's greatest concern was being a burden. The idea of depending on her children had made depressed at first, but now that feeling had spread onto other people as well. Her existence was barely noticed in the neighbourhood. She moved quietly from one place to the other, taking Bethany by the hand wherever she went, her ears closed to the whispers that had always followed her.  _Tell her that if she dates that boy, she'll never see a cent again… Pregnant so young and not even married… Did you hear about the husband? I heard he was involved in a murder… Their little girl is so strange… I heard he's cheating on poor Leandra… I heard he's abandoned them… I heard they're applying for food stamps…_ Sometimes, keeping her eyes and ears closed worked well for her, but if it didn't, she always made sure that her children wouldn't know how much it affected her.

One hour later, Lucía and Bethany walked down the street, hand in hand, talking about the sunshine and the people and the trees. Bethany's face looked tired, but she seemed more conscious than other days. Lucía wondered if it had to do with the prospect of seeing Anders. Her sister  _was_ a woman after all. And women had needs, as Carver and Varric usually said.

"Bethany!" Anders cried when they entered his office. Bethany ran towards him and let him hug her. Over Bethany's shoulder, Anders smiled at Lucía. "Varric called. He said you'd be coming with her. I'm glad you brought her in."

"I'll be glad when things become more stable," Lucía said grimly.

"Don't be such a pessimist, Hawke. It doesn't suit you. Come this way, honeybee," Anders said, holding Bethany's hand. He offered Lucía his other hand but she shook her head and clutched her bag a little tighter.

"Luz?" Bethany whimpered. Anders's smiled broadened very slightly.

Lucía rolled her eyes and held his hand. It was a firm hand, a hand that had known hard work and hard times, but still remained gentle. Lucía thought his hands were just like her father's. She hated him for that. He had no right to confuse her like this.

"Let's go to the lab," Anders said to the sisters, and he started whistling Bethany's favourite tune. Lucía's lips relaxed, but she hid her smile before Anders could see it.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: "Whispers in Blindness" is a song by Ace of Base. Originally this chapter was going to feature flashbacks into Malcolm and Leandra's relationship, but somehow the chapter changed into this introduction to Bethany's condition. I did want to capture the idea that through the whispers, Leandra finds out about Malcolm's little deceptions. Whether she reacts to them or not... That's for a different chapter.  
> Bethany was having a bad night.


	3. Girls and Boys

_Cousin,_

_Here I am, reporting the latest news: Everything Is Fine._

_All the people I took away last year have already got jobs, a place to live in, and most of them have blended with the rest of the neighbourhood. Some even started mingling and they've formed families. Not me, unfortunately. Still on my own. Still dealing with my issues, but everything's under control so far. Hm… I should delete the last part – you'll probably worry about that now._

_You should come over. I bet that life in Kirkwall's not as easy with the new Brigadier. Sounds like a joke, right? Kirkwall, the heart of the_ Free  _Marches, ruled by a Brigadier. Yes, I know that she's not 'ruling'; just waiting for the next elections to take place. When will that be, next year? What's the word on the street? Will she run for office? She's certainly got impressive qualifications: single-handedly defeating the Vaels –unarguably the seediest family of Starkhaven– and stopping the Blight in the region qualifies as "Wow", don't you think? And no, I'm_ not _in love with the lady. Just saying that she sounds like someone worthy of following, right? Anyway, you see more of her than I do, or at least you will soon, so you'll be able to tell me what it feels like to work with such a force of nature._

 _Would it hurt to write more often? I know you're not friends with pen and paper but hey, at least I have time to send you an e-mail every other month. Granted, the last one was six months ago, but let's say I wanted to lay low for a while. Just in case. Unless you're too busy having sex with someone, in which case…_ Allez-y, mon frère! _I won't distract you from your duties (wink wink)._

_Cheers,_

_A_

_P.S.-Here's a photo of my favourite refugees. You sent them over, remember? The younger one is sweetness incarnate. She's getting better all the time, and she's helping me with my investigation. The older one… … … … (Yes, there's a good reason why those are there. My lips are sealed.)_

Leto stared at the screen. How many times had he told Anders that he should stick to traditional letters, not electronic ones? He banged his fist on the table. Electronic mail was probably monitored for employees of the Department, and he did not want to be found. It would risk everything he had managed to get.

He took a look at the photograph. He wasn't sure he had helped those women. He didn't remember them. His cousin had said something about a research… No. It couldn't be. The  _amenta_? He zoomed in on the younger woman. He tried to remember her the way he'd seen her: drooling, whiny after the long journey, the vacant sight in her eyes… If this girl was the same, then Anders had worked a small miracle. She was smiling for the camera; her black hair was parted in two thick braids, her sparkling eyes reflecting joy, much unlike the other woman. Her expression was somber; a little irritated, perhaps? Leto closed his eyes and tried to remember her: unremarkable, except for her dark eyes – big, expressive; on fire. Her voice sounded in his head -  _"I'll do anything,"_  she had said. From her tired expression, he thought that maybe she had acted upon her word. Her train-wreck of a sister looked fine, so maybe she had done  _anything._  Was that the reason why Anders had refused to comment on her? He took a closer look at her. She wasn't particularly attractive. She looked tired and a little thin, which made her lips stand out. Small ears, long neck, caressed by locks of thick, black hair. Full lips. No lipstick, and yet her mouth looked juicy, red and inviting.

He heard the door open behind him. He closed his laptop and turned to greet the woman.

"Were you waiting for me, sugar?" Her voice was seductive, and she swaggered in his direction as she took off her uniform.

Leto took off his shirt and kissed the woman hungrily.

"Ooh, somebody's happy to see me," the woman purred, licking the line on his neck that led to his lips.

"No talking, 'Bela," he grunted, grabbing her by the waist. She wrapped her legs around his body and let him carry her to his bed.

* * *

"I'm not kidding, baby girl. There we were, Blondie and I, working on a cold case late at night when all of a sudden one of the dead bodies started shaking."

"Varric…"

"I thought Blondie would shit his pants. I took out my 17C, ready to unload it on the motherfucking undead, and we heard a groan from under the sheet."

"Don't tell me…"

"It was no undead – just one of those dumb junkies! You should have seen the guy's face. Glossy eyes, blue veins crawling up his face…"

"What did you do?"

"What do you think? We reported him to the Captain and he contacted the Wardens. I tell you: those bastards sure are tough. They came in their uniforms and drove the junkie away in their fancy truck."

"I bet it wasn't only Anders that almost shat his pants," the woman laughed.

"Hey! I'm butch – that's not my style," Varric winked at her.

"Sure you are, handsome," Lucía patted him and left her bag on a chair. "Bianca," she greeted the other woman.

"Luce," Bianca waved from the other side of the counter Varric was leaning onto. Her short wavy hair was decorated with flowery hairpins today, making her look fresher and younger.

"I see your idea of training and I'm not sure I want you to be my instructor," Lucía told him.

"You know you want me to teach you, gorgeous."

"Varric! What will Bianca say?"

"Bianca will say that she's not sure about Agent Tethras taking her to the end-of-year ball if he keeps flirting with Recruit Hawke," Bianca frowned, shaking her pretty blonde head. "Also, she will request a change of agents: he might even get stuck with Operator Donnic."

"Aw, come on. You know you're my shining light."

"As much as I enjoy this comedy of lovers," Lucía interrupted, "I'm late for practice and I need to catch up before the announcement."

"What announcement?" Varric asked.

"They sent an e-mail one hour ago. Come on, let's get to the range."

After one hour of practice, Varric checked his messages, read the e-mail and asked, "What do you think it will be about?"

"Well, if I got the e-mail as well it's safe to assume that it's something that affects the whole Department, not just the recruits or the agents." Her shots came close to the mark, but they weren't perfect yet. There was something about shooting a gun that made her excited and scared at the same time. Carver had tried to teach her, but he didn't have the type or amount of patience that Lucía had needed at the beginning of her training, and so Varric had come forward and offered his expertise for the modest price of dinner together every Thursday night. Varric was very fond of Bethany –everybody was, even during her bad days– and Leandra, and although he didn't always agree with Carver, he tried to be there for the boy. He knew how difficult it was to have the intention of leading the family and being overshadowed by an older sibling instead. Lucía was completely different from his own brother, though. The moment he'd seen her leading her family through the crowd back in Kirkwall, he'd known that she was not just a girl: she was a woman; independent, self-sufficient,  _complete_.

"And that's what's driving Blondie crazy: you don't need him."

"Why would he want me to need him?" Lucía was cleaning the gun carefully. The last time she'd done that, she'd made several mistakes that had made Varric's sleek hair stand on end.

Varric opened his mouth to reply, but Bianca's voice came through the speakers. "Announcement starting in Conference Circle now, guys. You're running late."

"What are we doing tonight? Your place, my place…?"

"We'll be having rat-on-a-stick if you want some…" Lucía joked.

"Ooh, I love that. I'll take that bottle of wine your momma loves so much."

"Don't go around saying that. You'll give her a bad reputation."

"Bah; your old lady's tough as nails. Stop worrying so much," Varric said, opening the door for Lucía.

"… Having announced my retirement," the Captain was saying, "I'd like all of you to welcome my successor – a remarkable young lady who's spent the last couple of years serving abroad and has the Brigadier's full support. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you your new Captain, effective as from next month: Lieutenant Aveline du Lac."

Everyone in the room clapped politely as the Lieutenant took her place in front of the audience.

"Did he say 'du Lac'? Isn't that your mother's friend's last name?"

"Yes," Lucía nodded. "The daughter that came back from Orlais."

"What do you know," Varric murmured. "You might end up with a half-Orlesian half-sister, Hawke."

"We'll see," Lucía said to herself, looking at the red-haired woman that was about to start her speech. "Who knows? Seems like a nice girl."

Except that she wasn't.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: "Girls and Boys" is a song by Blur. I went for the idea of girls and boys having fun in different ways, and still "always should be someone you really love" - Yes, I'm looking at you, Leto.


	4. I'm Not In Love

"What I mean," Karl said, "is that I think you're just too happy to see the Hawke sisters coming through that door every Monday at 9 in the morning."

Anders guffawed and went on looking for some files. "Yeah, sure. That makes my week."

"I wouldn't say that, but it's pretty evident you're fond of them, and rumour has it that it isn't just because Sister Hawke finally agreed to bring the little one in – which, as far as I can see, turned out to be incredibly beneficial for your research."

"'Rumour' has it? Who's this 'rumour' you're talking about? Give us a name, Karl."

"Hm," Karl grunted. "I'd only like to remind you what a problem it would be if it was young Bethany that falls for you instead."

"Ah, so  _that's_  the concern? Fear not, my trusty assistant: should it come to that, I have a beautiful rejection speech that I've been saving for ages, guaranteed to make anyone fall out of love with me in the blink of an eye!"

"… Aaand sarcasm oozes away." Karl handled the nanopipette skillfully, applying electricity and watching for reactions. "So, you'll go for the older one after all."

Anders sighed. "What  _is_  it with people wanting me to get together with someone? Trust me: if Lucía was the one, the path to the mythical bed of roses would be plagued with dragons, monsters, and thorns. I've yet to decide whether she hates me or simply despises me. Imagine if she knew  _everything_  about me! She'd shoot me on the spot. Any woman in her right mind would."

"Maybe you should try switching to men, then."

"Ha ha. Very funny."

"Men are simpler than women. Saves space if you live with another man, too. At least you know you can share clothes, shoes, and deodorant."

"I can't believe Doctor Karl Thekla is finally joking about something! It wouldn't be a real solution, anyway; just an easy way out. I'm not int-"

"So tell me: how do you feel about her?" Karl interrupted, leaving the instrument in its base and looking away from his microscope for the first time. He was a good judge of character and Anders could be read like an open book.

"Lucía?" Anders shrugged. "Dunno. Hard to like someone that feels uncomfortable around you. I wish she would relax, that's all. She's bloody uptight. Every time I get close to her, she recoils as if I was an abomination. I miss having friends, you know? Female friends are especially good to have around. A constant source of gossip and drama!"

Karl smirked. "Well, maybe you should ask your 'good friend' Varric about it."

"Oh? What's Varric got to do with this?"

Karl went back to monitoring the sample. "Nothing. I _may_  have overheard them speaking at the deli the other day. He sort of…  _implied_  that you were after her."

"What?" Anders blared. "That… idiot! I'm going to kill him. Why would he say that?"

"Er… I don't know the guy that much, but it seems like teasing is part of his nature?"

"Yeah, but he's teasing… up the wrong tree," Anders rubbed his eyes. "If there's someone… that doesn't take jokes lightly…" His head started aching. Was it time already?

"Anders?" Karl's voice sounded muffled. Had he taken the morning dose? Everything started to look… blurry. The light. The dust. Fire.

A voice.

"Here," Karl said, offering him a tablet and a glass of water. "I didn't mean to distress you."

Anders tried to focus. He swallowed the tablet and washed it down with cold water. "It's fine, Karl," Anders smiled weakly. "You're certainly a good friend."

Karl cleared his throat and looked away. "Maybe we should write down this occurrence in the log; you know, so that the boss knows. I'll do it for you."

Anders nodded gratefully. Karl put on his glasses and took the chance to hide his face from Anders.  _I wasn't joking,_  he thought, and tried to think of something else.

* * *

He felt her nipples on his back. Her mouth never seemed to get tired of licking, sucking, biting. He looked at the time. 6 in the morning. He was going to be late for work. He stood up, much to her disappointment, and walked away, naked.

"Where are you going?" Her voice sounded especially whiny this morning.

"To the bathroom, where else? It's late."

"Shit," Isabela muttered, burying her face in his pillow. She loved the musky scent of his sheets. They reminded her of his rough skin and his warmth. His body temperature; certainly not his temperament. She knew he wouldn't exactly be 'amorous', but even if she never got attached to anyone, his snarls sometimes caught her off guard. But the guy had a smoking hot body. All the girls back at the office though he was too lanky, but she knew that underneath those impeccable trousers and shirts, she'd find a strong, muscular body. She started going after him when he was the only man in the Department that wasn't impressed by her implants. "Very classy," her sister would have said. Her sister was a big fan of feelings and emotions. She'd never have agreed to get into a purely physical relationship.

The sound of the shower triggered images of his body being soapy and wet and she found herself incredibly turned on. She entered the bathroom and sneaked in the shower with him.

* * *

Leto's hand was lying over her head. He'd never known what a man was supposed to do when he had a girl kneeling down in front of him, between his legs – all lips, tongue, and even teeth. She was looking up, her dark eyes locked in an intense gaze. If he had to say what was so exciting about their affair, it had to be the fact that it was the only forbidden thing he allowed himself to do. Interpersonal relationships were heavily discouraged in the Department, at risk of being fired and even barred from any other government department. That could be a problem, since most of the jobs for people who had no particular qualifications and wanted to make a decent living were government-controlled. He frowned.

"Something wrong?" Isabela asked, her mouth free for the first time in minutes.

"No. No," he said slowly. This beautiful creature was there, naked, pleasuring him, and he was thinking about work. She seemed to be a good person; why did she keep doing this? Not that he was complaining: having sex with her was the only thing that kept him interested in his routine. Maybe he should get a side job, like his cousin. That fool. He was going to get caught one day. Well, with that last set of refugees, Leto had probably placed the last nail in Anders's coffin. And yet he seemed oddly cheerful about it.

He noticed that she had stopped. She was staring at him, looking kind of dejected. He offered her his hand and helped her stand up.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, and with his left hand he moved a streak of wet hair behind her ear. His green eyes looked almost sad. Leto thought she deserved someone nicer. He tried to redeem himself in the only way he knew. He pinned her against the cold, wet wall, and kissed her, caressing her body with need. If this was love, he thought, it would be perfect. It would also be disappointing, because his chest still felt hollow, and deep inside, he'd always expected love to be a magical thing.

* * *

"That bitch!" Carver hissed. "Why the heck is it important if my shirt isn't as white as the others'? Law enforcement is not a question of how white your shirt is!" He threw a cushion against the wall. He had been suspended by the new Captain for one day  _("so that you can go and take the time to buy a new set, hm?"),_  thus breaking his perfect record of attendance. In turn, that represented a cut in the next payment, something they were counting on to be able to afford Bethany's medicine for the new treatment she was undergoing.

"I'm so sorry," Leandra sobbed, wringing her hands. "If only I'd bought a better washing liquid…"

"No, Mom: no," Carver hugged his mother and rocked her gently. "It's not your fault." He kissed her forehead and sighed. He turned to his sister. "How are you doing with your studies, Luz?"

Lucía's papers were spread over the only table in the house. She was in her pajamas, her black hair completely disheveled, dark shadows under her eyes. Her hands had started shaking a few hours ago, due to the massive amounts of coffee she'd been having to avoid falling asleep. Fortunately, Bethany hadn't had any new episodes, which had given her a little respite. Still, she knew she had to keep going, now more than ever. "I'm trying hard, Carver. The exam's next Monday and I've already finished revising, but if I really want to excel and get that bonus…"

"I know you'll do it," Carver nodded. "You'll show that bitch the Hawkes are good. Hey, you should talk to your boyfriend, Mom. Tell him he should tell his daughter to cut us some slack."

"Carver! The things you say!" Leandra blushed. "Benoit's not my…  _boyfriend_ ; we're just friends!"

"Ooh, foxy lady!" Lucía and Carver exclaimed at the same time.

"It's not… We're not… Children!" Leandra hid her face in her hands.

"Relax, Mom. You've got every right to find happiness again. Look at us: Luz found a much better job, Bethany's getting better, and I… Well, I'll be fine soon. You should start thinking about yourself for a change."

Leandra smiled as Carver hugged her. There was a knock at the door and Bethany opened it. Barely acknowledging the girl, Varric ran into the room, got down on one knee in front of Lucía, and produced an engagement ring.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: "I'm not in love" is a song by 10cc, but it's mostly a response to one of the reviews for the previous chapter, in which someone stated that Anders was already in love with Lucía. Yes, I'm aware of the irony throughout the song, but it also works for Leto, and trying to keep his business with Isabela hush-hush. Also, the wonderful line, "You'll wait a long time for me" - even though this is a romance/tragedy fic, real romance will show up much later on.


	5. Uninvited

"And then she said no. No, Hawke. And it was a very emphatic  _no_." Varric hid his face in his hands. Lucía poured him some coffee, left the mug on the table and rubbed his shoulders.

"Aww, sweetheart… It's not the end of the world. Maybe you were a little too… hasty?"

"We've been together for six years now!"

"Er… No? She's been your  _operator_  for six years, but you've only been together for a couple of months."

"Come on, Shorty," Carver chuckled. "Even  _I_  know that no woman would say 'Oh, yes, of course I'll marry you, a thousand times yes!' to a marriage proposal without having a real relationship before."

Bethany giggled and said, "It's princesses who do that, silly!"

"Exactly!" Varric nodded. Lucía smiled.

"Varric, Bianca is no princess. In fact, she's one of the most logical, rational, and practical people I've ever met. I admit it's kinda romantic, this whole 'kneeling' and 'let's be together forever' – and that ring is dreamy! But let's face it: it must have been completely unexpected for her."

"And embarrassing," Carver added. "Where did you say you two were?"

"At a Rivaini restaurant," Varric muttered.

"Ooh, seafood! You were expecting some sexy time afterwards, eh?" Carver winked at Varric. Leandra hit him with a dish towel.

"Her family's from Rivain," Lucía explained.

"Ah. Meh," Carver suddenly lost interest and went for a quick shower.

Varric sighed and paced around the room. "I blew it, Luce. She'll never forgive me for walking out." He went towards the window and pressed his forehead against the cold glass.

"Oh, don't be silly, Varric," Leandra said, patting his shoulder. "You did something nice, even if- Oh… What did you just say?"

"I walked out of the restaurant," Varric croaked. "I left her there."

Leandra looked at Lucía. "When… When did you say this happened?"

"Just now," Varric sniffled. "She said no and I ran away. I panicked! Then I thought,  _It's Thursday, the Hawkes must be in their nest._  And that's how I wound up here."

"You mean she's still at the restaurant?" Suddenly Leandra was a little horrified.

"This is so… not you," Lucía frowned and shook her head.

"I know, but she drives me crazy. Crazy! I think about her when I wake up, when I get dressed, when I'm at work, when I get home – I even dream about her! It's like… I don't know. Maybe I'm just delusional."

"And you told her all this, you told her how you feel?"

"Of course I did! I tried. You know me; I'm usually good with speeches."

"And stories," Bethany smiled.

"And stories," Varric smiled faintly. "But, as you said, maybe she doesn't like that. Maker, how could I have ignored that? I'm such a jerk."

Lucía hugged him. "Maybe you're just stressed. We all are, ever since the new captain-"

"Shhhh!" Bethany urged her sister to be quiet, and pointed out to the bathroom door. Lucía nodded and pressed her lips together. She told Varric what had happened between her brother and the captain in a hushed voice.

"Just don't mention it to him. He'll start ranting again." She sighed. "Why don't we go and see if Bianca's still at the restaurant? I could use some fresh air."

"No, thanks. She must have left already." He looked at his watch. "Yeah, I've been gone for an hour now. I don't think she'll be waiting for me there. And if she is, she's probably hiding a knife behind her back or something. I'll see if I can fix it tomorrow." He yawned. "Get some sleep, Luce. The shadows under your eyes look… rather impressive."

"I was hoping the raccoon style would catch on," Lucía replied.

Just as Varric was going out, Carver went out of the bathroom. His hair was wet and looked even darker in contrast with his fair skin and bright blue eyes. He shook his head like a dog and barely had time to catch the towel he was wearing round his waist before it fell to the floor. Varric stared at him.

"What?" Carver said. "Expecting a lap dance or something?" He bit his lower lip and moved his hips suggestively towards Varric.

"Eww," Bethany said, covering her eyes.

"Lucky bastard," Varric murmured, before slamming the door behind him.

* * *

"Good morning, Varric," Bianca said.

"Mornin'," he muttered and went on walking.

"Oh yes, I had a wonderful time last night! Nobody mugged me on the way back home-"

Varric turned around, alarmed. "Something happened to you?"

"Aren't you listening? I said nothing happened. Well, except for the fact that I had to eat the two desserts that we had ordered before you left," she barked, "and now I'm so bloated that I'll have to spend the evening at the gym, thank you very much."

"I'm sorry," he said, and walked into the men's changing room. Bianca rolled her eyes and entered the women's room. She had just taken her things out of the bag when Varric stormed in.

"Are you crazy? This is not-"

"There's nobody here; you're the only freak that arrives 40 minutes before starting time. Every Friday morning all the women of this Department arrive on the dot because the night before they go clubbing, and you never go with them. You never do, because you don't like that." Varric's face was flushed. "You're not like most girls: you don't smoke, you don't drink, you think make-up is overrated, and you think things through. And you're nice. You're always helping out other operators when they mess up, and you clean after them. You're the first one to arrive, the last one to leave, and you do things without expecting anything in return. Nobody sees what you do…" Varric was out of breath.  _Shit, now I've lost my train of thought._

Bianca was looking at him. Her beautiful eyes, full of life, were sparkling.

"But  _I_ see you." He took a step forward. "I  _see_  you."

She kissed him and her warm tears rolled down her blushing cheeks.

"I can't do this," Varric murmured. "I love you, and I can't live without you. But if you don't want me-"

"I do," she said calmly. "I want you in my life. Last night… I just needed some time to think. I'm scared, Varric. You're an agent. You go out there. I try to be the best at what I do because you're out there. I can't afford to make a mistake knowing that your life depends on me."

"Now, now; don't get all cocky about it," Varric nuzzled her.

"But it's true. I don't think I could stand it if you were gone from my life." She laughed. "I never thought this would happen. After that night, that first night… I told myself it was silly to pursue something serious with you. But I wasn't expecting this. The colour, the light; the laughter." She kissed him softly. "You make my life better."

Varric held her close to him. After a while, she smiled.

"Well, are you going to ask me again or what?"

Varric took the ring out of his pocket and got down on one knee.

* * *

"Hm." Isabela was frowning in front of the computer screen.

"What is it?" Leto asked. He was lying on the couch, watching the news.

"My sister's getting married in a month. In Tantervale. Argh, it'll be such a pain to ask for days off to be there." She rubbed her eyes.

"Maybe you can use your vacation days."

"I was looking forward to my vacation this year. I so wanted to go to the beach, and lie in the sun, naked…" She looked at him. He went on watching TV. "I thought that, perhaps…"

"You want me to go with you?" he asked, out of the blue. It took her by surprise. He'd never offered to do something for her before.

"I… I wouldn't want you to use up your vacation days on this," she mumbled.

"Bah. It's no problem. I've got family in Tantervale." He looked at her. "If I can sort it out, I'll give my cousin a call and I might stay with him for a few days. Where will you be staying?"

She stared at him. Of course. It had been stupid to believe that he…

"Or perhaps we could book a hotel room and stay together somewhere near where he lives. In any case, I'll let him know as soon as I'm good to go." He stood up and walked into the kitchen.

Isabela wondered if he was consciously playing with her heart as if it was a yo-yo, or if he was just oblivious to her reactions. She smiled and focused on replying to her sister.

 _"Dear Bianca,"_  she wrote.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: A song by Alanis Morissette, "Uninvited" is all about idolizing someone on the one hand, and on the other, feeling that this wonderful feeling was completely unexpected. For level-headed Bianca, at least. Also, and more literally, Leto accepting an invitation that's not explicitly made, and the feelings that this provokes.


	6. Eyes Without a Face (Part One)

"Will you remember?" Anders asked. "It's very import-"

"Yes, I'll remember," Lucía said. "No napping, exercise, heavy meals or pills for three days before the test."

" _And?_ " Anders's voice rose up expectantly.

"And comfortable clothing."

"For you too. If you're going to spend all night with me, you need to feel comfortable. Especially considering that you never feel comfortable around me."

"That's not true," Lucía blushed. She was glad they were on the phone, and not face to face.

"Sure, you keep saying that. You'll believe it one day. See you on Monday, then."

* * *

Bethany felt a little nervous. Anders had told her that she only needed to sleep, and that he'd be watching her all night long, and he promised he'd wake her up if she started to have nightmares.

"Can Lucía hold my hand while I'm falling asleep?" she asked.

"We'll both hold your hands if you want," Anders replied soothingly.

She put on her pajamas and got in the designated bed of the white room. There were many machines and cables and strange noises, but nothing felt threatening. Anders prepared some liquid and injected it into her arm. She frowned.

"I know it hurts a little now, but it'll get better; you'll see." He rubbed the spot where the syringe had pricked her and made it feel better. Bethany thought that his hands were nice. She had seen hands like his somewhere else, but she couldn't remember. She reached out for her sister's hand and Lucía held her right hand with a smile. She looked a little nervous. Bethany's left hand was held by Anders, and he was patting it gently.

"Hold hands," Bethany murmured. She was beginning to feel sleepy.

"We're holding hands with you, honey," Lucía said.

"You two. Hold hands." She was struggling to keep her eyes open.

Anders offered Lucía his hand. Bethany saw that she hesitated for a while, but she took it and looked away.

"Go to sleep now, honeybee," Anders's soft voice told her.

She liked to do what he asked her to do.

* * *

"Do you think that, perhaps, I can have my hand back?" Lucía told him.

"I wasn't so eager to hold it, don't worry," he replied, leaving the room.

"So what are we supposed to watch tonight?"

"We're supposed to monitor her sleeping patterns. By now, I'm sure you know quite well that most episodes take place while the subject is sleeping," Anders said, his fingers running across the keyboard, inputting information and modifying a program so that it would suit Bethany. Lucía looked over his shoulder to see what he was writing and he laughed. "You _really_  can't stay away from me, can you? Your sister's in the other room; have some decency."

"Very funny. Oh, I see now! You're a joker."

"No, I'm an ex-coroner turned lab technician who's just teasing you."

"Ah, true… Varric said you used to work together," Lucía mused.

"What's the deal with Varric? I have to admit I'm a little jealous. Of you. How come you get to spend so much time with him?"

Lucía's eyes were wide open in surprise. "Ask Varric?"

"Nah, he'll give me some cock-and-bull story about how he's totally got to spend time with you because you're a long-lost sister or something. I'm just surprised that you two get along so well."

"And jealous," Lucía added.

"Why wouldn't I be jealous? He was a close friend and you took him away from me. I'm not going to bitch-slap you, so you can stop avoiding me when I'm around." He saw her blushing slightly.

"Maybe we should have this conversation somewhere else," she said sheepishly.

"I agree. How about over coffee, next Friday afternoon?"

"I-," Lucía started saying, but one of the alarms went off.

"Man, this girl is fast! Let's see," he said, while reading the results that were being fed to the computer as Bethany sank deeper and deeper into her dream.

* * *

Fire was coming out of her hands. Friendly fire. She was not afraid. She'd felt it before. It tingled. She hit the floor with her stave and more fire appeared out of nowhere, out of her body. But that wasn't where the magic was, no, magic didn't come from her body.  _Bethany, left, watch out!_  Sister was running around the monsters, conjuring rain out of thin air, a rain of arrows, a rain of blood. Carver was bleeding, and Anders was over him, his hands inside Brother's body. Attacking. Ripping apart. No. Healing. Helping.  _Hawke!_ She was Hawke too, but Sister was Hawke. Varric was helping Sister, Varric was helping them, not the ghouls, them, not the corpses, them.

* * *

"I can't get a clear picture," Anders said, trying to adjust the image of the scanner. "She's in a hole now. We can only wait until she's calmed down, and then we'll switch to the controlled phase. I'll play some music for her to relax. Are you scared? I promise this isn't hurting her."

"No, I'm fine," Lucía said, clenching her jaw. "I trust you."

"I'm recording everything, and perhaps Karl can decode it tomorrow. As soon as she's out of the first rush, I'll need you to read to her, to see what images are inspired by the words."

"Is this… normal?"

"For an  _amenta_ , you mean? Yes, this is how they are when they are in withdrawal."

"We don't know much about her. The only one who could understand what she was going through was my father. At least, he was the only one who could calm her down."

Anders fixed his gaze on her. When he spoke, his voice came out softly. "Nobody knows much about  _amenti_. Records indicate that there have always been  _amenti_ around, but it's only in the last 50 years that more and more families are having children that display these characteristics. Every  _amenta_  is unique, and that's what makes it nearly impossible to define what they are exactly and how they can be helped. Also, there are drugs -like the ones your sister started taking- that can make it easier for  _amenti_ to blend in with the rest of society and function within the system. Unfortunately, it's only a temporary solution. When the drugs are stopped,  _amenti_  retreat little by little to their original state. Whatever progress that's been made is lost. But, as you know, drugs are expensive, the treatment is still experimental, and not many people are willing to deal with the issue seriously."

"Why not?"

"Because it's not profitable. Unless they find a use for  _amenti_ that's not 'cannon fodder' or 'organ donor', most governments don't think of  _amenti_ as useful – therefore, funds are scarce and volunteers like your sister are hard to find."

Something fit in the right place in Lucía's mind. "Is this…? Is this why that officer in Kirkwall sent us to you? Because of Bethany?"

Anders nodded. "He's my cousin. He knows about my research. Please don't be mad."

"I'm not. I'm…" Lucía frowned. "I didn't know that. He looked disgusted by her."

"That's just one of Leto's most common facial expressions," Anders chuckled. "He likes nobody. Hey, look. I think we're ready to start with the guided stage. I'll need you to read words in the mic, and I'll be scanning for reactions. You can start when you're ready to get in the booth."

Lucía entered a small booth, put on the headset and read. "Seasons." There was no reaction. After a while, she read, "Boxes."  _Nada._  She looked at Anders, who mouthed, "Keep going."

"Time." "Flavour." "Window." Nothing, nothing, nothing. Lucía mouthed, "What now?" Anders mouthed back, "Finish with the list."

Word after word went by, and Bethany didn't react. She just slept placidly. Lucía finished the list and was surprised to see that one word had been crossed out. She pointed it out to Anders and he shook his head and went back to his chair. His words appeared on a little screen in her booth. "I thought it wouldn't be good for her."

Lucía read the word for herself. If there was at least a chance to help Bethany, a greater good would surely warrant a little pain now. She read out, "Father."

* * *

Blue eyes. Carver's. No. Someone else's.  _Stay still._  A hand on her head.  _Be a good girl._  A finger on her lips.  _Don't tell mama._  A closing door. A suitcase.  _I'm leaving._ Brother's fist against the wall.  _When's he coming back?_ The eyes grew bigger and wider, they wrapped around her, and made her spin round and round and round. No balance. No control. Mother. Sister. Brother. Father.

* * *

"What's happening?!" All the alarms went off at once. Deafening, violent, accusatory.

"I told you not to read that one!" Anders shouted, struggling to open the door to the white room.

Lucía saw her sister through the glass pane, and her eyes opened wide in horror.

...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: "Eyes without a Face" is a song by Billy Idol. It was only when I was finishing that I remembered that one of my recurrent childhood nightmares every time I had a temperature was to be standing on a column in a black void, and a pair of eyes suddenly staring at me, out of nowhere. It relates to Bethany's dream, mostly. At this point, she's more aware of everything, and doesn't want to keep suffering because of her nightmares.


	7. Eyes Without a Face (Part Two)

Bethany's nails were digging deeper into her skin, drawing blood from her arms, wailing like a banshee, and now she was going for the face, scratching her eyelids. Lucía started banging her fists on the glass, shouting her name. Anders had just managed to open the door and he jumped over Bethany, restraining her temporarily.

"Fill the syringe with the blue liquid!" he shouted, struggling with the surprisingly strong girl.

Lucía's hands trembled when she handed him the syringe. "I need you to hold her tight, alright? Otherwise I won't be able to do this well. Now!" Lucía's arms surrounded her sister's body, and Anders injected the solution in Bethany's neck. Bethany's screaming subsided, got weaker, until it ceased completely. She was heavily sedated, and so the trial night was over.

Anders and Lucía tied her down to the bed and treated the open wounds. Once they had finished, Lucía kissed her forehead with trembling lips and left the room, followed by Anders.

"How did you know that-?"

"Family-related words are the ones we avoid, at least the first time. I told you not to say it." Anders rubbed his eyes and opened a drawer. He took a tablet and got two glasses of water. He handed one to Lucía and drank all the content of the other. After a while he asked, "You okay?"

"No," she said. "I'm not okay. I'll never be, not until I've fully understood this."

"I'm not sure you'll be able to," Anders said apologetically. "I've been studying it for years now, and I find it more complicated every day. If you really care," he raised a hand when he saw the objection in Lucía's eyes, "I know you care, but if you're interested, I can give you some things to read, so that you get more acquainted with the topic." She nodded and he looked for some old papers and journals he always kept at hand. "There's nobody who can explain better what an  _amenta_  is than Professor Quentin," Anders said. "I had the chance to attend some of his lectures in Starkhaven. Fascinating stuff. Too bad he seems to have retired. He's been inactive for a couple of years now. Here, take a look at these ones. We must find the ones that have the word 'introduction' in the title." Anders chatted away while Lucía browsed the papers:  _Translational Medicine and Amenti, Occupational Therapy in a Rehabilitated Amenta, Organic Psychiatry on Amenta Children, Biological Markers on Amenta Children: an Introduction…_

"I think I found one," Lucía said.

"Let me see," Anders looked over her shoulder. "Yes, this is a good one. It will be interesting to see if you recognize some of these things in…" He looked at her. His face was too close for her comfort. She shifted on the chair and murmured, "Yes?"

"I think you'd be a great help for my research." Lucía's eyes peered at him. "Well, it's obvious that Bethany's altered by something that happened to your family, or with your father. You're the one who knows her better, and she's clearly responsive when you're around. I'm asking you to let me interview you, and perhaps get a glimpse of your family life?"

"You want to spend time with my family?"

"I'd like to meet them once and observe the interaction. Just once. Then," he whispered, "I'll be more than happy to have you alone."

"Okaaay," she stood up, " _that one_  was so obvious that…!" She saw him grinning broadly. "It's no laughing matter to me, Anders! Did you see what she did to herself? I don't know-"

"Relax, sweetheart. I know it's no laughing matter, believe me. I'm just joking. What happened in your life that you forgot how to laugh?"

"We don't all laugh at the same things, Anders," she said, sorting out the papers. "You can ask me about it on the interviews."

"So… That's a yes?"

"Yes," she said, rolling her eyes. Anders raised his arms and shouted, "She said yes!" Lucía couldn't help but smile and shake her head.

"You know," he said, leaning on his desk and resting his head on his hand, "you're actually kinda pretty when you smile. Of course, I'd never noticed it, since you never smile for me."

Lucía scoffed, "Oh really? So this is where you're going?" He was still chuckling when he noticed that she was looking at the cover of an old medical journal quite intensely. He took it and said, "Ah, the Grand Medical Convention of Nevarra. I was there. It was my first- Oh look, there he is!" He pointed out to a man, standing in the back row, a mane of black hair, graying on the sides, and piercing blue eyes. " _This_ is Professor Quentin, Gascard Quentin."

 _No,_  she thought.

_That's my father.  
_

* * *

Lucía excused herself and went to the restroom. She thought about calling her mother, but it was the middle of the night, and she'd probably get alarmed. He dialed Carver's number. He picked up rather quickly.

"Thank the Maker you called. This is the slowest night ever," Carver greeted her. Lucía didn't know what to say. "Luz? You there? You know that you shouldn't use your phone if you wanna make a prank call, right? I have your number flashing on the screen."

"I…" How could she ask him about their father?

"Is everything alright?" His voice sounded worried. "Did something happen to Bethany?"

"She… She's sleeping. I'll be sending you a picture I just took, and I'd like you to tell me if you can recognize the man in it, okay?"

"Ah, a guessing game - bring it on!" he exclaimed cheerfully. However, when the photo had gone through, he became silent. "Is this a joke?" he said, annoyed.

"Does the name 'Quentin' mean something to you?"

"Will you explain to me why you've just sent me-?"

"Carver, please. I need to know if you'd heard the name before. Do you remember father mentioning the name in a conversation over the phone, emails, something? Anything at all?"

Carver frowned. There was something at the back of his mind… "Envelopes." Carver shut his eyes tight, trying to remember. "In his raincoat. I must have been 8 at the time. It was the last time I played superhero with his raincoat, remember?"

"You mean…" She remembered. "The slam against the wall."

" _The slam against the wall_ , yes," he said bitterly. "For touching his things without permission. The envelope was in the inner pocket.  _Professor G. Quentin._  I remember because of the story Mama used to tell me when I was younger,  _Quentin Fox and the Wolf Pack_." His voice trailed off.

"I have to go, Carver. I'll see what I can find out about this… Quentin persona and I'll tell you about it in a couple of hours over breakfast, yes?"

"I don't know what you're doing, but I'm not sure I'll like what comes out of this."

"Understanding, Carver. What we've been looking for, for years. Love you."

"Love you too, sister. Bye."

* * *

Anders used the next hour to adjust the questionnaire he'd been working on for months now. They went to a bare room with only a table and a few chairs between them, and he recorded her.

"Date, place and protocol number on stamp. This is the first interview with a relative of experimental subject number 55, a.k.a. Bethany Hawke. Please state your name to the camera."

Lucía felt inhibited. She'd always hated being taped. She remembered that her father used to own a handheld camera. He'd always chase them around when they were-

"Lucía?" Anders said softly. She nodded and looked at the camera.

"My name is Lucía Hawke. I'm 24 years old."

"Please give information of your family structure."

Lucía hesitated briefly, but she cleared her throat and said, "My family is composed of my mother, Leandra Amell, 45 years old, a younger brother, Carver Hawke, 21 years old, and a younger sister, Bethany Hawke, 18 years old. My father, Malcolm Hawke, should be around 58 years old. He's currently missing. He... left home two years ago." She stopped and looked at Anders. He gave her a reassuring nod and she went on. "My father came from Orlais, and my mother from Antiva. I was born in Antiva, where they met, but Carver was born in Rivain, and Bethany in Ferelden. We consider Ferelden to be our homeland because that's where we spent most of the time. I mean, we travelled around Ferelden a lot, and we eventually settled down in the province of Lothering. I don't know if we have more family out there. Perhaps. I mean, my parents had to come from somewhere, right?" She giggled foolishly and made a pause. Anders was watching her silently.

"We were home-schooled by… my father. He was a science teacher for many years until the year 2013, when he was fired from his job. That's actually when we settled down in Lothering. My father took a job as a traveling salesman and sometimes he was away from home for weeks on end. My mother stayed at home with us, revising the lessons that we'd seen with my father, and when he came back, he'd evaluate our progress." She talked all night, giving him details of their wandering childhood, and when the morning came, she was exhausted but relieved. She realized she'd barely dealt with the topic of her family story in the last few years. Perhaps all she had ever needed was a little perspective to understand how she felt about it.

"Thank you for helping me out," Anders said, a kind look flashing in his brown eyes. "I'd suggest you leave Bethany here for the day. That way, you can explain to your family what happened without exposing them to the shock of seeing her. Here," He helped her with her coat. "I'd walk you home, but I'd rather stay with Bethany. I'm sure you're more than capable of taking care of yourself." He extended his hand to shake hers as usual, but after the briefest hesitation, she hugged him. She separated from him very quickly, though, and patted him on the shoulder.

"Thank you for everything," she smiled, and with a last look at her sister, she left him.

...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: I didn't feel like changing it from the previous chapter, but it can be connected to the idea of Lucía finally seeing through her father's behaviour and the line "I'm thinking of you, you're out there" and the "and now it's getting worse" of the end.


	8. Come Undone

Carver stared at his cup. Lucía watched him from her side of the table. He looked tired and frustrated, but especially troubled.

"I think I was hoping he was dead," he said.

"He might be. Anders said that the photo was taken at a convention, around 10 years ago. I'm trying to remember whether dad was at home at the time, but he was always travelling, so…" Lucía reached out to touch her brother's hand. He played with her fingers pensively.

"I don't know, Luz. This is… Does this mean that his name's not Hawke? Because I'm sure that he wouldn't have been able to give talks and lectures under a fake name. Think about it: if this guy's so big in the field, it would have been easy for others to discredit him if he'd published his findings and then someone discovered that he wasn't that person. Maker, how screwed was he?" Carver rubbed the back of his head. Lucía remembered that the slam-against-the-wall incident had sent Carver to a hospital for a day, only to get CT scans, MRIs, and stitches. The people at the hospital had wanted to keep Carver for observation, but Malcolm had refused.

"More coffee?" the waitress said. Lucía nodded. Carver was looking out of the window. He kept rubbing the back of his head, the scar in his scalp reminding him of that day. His father had never been violent towards his sisters. Lucía was just too good, and Bethany was his favourite. Leandra, on the other hand, usually received most of his shouts and rants, and something told him that the bruises his mother used to have on the arms some years ago had something to do with him.

The waitress glanced at him and then turned to Lucía. "Milk?"

"No. Thank you, Mer," Lucía smiled briefly. The waitress winked an eye in a friendly way and left them alone again. "Listen," she said to Carver, "there are two things that we must know. It doesn't need to be right now, but first - should we pursue this?"

"You mean, track down this guy? Check if it's really dad, and if he's still alive?"

"I don't think he's dead."

"Anders said he was missing?"

"For a couple of years, yeah." Lucía rubbed her forehead. "We can try and see if he's alive."

"And then what?" Carver said, fixing his eyes on his sister. "What if he is? Do we want him back? I don't want this to come and bite us in the ass. What about mama?"

"That's the other thing," Lucía sighed. "Should we tell her?"

"I say no," her brother shook his head. "It's pointless."

"What if she finds out?"

"Who's gonna tell her? You? That guy Anders?"

"I don't want to tell her, to be honest. And Anders doesn't know."

"You didn't tell him? I thought you'd tried to ask him about…"

"No, I didn't think it was the right moment."

"Why?" Carver squinted. "What did you two do all night then?"

"He started interviewing me. He wants to know more about our family so that he can help Bethany. We'll have to spend some time with him, one of these days."

"Yeah, I bet he wants to spend some time with you," Carver muttered.

Lucía huffed. "Don't make me think about that. I've been avoiding the guy ever since Varric told me he liked me. Last night we made progress, and now I think he's... okay. I don't really want to go back to being wary. He doesn't seem that bad."

"I don't mind, as long as he doesn't try to get in your pants."

"No need. I took them off for him last night. Oh yes, and I even danced a little, butt-naked…"

"Not listening, Lucía!" Carver said, covering his ears. What his sister did was none of his business, when it wasn't convenient for him. Lucía knew this. She grinned.

"So, Bethany's staying there for today," Carver said, after finishing his coffee.

"Yes. Could you tell mama about it?" Lucía took her cellphone out of the bag and frowned at the display. "I'm running late already." She yawned. "It's going to be a really long day."

"Don't worry," Carver said, taking money out of his wallet and leaving it on the table. "I'll pick up Bethany tonight, and your bed will be ready when you come back. It's the least I can do. And Luz," he said, approaching his sister and hugging her, "we'll be alright, I promise."

* * *

"Karl, do you think you can run the images you get from Bethany's scan against the ones in this file?"

"Looking for a match? Sure."

"Thanks. I'll go in and check on her now."

* * *

 _My little girl._  A syringe.  _Don't be scared._  The music was playing. It was a merry tune. Warm. Wordless.  _Tell me your dreams, my child._  Something bright. A fireplace. A man was telling a story. A man who looked like Brother was laughing. A woman who looked like Sister was smiling. A man was smiling at her. Sister and Anders. Holding hands. Under the table. A white-haired man was looking. He was drinking. He was looking at them. Bitter. Sad. Sister was looking at him now.  _Hawke._  She was Hawke too. Sister was leaning against the bar. She was holding the white-haired man's glass. She was drinking from it. He was looking at her intensely. Hope.  _Dream for me, sunshine._  Anders was calling Sister. Sunshine.  _Good girl._  Sunshine.

* * *

"Sunshine?" Anders touched Bethany's cheek softly. Bethany opened her eyes.

"Honeybee," she mumbled sleepily. Anders smiled. "How are you feeling?" he asked, examining her face closely after he'd finished healing the arms. She had a slight reproachful look in her face, as if she was blaming him for not having protected her the night before as he'd promised.

"Where's Lucía?"

"She had to go to work. You had a rough night, darling. I'm sorry. I tried to wake you up during the bad dream, but everything happened too fast. Lucía will come for you later. I'll bring you some good breakfast and then you can rest, yes?" She nodded and he squeezed her hand gently.

"There's a match," Karl said as Anders went out of Bethany's room. Anders froze.

"Are you positive?"

"Yes. No doubt about it. The rest is hard to see. Everything moves in a blur, but there are two images that are repeated." Karl projected the images and augmented them. "Here," he circled one, "and here."

Anders approached the screen and looked at them. There was no doubt about it: the building and the figure were repeated. The building stood tall and dark, its edges lost, more of a representation than an actual building, but he could make out something that looked like spires. The figure was more difficult. It was just as blurry as the rest of the images, but you could see someone running. The legs were clear, but the face was hidden. A slender frame. It looked like a woman.

Karl took off his glasses. The question that he'd been asking himself finally materialized.

"The contrast scanning… It's yours, isn't it?"

Anders nodded. "Yes."

* * *

Lucía's mind was both exhausted and hyperactive. She kept checking her phone, in case Anders called her about Bethany. She thought of calling him, but she didn't want to push him any further. He was surely as tired as she was. There were some of his papers and notes in her bag. She took the first one and decided to read it during lunch. Now that Varric and Bianca were closer to their wedding day, hanging out with them made her feel strange. "Third wheel" was probably the right expression. She'd never had a boyfriend; she'd just been too sheltered. Carver, on the other hand, had had all sorts of girlfriends, in all sizes and shapes. Why wouldn't he, Lucía wondered, if he'd always been the most attractive man in the area. He'd had an awkward teenage stage, but once he'd started exercising, all the girls chased after him. Still, when it came to having a real relationship, he was the shy type. Never committed to anybody. Except for his sisters. When Lucía went dancing once, he started taking dancing lessons with some of the girls. After that, Lucía wasn't able to go dancing on her own. He was always there, watching over her. She shook her head. She was obviously tired, her mind wandering about, and she wasn't sure that reading would be the wisest thing to do that day.

 _"An_ amenta _is a delicate organism,"_  she read,  _"more complex than the standard human being. For centuries,_ amenti _have been treated as inferior, when in reality, they are far stronger, faster, and wiser that the average well-educated person, as long as their abilities are allowed to flourish."_

 _"In ancient Tevinter,_ amenta _children were killed as soon as they started showing signs of their unusual abilities. Some more humble families, however, considered that_ amenti _needed to be protected, and thus started sheltering them in their communities. According to their writings, it took several years for most_ amenti _to display their natural qualities: some possessed strength that was manifested in extreme levels of health, speed, or toughness, whereas some others showed signs of formidable willpower, displayed in marked changes to their surroundings or unto others, and sometimes, in exceptional cases, granting them vision outside time and space. These notions, however, are now ill-regarded, and considered no more than fodder for nursery rhymes. To quote Professor L.S. Handerssen,_ ' _Amenti_  are the fabled heroes of old who, after years of carnage, lost their way back home, and found themselves with no land to return to.' _"_

Lucía put down the paper slowly.  _What am I getting into_ , she thought.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: "Come Undone" is named after Duran Duran's song, trying to describe events that have just begun unravelling - albeit a little slowly, I know. In case you feel like getting a bit of trivia, no chapter goes beyond the four page limit (using Word), so I wouldn't be able to give more info per chapter even if I wanted to. Hopefully, some things have been revealed.


	9. You Sexy Thing

"I'm here to see Doctor Anders Devin?"

"First elevator to floor 3. At the end of the third corridor, to your left," the receptionist answered.

"Thank you," Leto said politely, and picked up his bag.

* * *

"I'm so sorry about your shirt, but you had it coming. You really can't expect me not to snort the drink through my nose after a comment like that!" Lucía hit Anders's shoulder.

"Ah, no problem. Then it's a good thing you weren't having coffee today," Anders giggled. "Listen, are you sure you don't need more money?"

"Absolutely sure. In fact, you don't even need to give me the money now."

"Short debts make long friends, right? Besides, it's not that you guys are super rich now, and you're doing me a huge favour. I really have no time or taste to buy a wedding gift. They'd probably end up with salt and pepper pots in the shape of piggies."

Lucía laughed and opened the door. "See you tomorrow, then?"

"Same time, same place, sweetheart." He closed the door and took off his shirt, stained with soda. He chuckled; she was so silly sometimes. He heard a knock on the door. Maybe she'd forgotten something.

* * *

Leto was going by the second corridor when he heard a woman laughing.  _"See you tomorrow, then?"_ she said.  _"Same time, same place, sweetheart."_  Anders's voice. Leto barely saw the woman going down the stairs. Black hair, slender frame.  _What was that,_  he wondered. He got to Anders's office and knocked on the door.

He heard a merry voice from the other side. "Coming for more, eh?" Anders opened the door, bare-chested, and found his cousin Leto standing there.

Leto looked at Anders quizzically, before his cousin opened his arms and hugged him. "Heeeey!" Anders said. "I wasn't expecting you today! When did you get here?"

"I've just got off the train and why are you half naked? And who did you think I was?"

"Woah, you haven't changed a bit." Anders saw him in. "What will you have, coffee, soda…?"

"No wine? You disappoint me," Leto smiled, lying on the couch.

"Ah, no, I wouldn't do that if I were you. We've just been messy there," Anders pointed out. Leto stood up quickly and looked at him. "The woman who's just left…?" he asked.

"Ah, you saw Lucía. You remember her, right? I sent you a photo. The one with-"

"The  _amenta_  sister, yes." He frowned. "Why was she here? Did you…?" Fenris gaped at Anders.

"Yeeeeees?" Anders said innocently. He knew where his cousin's mind was going, and he wanted to see him embarrass himself for a change.

"Anders," Leto fixed his eyes on him. "Are you… dating her?"

"What a way to put it! And no, it's not a date. There's no romance involved. It's just work, you know. I help her sister, she helps me with… other things."

Leto couldn't believe his ears.  _Work?_  So then she  _was_  a… Her face and her voice popped up in his mind again –  _I'll do anything_. "How _can_  you?" Leto said, horrified at the thought of his cousin paying for sex.

Anders smiled mysteriously. Leto was exactly where he thought he would be: in the Wrong Zone. "She's not bad." He said, nonchalantly. "Not the prettiest thing across the land, but she knows her stuff."

"I don't want to hear about this, do I?" Leto groaned.

"Nah. Let's talk about you. I was flabbergasted when I got the email saying that I-heart-Kirkwall Leto would dare come to poor old Tantervale. What brings you here?"

"Isabela's sister is getting married in three days. We'll be spending one week here and then we're going on vacation to the beach."

"Wait, wait. Who's Isabela? Don't tell me she's Bianca's sister! And you're far from the beach."

"Yes, her sister's name is Bianca. How did you know?" Leto saw that Anders wasn't going to answer until he'd answered the first question. He sighed. "Isabela's the girl I'm seeing."

Anders gasped. "You brought a girlfriend here? Well, well – what do  _you_  know…"

"I don't know if she's my girlfriend. We've been seeing each other for some months. That's it."

" _That's it?_  Some months, she's bringing you to the wedding to meet the family, you're going on vacation together… I'd say that's more than 'that's it' but what do I know about relationships?"

"Yes, what do you know about that?" Leto glanced at him sideways, a sly smile on his face.

* * *

_Dear Lucía, I'm Isabela, Bianca's sister. She gave me your email address so that you'd contact the other girls of the dept. for the girls' night out that I'll be organizing. Please remember to pick up a package I've pre-ordered for the party. I'd go pick it up myself, but I have no idea where that place is. It's a shop called "Good girls' fun" and here's the address and phone number…_

* * *

Lucía picked up the package from the mysterious place on her way to Bianca's. She was really curious about it, although she imagined the contents would be even more surprising for Bianca's moral sense. She struggled to get on the bus with the box, but mostly because of the heels she was wearing. She wasn't used to wearing that kind of thing. Neither was she used to wearing a dress, but Isabela had insisted that all the girls should wear short black dresses. She didn't feel like arguing with someone she didn't know, and had complied. As she was sitting there on the bus, she decided to take a peek at the contents of the box. She used a key to cut the tape holding the lids together, and lifted a corner. She quickly shut it back, covering it with her little handbag nervously.

"Maker…" she murmured, scandalized. She was glad that Bethany had stayed home.

* * *

"Bianca, this is Leto; Leto, this is my little sister Bianca," Isabela introduced them.

"Thank you for enduring her," Bianca said sweetly, shaking his hand. He chuckled.

"Now that you two know each other and Bianca's accepted you as my plus one-"

"I actually didn't believe her when she said she was coming with someone," Bianca apologized.

"You can go, Officer Fenris. I have to get dressed and I don't want you to see me naked," Isabela said, fluttering her eyelashes.

Bianca and Leto laughed out loud. Bianca wiped a tear from the corner of her eye and said, "Ah, so funny. That's a good one, 'Bela. I mean, who hasn't-?"

"Shush!" Isabela said, faking anger. "See you tomorrow morning, Leto."

* * *

Lucía got to Bianca's apartment block. The tension in her arms was killing her. She was eager to leave the package somewhere. She climbed the stairs – it was just three floors and the elevator had been out of order for months now – and when she was getting to the last floor, she was so absorbed in counting the steps that she bumped into someone coming down. She lost balance and dropped the box, its contents rolling down the last flight of stairs. When she turned to look at them, she twisted her ankle and she would have rolled down as well, had it not been for the man's arms. He held her by the waist and for a moment, the two of them looked at each other in the eye, blinking. "Lucía," he said.

"Leto," she replied. They both frowned and said in unison, "How do you know-?  _Anders._ "

He gently pulled her towards him so that she wouldn't fall. The heel of one of her shoes was broken. She sighed heavily when she saw that. She'd have to go back home.

"I'm sorry," he said slowly. "You… dropped your… things." And he bent down to pick them.

"No, don't touch them!" she said, blushing. There was no need. Leto couldn't bring himself to pick up anything, shocked as he was at some of the contraptions. She tried to take a step towards him but her ankle had sprained. She winced.

Leto didn't know what to do. Never in his life had he felt more mortified and sorry for another person. "I can try to pick them up without looking," he smiled weakly and covered his eyes, fishing for the objects.

Lucía te-heed nervously. "Trust me, you don't want to go groping for those things."

It was Leto's turn to blush. Lucía took a deep breath and moved slowly down the stairs, picking up the contents of the box, hoping that nothing was broken, although she was silently cursing the blasted things. Leto watched her, his suspicions confirmed now. Anders was right: she wasn't the prettiest thing ever, but she was something. Her long legs and her soft arms were toned, and her mouth was the most remarkable feature of her face, if one didn't consider the eyes.

"You know, your cousin talks a lot about you. Thanks for sending me to him."

"Er… No problem. I see you've been keeping yourself busy. Anders said you have a job, and that your family's well provided for," Leto said, hoping his words resembled some sort of small talk.

"Yes, I love it here," she replied. "And Anders and Varric helped me find a good position. The pay's good. It's hard work, though. Takes a toll on the body, you know? But it's very rewarding."

"I… guess?" he mumbled. He'd never met anyone so open. "Shall I help you climb the stairs?"

"No, I'm fine," she winked and leaned against the wall. "Thanks for helping me. See you around!"

Leto found himself waving goodbye and watching her go, still in shock.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Hot Chocolate's "You Sexy Thing" - not a lot to say really. My shuffle option in Winamp chose for me, so I had to make an Anders/Fenris/Lucía chapter with it.


	10. Cornflake Girl

"Oh no, you didn't. Tell me you didn't, Macha," Lucía said, mortified.

"I'm sorry!" the blonde woman said, putting her hands over her mouth. "I swear I just wanted to forward it to the rest of the girls of the Dept, not to the Captain!"

Lucía covered her face embarrassedly. Her leg was up and Lia had brought her some ice for her swollen ankle. Lily had examined her and told her that it was not a sprain; she had just twisted it badly.

"You go. I'll stay here. I have no shoes anyway," Lucía sighed.

"I'll lend you one of my pairs," Isabela shouted from the kitchen. She was thoroughly washing the things that had fallen out of the box before. "What size are you?"

"8 ½," Lucía shouted back.

"Shit, I'm an 8. Well, I suppose you can manage. Some simple flat shoes, yes?" Isabela came out of the kitchen, swinging a string of beads. The girls in the living room lowered their eyes, looked away, coughed a little, and blushed. Isabela laugh. "Oh, come on! I didn't know I'd be going out with The Prudettes tonight! Well, at least you know what this is for –that's something."

"If the Captain is coming, though I don't think she will, do you think you could make a small effort to be decent? If it's not too much to ask?" Bianca said, coming out of the bedroom, half-dressed.

"Oh, sod it," Isabela scoffed. "It's a girls' night out! The last night of abandonment you'll be able to have before tying yourself down to some guy that I still haven't met!"

"You'll love Varric," Lucía said. "He's… very much like you, in a sense."

"Ooh, I like him already. Same tits?"

"He will, one day," Lucía said. "He's bound to develop moobs. Genetics."

"Moobs?" Melindra asked.

"Man-boobs, kitten," Isabela laughed. She looked at Lucía. She wasn't so bad. She could see why her sister had warmed up to her so quickly, though. There was an air of self-sufficiency around the Fereldan that Bianca had always approved of.

"So what do we do if the Captain gets here?" Macha asked the others.

"We hide the things that Isabela brought," Bianca shouted from the bathroom.

"I didn't bring these cute toys; that was your friend!" Isabela shouted from the kitchen.

"Total set-up, 'Bela! Don't try to fool me!" Bianca shouted back.

There was a knock on the door. All the girls went silent.

"Who is it?" Isabela answered.

"It's Capt- Er… Aveline Du Lac! And Brennan Smith!" a voice replied.

Isabela opened the door with a grin painted on her face. "Well, hello, big girl! Come in, don't be shy. I'm Isabela, the bride's sister. You know the rest of the girls, don't you?"

Aveline looked at the girls. They looked back at her. She silently cursed her father for having persuaded her to attend the soirée. She noticed that Lucía's foot was hurt.

"What happened, Hawke? Hm. Lucía, right? Leandra's daughter."

"Yes… Aveline." Lucía smiled, rather uncomfortably. "I was coming up the stairs, bumped into a guy, almost rolled down the stairs, dropped what I was carrying, the heel of my shoe got broken, and well… Here I am!"

"You bumped into Leto?" Bianca asked, coming into the room. "Hello, Capt-Aveline."

"Bianca," Aveline nodded.

"Oh? He was coming from here?" Lucía asked.

"He's my boyfriend, so don't go getting any ideas into that pretty head of yours," Isabela said, feigning jealousy.

"Oh… No, don't worry. I met him when I arrived in Kirkwall. He's just our immigration officer… And my sister's doctor's cousin."

"Well, how about that? What a small world," Aveline mumbled, a little confused.

"Ooh, a doctor. Is he your plus one?" Isabela winked.

"No, he's my sister's plus one, actually. Mine's my brother," Lucía sighed.

"Ouch. No fun there. Anyway… Ladies, now that we're all here, whatddya say if I show you what these things are?" Isabela said enthusiastically. "And then we can all get to the club. Who's pouring the booze?"

* * *

The talk had been rather informative, actually. And Macha and Bianca actually knew more about some of those things than anyone would have suspected. All of them were a little light-headed when they got to the nightclub. Isabela had managed to find a place with male strippers, something that Bianca was not particularly looking forward to seeing.

"No, no, no – you don't get it. They'll take advantage of me because of my size and they'll grab me and toss me in the air and twist'n'turn me as if I was a human pretzel!" Bianca protested.

"I'll take your place if you want," Brennan laughed.

"Ooh, we're getting good seats, girls!" Isabela dashed towards the front area of the runway where the strippers would be dancing. Lucía and Aveline looked at each other and giggled nervously. _Why am I here,_  they both thought. The other women sat down and waited for the show to begin.

Nobody was able to take their eyes away from the guys' chiseled torsos. Their undulating hips were far more distracting, though. After one hour, the show finished, Brennan had achieved her lifelong dream of being twisted like a pretzel, and the nightclub opened its doors to average-looking men who would reap the benefits of the excitement provoked by the male strippers. The girls got on the dance floor, drinks in hand, and found partners really quickly. Except for Aveline and Lucía – sitting side by side, sipping on their drinks.

"So… Your father and my mother…" Lucía started.

"Dead-end conversation," Aveline said. "My father doesn't talk to me about his love life."

"Oh. I see," Lucía said. She looked away. Isabela was dancing between two men. A third one joined in, and offered her a drink. Lucía peered at them. The smoke machines had started working again, and she couldn't get a clear view of them. Something felt off. Aveline had said something.

"I'm sorry, Captain?" Lucía answered.

Aveline sighed. "Never mind. Feeling sorry you can't join them on the dance floor?"

"No," Lucía stated. "It looks like a DR-96F in progress. Isabela."

Aveline raised her head and followed Lucía's sightline. "Looks like it," she frowned. One minute later, the smoke machine was used again, and Isabela had vanished.

Lucía stood up and followed Aveline onto the dance floor. Lia saw them and made a discreet signal to Macha. The two girls followed the others towards the restroom area.

"We need to find Isabela," Lucía said. "She might be in trouble."

"My sister _is_  trouble," Bianca snorted. "She'll probably be around with some guy, don't worry."

"Regardless," Aveline said. "It didn't look like harmless fun. Smith and Hendyr, you come with me; Elgard, Jansen, Veirl and Alleille – look for her in the girls' restroom and near the entrance. Hawke – your foot's injured. Stay out of this."

"Sure," Lucía grunted. She wasn't planning on staying behind. She waited until the women had parted ways to get to the back exit and go out. She looked around. There was a group of three men near a van. She clenched her teeth, trying to hide her limp, and saw a man leading Isabela towards the vehicle. Isabela's legs looked wobbly from a distance, as if she was about to pass out.

"Hey you, get outta here," one of them shouted when he saw Lucía walking towards them.

"Shut up, idiot. Hello, sweetie. Looking for some fun?" Another man smirked.

Lucía looked at him in the eye. "Leave her alone."

"Ooh, whatcha gonna do, eh? Bite me? Come on, don't be shy. Join the party, precious" the man said, reaching out to touch her. Lucía grabbed the man's wrist and dodged behind him, forcing his wrist up behind his back.

"Don't  _precious_ me," she hissed, forcing his arm further up behind his back and pushing him forward and down. The man screamed as she forced him to his knees.

"You're going down, bitch," one of the other men said. Lucía touched her leg.  _Shit,_  she thought. She'd left her gun back at Bianca's place. The other man was almost there when he saw movement behind Lucía.

"So," Aveline said calmly, pointing her gun at him, "feel like taking a trip to the station? Beautiful night for that." Melindra, Lia, and Brennan were also pointing their guns at the men.

The others let Isabela go, got in the van and left. The last man standing picked up the other one from the floor and both ran away. Lucía limped towards Isabela, who had just got sick.

"Nice grip, Hawke. Foolish, but nice. You're lucky we're not on duty; otherwise, I'd suspend you for disobeying direct orders," Aveline told Lucía.

"Calm down, biggirl," Isabela's words came out slurred. "I was the s-stupid one."

"Of course you were," Aveline said. "Let's consider this evening finished, shall we?"

"Stick in the mud," Isabela mumbled. Lucía couldn't help but smile. "You're not bad, y'know?" Isabela patted her. "But seriously, stay 'way from my L-Leto." She threw up and passed out.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Tori Amos. The lyrics are more connected to Aveline and Isabela than the rest of the girls.


	11. Rumour Has It

"What is this place?" Anders said, looking out of the window. Leto got out of the car, approached the door and entered the place.

"Your cousin's very quiet – are you sure you two are related?" Varric asked Anders.

"Sorta related, yeah. Hey, listen – I  _may_  have let him believe something about Lucía," Anders said distractedly. He told Varric about his cousin's idea of Lucía's job. Varric roared with laughter. Anders grinned. "Please don't say anything. I want to see how far we can go with it."

"I'm laughing at  _you,_ Blondie," Varric said, wiping a tear. "If Junior finds out what you've been saying about his sister, he'll rip your head off."

"I haven't  _said_  anything! It's all in his mind! I don't know how he got such filthy thoughts in there," Anders said innocently.

"Okay, let's make this sweet: if Junior rips your head off, I'll loot a hundred bucks from your corpse. If he kills your cousin instead, I'll give you that money to buy a new cousin."

"It's on," Anders beamed, shaking Varric's hand. Leto had returned. "It's a… day spa," he said.

"What would your future brother-in-law mean by sending you to a spa?" Anders asked.

"I don't know, but I'll tell you: fortunately my future wife's the one who's got the bright lights up there. I still haven't met the sister, but the brother's rather dim."

"Isabela's fine," Leto said. Varric turned to look at him.

"You two been dating for long?"

"We're not dating," Leto said, looking at Anders, who had started chuckling. "What's so funny?"

"You're an item – face it. Wow, I can't believe Leto Fenris is so terrified of commitment!"

"Easy for you to say, hanging around dubious company," Leto replied.

Varric and Anders laughed. Leto rolled his eyes. He looked back and saw a car approaching, followed by a motorbike. "More company?" he asked.

"Yep. Just the boys," Varric answered, getting out of the car.

Donnic, Ewald, Jeven and Maecon got out of the car and went over to talk to Varric. Carver pulled over in front of Varric's car and walked over towards Anders.

"Hey; my sister told me about your arrangement," Carver said. "I don't know how we're supposed to do this. Are you coming home, are we going to your place…?"

"Wherever you guys feel more comfortable," Anders replied.

"Dunno. Never done this before, you know? If you think it's good, then let's do it in our place."

"Good, good. Your mother will be there, I trust?" Anders saw that Leto was standing nearby, listening, and had to bite the inside of his cheeks to suppress the laughter.

"Yeah, my sister has already talked her into it. She's kinda excited about it."

"That's great, Carver. Oh, you know my cousin. Maybe you don't remember him, from Kirkwall? This is Leto," Anders introduced them. "This is Carver, Lucía's brother."

"You know my sister?" Carver asked Leto, shaking his hand.

"I only met her in Kirkwall. Once. When you just arrived, in fact. I was your officer at Immigration. No, wait. Twice. I just saw her. In Bianca's apartment. Not alone," Leto said quickly.

Carver frowned. "I don't remember you. You must be the guy who sent us to this bloke here," Carver said, pointing to Anders. "That was a good thing to do. Thanks."

"Was it?" Leto hesitated.

"Sure, mate. We've got a home, and Anders here has been helping us with our sister, so yeah… Much better than we could have expected. Plus, I get to work with my sister, and that's cool."

"I'm… glad?" Leto said, casting desperate looks at Anders.

"Hey everybody," Varric called them. "Donnic here says this place's a spa with extra benefits."

" _Extra benefits?_ " Anders asked. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know, massages and something else. I'm surprised we're here, Donnic," Carver said to the young man. "I come to these places because of work on a daily basis and they're not very legal."

"This one is," Donnic said hurriedly. "At least, it's never been targeted before."

"I don't know, Don," Varric said, shaking his head. "If your sister finds out I was in one of these places, she'll cut off my dick and feed it to that bloody mabari we have at work."

"Oh  _please,_  you've been to places like this before," Jeven sniggered.

"Yeah, but not since I got together with her!" Varric shouted.

"Okay, so we must decide, what…?" Ewald asked. "Whether we go in or look for another place?"

"It's already been paid for," Maecon said.

"Shit," Varric sighed.

"Sorry! But Donnic here thought we needed to pay in advance, and there are no refunds."

The group of men stood in a circle, their arms crossed. "I say we go in," Ewald said. "And if we don't want to do anything, we won't do anything; simple as that. Varric, you can get some innocent massage – the same goes for you, guys."

* * *

It had turned out to be an absolutely innocent day spa that happened to be open till late hours. Varric, Anders, Leto, and Carver sat on benches in a sauna booth – their companions were next door, still sighing disappointedly at the lack of girls. Carver reached out and slowly poured some water over the hot rocks in the centre of the room, producing steam. He leaned back and looked up, sighing.

"I'm amazed to see how much your body has changed in little over than a year, Junior," Varric said. "Is it the workout you need for your job?" Anders looked at him from the corner of the eye.

"Yeah… You should try it, Shorty." He kissed the inside of one of his arms. "The ladies love these moneymakers." Leto was silent, looking at Carver's strong arms and perfectly shaped abs, covered by soft dew. Suddenly he felt self-conscious about his thinner build.

"Do you like your job?" Leto asked. Varric patted Anders's leg with the back of his hand.

"I guess I do," Carver said, putting his hands behind his head. "I think I was meant to do it, ya know? I'm not stupid, but I always saw myself doing something more physical than mental."

"This is priceless," Anders murmured to Varric through the corner of his mouth.

"So it's like a  _calling_ to you?" Leto raised an eyebrow, amazed by the sincerity of Carver's words.

"I wouldn't say that, no," Carver shook his head. "But it gets pretty close."

"Why would you want to work with your sister?" Leto asked. "And how do you deal with knowing what she's got to do? Don't you worry about her?"

"Uh-oh; brace yourself, Blondie," Varric muttered. "Shit's about to hit the fan."

"Of course I worry about her. That's why I made her promise she wouldn't take a street job. At least not unless she's trained a bit more."

"Trained?"

"Yeah, Varric trains her," Carver nodded towards Varric. Leto looked at him in horror, and then he looked at Anders. "You  _knew_ that?"

"Lucía doesn't talk to me about those things," Anders said. "I mostly tape her."

"You _what_?" Leto's voice rose in disbelief.

"He films her. In his office. You know, work stuff," Carver said. "I've seen one or two videos in preparation for the one we'll be making together at home."

"Well!" Leto said, leaning backwards. "I'd never have thought that Fereldan people were so open about these things. Personally, I'm not into that stuff. But to each their own, right?"

"What are you talking about?" Carver said, frowning.

"You know, your thing. They say it's the oldest profession ever, but I'd never seen a guy being so proud of it before. Or so supportive of a sister and a mother working with their bodies."

"What the fuck, dude?" Carver shouted. The four men stood up, Anders standing between Leto and Varric ready to jump over Carver. "What are you saying about my sister and my mum? Say that again!"

"Why are you mad at me? It's these two that are sleeping with her!" Leto shouted. Carver turned to the other two men, his mouth open.

"I'll kill you! All of you!" he howled and lunged himself against the three men. The door flung open and the other men went in hurriedly. They found the four men entangled, struggling. Varric had jumped over Carver's back, whereas Anders and Leto tried to contain his arms. The other four separated them. In the struggle, Carver's towel fell off, leaving him stark naked.

"Maker!" "I can't believe  _that_ …" "Whoa!" "I feel less of a man now…" "Andraste's knicker weasels!" "Lucky bastard…" "I'd go gay for that."

Everybody stared at Maecon. "What? Let's face it, the guy's big!"

Carver covered himself, his cheeks burning, and went out of the room. Anders was about to follow him, when he felt someone's fingers pressed around his arm.

"You've got a lot of explaining to do,  _cousin,_ " Leto whispered in his ear.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Adele's song, yes. I started paying attention to the lyrics. Replace some pronouns and well... You've got part of the story.


	12. Honesty

"Why would he think  _that_  of my sister?" Carver asked, while putting on his shirt.

"Look, everything I told you is exactly what I told him, so I don't know why it was so easy to mess with him."

"Everything you said… You're not lying, right? Nothing happened between you and my sister." Carver's blue eyes were dead serious.

Anders shook his head. "Up until a month ago, your sister hated my guts. So no, trust me when I say that nothing happened. You can ask her yourself."

"Oh, she'll hear about this, don't you worry," Carver smirked. Anders sighed. Months of rowing upstream, gaining her trust, lost over a stupid joke. He hoped she'd just dismiss it, but he knew he could never predict how she would react.

* * *

"Well… That could have been worse," Varric said, breaking the ice. They were on their way back to the city.

"Why did you lie, Anders?" Leto asked from the back seat.

"I didn't  _lie_ , I just didn't correct you. And why would you think Lucía's a whore? Varric, would you ever think that?"

"Not in a million years, no."

"Does she look like one to you, Leto?"

"Don't change the subject. Even if you didn't lie, you still led me to believe that. What for?"

"For fuuuun," Anders moaned. "People have fun, Leto. It's a wonderful hobby."

"I see you haven't changed, in all these years," Leto grumbled.

"So?"

"So what?"

"Aren't you going to tell me what part of Lucía's appearance or behaviour made you think she was a sex worker?"

Leto went silent. He looked out of the window. Saying that he had remembered her words, that he had misinterpreted Anders's comments in that email he'd sent months before, that he'd seen her holding sex toys and dressed provocatively – how would Anders interpret that? There were two possible outcomes: either he'd make fun of him, or he'd tease him about some sort of obsession.

"The first time I saw her," Leto said slowly, "she said she would do anything to ensure that her family could enter Kirkwall. She actually implied she'd… you know. Do _anything_."

"Typical Luce," Varric said.

"And then you sent that picture of the  _amenta-_ "

"Her name's Bethany."

"Fine.  _Bethany._ And she was there. She looked tired, and since the sister looked much, much better, I thought that perhaps, she had done  _it._  Also your 'dot dot dot' confused me. Isn't that something you use when you imply you've having sex with someone?"

"Or when you just can't say anything about something at the moment." Anders said. "When I took that photo, Lucía was in full dislike mode, thanks to Varric here."

"Your cousin's not the only one who loves jokes," Varric chuckled. Leto snorted.

"And then I saw her coming out of your office, and you gave her money or something."

"For Varric's wedding gift."

"Why were you half-naked, then?"

"Because she'd spilled some soda on me. That's why I told you not to lie on the couch. I also said we got together because of work. And Carver and I were talking about work as well. If you remember, I work with their sister."

Leto opened his mouth to say something, only to shut it again.

"Fine. Explain the provocative dress and the sex toys in Bianca's apartment."

Varric halted the car with a screech. "The _what_?"

"She was carrying a box, I bumped into her and the box fell and out came the assortment of sex toys." Leto shuddered. "I really wanted to help her, especially since she'd obviously injured her foot, but I really didn't want to touch anything."

"Her foot?" Anders asked.

"Bianca has  _sex toys_?" Varric said.

"She twisted her ankle or something. She had a minor limp. Must have been those high heels she was wearing. Also, the short dress was distracting."

They all fell silent.

"… I think I'm gonna drive you to your place and then visit my fiancée," Varric murmured.

"Actually, would you mind dropping us off at Lucía's place?"

"Anders…" Leto started saying.

"The hotel where you're staying is just twenty blocks away from their house. I just want to check if her foot's fine," Anders said calmly.

"They might still be at the strip club," Leto said.

Varric's car screeched again.

"Stop doing that!" Leto cried.

"You're gonna kill us, man!" Anders shouted.

"Bianca would never go to a place like that!" Varric blared.

"Well, Isabela would," Leto laughed. "And I know she'd been making arrangements."

After a while, Varric said, "Well, screw that. How about we go for pizza and beer?"

* * *

Leto watched his cousin and Varric, bantering, keeping each other on their toes to see who came up with the best punchline. He smiled. He remembered the time he'd lived with Anders, when they were teens. Leto's mother had had to take him in, after his father had beaten him up, sending him to hospital. For the first couple of days, Anders would remain in bed, looking out of the window – the saddest look in his eyes. But he'd warmed up to his newfound cousin pretty quickly. Leto had never had a lot of friends, and Anders had filled that void. Their points of view were similar; it was just in the way to do things that they differed. For a moment there, seeing his cousin and the other man joking, he felt a little envious. They got to hang out whenever they wanted, whereas he was so far away in Kirkwall. He liked them. They made him laugh. It almost felt like a real home. Maybe he'd ask to be transferred to Tantervale. He'd have to think about it.

* * *

After a couple of hours, Varric dropped Anders and Leto off at Lucía's home.

"She might still be out," Leto protested.

"With an injured foot? I don't think so. If anything, I know she'll want to go to work tomorrow, and she might end up hurting that foot even more."

"Ah,  _City Guard_. She works with her body, I get it," Leto chuckled.

Anders rang the buzzer. Carver answered and let them in. As they climbed up the stairs, Leto said, "I can wait outside, you know?"

"Oh no, you're gonna face Carver and tell him you're sorry for what you thought of his sister. If I'm gonna handle the hell she's gonna give me, you've got to be a sport and deal with the brother."

The door had been left ajar. There was a soft light coming from the kitchen.

"Hello?" Anders said, entering the apartment followed by Leto. He heard some rustling and hushed tittering coming from the kitchen. Lucía showed up and leaned against the frame of the door suggestively. She was wearing the short dress Fenris had mentioned, leaving a good part of her thighs exposed.

"Hello, gorgeous. Fancy getting the special treatment tonight? If your friend wants to watch, it's double the money."

"And if you want me to join in," Carver said, bare-chested, circling his sister's waist with one arm, "it's gonna cost a bit more, but it's worth it." He winked at Anders and Leto, who were gaping at them. Brother and sister howled with laughter.

"Very funny," Anders smiled, shaking his head. He noticed her swollen ankle and frowned. "That's a nasty injury, Lucía." She shrugged and limped towards the couch. He sat next to her legs and pressed the ankle gently with his fingers. "Yeah, it's kinda sprained. I'll give you something to take, and in a few days it'll be better. The pills are strong, though. You'll have to take a few days off. And sorry, Carver, that means no dancing at the wedding for her." Carver sighed and nodded.

"Oh, Leto – you might wanna check on your girlfriend," Lucía told him. "She had a bad night and she's staying at Bianca's. She's nice. Though I had a hard time figuring out whether she was joking or jealous. Told me to stay away from you twice," she smiled and winked at Leto. He took a deep breath and was about to deny his relationship with Isabela when he noticed Anders grinning at him. "I will go now. Thank you," he smiled back at her. So Isabela had been talking about them to everybody.  _Great, just great,_  he thought bitterly.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: A song by Billy Joel. I'm not sure why. I think I imagined Fenris singing this. The poor guy's getting a bit lost in Tantervale, and he's just realized how lonely he is. We'll see what comes out of this.


	13. Sweet Dreams

_"-brother; he's always had trouble relating to strangers. Maybe it's got to do with the whole home-schooling thing? I don't know… He comes off as a little smug sometimes, but his heart's in the right place, you'll see."_

Anders stopped the tape and rubbed his eyes. 4 in the morning. Watching these videos at this time was insane – he was finding it hard to concentrate. He yawned and stretched like a cat.  _Coffee._ He went to the kitchen of the office and set the coffee machine to make a new pot. Shit, had he remembered to send the suit to the dry-cleaner's? Ah yes, he'd have to pick it up tomorrow, just before the wedding. And then he'd have to pick up Varric's car, so that he could drive the Hawkes to the wedding. Maybe he'd pick up the car before. Yeah, that would make things easier. He sat down on the kitchen bench, his back against the wall, and closed his eyes, waiting.

* * *

Varric stared out of the window. Every night that he spent without Bianca sleeping there was a sleepless night. He knew that many of his friends thought he was a pussy -and told him so– for having fallen head over heels with her, but screw them. He'd always known what he wanted, and she was that piece that completed him. He sighed and went back to bed, and tried to get some sleep.

* * *

Bianca stared at the ceiling. It was her last night as a single woman. She looked at her engagement ring and smiled. Most of the objects in her bedroom were already packed, ready to be taken to Varric's apartment – _their_ apartment– in the days after the wedding. She felt happy. No, more than happy. Thrilled. Her sister was in town, and she seemed happy herself.  _Why wouldn't she,_  Bianca though. Isabela's boyfriend seemed like a nice person. Now, if only Donnic could find a girlfriend.  _Maybe Lucía_. She felt her brother needed someone who'd force him to keep his feet on the ground. He was the youngest, same age as Lucía's brother, but they were very different. Especially when it came to their physique. Bianca grunted.  _Thanks a lot, Isabela – now I can't stop thinking about men's bodies._

* * *

Isabela lay on her stomach, smiling and panting softly. Having sex with Leto was especially good after a fight. And  _boy_  had they fought when she had returned from her sister's. He had gone mad when he'd learned about her experience with the guys at the club. He'd yelled at her for being so reckless, and how come those things only happened to her. She'd yelled back, as usual, and he'd kissed her desperately.  _He really cares about me,_  she had thought, as his hands moved over her body, getting her little black dress out of the way faster than ever before, and pushing her onto the bed. Now that they had finished, he was lying on his side, facing away from her. She heard his deep breathing and felt intimately happy to see that she always managed to drain him after sex.

* * *

Leto lay on his side, his eyes half open. Another sleepless night. He didn't want to move for fear that Isabela wanted to cuddle or something. He stared at the wall for a long time, thinking. He liked the way their relationship had started back in Kirkwall: no pressure, no commitment. There was no need for labels. And here she'd told everybody they were together. He thought about her. Beautiful, sexy, and in spite of some selfish little things, she had a good heart.  _Maybe that's all there is,_  he thought. Here was a woman that put up with him and his mood swings. He sighed. He turned and lay on his back, and Isabela sleepily cuddled against him. He'd hated the idea of giving it a name, but Anders was right: they _were_  an item. Sorta. He smiled at the thought of what he'd say if he saw them like that. His cousin had never been in a serious relationship before, so what did he know? And why had he thought of the word  _before_? He recalled the image of Anders and Lucía, and what he'd thought of them. He smiled and closed his eyes.

* * *

Lucía was sleeping quietly beside Carver, in spite of his snoring. The pills that Anders had given her were very strong and made her sleepy.

* * *

Carver was sleeping soundly. He never dreamed.

* * *

Leandra had always been relieved that at least one of her children never woke up in the middle of the night, what with Bethany and the episodes that only her husband and her eldest child knew how to manage, and Lucía and her long childhood dreams, which would usually leave her devoid of energy for the rest of the day. Leandra looked at the clock. 4:30. She got up and walked over to Bethany's bed, kissing her forehead softly before going to the bathroom.

* * *

Bethany's sleeping habits had improved a lot since Anders had started treating her. She wasn't afraid of sleeping anymore, whatever dreams she had...

* * *

 

  
_He was making something with ice. Carving a rose. For Sister._ It won't hurt,  _Anders said._  It always does, _the other man said. That man had a permanent scowl carved on his face, except for Sister and for the other woman. Sister smiled at him but took Anders's rose. The other man walked away with the other woman. He looked back one more time. Sister shot an arrow to his chest, but he stopped it and took the arrow away with him._

* * *

_He was at the beach. Isabela was lying next to him, sunbathing. She smelled of mint. He hated that smell. Carver came out of the sea and sat next to her. They both disappeared. He was alone. He was relieved. He heard some people laughing behind him. Varric, Lucía, and his cousin. Drinking beer and laughing. He noticed Lucía's foot crawling up his cousin's leg, and Anders's fingers around her ankle. They smiled at each other, and then they smiled at him. Lucía pressed his hand and invited him to join them in the exodus towards the Free Marches._

* * *

_Her sister was on the phone, talking to one of her friends. They were talking about her, she knew it. No other girls would ask her to join them for drinks or outings because she was prettier than them. She didn't want to be pretty. She just wanted to go out with other girls. Her brother made fun of her for being lonely. Her sister left her behind._ Not you, Isabela, _her sister's friends said._

 

Isabela was awakened by her own sobbing. She found herself in Leto's arms. She caressed his chest softly, and his left hand pressed her hand warmly. She smiled and closed her eyes.

* * *

 

  
_One of the_ things  _blew up, taking others with it. The images of his partners swirled around him. He caught a glimpse of men and women dressed in different colours: black, white, brown, grey, blue, red. The woman in red. He rubbed his eyes but he couldn't focus. The woman in red was coming in and out of focus. He perceived the power in her. But something was wrong. There was a thick fog swirling around them. The hand of the monster, the gigantic abomination, seized the woman in red by the waist. She screamed, her shouting tugging at the strings of his heart, causing unbearable pain. And then her body was flung sideways, against the wall. She screamed no more._ No, no, no, no. _He ran towards her, crying._ No! Don't be dead! Please!  _He held her body in his arms. The man in black was standing behind him. He felt a stabbing pain in the back. He fell over her, stroking the face he couldn't see with his trembling fingers, smelling her hair. Sage and jasmine. And coffee._

 

He woke up suddenly. The coffee was ready. How long had he been asleep? The images were still going round before his eyes. He opened one of the cabinets and took a tablet from a box labeled 'Anders'. He poured the coffee in his mug and went back to the lab. He looked at the clock. 6 in the morning. He still had three hours before Karl arrived to cover for him. He sat at his desk and continued watching the tapes, taking notes.

* * *

Anders arrived at the Hawkes' at 12, one hour before the ceremony was scheduled to begin. Carver let him in.

"The women are still getting dressed," he said, working on his blue tie in front of the mirror. "Well, just Mama. She had to help Bethany, now that Luz is only half functional."

"Do the shell knot," Anders suggested. "Otherwise the tie will be askew, the way you're doing it."

"I hate these things," Carver said. "The tie will be gone as soon as we get to the reception hall, anyway."

"You'll still have to use it for the photo session, so don't whine," Lucía said, coming out of the bedroom. She had done her hair up in a simple, yet stylish way, leaving her neck exposed. She was putting on a pair of stud earrings. Anders looked at her and his heart sank. She was wearing a long, red dress. He couldn't take his eyes off her.

Carver looked at him and then exchanged glances with Lucía. "She doesn't look that bad, man, so you could at least pay her a compliment. Look, I'll even let you say something nice to her."

"Is it the fact that it's long? I knew I shouldn't have worn a long dress, but my ankle's still bandaged and I didn't want it to show-"

"It's… No, it's not that. You look stunning," Anders said hurriedly.

"Yeah, right; tell your face about it," Lucía smirked. "But it's alright, I appreciate honesty. Can you help me with the other earring? I can't seem to…"

Anders took the small earring between his fingers. A cubic zirconia rose. He put it in and caught a whiff of her fragrance. "Jasmine and sage?"

"Mint, not sage," she said. "Don't like it?"

"I love it," he smiled.

...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Eurythmics. I hope it's clear enough who's dreaming what and why some don't dream.


	14. Here Comes The Rain Again

Carver got off his motorbike and dashed over to the car to open the door for his mother. Anders helped Lucía out, holding her as she found balance again.

"Did you remember to bring the pills?" he asked.

"Yes, they're in my purse."

"Take one only if it hurts like hell. You don't want to depend on them. They make you feel wonderful at first, but then when you stop, you feel like crap."

"Ooh, like love," she giggled.

He looked at her. "How many did you take before leaving home?" he asked patiently.

"Two," she smiled. He sighed.

They walked to the small temple. Carver was leading Lucía and Leandra, and Bethany was holding Anders's hand. Leandra's plus one was going to be Benoit Du Lac, until he'd called to say that poor Aveline didn't have a plus one and had asked him to be her date. Leandra was wearing a beautiful purple dress that Carver and Lucía had bought for her, and Bethany felt like a real princess –according to her words– in her blue dress. She'd chosen it herself.

Isabela and Leto were standing outside the temple, and so was Donnic. He waved at the newcomers, offered Leandra his arm and led her inside to her seat. Isabela approached Lucía.

"That foot of yours is still hurting, kitten?" She kissed her cheeks twice.

"Oh, not so much; it's way better," Lucía said cheerfully.

"It's good to hear that," Leto said kindly.

"Ah, you already know each other. Sooo, this is your doctor?" Isabela said, looking at Carver.

"I'm the brother, Carver. The doctor's here, with our younger sister," he smiled.

"Isabela," Anders said with a roguish smile. "I've heard a lot about you. It's very nice to meet you, finally. I'm Anders, Leto's cousin." Isabela shook the hand that he'd offered and beamed. Leto looked at Anders and rolled his eyes. He caught Lucía looking at him and blushed.

"Hawke!" Aveline's voice came from behind. She was dressed in grey, which made her look a little older than she was. " _Lucía._  How's that injury?"

Anders felt Bethany's fingers tighten around his own. He looked at her and saw that she was getting distressed. He muttered an excuse and took her aside. Carver followed them, leaving Lucía with little support. She was surprised to see that Leto had quickly taken Carver's place. He looked very handsome in his black suit. She thanked him and turned to Aveline.

* * *

"What's the matter?" Carver asked.

"I'm not sure," Anders replied, holding Bethany's trembling face in his hands. "Honeybee? Stay with me, sweetie. Talk to me." Bethany's eyes were wandering about, as if she was seeing everything for the first time.

"Is this one of her… things? Episodes?" Carver looked nervous.

"It looks like the beginning of one, yes. Do me a favour. I brought some tablets; they're in my suitcase, in the car. Small pocket." Carver took the keys and ran to the car. Once he was alone with Bethany, Anders laid his hands on her temples and closed his eyes, focusing.

Bethany's eyes refocused on Anders. " _You-_ " she whispered. But Carver was back already. Anders thanked him and took an orange tablet from a box. "Listen, honey: take this and put it under your tongue; do  _not_ chew it – do you hear me?" Bethany nodded and did as she was told.

"Is everything okay?" Isabela had come along, a worried look on her face.

"Yes, we'll be fine – right, honeybee? We'll go in there in a while, don't worry," he assured her.

* * *

Leto had left Lucía with her mother and was now sitting next to Isabela. From the corner of his eye he saw Anders coming closer and sitting with the Hawkes. He was whispering something in Lucía's ear and she looked worried. Leto turned around to see what was happening.

"What are you looking at?" Isabela asked.

"I… didn't have a chance to ask Anders something," he said.

"Well, you can talk to him later. The ceremony's about to start."

* * *

The ceremony was short and sweet. Varric beamed and Bianca sniffled cutely when it was time to read their vows. Lucía didn't cry, but Anders saw her eyes glistening, a tender smile hanging on her lips. He smiled.

As they were going out, it started raining. Everybody cheered. It was a good sign.

* * *

"You don't need to thank me so much," Anders protested.

"I sure do. We're all very grateful for what you've done for Bethany. She looks so much better now," Lucía said to Anders while they were sitting at the table. Their table partners were dancing. Leto and Isabela had great moves together, and Carver was dancing with his mother. Bethany was watching everything from her seat, smiling and listening to the music. "I can't tell you how much it means to us to have her like this."

"Yes, thank the Maker for that," Anders sighed happily.

"Are you saying you're the Maker?" Lucía gasped in fake amazement.

"You know what they say about doctors," he winked. "We usually think of ourselves as gods."

"Ooh, cocky," she said. Anders burst into laughter.

"Sweetheart, playing with that word just to embarrass you is  _so_  tempting!"

"Really, Anders? You'd be  _playing_  with it in front of me?" They laughed. "You know?" she said, "This may be that last pill I took talking, but you're not bad."

"Oh? Interesting." He took a sip of his red wine. "Elaborate, please."

"See, I didn't think you were bad at the beginning, but then I thought that since Bethany had warmed up to you so soon, she was going to develop feelings for you, and… You know how I feel about her. I don't want her to get hurt. Not just because of her condition. She's my baby sister."

"Yeah, Karl told me about that as well. But you've got nothing to worry about," he smiled calmly.

"I know. I know that _now_. Of course, then Varric said I was just jealous and blah blah blah."

Anders leaned forward. "And  _were_  you?" he said, in a soft voice.

Lucía looked at him. She swallowed the sip of wine she was drinking. "No," she said. "I wasn't."

"Good. Now I know we can hang out. It's a burden to have so many women around," he joked, "and I wanted to make sure you wouldn't join my entourage under a misunderstanding. And why are you drinking wine? No alcohol if you've taken pills!" He took the glass away from her.

"Nooo," she said dramatically. "You're taking away my only joy, now that I can't dance!"

He stood up and offered her his hand. "This one's slow. Come on, walk with me; let's dance."

* * *

His right hand lay gently but firmly on her back. Her right hand was almost wrapped in his left one. They swayed together, left to right and left again, talking about the lyrics of the song. It was a Rivaini classic and Anders didn't understand all the words. Lucía was translating for him.

"It's about love. The singer talks about the different kinds of love that exist; the one that goes away as time goes by and the one that you never forget; the uncertain, bittersweet one and the one that's like a shelter for a broken soul."

"I see," he said. "Does it say anything about love between friends?"

She shook her head. "No. In the song, her lover has left her, and she tells him that she'll never forget him, even though he's hurt her, because he showed her what it was to be happy; she's-"

"Accepting both, his light and his shadow," he interrupted. She looked at him. "Sorry. I was trying to understand."

"It's okay," she smiled. "Yes, taking both, sweet and sour."

Carver danced by with Leandra, and whispered to Anders, "I'm watching you." Leandra slapped him on the arm and hissed, "Leave your sister alone!"

"So what kind of love would you like to have?" he asked, once Carver and Leandra had danced away. "I assume that someday, you'll have more time for yourself and will want to have your own family."

"I'd never thought about that," she mused. "I think I want a love that makes me feel happy to be alive. Laughter and tears. One that lasts forever, beyond time and space." She sighed. "But sadly, my requirements are nothing special, really. I think all women want that kind of love. Boo. I'm just like every other woman."

"No… I don't think you are," he said seriously, looking into her eyes.

She felt as if her face was on fire under the look of his warm brown eyes. He was still holding her, but their feet were not moving. Why had they stopped? She felt dizzy. _Maybe that's why we stopped_ , she thought. She clung on to his arms, her heart suddenly beating fast. What  _was_  that feeling? It felt like something that had been forgotten a long, long time ago…

"Are you all right?" Anders asked her. She nodded weakly. "Come," he said, taking her by the hand. "Let's find you a seat and get you something to eat. And no more wine for you!"

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: another Eurythmics song. I've always liked the lines "Talk to me / Like lovers do" :)


	15. Not Drunk Enough

Anders led her back to their table, where their family and friends were waiting for them.

"Everything okay?" Leto asked.

"Yes, it's just that Lucía feels a little dizzy," Anders replied, helping her with her chair.

"Baby, do you want to go home?" Leandra asked, a worried look on her face.

"No, no. I'm fine, don't worry," Lucía smiled at her mother. "I've been having very long days lately; it's normal to feel tired – isn't that right,  _doctor_?" She turned to Anders.

He nodded and patted her hand. "Still, it wouldn't be a bad idea to test you and see if you need to take a supplement or something else." He pressed her hand warmly.

Leto saw her blush. He held his glass of wine and said, before drinking, "My, what was that you said the other day, Anders? That you hated each other? I'd never have guessed it, by the look of things."

Silence. Anders let go of Lucía's hand awkwardly and stared at his cousin.

"When did you become such a prude, officer Fenris?" Isabela giggled. "Leave the lovebirds alone!"

"There are no lovebirds here," Carver grunted.

"Carver," Leandra muttered.

"Lunch!" Bethany said as she was presented with the main course.

"Aww, she went with the lamb," Donnic shook his head sadly. "The fish was so much better!"

"Well, it's more likely that someone will be allergic to fish than to lamb," Anders said.

"I had never seen it that way," Donnic pondered.

"Why am I not surprised," Isabela muttered to herself.

"Whatever this is – it's delicious," Carver said, taking big bites. Leandra was about to stop him but she realized that it might be embarrassing for him, so she just sighed and went on eating.

The rest of the meal was more relaxed. After a couple of glasses of wine, everybody felt in a good mood –except for Lucía, since Anders blocked all the glasses with alcohol that went her way– and even Carver loosened up and imitated Varric, until he and Bianca came along for the photo session with their friends. It was hard for the guests to keep a straight face after remembering Carver's physical comedy, and Bianca had to tell them off. They complied just because it was Bianca, and nobody said  _no_  to her. There was something funny about seeing the little woman putting her hands on her hips and commanding them. After that, they returned to their table. Anders turned to Lucía. "I've been watching the tapes and I made a new list of topics I'd like you to expand on. Do you think that tomorrow-?" She shook her head. "Oh, okay. Monday, perhaps?"

"No. I…" Lucía hesitated. She felt that something was different but she couldn't put her finger on what it was. Maybe it had been Leto's words, or dancing with Anders. Something had changed. She needed some time to think about that. "I'd really like to rest for a couple of days, Anders," she told him.

"Of course," he nodded politely. He noticed Leto watching them and turned away from Lucía.

After the dessert, there was a new dancing round, this time with modern music. Leto went to the bar and Isabela went after him, hoping to persuade him to dance. Carver went for a walk. Lucía was thirsty and the moment Anders turned away, she took his glass of white wine and drank it.

"It's not funny, Lucía!" he said.

"Oh, shush! The effect is wearing off and I'm getting cranky," she pouted. He shook his head.

"Alright, you're an adult. Do as you wish," he said seriously. Lucía felt that perhaps he was annoyed by her previous rejection. Everything had been so nice that day… She didn't want him to be mad at her. She pressed one of his hands apologetically. He gave her a half smile. She gave him a full smile.

"Will you do me a favour?" she asked. "Can you dance with Bethany? She's dying for a dance with you… and the tapping of her feet under the table is driving me crazy," she whispered in his ear. He nodded and asked Bethany to join him for a dance. Bethany accepted, oozing with happiness.

Lucía felt relieved to be alone for a while. As she'd said before, it had been a long week, and social situations always drained her. She saw Varric coming closer and sighed.

"Hey, I just heard you haven't been eating. I'll keep you company till you finish your ice cream."

"I really don't feel like eating," Lucía said, playing with the dessert.

"Luce, you don't wanna make me mad, do you?" Varric told her, sitting next to her. "I won't go till you lick up that plate and leave it squeaky clean."

"I'm not a chiiiiild, Varric."

"Then stop whining like one, Hawke – or else, I'll tell Bianca to come here and scold you."

"Aww, Bianca… I'm so happy for you two!" she said, looking at him with puppy eyes.

"I know, Luce. I'm seriously happy as well. Scares the shit outta me," he beamed.

"Could you do me a favour, dear? Could you please dance with my mother? I have the feeling that Carver will want to find a more… flexible partner for this beat," she winked at him.

"For you, anything. My queen!" he called Leandra. "What do you say we hit the dance floor and show these newbies what dancing is, eh?" Leandra chuckled and took Varric's hand. Lucía took the chance to drink Leandra's glass of wine. She was finishing it when she heard a merry voice behind her. "Hi, Lucía!" She turned around and saw Merrill, holding a tray.

"Mer! What are you doing here?"

Merrill sat down next to her. "This is my part-time job! Are these friends of yours or family?"

"Both, actually. Technically friends, but they feel like family already."

"The bride's so pretty! Oh, sorry! Still on working hours: do you need me to bring you anything?"

"Oh yes, a chilled mintmead, please! I'm really thirsty and hot."

"Coming right up. You look adorable, by the way!" Merrill smiled and left. Carver showed up a minute later to check on her.

"Still haven't finished that? Want me to help?" He took a big spoonful of vanilla cream.

"So? Did you find the future Mrs. Hawke in the room already?" Lucía asked him with a sly smile.

"Nah. Not interested. Not for some time. I think I should have fun first," he grinned.

"Sure… If I'm also allowed to have fun."

"Never, my dear," Carver said, kissing her cheek. "Come on, eat up, or I'll have to feed you."

"Don't be silly. Actually, I need you to do me a favour," she said. "See Isabela, over there? I know for a fact that she was really looking forward to dancing all along the party. I'm sure she'll make a great partner."

"Okay. If she isn't, I'll give her back to her boyfriend. I don't want any trouble with Immigration."

Lucía sighed. Part of her was glad to see that people cared so much for her, but she also wanted tranquility. And something to drink. Fortunately, Merrill soon came along with her drink. She took a couple of sips.  _Heaven,_  she thought. Lucía stretched her legs and bumped her injured foot against the central foot of the table. For a few seconds, the pain was overwhelming, and she bit her lower lip so as not to scream. She knew that Anders wouldn't approve of her popping pills, but she didn't want to ruin the party by asking him to drive her home. He was dancing with Bethany and she looked positively thrilled. Lucía smiled as she discreetly took the last two pills out of the box. She washed them down with the mintmead. 5 minutes later she was in a state of bliss. Everybody was so happy; they were all so good to her, and they were beautiful. But then she remembered how she'd felt about Anders, and she frowned, confused. Maybe she wasn't used to being around men – Carver didn't count. She should meet other people, to stop thinking about…

"Mind if I join you?" Leto sat near her. Lucía beckoned and smiled. "Look, I… I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable when I said that about you and Anders," he told her. "I apologize if it seemed rude."

Lucía frowned. What had he said? Ah, yes. "Nah, it's fine," she replied with a giggle. "We had it coming, after all. We can be too buddy-buddy sometimes. He's fun."

"That he is," Leto said, staring at her. Her face was flushed. "Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm hot," she said, fanning herself with a napkin. "I think I should get some air." She tried to stand up but failed. He caught her by the arm. She smelled of jasmines. Lucía leaned on his arm and they were out to the garden. Here, the atmosphere was fresh and quiet. She took off her shoes and walked on the lawn.

"What are you doing?" Leto raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, I hadn't been barefoot in a park for years! This feels wonderful! You should try it!"

"No, thank you," he chuckled.

"Thank you…" Her voice trailed off. "That's it! Thank  _you_! Thank you for sending us here. You're wonderful too! Anders told me you sent us here because of my sister; thank you  _so much_  for-!"

"I didn't do it because of your sister," he interrupted her. "I did it for you."

Lucía gaped at him. Her mind was befuddled. She didn't understand. For her? Nobody did things  _for her_. He had been  _so_  nice, then. Better than she could have thought. Without thinking it twice, she beamed, walked towards him, and planted a kiss on his lips.

They stared at each other in shock. His green eyes were fixed on her face.  _Shit,_ she thought, her mind now clear and racing.  _How inappropriate!_ And she'd never even kissed anyone before! And if Carver knew he'd say they'd be deported for messing with an officer.  _And he's got a girlfriend!_

"I'm uh... I'm sorry," she babbled. "I don't - I don't know what-"

He quickly grabbed her face and kissed her back.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: "Not Drunk Enough" is the name of a song by Adele Erichsen. If the song was sung by Lucía, would she refer to Anders or Fenris? Personally, I think it's Xxxxxx.


	16. Edge of Heaven

Her mouth tasted of mint. He'd always hated mint, but this time it felt different. Fresh. New. But at the same time, it felt like something he had once known. Something he had let go and lost.

He was about to put his arms around her, but she detached from him, pressing one of her hands to her chest. With the other hand she sheltered her eyes, as if the light was too much for them. "A-Anders…" she said with difficulty. "Anders… Call him… Please…" she groaned, yet her voice was getting weaker by the second. For a brief spell, Leto hesitated, but then he ran towards the hall, to the dance area. Anders was still dancing with the sister. Leto approached him and murmured in his ear, "Lucía's not well." Anders frowned and led Bethany to where Varric was dancing.

"Take care of her," he told his friend before dashing out.

"She's in the garden," Leto told him. He was about to follow his cousin when he felt Carver's hand on his arm. "What happened?"

"Your sister is not feeling well," Leto replied. Carver apologized to Isabela and ran after Anders. Isabela looked concerned. "Poor thing," she muttered. "Come; let's see if they need any help."

* * *

Anders was getting closer when he heard a scream coming from the garden. There was a waitress standing there. "She collapsed…" she cried. Anders's eyes searched for Lucía. For a moment, his heart stopped. Her body lay on the ground; her black hair had come loose, covering her face. Anders knelt next to her, his fingers trembling. Some images started swirling in front of his eyes.  _Not now,_  he thought. He took her pulse. Weak. She was alive, but unconscious. He let out a sigh of relief and held her in his arms.

"Lucía! Anders, what happened?" Carver said, coming closer. Leto stood behind his cousin. Isabela and the other woman stood further back.

"I'll tell the valet to get your car," Isabela said, and left.

"We have to take her to the hospital," Anders told Carver.

The young man's eyes looked terribly worried. "I'll take her," he said, ready to pick up his sister.

"No, it's better if you stay with your mother and Bethany," Anders replied. "I'll take her to the Hessarion Clinic. A friend's working there in ER today. I'll call you as soon as she's conscious. Leto," he turned to his cousin. "Come with me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm… You'll have to take over if something happens." Leto gave him a strange look but nodded silently.

* * *

"If  _what_ happens?" he asked, once they were in the car.

"If I have an episode," Anders replied calmly. Leto's eyes opened wide. "Rest her head on your lap and let me know if she wakes up." Anders closed the back door and got to the driver's seat. Leto looked down. Lucía's face was calm, but she seemed to be in a state of deep sleep. Tenderly, he moved a few streaks of hair out of her face.

* * *

"She's asleep now," a doctor told Anders. "She's very dehydrated. The amount of alcohol in blood she had was quite impressive too. And she was very close to being intoxicated by the Oxycodone. Apparently she took at least two of the pills with alcohol. We found little else in her stomach."

"Silly girl," Anders muttered. "How long will she be staying?"

"Let's keep her here today and tomorrow, and then she can go home. She'll have to bear the pain in the ankle, because I don't think her body can take any more medicine. Maybe an ointment."

"Got it. Thank you, Alain." Anders patted him on the shoulder. Doctor Alain nodded and left.

Leto returned with some coffee and Carver, Bethany and Leandra. Anders held Leandra's hands and smiled. "She's fine. She'll be fine. She needs to rest and they're giving her something to keep her hydrated."

Leandra sighed with relief. "Can I see her?"

"Not today, no," Anders said gently. "But don't worry; I'll stay here with her."

"Hell no," Carver said angrily. "She's got a brother to take care of her; I won't-"

"Oh, shut up, Carver," Leandra scoffed. "Stop thinking about your sister as if she was 5 years old. She's already spent entire nights with Anders, and if she wanted to do something with him, she's got the right to do it. Let her live."

Carver stared at his mother silently.

"Listen, Carver," Anders said gently. "I promise that if anything happens, I'll call only you." Carver nodded slowly. "You can go too, Leto. Thank you for coming with me," he said, shaking his cousin's hand.

"I can stay. You know, you said something might happen… to you?" he said discreetly.

"I'll be fine. Don't worry. I've got my briefcase in the car. Go back to the party. Seems to me that there's a lady there waiting for you," Anders smiled.

* * *

_His skin was burning. He was on fire. He tried to shout, but no sound came out. Instead, the fire turned into ice, engraved in his flesh, reaching the core. Lucía's hands were on him, and every time she touched him, different images appeared. A child fighting for his life. A man walking into a dusty town. He had longed for her hands, but they caused pain. "I can't do this." "So this is it." "I'm sorry." Lucía was crying. He reached out for her, but she was gone. She was dead._

* * *

Leto woke up, startled. His skin was glistening in the moonlight, covered in sweat. His heart was racing. Isabela was sleeping next to him. He sat up and walked to the bathroom. He washed his face, trying to forget what he had seen, but to no avail.  _Fuck._  He went back to the room, got dressed quietly, grabbed his keys and walked out.

* * *

_Everything felt unsteady at sea. She wasn't sure how long her stomach would handle it. The only thing that kept her going was the thought of seeing him again. Everything had gone wrong. She shouldn't have let him go. She peered into the darkness of the docks and spotted him, a lonely figure walking towards the boat. The plank was lowered and she ran down to meet him. Her heart was beating inside her chest as if it wanted to come out and embrace him itself. He wrapped her in his dark cloak. "I wasn't sure you'd come…" "I'll always come back to you…"_

* * *

She opened her eyes. There was a faint sound in the background. Beep. Beep. She looked around. A hospital room. There was someone lying in a couch. Anders. His eyes were closed. He looked younger. He was still dressed with the clothes he had worn for the wedding, except that he was using the jacket as a cover, and his tie was on a chair. She looked back at his face. His eyes were open now, watching her. She blushed.

"Where are we?" she tried to say, but her mouth was dry and dusty, as if she hadn't talked for years. Anders sat up and stretched. He walked to a table and opened a bottle of water. "We're in a hospital because you were dehydrated. Here," he said, holding her head so that she could drink from the plastic glass. It felt cold and it hurt her throat. She coughed. "Easy," he said. "Try again." She drank one more time. Refreshing. Once she'd finished, he sat on the edge of the bed and held one of her hands. "You took the rest of the pills, even though I asked you not to." She nodded. "I'm sorry," she croaked. He sighed and patted her hand.

"Where's my family?" she asked, trying to sit up. Anders arranged the pillows behind her back so that she would have better support.

"At this time, I suppose they're home, sleeping. It's almost 3 in the morning."

"Why are you here? Wait." She remembered. "I called you. I asked for you," she frowned.

"You told Leto to call me, yes." Anders looked at her face. "Is there something bothering you?"

"I…" She remembered everything now. She had kissed Leto. She wasn't sure why. She had felt so grateful, so ecstatic… But he had kissed her back, and that had been wrong. She felt sad, as if she had stolen something. She felt Anders's fingers on her face and she realized that she was crying. He hugged her as she sobbed quietly.

* * *

Anders went out of the room. He walked to the vending machine down the corridor to buy another bottle of water for Lucía and one for him. She didn't need it right away –she had dozed off–, but it was better if the water wasn't so cold. As he came back juggling with the bottles, he saw Leto standing in front of her door. He wasn't moving.

He threw a bottle at Leto. Leto's reflexes had always been good. He caught it effortlessly. Anders smiled. "I didn't even need to shout a heads-up. Nice."

Leto smiled weakly. "How is she doing?"

Anders sat down on the bench outside the room, rested his back on the wall, and beckoned. "She's doing fine. Better than we expected." Leto sat down next to him and sighed. "What are you doing here?"

"I had a dream," Leto said. "She was dead."

"Ah, yes. I've had those," Anders said, opening the bottle and taking a sip. Leto glanced at him. "You know about my dreams."

"I… remember your dreams, yes." Leto opened the bottle and swigged the water.

"So  _why_ are you here? Did you come to see if you could play Prince Charming and finish the job?" He watched Leto frown and open his mouth. "Don't waste your breath," Anders said in a low voice. "I know you kissed her."

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Edge of Heaven is a song by Ace of Base. (I'm actually really grateful that I was able to use it to set the mood for this chapter. It is one of my favourite songs.)


	17. Sweet Child o' Mine

For a moment, Leto stared at his cousin. Anders's eyes were darker in this dimly-lit corridor. They were sitting side by side, looking at each other, neither of them speaking. Anders looked up and huffed, breathing out slowly, his fingers still gripping the water bottle.

Leto eventually looked down, his eyes glued to some fascinating spot he had found on the floor. He drank the rest of the water and stood up, throwing the bottle into a trash can. He leaned his back against the wall and looked again at his cousin. His mind was racing; not looking for an excuse – just looking for the right words.

"She told you I kissed her?"

Anders shook his head. "She said she kissed you first."

Anders could tell, from the way the corners of Leto's mouth had suddenly relaxed, that his cousin was not expecting that. Anders cleared his throat and continued softly. "She said that she felt very grateful for something that you'd told her, and that she reacted spontaneously: she kissed you on an impulse. But she realized that it was highly inappropriate for someone like her to kiss someone like you."

"Someone like her?" Leto asked, confused.

"A refugee. A debtor. A close friend of your girlfriend's family. Someone who works with your cousin. I don't know. Take your pick."

Leto snorted. "That's ridiculous. I don't care about any of those things. She doesn't owe me anything, Anders."

"I'm just saying what  _she_  said. You can ask her yourself. She wants to apologize for the confusion." Anders cocked his head. "Although what I don't understand is what led you to kiss her. Was it just a thoughtless reaction? Did you actually let your dick decide for you?"

Leto shook his head. He had been asking himself the same question for some time.

"I like her," he blurted out, much to his and Anders's surprise. He frowned. Had he really meant that? "I like her," he repeated, this time more slowly.

"You barely know her. What is it that you like about her?" Anders sounded annoyed. "You've seen her, what, a few hours, no more than that, and you think you like her?"

"I know I like her," Leto confirmed, surprising himself once more. Why was he saying these things out loud? "I don't think you need to be around a person for a long time to know if you like them or not."

"But this is not you," Anders stood up, walking towards him. "You're Leto Fenris – distrusting, suspicious. You don't even know if you like your own girlfriend!"

"I like Isabela," he said. "Dammit, Anders – why are we talking about these things? I like Isabela; she's a wonderful person when you get to know her. She's great fun, a great fuck, she's got a great body and she's nice to people. I like her. But Lucía…" Leto looked up, searching for words that he didn't even know if they existed. "Lucía is special. Yes, I've only seen her for a while. In the Immigration Pavillion. In that photograph. Outside your office. At Bianca's. In her house. At the wedding. I've only seen fragments of her. And I understand your concern: how is it that he can like someone he barely knows?" He shook his head. "I just do. She reminds me of one of those things you love and that one day you lose, only to find them again years later." He looked at his cousin and shrugged.

"I think I understand," Anders said gently. "Wait here," he said, and entered Lucía's room. He came out a minute later. "She's still sleeping. Let's go get some coffee."

As they walked side by side, Leto looked at Anders. "So… You don't like her?"

"Oh, I do," Anders said cheerfully. Leto stopped walking. Anders turned to look at him. "What?"

"You like her?"

"I don't like her in _that_  way," Anders rolled his eyes. "You know that for people with my condition it is very difficult to like people in a romantic way. But it's okay, you know? I'm getting used to the idea that sex is not for me. Glad to see you're getting plenty."

"Oh, you have no idea," Leto chuckled.

"Alright, alright. Didn't your mother ever tell you not to count money in front of a poor man? Because that's exactly what you're doing."

"Okay, I'll stop now," Leto laughed. "Hmm… That's interesting."

"What's interesting, the permanent state of self-cockblock I live in?"

"No," Leto smiled. "The fact that you're so concerned about why I like Lucía. I mean, if you can't have anything with her because of your condition, why ban me from doing something with her?"

"I'm not _banning_  you," Anders sighed. "I'm just reminding you that you're better than this. I think I would have felt better if you'd said that you kissed her because it was a 'heat of the moment' thing. The fact that you actually like her  _and_  you like your girlfriend as well makes it unsettling."

"I see your point," Leto sighed.

"And yet you're here." Anders said, pressing the buttons of the coffee machine. "Still take it black, three sugars?"

"Yeah."

"I was saying: you're here. What do you expect Lucía will do when she sees you? That she resumes the kissing action? How will you explain Isabela why you're here? You'll go away in two or three days. What will you do then? Will you leave Lucía here and take Isabela back to Kirkwall and travel back and forth? Will you break up with Isabela?"

"Okay, stop, stop." Leto waved his hands. "You're making it more complicated than it is. I don't even know if Lucía likes me. I can't run away from my life in Kirkwall to come here for someone who passed out after I kissed her."

"My point exactly," Anders said, getting both cups of coffee and giving his to Leto. "Although don't think of yourself as a lady killer. She passed out because of all the alcohol and the painkillers she'd taken."

"She tasted like mint," Leto said, walking by his cousin.

"You hate mint."

"I know," Leto sighed. "But I liked it in her."

"Yeah, I'm sure you'd like it  _in_ her," Anders nudged him. "But Carver would kill you. You've seen him, right? I wouldn't say you're puny, but compared to Carver…" Anders patted Leto's arm. "That's the solution! We get a photo of naked Carver and show it to Isabela! She dumps you and bam, you're free to be with Lucía."

"That would be… sad," Leto frowned. "Besides, I think that guy at the sauna was seriously impressed by Carver's… monster."

"Ah yes. Male envy. Not so different from the female version." Anders sipped his coffee and looked at Leto, who was still smiling. "I'll miss you, you know? When you're gone."

"I'll miss you too, pussy," Leto grunted. "See, this is another reason why I think I like Lucía. She's part of this whole circle of friends you have here. I stopped having this when you left Kirkwall. You should come back to the big city. You know that what you do has better chances to be recognized there than in poor, old Tantervale."

"Yes, but… I like it here. As you said, this is where my friends are. I can't take all of them with me, and they've helped me through a lot, all of them. Bethany gets better and better every day, even though sometimes there are difficult days. Nah, my place is here."

"You know, for a moment I thought you were jealous," Leto said, as they reached the room. "About the kiss, I mean."

"I  _am_  jealous," Anders said. "As I said, it's not something I'm supposed to do. Kissing and stuff. But I'm also jealous of birds, so…" He shrugged. "And besides, you'll be going away, and she'll stay here with me. Mwa-ha-ha."

"That was creepy."

"I know, right? It didn't sound that creepy in my head… Heeey, sleepyhead," he said to Lucía, as he opened the door to the room. "Look who's here-Lucía?" She wasn't in bed. "Lucía!" The door of the restroom opened and she came out. She had combed her hair and washed her face, and she looked much younger in the hospital gown.

"I'm here," she murmured. She walked out slowly, unsteadily, and Anders held her by the waist.

"Leto came to see you. He wanted to make sure that his kiss hadn't been too much for you to handle."

Lucía blushed and frowned; "Anders," she protested softly.

"I'm glad to see you're fine," Leto smiled at her. She sighed and said, "I'm sure your cousin must have told you how sorry I am for what I did."

"He did, but there's no need to be sorry," he said. "At least you didn't slap me. Although you could have," he frowned, "and you'd have been right in doing so."

"What do you say, Luce?" Anders said, nuzzling the top of her head gently, "Shall I slap him for you?" He grinned at his cousin.

"Nah," she replied, looking up at Anders, "he wasn't that bad. I'd give him a 7."

"Ooh, foxy," he giggled. "Not bad, Leto." Anders patted him on the arm.

Leto chuckled, but with a tinge of sadness he couldn't help noticing that her eyes, her warm, beautiful eyes, had barely looked at him, having been set on Anders most of the time.

...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Two versions of the song (Guns'n'Roses' and Sheryl Crow's); same name and almost identical lyrics, except for the fact that Lucía might be singing some of those verses in her head towards the end.
> 
> There will be a change of pace as from the following chapter. This is the end of the first introduction to the characters, and the next storyline will be under the "Expedition to the Deep Roads" category, so it won't be so... light-hearted. Thanks for reading! :)


	18. Mirai Seiki Maruhi Club

"I'm home!" Isabela shouted from the door.

"I'm in the kitchen!" Leto had just finished draining the pasta and he was going to serve it. Isabela hugged him from behind and he wriggled uncomfortably. "Isabela, please, I'm handling hot stuff here!"

"I want to handle hot stuff too," she said, pinching his butt-cheeks.

"Very funny. Can you please try the sauce? I'm not sure it's got enough salt."

Isabela took a wooden spoon and dipped the tip into the sauce. She tried it. "It's good, trust me. I'll open the wine."

"Bianca called earlier. She said she  _'absolutely needed'_  to ask you something but your cellphone was off."

"Yeah, ran out of battery. I'll give her a call right away, then." Isabela went to the bedroom and picked up the phone.

"Hello?" Bianca answered.

"Hey sis, what's up?" Isabela said, taking off her shoes and wiggling her toes.

"Oh, hi… Er… I called you earlier…"

"Yes, Leto told me you needed something. What's up?"

"I can't talk now," Bianca said almost in a whisper. There was someone talking in the background, ordering food.

"Okay…" Isabela frowned. Then she remembered. "Hey! Happy anniversary!"

"Thank you," Bianca smiled.

"Send my regards!" Leto shouted from the dining room.

"Leto says hi," Isabela said. "I guess we'll be talking tomorrow then?"

"Yes, yes," Bianca said hurriedly. "Tomorrow's fine. Bye, dear." She hung up.

"And a bottle of Aggregio Pavali," Varric said to the waiter. "1984." He returned the menu to the waiter. "So," he turned to Bianca, "who was that?"

"Isabela," Bianca said, nervously. "I'd called her earlier to ask her something but she's just got home."

"So, when will she get married to the lanky guy?"

"I'm not sure they ever will. My sister's not the marrying type," Bianca said, sipping at her glass of water.

"I guess she'll change her mind when she gets pregnant," Varric shrugged. Bianca choked on the water. "Hey, easy there! I don't want to lose you… yet!" He stuck his tongue out. "It's only been a year. At least give me some time with you to start finding flaws I can complain about," he said, stroking her fingers over the table. The waiter came back with the wine, and poured it for the two of them once Varric had approved. Varric raised his glass and said, "To my beautiful wife, Bianca Tethras – may I live many more years by your side."

She smiled, and as he drank the wine, she said, "I want us to have a baby."

It was Varric's turn to choke. He coughed. "I'm sorry, what?"

"A baby. I want one. I think we're ready," she said, smiling.

"I… Well, this is - Oh, look! Luce and Blondie!" He waved at his friends, who were just passing by the window of the restaurant. They waved back at him. Varric beckoned them in, so that they'd join him and Bianca.

"What do you say?" Anders looked at Lucía with a smile.

"I don't think so," Lucía smiled back and muttered. "Look at Bianca."

Anders took a quick look at the young woman. She was frowning. He shook his head at Varric and pointed to his watch. Lucía shrugged apologetically and walked away with Anders, trying not to laugh at Varric's desperate face.

"What was that about?" she laughed, as they rushed away, far from their friends.

"I think he wanted us to be his easy-way-out," he chuckled. A gust of cold wind hit them and Lucía held onto Anders's arm tightly. "Are you cold?" Anders asked her. She nodded. "Well, we'll have to do something to keep us warm…"

Lucía looked up to him.  _This is it,_  she thought.  _He'll do it. He'll ask me to-_

"Hey, I know: let's go to the movies! They're showing that comedy we talked about the other day!" Anders said cheerfully, taking her by the hand and crossing the street to the theatre. Lucía sighed.

The movie was hilarious, and Anders was enjoying himself immensely, but she couldn't focus. She could only think of the fact that they'd been hanging out every Tuesday night for almost a year, and he'd never tried to kiss her. Not even once. She'd been dropping hints during their interviews several times in the previous months. She made a great effort to look gorgeous every time they went out. But he was completely oblivious to her advances. She thought that maybe they needed to share some wine, but in the last couple of months, Anders had given up drinking any kind of alcohol. Getting him drunk was not a possibility. And she was just too shy to come out and say she wanted to kiss him. Maybe she should just kiss him and be done with it. Yes, she would do that. She smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Come on, Hawke," he said, shrugging her head away. "You can't fall asleep with this movie!"

Once it was over, Anders checked his watch. "Woah, it's later than I thought. I'll walk you home, let's go," and he offered her his arm. She took it reluctantly and together, they walked along the streets of Tantervale. There was music coming from one of the alleys.

"I can't believe it!" Lucía exclaimed. "This is the genre Carver and I learned back in Ferelden! I didn't know there was a club here!" She let go of Anders's arm and ran into the alley. Anders ran after her. "Lucía, it's a dark alley. It's not the best thing to do."

"Well, you're here to protect me if anything happens, right?" she smiled at him.

"Er… No, technically, you should be the one protecting me, Agent Hawke." He saw her roll her eyes. "Okay, we can come some other day with Carver."

"All right! So we have a date!" she nudged him.

"On second thoughts, you can come with Carver on your own. I can't dance this rhythm."

"I can teach you. Come on, it'll be fun!"

"We'll see," he mumbled. "Let's keep walking, shall we?" They talked about the movie and their plans for the week. It had started drizzling softly. "I almost forgot: I don't think we need to meet for a session this week," he said. "I've got plenty of material I should work on; we can stop for a while."

"Oh, I see," she said sadly. "We're still meeting on Tuesday, right?"

"I guess. I'll let you know, yes?" They'd arrived at her place. She couldn't ask him to come up because Bethany and Leandra were upstairs. She mentally cursed herself for not having a place of her own as he did. But he never invited her over to his place.

"It was a fine night, thank you," he said, kissing her on the cheek. As he was pulling away, she tried to lean against him, but ended up missing him and would have fallen forward if he hadn't caught her. Their faces were close; she could feel his warm breath on her cheeks. "Still want to dance, Hawke? We can't do it on these stairs, it's slippery here."

"That's what happens when it's wet," she whispered and blushed.

"Hah, that's a good one. Didn't see it coming. Well, what do you know; another pun. Anyway, have a good night. See you around!" he waved at her and walked away, quickly. She saw him disappear round the corner and entered the building, sighing.

"Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," he grunted, all the way back home.

* * *

"This is the province of Orzammar in 2020," Aveline said, showing the agents the first slide. A thermogram showed the area mostly covered in reddish clusters. "Area: Dust town. Population: 150,000, and counting down. This is Dust Town one year later," she changed the slide to reveal a second view of Dust Town. The reddish clusters were still there, but there were a few isolated blue clusters that had been added. "Dust Town, 2024," she said, changing to the next slide. There were a few audible gasps amongst the audience at the auditorium. The blue clusters had completely taken over the image.

Aveline stood up and through the corner of her eye saw Lucía and Carver sitting nearby. She looked down and switched to the following image. "This is the province of Lothering, 2023. Population, 20,000." The image resembled the first she'd shown of Dust Town. She hesitated for a couple of seconds before saying, "and this is Lothering, 2025." The image showed that half of the red clusters were now blue.

"Holy shit," Varric murmured.

"This is no shit, Sergeant Tethras," Aveline said seriously. "This is a phenomenon that has only recently been given a name. This is  _The Blight_. The blue marks that rapidly took over these two places have been recently detected in another area, southwest of the Free Marches." Some of the people started talking in a low voice, but Aveline silenced them. "Brigadier Meredith Stannard has selected the Law Department of Tantervale to create a task force that will investigate the area of these isolated occurrences. She has chosen us because of our perfect record in the last year. And we shall not disappoint her. As well as the honour of performing our duty as protectors of this land, Brigadier Stannard has informed me that, due to the risky nature of this mission, those who take part in this scheme will receive great financial rewards and social benefits. As from tomorrow, those interested in this venture will start a selection process, and in a few months, we shall be ready to investigate this area," she showed them one last slide. "The Deep Roads."

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Opening song for BoogiePop Phantom (one of my favourite anime series), the title can be translated as "Future Century Secret Club" - the lyrics are pretty interesting too. So this is the beginning of the "Expedition to the Deep Roads" part. It will mostly take up 2027-2028, and some familiar characters will soon be introduced.


	19. We Can Work it Out

"All right, people; hear me out," Varric shouted. The agents stopped talking only because they were intrigued by the secrecy of the mission. Varric cleared his throat. "The Captain has given me instructions for all of you: go home and rest. Tomorrow, after I've read this bitch of a file," he waved a thick folder, "I'll tell you who will be eligible. The only thing I can say for the moment is that some of you do not match the basic requirements. We're looking for people who have scored over 950 in their physical tests, between the ages of 20 and 30, and more importantly, people who are not the only economic support of their families. And also," he tried not to look at his friends, "no two people from the same family."

"You have got to be kidding me," Carver muttered. Lucía frowned.

"So, as I said, go home, and tomorrow we'll talk at length about this. Good night, everybody," Varric said, taking Bianca by the hand and hurriedly leaving the room before Carver could catch up with him.

"I'll meet you at the entrance in 10," Lucía said, taking her bag and going to the changing rooms. Carver nodded and did the same.

"Did you notice that Aveline stopped before mentioning Lothering, as if she was sorry for having to mention it?" Lucía asked him as they were walking back home.

"Yeah… Which means that maybe Mama's more serious about her father than we thought. Hmm…"

"It's still too soon for Mama to decide if she wants something serious with Benoit. We still don't know if Father's alive. Is it time to check again?"

"We do it every month. What makes you think this time we'll find something different?"

"I don't know," Lucía said sadly. "I guess I was hoping we could find him and talk to him before this whole Deep Roads thing."

"Well,  _you_  can stay and talk to him. I'll definitely join that expedition," Carver said.

"No, what? Wait a minute.  _I_  will be joining it."

"You've heard Varric – no two people from the same family."

"Which is why I'll be joining it and you'll stay home. Somebody has to take care of Mama and Bethany."

"Are you kidding me?" Carver stopped and stared at his sister in disbelief. "Do you think that for one moment I'll let you go on something this dangerous while I stay home, playing house?"

"It would kill Mama if something happened to you, I know it," Lucía said, gently. "Please, try to understand. I'd feel safer if I knew you were with them."

"But I won't. I'm not a child, Lucía! I'm qualified to apply for this!"

"So am I!"

"We'll see about that – your physical evaluation is not as good as mine."

"My psychological evaluation is better.  _You_  find it hard to follow orders."

"Just because I don't take orders from you-"

"Don't fuck with me, Carver. I know that you lost your bonus last month because you put Maecon in danger by forcing him to enter that lab before Varric could give the order. You're part of a team and you should put that as your priority."

"And those guys would have run away if we'd waited one more minute!" Carver spat. "You know what? Go back home on your own." He walked away.

"Carver!" Lucía shouted, but he walked on and was gone. Lucía sighed. Working with her brother was taking a toll on her. She found herself fearing he wouldn't return to the base most of the days. He was reckless. He was impulsive. But he was still her little brother, however old, handsome, or strong he was. She needed to talk to someone. She hesitated for a while, and then she walked over to Anders's office.

She greeted the night watchman and took the elevator. She hadn't seen Anders for over a month now. He was always too busy these days, having meetings with other colleagues from Ostwick and Starkhaven. She remembered how she had avoided him little more than a year before and chuckled nervously. How funny it was that now she was going after him. It was more than evident that he wasn't interested in her.

She walked up to his door, but before she could knock on it, Karl opened it.

"Hello, Lucía," he said kindly. "The night guard told me you were coming."

"Karl… Hi. Is Anders here?"

"No, he's out tonight. Do you need anything?"

"I just… I needed to ask for advice. But it's alright, I'll go home." She sounded sad.

Karl mentally cursed Anders. "I can listen, if you need someone to talk to," he said gently. Lucía looked at him and nodded. He saw her in and offered her a seat. Lucía looked around and saw several mugs on the desk, and the image of her face frozen on a screen. Karl followed her sightline.

"I'm sorry, it's just I've been working on your tapes for the whole afternoon. Caffeine's always welcome when you need to be perky to write down all the details."

"I thought Anders watched my tapes," she said slowly.

"He does. Well, he did. Now that he's working on other things he's asked me to take over for him. Er… Do you want some coffee?"

"Yes, please," she said, walking to the kitchen. He quickly blocked her way. "No, no. I'll bring it. You just sit there, take off your jacket, and I'll be with you in a minute." He entered the kitchen and closed the door behind him. Lucía went to the couch and sat there. So now he wouldn't even work on Bethany's case. She sighed. Man, she'd screwed up pretty badly.

Karl came back after a while. "Now," he said, while giving her a mug, "tell me. What's been troubling you?"

Lucía talked about the possibility of joining the Deep Roads venture, and her fear of losing her brother in any way. Karl listened and nodded. He asked questions that were connected to the things she had talked about in her sessions with Anders, and it made her sad to think that Karl hadn't lied about working on the interviews.

"The way I see it, only the one who's more skilled will go. So it's not a matter of whether you want him to go or not. Besides, he is an adult, and from what you said, he's resilient. And he needs to prove himself, Lucía. Yes, both of you work for the family. But he needs to feel he's the protector. The gap that your father has left in your family structure is a strange one, because he was always accepted as the main authority, even if he wasn't always there, and by taking over, you've taken that away from Carver. Carver thinks that he can provide for the family even though he's far away from them. And let's face it – there's no way you can stop him from going. The sooner you come to terms with that, the better."

Lucía nodded slowly. "I see. I'll think about it. Thank you, Karl." She smiled at him. She stood up and took her jacket. "Is Anders in Tantervale?"

"He is," Karl said. "Lucía…" His voice was slow and kind. "I'm afraid there's something I have to tell you. About him."

"Oh?" She clutched her bag.

"He's not around that often because… he's seeing someone."

"Oh," Lucía said. She smiled, "Well, good for him, right? I mean, it's not-"

"I know how you feel about him," Karl said, walking towards her. "I can see it in the way you look at him. In all the gestures you make, aware or no. I'm letting you know just because… Well, your pursuit is futile. And I know what will come now: the blushing, the _'oh no but I didn't like him like that'_  excuses and the horrible feeling that you've made a fool of yourself," he said, as Lucía gaped at him. "But there's no need to be embarrassed. The guy's likeable alright. I wouldn't want you to get hurt, that's all. Especially considering you've got other things to worry about."

She nodded slowly and walked to the door. She stopped, her hand on the handle, and asked, "Why didn't he tell me about this himself?"

"Have you actually told him openly that you like him? It seems to me that you two have quick tongues and are great comedians, but piss-poor communicators," Karl said, crossing his arms.

Lucía tried to laugh, but she felt something burning in her throat. She just needed to be alone. She smiled at Karl sadly and wished him goodnight.

Karl sighed, the tension that he had been building up in his body for the last hour slowly ebbing off. He heard the door of the kitchen slowly opening behind him.

"You could have just told her that I wasn't interested in her," Anders said, looking sick.

"If I was going to lie anyway, I thought it would be better to say something that would prevent her from coming after you any time soon," Karl barked. "I told you not to get so friendly with her. You know her issues with men. You should have seen this coming. Now that poor girl's gone, thinking that you haven't been completely honest with her. Let's hope this works, and don't you dare screw it later by acting all concerned about her again. Stick to the other sister, for fuck's sake."

* * *

Lucía got home and Carver was doing the dishes. "Your food's in the oven," he said. She hugged him from behind. "I'm sorry," she whispered. He sighed and rinsed off the excess soap from his hands. He dried them with a paper towel and leaned on the counter. He turned around and hugged her. He was warm. He kissed the top of her head.

"As from tomorrow," he said gently, "I'll be transferring to Jeven's division. No more working together for the two of us." She looked up and saw that he was serious. She nodded reluctantly. For the first time in a long time, she felt powerless.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A song by The Beatles.


	20. Keep Coming Back

_They were after him. For a second, he thought about how familiar everything felt. He had been there before. He heard some of them approaching. His heart beat fast, thinking about how much longer he would last. He was wounded. There were many of them. He was alone. He felt movement towards the other side. He was surrounded. He felt a finger on his lips. A hood. A woman. Red lips on a smile. "I'll help you with that." She ran towards his hunters and extended her hands. Fire and ice. Other figures followed her. It was over. She turned to him and took off her hood. He knew those dark eyes. He was relieved. And then he saw Anders behind her. In the shadows. Sad eyes, on her. And then he turned to Leto. Sad eyes, on him._

* * *

Leto woke up. It was still dark. He hadn't heard from his cousin for weeks now. The last email had said he was struggling with complications in his condition. Leto sat up and rubbed his eyes. Tantervale. He should talk to Anders and try to persuade him again to move to Kirkwall. Maybe there he could get better medical attention. He had even heard of a new expert on  _amenti_ who had started working at the General Care Center. Surely Anders could continue his research away from Tantervale.

It was madness to continue thinking about her eyes, after all this time…

In the darkness, he smiled.

* * *

"Must you do this again?"

"I keep asking why you won't do it because I find no logical reason!" Isabela shouted from outside the bathroom. Leto was shaving and he'd had to close the door so that she wouldn't enter. He liked his privacy – was that so wrong?

"I won't argue with you now!" he yelled back. The blade of his razor was scraping up his jaw, leaving the skin smooth and clean. The banging on the door caught him off guard and he pressed the blade more than necessary. A few drops of blood came out. He unlocked the door.

"Fuck, Isabela!" he snarled. "I said  _I won't argue!"_ He slammed the door again.

"You can't be in there forever!" Isabela yelled.

 _Fuck Bianca,_  Leto thought. If it hadn't been for her insistence, Isabela would never have thought of asking him to move in with her permanently. He liked his independence. He didn't mind her sleeping in his place once or twice a week. But he wasn't ready for the whole 'let's get together' thing. Or maybe he felt like this because… Well, there was a chance that she wasn't right for him. Every time he thought of her good qualities, he always came up with the same answers, and yet, it never seemed to be enough. He finished shaving and put on some gel to stop the bleeding. He got out of the bathroom, not really listening to her ranting. He raised a finger and put it on her lips to shush her. She got mad – she knew that he was barely listening, and the one thing she hated more than anything in the world was people shushing her.

"What is it that you're saying, Isabela? That if I don't move in, we're through?"

"Yes!" she yelled. "We started this almost three years ago, and we're not teens! Where the fuck is this going, Leto?"

"I don't want to move in," he said.

"Why the heck not?"

"I care for you. But I'm not in love with you," he said sadly. "And caring is not enough, or fair, for any of us."

* * *

He read the email twice. Karl, his cousin's lab partner, was contacting him because Anders was sick. Karl was asking Leto to go to Tantervale, in case something more serious happened. Leto immediately booked a ticket and a hotel room to leave that same evening. He still had two weeks of holidays that he could take – right away if he had to. He'd lose the bonus for leaving on such short notice, but for once, he didn't mind.

* * *

"I came as soon as I could," Leto said to Karl, shaking his hand. "What happened? He said he was having trouble but-"

"What happened," Anders said, coming out of the kitchen, "is that my friend here gets alarmed quite easily for a scientist." Leto hugged Anders. "Good to see you, cousin. I wish you'd come because of other reasons, instead of answering the call of scaremongers," Anders glared at Karl.

"How many times do I-? Argh, you're so frustrating! You're  _not fine_!" Karl shouted. "You're barely sleeping! You've doubled up the dose! Your stomach's upset most of the days and you've lost weight! It's been six months of this, and _it has to stop_!"

Anders rolled his eyes. "If you'll excuse us, Karl, I'm going to have a private talk with my cousin." He led Leto towards the lounge area. "We've got a coffee machine now, so help yourself if you want. I'm trying to quit it."

" _You, no coffee?_  Karl must be right. What's going on, Anders? The last time I saw you like this was years ago, when you came to live with us." Leto got himself a cup of coffee and sat down with his cousin, who was holding a mug of tea.

"I can't stop dreaming," Anders said.

"Nightmares?"

Anders shook his head. "Visions. Past, present, future. I certainly hope they're not future. So much pain; so much blood…" His face looked awfully tired. He was struggling against something that was beyond Leto's comprehension. But that was the way he had always been. Even as a teenager, he'd always tried to solve his own problems. He wasn't too proud to ask for help – he just thought that everybody would be better off without him.

"I'm dreaming more because I'm not taking my nightly dose. I'm transferring it to the daily one. So Karl's wrong. I'm not taking more, I'm just…" He sighed deeply. "I'm just trying to deal with this situation the best way I can."

"When did this start?" Leto asked, leaning forward.

Anders looked down. "About 6 months ago. It appears that I've developed certain… There's someone. And I don't want to risk doing more harm than I've already done."

"Lucía?" Leto asked.

Anders stared at him. "Is that the reason why you're here?"

"No, I'm here for you. But I'm not going to deny it. Especially not to you. I've been thinking about her. You two are still friends, right?"

"Not really, no. She's been busy with work, and I've been busy doing other things. I've met a group of people who are very serious about the  _amenti._  I think it's time I became more active. After all, this is my cause as well."

"How's Bethany?"

"Karl tells me she's doing wonderfully. I only work analyzing her stats now." Anders looked out of the window. It was a grey day. "Listen…" His voice was soft. "If you see Lucía, don't tell her that I'm sick. It would be strange if she found out about it through someone other than me. I don't want another situation like this one, with Karl meddling in my affairs. It would make everyone uncomfortable." He patted Leto on the back. "It's always good to see you, man. Is Isabela here with you?"

"We're no longer together," Leto said. The fact that he'd said it out loud made him feel strange. He wasn't comfortable with it and he hoped that Anders wouldn't ask.

"Ah," Anders said, sitting next to Leto. He muttered something to himself.

"Is something the matter?" Leto asked.

Anders was silent for a few minutes. "If you're planning to see her," he said, and Leto knew he wasn't talking about Isabela, "she leaves work at 8 on Mondays." Anders looked at the clock on the wall. "If you hurry, you might catch her. It's 5 blocks from here. Lexton and Torquis."

Leto stared at him for a while. He patted his cousin's knee, drank the rest of the coffee, threw the plastic cup away, and left the room.

* * *

He pressed his steps. It had started to drizzle. It was 8:15. Shit, he was late. He remembered that Isabela's family also worked there and panicked. Oh fuck, he'd forgotten about the brother as well. He saw people coming out of the building. Amongst the crowd, he saw a dark-haired woman pulling a hood over her head, to protect herself from the light rain. She went down the steps and started walking in his direction, on her own.

"Lucía?" he called softly. He couldn't see her eyes in the dimly-lit street, but her red lips were smiling at him. Inviting. As always.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Richard Marx. It's mostly the introduction to this story arc, a couple of months before the Deep Roads. Lucía has been busier because she's been selected to go with Varric's team.


	21. All I Really Want

"What are you doing here?" Lucía asked Leto, kissing his cheek.

"I… I'm on holiday," he said, still trying to get over the shock of seeing her so similar to the image of his dreams.

"Here? Tantervale's not the greatest place for vacationing," she giggled. "Is Isabela with you?"

"We broke up," he said, matter-of-factly.

"Oh! I'm sorry," she said. "Are you staying with…?" She discovered she couldn't say his name.

"No, I'm not staying with Anders. I'm staying at a hotel." The drizzle was getting more intense. They were standing there, and it was definitely dark by now. "Listen, I haven't made any plans. Would you like to go and have something to eat?"

"You mean… Oh, sure! I'll give my mother a call to let her know and we're good to go," she said, smiling. She took her cellphone out of her bag and walked a little further away. Leto watched her walk, a simple smile spreading on his lips.

"Bethany? Listen, tell Mama that I won't be having dinner with you," Lucía said.

"Why not?"

"Because I've run into someone and we'll be having dinner together."

"Is this something I shouldn't mention to Carver?" Bethany asked, amused.

Lucía chuckled. "Perhaps. Have a good meal."

"You too, sister," Bethany laughed.

"I'm ready to go," Lucía announced. "There's a good Nevarran restaurant round the corner. Fancy going there?"

"Are you sure? Whoever heard of good Nevarran cooking?" Leto winced and smiled.

"Well, then maybe they're not so Nevarran," she replied. He offered her his arm and she raised her eyebrows, entertained, but she took it anyway, and they walked over to the restaurant.

"Are you having wine today?" he asked, trying to hide a smile.

"I'm trying not to drink any alcohol, but I can make an exception. And don't worry, I won't try to take advantage of you or anything," she smiled at him over the menu.

"Aggregio Pavali, then," he said. "It's the best wine."

"Oh, not you too – Varric says that all the time," Lucía rolled her eyes. "I really cannot tell one from the other. They're all either red or white. Or sparkling."

"Sparkling is for women. Real men have red wine."

"Oh well, then," Lucía said, leaning back on her chair, "I'll guess I'll be a real man tonight."

"What, you're a fake one the rest of the days?" Leto joked.

Lucía stopped smiling and cover her mouth with her hand. "I can't believe you said that," she whispered seriously.

Leto stopped smiling. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'm never good at this bantering thing; I'm sorry."

Lucía's eyes opened in surprised. She burst into laughter. "I can't believe you fell for that!"

Leto blushed. "I honestly thought I'd offended you!"

"I know! That's what made it funnier! Man, you should have seen your face," Lucía giggled.

He sighed. "You're just like my cousin," he murmured and smiled. Lucía took a glass of water and hid her flushed face behind it.

"So… How is he? I haven't seen him in a while," she said, trying not to sound too eager to know.

Leto remembered what his cousin had asked of him. "He's fine," he replied, slowly. "He's been very busy with work. Travelling and stuff."

"Is he still seeing someone?" She was drinking water again, playing with her glass.

Leto fixed his green eyes on her. Anders,  _dating_? What had he told her? What could he say without compromising him? "I'm not sure," he said. "I hadn't seen him for a couple of months and I only got here today. We didn't have much time to talk, and I didn't want to talk to him about dating and stuff because I thought he was going to try to dig out information on Isabela."

"Oh, that… I'm sorry," Lucía said, looking at him in sympathy. "Bianca didn't say anything-"

"It's very recent, actually." He wished the waiter would come soon.

"Is there a chance that you two get back together?" He looked at her, making her blush. "I'm sorry, it's just that… You made a nice couple. Well, you looked fine together."

"It's alright," he said. "But enough about me. Tell me, what have you been doing? Anders said something about you having extra work?"

"Does he know about that? I'm surprised," she replied. "Yes, I've been asked to participate in a team for a mission. But I'm not supposed to talk about it, sorry."

The waiter took their order and they went on talking. The wine flowed and the food was surprisingly good. They shared a couple of dishes. Leto wasn't used to sharing, but he didn't mind. She chatted away, she laughed and made fun of herself, and he liked listening to her talk. He wondered how Anders had been able to resist this creature made of light. And then it dawned on him: he hadn't. Anders had said there was someone in his life, and Leto had no doubt now that he'd referred to Lucía.

"Hello? Am I boring you?" she said.

Leto shook his head. "No, no! Please, do go on."

Lucía smiled. "You weren't listening. I'd just asked you about your job."

"My job," he repeated. She nodded encouragingly. "I do the same thing every day. You've seen what I do. There's nothing else to say, really."

"But do you like it?" Lucía was looking at him with those big brown eyes. They were warm, and they reminded him of an autumn afternoon; roasted chestnuts and toffee apples. "Um… Leto?"

"I'm sorry," he blushed. "I tend to think that if you like it, it's not work." He smiled. "I also think that the more tedious the work, the better you should get paid. And we're being paid rather handsomely. The only thing is that all the money is some sort of bonus for everything. You're late, you lose it. You have a problem with your supervisor, you lose it. You cut work for a day, you lose it. You get sick, you lose it. You don't follow the protocols for asking for holidays, you lose it."

"But you didn't lose it this time, did you?" Lucía sounded concerned.

"I did, actually."

"So these are some sort of spontaneous vacations?"

"You could say that, yes."

"Oh, it's because of Isabela, right?" His hand was lying on the table and she put hers over his. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have kept asking."

"It's okay," he said, looking at their hands together. Their skin had a similar colour, and her hands were small and soft and warm. Her fingernails had a pinkish hue and white edges. They were neat, as she was. He didn't dare hold her hand for fear it would be inappropriate. He wondered why he felt so comfortable with her. That reminded him of his dream. He'd have to ask Anders about it. He'd surely know how to interpret it.

"Is this apathy normal in you or is it some sort of post-wine-and-dine thing?" Lucía's amused eyes were on him. He raised his eyebrows. She stuck out her tongue. "I understand; you're tired. So am I. It's been a long day. I'll ask for the check."

"Only if you let me pay," he said.

"This wasn't a date, Leto," Lucía shook her head. "We'll split it – does that sound fair to you?"

"I'd feel more comfortable paying for everything," he insisted.

She fixed her eyes on him. "Next time's on me, then. Do we have a deal?"

"Will there be a next time, then?" he leaned forward, gazing at her.

"Sure, why not?" she smiled, and called the waiter.

He walked her home. It wasn't raining anymore, but it was cold and humid. They talked about what to do the following time. Lucía was busy during the week, but she would be free on Saturday, and if he was free as well, they could go dancing.

"There's a little club I've been dying to visit for some months now. I was going to go with Carver, but if you're up to it, we can try it," she said.

"I'm not the best dancer, but I learn pretty quickly," he beamed.

"That's the spirit! Your cousin said he'd take me but I guess he got cold feet," Lucía pondered.

"Oh, no. Anders is hopeless when it comes to dancing. No rhythm at all."

"Ah well. Then, it's a…" Lucía stopped. She didn't want to say 'date'. "Arranged. It's arranged. Next Saturday."

"Dinner and clubbing?"

"Honey, the rhythm's so intense that we should skip dinner," she giggled. She kissed his cheek and bid him goodnight. He watched her go into the building and stayed outside until he saw the light coming out of her window. He smiled and walked away, whistling.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: one of Alanis Morissette's old songs. The lyrics are more serious than the conversation, but I like to think that they also talked about serious things at some point.


	22. Denying

Leto left his rucksack on the couch. "How's he doing today, Karl?"

Karl took off his glasses. "He's doing much better. He slept here last night. I gave him a shot with something stronger, and there were no dreams recorded. Hopefully, he'll wake up in a few minutes, rested. What about you? You really dashed out yesterday. I asked Anders but he didn't say anything. He just consented to getting the shot."

"I had dinner with someone," Leto said, getting some coffee. "Want one?"

"No, thanks. I've been drinking that stuff all night. I'm going to get an ulcer, I know that. So, dinner. A date?" Leto stared at him. Karl apologized. "I'm sorry, I know we don't know each other that well, but your cousin's always talked about you, so I probably know more than you do about me. And I was just trying to make small talk. Anders makes me nervous lately. It's hard to talk to him these days."

Leto smiled. "No, it wasn't exactly a date. It will be one, though, in a few days. You know her. Bethany's sister, Lucía."

Karl almost dropped his glasses. "Lucía?" He blinked. "Well!" He looked at Leto, who had fixed his eyes on him. "Yes, I know her. She's a nice girl."

"How does he feel about her?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"From your reaction, I gather my cousin feels something for her. When we talked about it a year ago, he said he was interested in her as a friend. But now they don't talk to each other, and I could tell that she's confused about him. He didn't want to answer my question yesterday. Is Lucía the person he's interested in?"

Karl sighed. "I don't know. There is _some_  interest from his part, but the 'love' interest came from her, I think. He told me that it was becoming more and more difficult for him to reject her advances. She was trying to be subtle, but he knew it all along. And you know what it's like for him. He doesn't want to lose control, Leto. You know what can happen if he does."

"I know that, yes." Leto frowned. "I don't really want to ask him about this because of that reason." He took a few sips and sighed. "He asked me not to tell her about his condition, and I had to dodge the topic all night long. But he's my cousin, and I will have to tell him about my plans with her, out of honesty."

"You have plans with her already?" Karl didn't understand why the fascination with that plain-looking woman.

"A date is a plan, right? I just want to see how interested he really is in her."

* * *

"So you're telling me that  _I_  was in your dream?"

"Yes. You helped her fight against the guys who were chasing me."

Anders looked rested, and he was having a hearty breakfast. He finished munching on his egg and bacon sandwich, wiped his mouth with a paper napkin, and leaned back in his chair. "So… You're seeing her as some sort of savior. A person who'll come to rescue from whatever it is haunting you. Work, a stale relationship, a dull life. I think you crave excitement, and this is why you jumped on that train and came here." He drank half of his orange juice. "For once, you're living an adventure, being spontaneous. And maybe that kiss you two shared so long ago was another expression of spontaneity."

"So you don't think it's some sort of past life thing or something like that?"

Anders smiled. "Leto, I think we'd have realized by now if you're an  _amenta_  too. No, I don't think so. Dreams are, most of the times, the expressions of our desire."

"So what do you dream about?" Leto asked.

Anders looked into the glass of orange juice. "Many things that look and feel real. As I said, lots of blood. And betrayal," he said, looking at his cousin in the eye. Leto felt compelled to speak.

"I'll be seeing Lucía on Saturday," he said hurriedly. Anders nodded slowly and drank some more juice. "I need to know if she's the one that's doing this to you."

Anders snorted his orange juice and laughed. He cleaned his face and chest. "I'm sorry, come again?  _The one that did this to me?_  No, I did this to myself. I underestimated how quickly we'd get along, and when she started to give hints that she wanted something else, I cut it off."

"And what did you want?" Leto's green eyes were relentless.

"Nothing that was worth it at the moment," Anders said quietly. "Are you asking all this because you want to do something with her? Go ahead and do it, if she wants you too."

"You're frustrating, you know that?" Leto said, leaving his mug on the table. "Why can't you give a straight answer for once? It's not a crime to want to be with-"

"Whatever you do with her won't affect what's bound to happen between us," Anders said.

"What the heck's that supposed to mean?" Leto frowned.

Anders gave him a sad look, just like the one in Leto's dream. "If you believe what my dreams tell me, I just know that something will happen and she'll be ready to understand what I am, and why I'm staying away. What she decides to do after she acquires that knowledge will be her choice. I assume you'll be leaving after your holidays, and you won't pursue a relationship with her, am I right?" He sighed. "Just remember that these are special circumstances. This is not your reality."

Leto stood up. "You keep refusing to see the truth. People are not predictable, no matter what your dreams tell you. You can't foresee things. Things can be altered, there's nothing written yet!"

"Everything's been written already," Anders said softly. "But not everyone can read what's going to happen. I don't see you as competition, Leto. What are you really asking? Would I mind if you kissed her or had sex with her? She's never done anything. If she wants to have sex with you, who am I to say something? Jealousy is for the weak and insecure. I am neither."

"You're my cousin," Leto said, looking out of the window.

Anders got up and walked towards Leto. He put an arm around his cousin's shoulders. Leto sighed. "I'll see her anyway, even if I know that it bothers you. You don't fool me, Anders. But it's your loss. You drove her away, and I'm not going to help you get her back."

Anders patted him on the back. "You keep telling yourself that, Leto. But I know you too well…"

* * *

The body of the man was covered in blue streaks that used to be veins, but had become so engorged that they made the man look deformed and bestial. Varric pointed to the armpits.

"This is a common place for people to inject themselves with this stuff," he said, showing her a vial of blue liquid.

"Is that lyrium?" Brennan asked.

"Yes. They were only able to extract it because the guy had died recently and the Wardens didn't have time to take him. It's getting harder for them to get recruits, especially since many of them usually end up like this."

"I've read that," Ewald asked. "The Right of Conscription. They can only take in their ranks those who have been exposed to this lyrium. So what's the mental state of these subjects before death? Or rather, when is the right time for them to take someone?"

"Ideally," Aveline said, "they take them while they're still 'fresh' – that is, when the subject has been exposed to lyrium for less than three months. The subject still retains their mental faculties, provided that they haven't been together with other subjects for prolonged periods. This is why Dust Town couldn't be saved. Well, this, and the fact that it took everyone by surprise."

"Is there a way for us to know what this drug causes in the subject, apart from what the Wardens have given us to read?" Lucía browsed through her papers. "Sweatiness, palpitations, enhanced senses, hallucinations… This sounds like a common drug to me. Why has this become so virulent?"

"Well Luce, that's what we have to find out. Perhaps there's someone altering the formula. The lab results say that there are two components that haven't been identified yet, since they change states. Every time they put it to the test, the bastards change forms, as if they knew that we're looking at them."

"A biological component," Aveline said, "makes everything more difficult for us. The last time a biotic factor was singled out in a suspicious formula, we lost a whole laboratory."

"It exploded?" Brennan asked, horrified.

"No," Aveline replied. "Everybody who worked there became infected and had to be terminated."

* * *

"What's that smell?" Lucía said as soon as she entered her home.

"Bethany's cooking paella," Carver said, drying his hair with a towel. "It smells quite decently, don't you think?"

"I'm so hungry it smells like heaven," Lucía muttered. "Do you need some help, Beth?"

"No, don't worry!" Bethany shouted from the kitchen. "Well, maybe Carver can set the table for the three of us? Remember Mama's having dinner with Benoit tonight. And I bought some wine!" She came out of the kitchen, wearing an apron and smelling of seafood. "I thought white wine was better – is it right? I read it somewhere, but I wasn't sure…"

"That's a great choice, Beth," Carver smiled as he left the plates on the table. "You go and put on something more comfortable, Luz. It's my turn to do the laundry tonight, so leave your clothes in the basket. Except for your underwear, as usual." He shuddered, mockingly.

Lucía nodded. She thought Anders would have loved to see Bethany so responsive and mature, so very much in control of herself. It was a pity that she had somehow managed to drive him away. She tried to put those thoughts out of her head, and went to the bedroom.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Spice Girls.


	23. Owner of a Lonely Heart

"Don't worry, I'll tell the Captain about it!" Varric shouted as he closed the door and rushed down the steps. Ever since Bianca had got pregnant, she'd become a little more demanding, and in spite of all the love he had for her, he just couldn't stand starting the morning like that. He'd dodged two slippers and a boot, and Bianca had cried when he'd spilled the milk.  _Shitty hormones,_  he thought. He was hoping the rest of the pregnancy would be better, although he'd be gone in the middle of it, for a month at least.

She had sent him to talk to Anders, after Isabela had called the previous night, crying over her break-up with Leto. She'd been told at work that he'd taken his vacation days and had left for two weeks, and since he wasn't answering the phone, Bianca said it was Varric's duty to check if he was staying with his cousin. He hadn't seen Blondie in a few months. He knew that something had happened between him and Lucía, but he didn't dare ask her about it. She'd already had enough trouble with Carver's transference to Jeven's division.

Despite the family restriction, both siblings had been selected to go on the mission. The examiners couldn't ignore the results of the tests. Varric thought there had to be something formidable in their genes. And Bethany. That girl had improved so much in the last year that he couldn't believe it was the same girl he'd seen almost three years ago, distressed and lost in her world. Anders had done a lot for her, and if Varric had to venture a guess, he'd say that his caring for Bethany had made Lucía like him better, perhaps more than 'like'. He'd have to ask Anders.

* * *

"Karl," Varric greeted the tall man.

"Hello, Varric," Karl let him in. "If you're looking for Anders, he's in the kitchen."

"Thanks, buddy," Varric said, walking into the kitchen. He blinked. "Ah, so you  _are_ here," he said. Leto was biting a piece of toast and froze in mid-action.

"Shit," he muttered.

"Varric," Anders said, patting the short man on the back. "Long time no see!" He sounded amused. He offered Varric a cup of coffee and got some tea for himself. "What brings you here?"

"Is this some sort of haven for guys who are hiding from women? Because I'm totally in."

"We're not hiding," Leto mumbled, hiding behind his milkshake.

"I came here looking for you, you know," Varric said, putting sugar in his coffee.

"Go easy on the sugar," Anders patted Varric's belly. "You don't want to put on weight."

"Oh, shut up. I think I've gained all the kilos you've lost. What happened to you? You look like crap," Varric said, looking at Anders. He was wearing a loose white T-shirt which made him paler.

"So you even shut down Varric?" Leto raised his eyebrows. "You're sicker than I thought, cousin."

"Varric came looking for you," Anders replied, dismissing Leto's words. "Why would that be?"

"Isabela told Bianca that you'd broken up with her and run away. Since you're not replying to her phone calls, messages, smoke signals – whatever she's sending you – Bianca thought it would be good to check if you were here. What should I say?"

Leto blinked. "Excuse me?"

Varric spread some honey on a piece of toast. "Should I tell the women you're here, or should I let you off with a warning? You know… If you're here as a single guy, looking for a one-night stand or something, I'll tell them you're not here. But you'll have to answer at least one message, so that they know you're alive."

"Why would I be looking for… that?" Leto asked.

"Isabela believes that you don't want to commit to your relationship with her."

"And she's right," Anders said, sitting down.

"I don't want it to be serious, that's all," Leto defended himself.

"How old are you, kid?" Varric asked.

"I'm 28; what does that have to do with-?"

"When I was your age, I thought I'd never settle down. Precisely at the age of 28, I met this gorgeous woman, and it took me years to finally be together with her. Not because I didn't want to commit, but because we had terrible timing. When I was available, she was not – that sort of thing. Anyway, my point is: it's not a question of being with someone just because you're afraid of being alone. It's about finding that special someone. And when you do, you're ready to commit. Three years into a relationship and you're not ready to commit? It sounds like you two are no good together. Breaking up? A good idea," Varric finished, and wolfed down the piece of toast. Anders giggled and Varric looked at him.

"What are you laughing about, Blondie? There's something for you too. You don't walk out on a young lady who's interested in you. It's not like it's raining women for you, and Lucía's a nice g-" He was interrupted by Leto, who was choking in orange juice. Leto cleaned himself, all the while glaring at Anders, who tried to ignore him.

Varric blinked. "Okay," he said slowly, "either you tell me what's going on or I'll start speculating, and you know what happens when I do that, Anders."

The cousins looked at each other. "Shall I?" Anders said.

"By all means," Leto answered, leaning back on his chair, eager to listen to Anders's explanation.

* * *

Varric was frowning. At first, he didn't believe Anders. Leto had to vouch for his cousin by telling Varric about the time they'd lived together. When Anders talked about his visions, Varric laughed. He started asking questions, and Anders patiently replied to them, because he knew it wasn't easy to understand.

"Let me see if I got it right," Varric said slowly. "You're what Bethany is." Anders nodded. "And you can't have sex."

"It's not that I  _can't_ , but there's a higher chance that I'll lose control over myself if I get involved-"

"-in a relationship where emotions are strong, I got that part. And you… killed your father?"

"Almost," Leto said. "Left him in a coma. If you ask me, the guy had it coming. You should have seen what Anders looked like when his father beat him up that last time. His father was an  _amenta_ too."

"Which is why you don't even want to think about having a family of your own," Varric said to Anders, who was looking into his empty cup of tea. Anders nodded.

"Emotions are a tricky thing, you know. It only takes something bad happening to someone to care for, and you're gone. Something else takes over. And you never know what can happen. I'd never thought myself possible of attacking another human being the way I attacked my father. It's like a blind rage. And then you react, and you feel like a monster. My father… He understood why I did it. After that, he went away. He died four years ago. I wanted him to be part of this treatment. He refused." Anders got up and put some water in the kettle.

Varric looked at both men. "So, that's it? There's nothing you can do? Are you going to live this half-life forever?"

"I found happiness in helping others like me. You've seen Bethany, haven't you?"

"I have, and she's a miracle. But when are you going to do something for yourself? You're haunted by these visions of the past, or from another life, or whatever you think they are. I trust you, Blondie. What we did with those refugees… I know you're a good guy. Maybe you should trust yourself a bit more. So far, in all these years, you haven't sent anyone to hospital. There's no reason for you to condemn yourself to a life of loneliness." Varric looked at his watch. "Shit, I'm late for work. Listen, you two: stop acting like pussies and man up. No wonder you're related. You're exactly the same, cold feet and everything." He got up and left, leaving Anders and Leto looking at each other embarrassedly.

* * *

The water was hot. He washed his body thoroughly and rinsed the soap off his hair. He closed the tap and stood there, dripping. Why was he nervous? There was no reason for him to be nervous. It was just a friendly outing, that was all.

He didn't know what to wear. What kind of club would they be going to? Lucía's invitation hadn't sounded very formal, so he decided for a black T-shirt and dark jeans. He looked at himself in the mirror. Decent enough. He took the body towel off the bed and threw it on a chair. Money? Yes. Keycard? Yes. He didn't need anything else. He sighed and walked out of the room.

* * *

He wasn't expecting Carver.

"I'm sure you don't mind me going with you guys, right?" he told Leto.

"No, of course not." What else was he supposed to say?

"Lucía's coming down. She's bringing the bells."

"The what?"

"Bells. You've never danced kampao?"

"Nope. Or perhaps I have, but I'd never heard the name before."

Carver laughed. "Ah well, there's no need for me to worry then."

Leto wanted to ask him why he would worry, but Lucía was coming down the stairs now. Leto gaped at her. She was wearing a rounded skirt that was longer in the front and back, but much shorter on the sides of the thighs, and a red tank top. Her hair was up, just like it had been for the wedding, and she smelled of jasmine and mint.  _Dear Maker,_  Leto thought, hoping that Carver couldn't read minds.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Yes. I think it fits Varric's friendly advice quite well, and it also applies to Anders's situation. A better explanation of Anders's actions will come in a few chapters, guys.


	24. My déjà vu

_What am I getting into,_  he thought.

The place wasn't so crowded, but there seemed to be a wave of excitement in the air that hit Carver and Lucía as soon as they got in. The siblings kept nudging each other and making comments about the videos shown on screens. Lucía pointed to one of those for Leto to watch.

"Look! This is a good video for beginners." She stood beside him and explained the moves.

"But… They're barefoot," he said.

"Yes, exactly. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't ask if you minded-"

"No, it's fine. Is there anything else that I have to take off?" He teased.

"No, not really," she smiled. "If you're a good dancer, you'll get the bells." She shook a handful of bells on strings. "I brought these ones from home because Carver usually collects around 20 bells every time we go dancing. We haven't been in one of these places for a while, so I hope he's not rusty." She looked around to find her brother, and he was already surrounded by two or three women.

"He's fast," Leto said, surprised.

"Oh, not that much. He'll be dancing with me the first round, so that you can watch. The first round is a warm-up, and it works to show off, in a way. The second round is what they call  _brimba_ , and it's a loose dance that consists of two parts. We'll be dancing together, if you haven't run away by that time," she giggled and pointed to another screen. "There, that's the  _brimba_."

"It looks like two birds courting," Leto observed.

"It does, doesn't it? The important part of the  _brimba_  is that the dancers don't touch. It's about visual contact and there's a lot of blocking. There," she pointed to a man dancing in a video. "You see what he does? He's keeping her from 'flying' away. And the last part of it makes or breaks the night, sort of, because the woman throws the handkerchief up in the air while she's away from the man, and the man who grabs it gets to dance with the woman for the rest of the night, if he wants to."

"So you're saying that if I don't grab it, we'll be separated for the rest of the night?" She nodded. "That's... a lot of pressure to put on me," he said, chuckling nervously. "So how big is this handkerchief? Will I have time to grab it? I didn't see you bringing anything with you other than your purse. Can I see it, just to have an idea?"

"Hey, relax!" Lucía said, amused. "You will have time, although men can be competitive. If nobody likes me, you'll definitely get it. And the handkerchief's small, and I have it with me right now. Don't worry about it," she said, winking. "Let's go get a table and something to drink first."

Carver had already found a table, and a partner. "Look who I found," he said, bringing Brennan along with him. Brennan kissed Lucía affectionately and shook Leto's hand.

"It's her first time here," Carver said to Leto. "I told her it was yours as well, so you can practice together."

"Actually, I was telling Leto that you and I are going to dance the warm-up together, and that then I'd be dancing the  _brimba_  with him. What's the point of getting a dance partner if I can't dance with him?" Lucía told her brother. Carver looked at her silently for a couple of seconds and said, "Fine, but don't come crying to me when you don't win first prize tonight."

"I never cry," Lucía said, sticking out her tongue at her brother, who returned the gesture. They ordered some drinks and chatted away until they were called for the first dance.

"Shoes off! Onto the floor!" a voice blasted through the speakers. Brennan and Leto laughed at Carver's and Lucía's enthusiasm as they sprinted towards the dance floor. The drums started playing, softly at first, letting the women find their rhythm, and when they became stronger and louder, the men joined in. Leto and Brennan gaped at the sight of Lucía and Carver dancing.

"I'm pretty sure that somewhere in this world, that swaying of hips between siblings is forbidden," Brennan said, unable to take her eyes off Carver, who was holding his sister's waist with a sexy, charming smile painted on his face.

"Hmm…" Leto grunted. He was entranced by Lucía's body. Her hands twisted graciously in intricate movements, and everything she did looked effortless. She was practically dancing on the tip of her toes and for all he knew, she could have been floating. She was genuinely happy. The rhythm was finally ending when she leaned backwards and rested on Carver's leg, held by one of his hands on the back and the other on her waist. Her hair cascaded down; the tips were almost touching the floor, and when Carver helped her up, she shook her head playfully. At that moment, Leto thought that her sensuality was not as obvious as Isabela's – it was more feminine than animal. He liked it. He knew he didn't need to tell himself that he liked her. It was clear by now.

Carver and Lucía returned to the table, where their partners were waiting for them.

"That was amazing, guys!" Brennan said, clapping. "I'd never seen that kind of moves before."

"I'll show them to you, don't worry," Carver said smoothly, as he drank his cocktail. Brennan's eyes sparkled in anticipation.

"What did you think?" Lucía smiled at Leto. He found himself speechless. She was trying to fix her hair and he got lost in her luscious black mane. He'd been wrong. There was something animal in her as well. Maybe it was all the drums that made him feel that way. Everything was so… primal.

"Primal?" she said, and he realized that he'd spoken out loud. His three companions were staring at him. What had he said? For a moment he panicked.

"The drums… It's a good beat," he said faintly.

"Well… My sister's a good dancer, so she'll help you," Carver said, raising an eyebrow. "Ready to go on to the floor?" he asked Brennan, who'd already got rid of her shoes.

"Remember," Lucía said, as she waited for Leto to take his shoes off. "No touching. Just look where I'm going, and feel the rhythm. I know you're a good dancer. You'll know what to do." She smiled at him and took him by the hand.

It wasn't as difficult as he thought it would be. He couldn't match Carver's skill, but he got the gist of it quite quickly. It was hard not to touch her body. She came close to him lots of times, and he wanted to hold her waist every time that happened, to make her twist and turn. He managed to restrain himself, but when the first round of the  _brimba_  finished, Lucía pouted.

"You're frowning. You don't like it?" Her juicy red lips caught him off guard.

_Maker, please, don't pout,_  he thought. He cleared his throat and said, "I do, I like it! It's just… I think I'm trying too hard to concentrate." He massaged the back of his neck. "I'll try to smile more, I promise," he nodded.

"Oh, it's good to hear you're enjoying yourself," she sighed, relieved. "I'll be throwing the handkerchief in the air after this one, so remember to catch it, unless you want another partner."

"Oh, I'll catch it," he said with determination. He'd seen the way some men were looking at her and he knew he was going to be in trouble if he wasn't quick enough. "I don't plan to let it go."

She raised her eyebrows and beamed. She held his hand once more and led him to the dance floor, where the second round was starting. This time, the music wasn't as fast as the first time, but it was more soulful. She moved with swift steps, from side to side, but he quickly blocked all the ways out, fixing his eyes on her, making her blush. His green eyes were intense, and he made her feel… wanted? She wondered if he really felt that way or if it was just her imagination.

When the moment came, all the women separated themselves from the men, and they took the handkerchiefs from their cleavage. Leto got seriously distracted by that action, and he missed the final step. Someone else took her handkerchief.

He felt like a fool. What was he thinking? And he knew: he was thinking about her. She'd been on his mind for so long now, even longer than he'd ever admit. If his dreams were as valid as his cousin's then, that would explain why he felt this way about her.

Before he had time to walk over to where she was standing –talking to the man who'd caught her handkerchief–, Carver approached him. "Listen," he said, "would you mind walking my sister home when you've finished here? I'm gonna head off with Brennan."

"Yes, sure," Leto said, nodding and trying to make visual contact with Lucía at the same time. Carver said something else and left, dragged by Brennan. Leto got closer to Lucía. "I know," she was saying, "but it's the first time my dancing partner has done this, so I think we could bend the rules a little, don't you agree?"

"Is there a problem?" he asked, surrounding Lucía's shoulders with his arm. He glared at the man, and there was something fiery in his eyes that made the man give the handkerchief back to Lucía.

"I'm sorry I couldn't take it," he apologized sincerely when they were alone. "I got distracted."

"It's not a problem. We can do it another time," she said kindly. "This is the only thing I don't like about this dance; the macho attitude can be exhausting. Speaking of which… Where's Carver?"

"He left with his partner. Once again, I apologize." His puppy eyes made him look genuinely sorry.

"Hey, don't worry. What do you say if we go for some coffee instead?" Her smile was warm.

* * *

They were walking towards the coffee shop, talking and laughing. She was holding on to his arm and he felt strange. Nervous, perhaps. She gasped. "Ooh, I'd almost forgotten about it! Congratulations on your dancing..."

She took one of the little bells she'd brought in her purse and passed the lace around his neck. It looked like a cat's collar. She said so and laughed. She touched the little bell with a finger and smiled at him. He cupped her face in his hands and saw her smile fade away. He touched her lips with his; gently, softly. She was not pushing him away. He increased the pressure ever so slightly, and as he did so, he saw her close her eyes and kiss him back. He moved his hands down her arms, feeling her body trembling lightly. Her hands lay on his chest. Would she push him away now? He pressed her against his body and she moved her hands up and round his neck. After a while, they separated, reluctantly. _That feeling…_ He knew it too well.

"Let's go somewhere more private," he said in a low voice. He saw the hesitation in her eyes and said gently, "We don't need to do anything you don't want to do." She looked back at him, and nodded. He held her hand and led her to his place.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: another song by Ace of Base. If you want to look up the lyrics, feel free to do so. I think they fit Leto pretty well. You can imagine in part what's coming in the next chapter, so feel free to skip it if you're not into those things ;)


	25. Lucía (NSFW)

They had all the time in the world. There was no pressure between them. They walked down the almost deserted streets, sometimes holding hands. They stopped at each traffic light. Every stop meant a chance to turn back. But she didn't want that.

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Why do you keep asking me that? I'm not a child that needs protection. I'm a grown-up woman."

"You don't strike me as the type who would do this."

"Neither do you. Look, if  _you_  don't want-" He pushed her gently against a wall and held his face close to hers. He could still smell her perfume and he wondered if the rest of her body would feel the same way. He took her face in his hands and kissed her softly.

"You won't shut me up like that," she laughed. He groaned and kissed her more intensely and repeatedly this time, alternating between quick kisses and the occasional longer one.

"I can tell you're nervous," he said, their foreheads touching. "That's why I keep asking if you're having second thoughts. I could walk you home right now." He nuzzled her. "Just say the word."

"I've never done anything. That's why I'm nervous," she blurted out.

He blinked and stepped back. "You…?" She nodded quickly and looked away, blushing slightly.

"Perhaps you're right," she sighed. "I'd be wasting your time anyway. I feel so stupid now; what must you think of me?" She hid her face in her hands.

He embraced her, holding her body close to his. "I want to be with you," he whispered in her ear. He kissed her earlobe and moved down to her neck, kissing it gently. She shivered. He pulled away. "Are you cold?" he asked softly. She shook her head and he smiled. "So… Shall we?"

* * *

They walked down the corridor. Her heart was beating fast. "No pressure," he'd said.  _All right,_  she thought.  _Nothing I don't want to do. Sounds easy enough._

They entered the room. It was spacious, with a nice television set and a sofa. Her eyes immediately went to the bed, but she quickly looked away, hoping he hadn't noticed. He patted the back of the sofa, inviting her to sit, and offered her something to drink. She refused.

"I'm not giving you any alcohol, don't worry. Coffee, juice, whatever you want," he said kindly.

She shook her head. As he poured himself some water, she thought of how ridiculous she was being. She'd said she was an adult, and there she was, acting like a bashful child. She took a look at his back. Now that she was close to him, she saw it was broader than it looked. His T-shirt wasn't too tight, but it still revealed his muscular arms. His hips were the right size for the rest of the body.

He could feel her watching him, but he was avoiding looking at her. He was trying to make her feel comfortable. He really had no expectations. She made him feel fine; talking, dancing, kissing – he felt as if he was at home. He left the glass on a shelf and walked up to where she was still standing. He leaned against the back of the sofa and held her hands, drawing her towards him.

"I like being barefoot," he suddenly said.

"What?" she smiled. "Barefoot?"

"Yes. Today, dancing. It's very comfortable, actually."

"You can take off your shoes now," she said. "If you feel more comfortable."

He did so. "And when we were in the garden, that time… It was a tempting offer, feeling the grass under my feet. But it would have looked strange, at least for a man."

"Perhaps you're right," she smiled again, aware that he was pulling her towards him very gently.

"You women can get away with anything. You give us a smile," he said, brushing her lips with his thumb, "and we're willing to do anything for you." He kissed her smiling lips slowly. She had closed her eyes and was now returning the kiss, one of her hands over his chest as if she was about to stop him, but the other hand was gripping his T-shirt around the waist, as if she wanted to remove it. Leto stroked her lower lip with the tip of his tongue and she parted her lips with bated breath, nuzzling him.

He put a hand over the back of her head, gently pushing her against him, and the other hand rested on her waist, mimicking her grip on his. He gave her a deep kiss that took her by surprise, but it wasn't unpleasant at all. She touched his tongue with hers, at first timidly, but then it swirled around his, and when he was withdrawing it, her lips sucked on its tip. It was his turn to be surprised. He placed his hands on her hips and now that they were so close, she felt that he was aroused. She tugged at his T-shirt in a reflex, and he swiftly took it off. She looked at his chest. Perfectly marked. She saw three old scars across his stomach. She ran a finger over them, curiously, but his eyes told her that he didn't want to talk about that. His skin was smooth, and his smell was soft and warm. She kissed down his neck and ran her hands over his chest as he smelled the jasmine scent of her hair and moved his hands over her hips, sometimes drawing circles, sometimes digging his fingers across the back. She moved even closer to him, holding his face and kissing him, hoping that he felt her want as well. He responded by looking for the zipper of her skirt and pulling it down with his eager fingers, nibbling on her lips.

Her skirt slid down her hips and fell to the floor. He rubbed his hands against the outer side of her thighs, moving them slowly towards the back. Her fingers found the buckle of his belt and tried to unclasp it, but failed. He quickly helped her while still kissing her, fearful that she'd feel frustrated or decided to stop. But his fear was unfounded. She undid the button of his jeans and carefully slid her hand inside them, touching him gently. He was definitely caught by surprise, but then he understood that she was doing it that way to avoid hurting him as she pulled down the zipper. He pushed her back a little so that he'd have space to remove his trousers completely, and she noticed he was wearing black trunks.

She took a few steps back to take a good look at his body, because she couldn't believe how attractive and fit it was. She stumbled and fell on the bed and he smiled. Before she could stand up, however, he knelt in front of her and removed her shoes, running his fingers up her calves and her thighs. She swallowed hard and took him by the hand. He sat next to her and kissed her gently down her neck, sucking softly on her skin and placing a hand over her knees, moving his fingers up her inner thigh so slowly, so gently. A little moan escaped from her lips and he smiled.

She laid her back on the bed and he lay beside her, resting the weight of his body on his left arm. He was kissing her tenderly, but his right hand was teasing her, running his fingertips up her left arm, following the curve of her neck, down the space between her breasts. As he slid his tongue inside her mouth, his thumb found the nipple on her left breast and fondled it. His tongue and thumb moved in exactly the same way, sending shivers up her spine. She ran her hands up the sides of his chest, all the way to his right hand, and moved his hand over her breast. He smiled and gently squeezed her breast as he kissed down her neck, feeling her chest going up and down slightly faster now. He moved his hand under her top, his fingertips caressing her stomach, reaching her breast over her bra. She pulled her shirt up and he helped her take it off, revealing a black bra with a clasp in the shape of a silvery rose between her breasts. His eyes found hers, inquiringly. She gave a little nod and covered her eyes, an embarrassed smile on her lips. He felt warm inside. She was so sweet, so shy.

His fingers unclasped the bra. She gasped quietly. He removed it, exposing her breasts. He cupped the left one and kissed it silently, his lips touching it as if it was the most delicate thing is the world. When his mouth reached the nipple, he realized she was looking at him.

"Should I stop?" he whispered. She shook her head. His lips surrounded the nipple and he teased it lightly with the tip of his tongue. She arched her back slightly and let out a soft moan. He gave her a gentle nibble and moved on to the other breast. This time his teeth tugged gently at the other nipple, and he saw her biting on her lower lip. He returned to her mouth and kissed her hungrily, glad to see that she was enjoying herself.

He stopped for a moment and looked at her. Her softly blushed cheeks, her hair sprawled on his bed, her luscious lips. He didn't know how much longer he'd stand the pressure that had been building up in his trunks. As if she had read his mind, her hand moved down his stomach, playing with the elastic band of his underwear. He took her hand and placed it over the spot she was timidly aiming at. Her eyes looked into his, and then closed when she leaned forward for a kiss. Her fingers had found their way round his shaft and they were now pressing it. Her thumb found the tip of it and stroked it, making him moan with desire. His right hand found its way down and rubbed the mound between her legs over the fabric of her underwear. She was wet already, and that drove him crazy. He separated from her and pulled down her panties. She gasped as his fingers slid over the area without entering it. He sighed and kissed his way down her stomach, drawing circles around the navel with his tongue. She moaned and lifted her hips, causing his fingers to slide a bit further into her. He groaned and looked up to her face.

"I'm not gonna lie," he said. "I want to be inside you."

She stared at him for a few seconds, and then she asked, "Do you have…?"

He quickly reached out for the drawers of the bedside table. There were some condoms there. He took them out and looked at her. She nodded. He sat and pulled down his underwear. He'd been ready for some time now. When he'd finished putting on the condom, he turned to her. "I've… read that it's less painful for women to be on top, if it's their first… you know."

She smiled at him. He was so sweet, caring about her. She shook her head and lay on her back, inviting him to be on top instead. He didn't keep her waiting for long. He placed himself between her parted legs and his right hand caressed her thighs and her stomach. He slid into her slowly, giving her time to process the sensation. She bit her lips, containing her moan. He moved out and in again, putting a smile on her lips. He reached for her mouth and kissed her. Her hips soon found and met his rhythm, and after a while, she felt him shake. He bit her on the neck as he climaxed, and she kissed his shoulder. He kissed her softly, whispering her name time and again…

_… She covered herself with her cloak. He pretended to be asleep, so that the pain of seeing her go wouldn't be as strong as usual._

_If he'd known that would be the last time he saw her alive, he wouldn't have let her go away…_

Leto woke up, startled. They both had dozed off. Lucía sat up quickly. "I have to go back home," she said, looking for her underwear. He held her by the wrist. His heart was beating fast. "Please stay," he said. He sounded distressed. She knelt on the bed beside him. "I can't do that, I'm sorry." There was something in his eyes that drew her towards him; a sense of desperate longing. He kissed her greedily, awakening a desire in her that she'd never felt possible. "I can't sleep here," she whispered, "but maybe there's something else we can do before I leave," she smiled naughtily as she sat astride his lap.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Joan Manuel Serrat. There are some lines in the song that allude to the situation described here. My favourite lines are "There's nothing more loved than what I lost" and "Your memories are sweeter every day, oblivion only took half of them." Even though Leto is not an amenta, something has awakened his memories of her.


	26. Time Of Your Life

They were out of breath, lying side by side, giggling like naughty children. They were accomplices in something that they'd never imagined could happen to them. It wasn't in their nature, but it had happened, and they'd accepted it.

"I think I should go and take a quick shower," Lucía said, stretching. "Do you mind?"

"Be my guest," he smiled and watched her walk into the bathroom. He heard the sound of the water running and smiled, thinking about her body all soaped up and wet. He groaned and groped about in the drawer. He'd run out of condoms. Was there enough time to make a call to the front desk and get more? He didn't think so. Maybe next time… And then it struck him: would there even be a 'next time'? He was pretty confident that she'd enjoyed herself, and he knew from experience that women were usually rather clingy after sex. He didn't think she'd be an exception, but for some reason, he wasn't worried about the idea of having something with her. Maybe Varric was right, after all. Perhaps it was about finding the right person.

But his life wasn't there. His hard-earned home and position were in Kirkwall. And her life was now in Tantervale – why would she agree to move to Kirkwall? Besides, there was the question of her sister, and that's when his mind flew to Anders. He wondered if he should say anything to his cousin. He hadn't been able to ascertain how much Anders liked Lucía due to his refusal to admit things explicitly. He didn't want to fall out with his cousin over a woman, no matter how good she was. Family always came first, especially after everything Anders had done for him.

He was thinking about this when he heard the water stop. The time had come for her to leave, and he still hadn't decided what to do. He'd be spending one more week there; perhaps they…

She'd come out of the bathroom. She was wearing a small towel around her hips, and her hair, which she hadn't washed, was loose, covering her breasts. Her skin glistened and Leto caught her fresh scent as soon as she got closer.

"Um… There was no body towel in there," she apologized. "You'll have to ask for more."

"Oh, I'd ask  _you_ for more in a heartbeat," he said, sitting up in bed, his eyes fixed on her.

She laughed. "You flatter me. It's very sweet of you." She sat down on the edge of the bed and picked up her panties. She put them on and removed the towel. She was surprised to see that his hands were now surrounding her and pulling her back to bed. She giggled when he kissed the space between her breasts. "I really should get going, you know? Besides, we were at it all night long. You really can't complain."

"Did you like it?" he asked, taking her hand and kissing it.

"I did, thank you," she said, turning towards him. "You know, as you said, it's not something I'd have thought I'd be doing if you'd asked me a couple of months ago. At least not with you. But I'm glad it was you. You were very gentle."

" _Gentle_ … Hmm. Not 'passionate' or 'sexy'?"

"That too," she smiled. She looked down, the smile gone now. "Listen… I have to be honest with you. I think you deserve to know…"

Leto looked at her, intrigued. She was holding something back, as if she didn't want to hurt him. "Is this about Anders?" he ventured. By the look in her eyes, he knew it was exactly that. "You like him, don't you."

"I don't know how I feel about him," she said sadly. "The truth is that we haven't talked to each other for months now. He refuses to see me. It _is_  true that I was attracted to him, and he was on my mind until you came along. What I felt for him… It took me by surprise. And you," she looked at him, "you were good to me."

Leto tried to keep a straight face. Part of him had known it all along, but the other part felt as if something was breaking inside. "Alas, my poor heart," he said jokingly. "You're rejecting me."

She sat up. "It's not like that. I mean, this wasn't serious, right? Your life's away from here." She looked at him. "I got into this knowing that. And you and Isabela… And this, what we did, so soon after you two… Look, I know I'm some sort of rebound for you, and I'm fine with it. I am."

He wanted to shut her up – reach out and touch her, and make love to her again and again, so that she'd stop diminishing what they'd had, but he couldn't, because he knew that she was somewhat right. "I have a hard time believing that," he said. "I thought women took this type of thing more seriously."

"Don't misunderstand me," she said, stroking his cheek. "I'll always remember you, and this night. But realistically, we can't say we're right for each other."

"I understand," he smiled. "Thank you for being honest with me."

* * *

"We have to talk," Leto told Anders the next day.

"Can it wait for a while? I'm trying to finish this." Anders was working on a speech he'd be giving in Starkhaven in two weeks' time. He looked much better that day.

"Now," Leto grunted.

Anders stood up and followed him into the other room. "What is it?"

"I made out with Lucía," Leto blurted out. He looked at his cousin's face. Nothing. "We had sex."

"Ah," Anders said. He nodded slowly. "I see."

"That's it?" Leto was mad at him. "You fucking idiot. How long will you keep pretending?"

"Leto…"

"Do you feel something for her?" Leto asked, looking at him in the eye.

"I've already told you-"

"Because we did it – several times, in fact. Oh yes, and she was sweet, and soft, and wet."

"Fine, I get it."

"And she asked for it, Anders. She asked for more." He'd come closer to his cousin, watching him.

"Stop it. I understand."

"No, you don't." Leto moved even closer to Anders. "Because you weren't there with her, kissing those lips, running your hands over her body, pleasuring her, making her moan…"

"I said stop it." Anders was looking away. "I don't want to hear about it, okay?"

"For a virgin, she sure was eager to do it, eager to learn. She asked me to do-"

"Shut your mouth!" Anders took Leto by the neck and slammed him against a wall, his fingers closing around his cousin's throat. Leto was strong, but Anders's grip was relentless. Leto couldn't breathe. His fingers pressed Anders's wrist very tightly, but Anders wouldn't let go. He heard the door open and through the corner of the eye he saw Karl. The man disappeared for a brief spell and when he came back, he was carrying a syringe. He stuck the needle in Anders's neck and injected him with a blue solution. Anders loosened his grip before passing out.

* * *

When he came to, Leto was sitting beside him. He sat up quickly. "What happened?"

"You blew up," Leto said quietly, "and tried to strangle me."

"No! I'd never-!" Anders started to say, but then he remembered. He hid his face in his hands.

"Indeed. I think I had it coming. I kept pushing you, and I shouldn't have. What you feel about Lucía… It should be your own business." Leto leaned forward. "But I care for her. I didn't mean for it to happen. I know I just do, but I don't know what to do about it. I thought that if I told her about you, she might forget you more easily, and that then-"

"Forget me?" Anders asked.

"She says she doesn't know how she feels about you," Leto answered, aware that he was revealing more than he should. "I care for her, Anders. I'd like her to be happy, with anyone."

"I want that too," Anders whispered. "That's why I thought that maybe… Maybe you could give her what I can't." His eyes had become glossy. He looked away.

"So technically, both of you used me because you two can't be together. Great," Leto said bitterly. Anders remained silent. "The way I see it, I have two paths. Either I tell her what you are and let her choose, or I don't tell her anything and I leave you two to talk about it, if you ever dare. Neither scenario's a win for me."

"I'm sorry," Anders said. "I wish I was different, I really do. But apparently some things can't change. What I did today to you… You know what kind of person I am. If you truly care for her, as you claim, would you leave her in my hands, knowing what I might do to her in a fit of jealousy?"

Leto looked at him sadly. He got up and walked out of the room. As he was passing by his cousin's desk, something caught his eye. He took it and exited the office.

* * *

He was sitting on the front steps leading to her apartment block. He'd been waiting for an hour or two when he finally spotted her. He stood up and walked over to her.

"Leto! What are-?"

"I'm leaving. Sooner than I expected. There are some things that require my attention in Kirkwall."

"I… I see," she nodded and smiled. "Good luck, and thank you for-"

"Please  _don't_  thank me," he said sadly. "Not for our time together. I have something for you." He took a thick leather-bound journal from his rucksack. The cover was jaded, as if it had been touched a million times. "I don't know if this is right, but I thought you had to know. Please. Read it, and then return it to its owner. And your mission… Promise me you'll take care?" He cupped her face with his right hand one last time and gave her a kiss on the cheek before walking away.

Had she done something wrong? She felt like calling after him, but the journal in her hands distracted her. She opened it and read,  _"This journal belongs to Anders Devin."_

_..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Green Day. I love it, but it makes me sad. Just like this chapter. (Isn't it strange when you make yourself sad by writing something you think you can change, but you actually can't because it has to be written that way?)


	27. Patterns

Lucía was lying in bed, unable to sleep. She hadn't read the journal. It just lay there, next to her bag. She was planning to return it to Anders the next day, before going to work.  _What was Leto thinking,_  she thought. If there was something to know about Anders, he should be the one telling her, not a diary.

She turned around and looked at the wall. She counted the seconds. Sleep wouldn't come.  _Shit._  She put the blanket away and got up. She took the journal and turned on the table lamp next to the couch. She opened the journal and started reading from the beginning.

A very neat handwriting opened it.  _Mum gave me this diary so that I could write down my feelings. She says she doesn't want to see me as sad as I was when Mr. Wiggums died. She said Dad was sorry about having killed it, that it had been an accident. But Mr. Wiggums never used to escape. I don't know why he'd do it this time._  The first part contained the same type of handwriting – Anders, 8 years old. The pages were filled with little anecdotes. A science fair prize, a praise from his teachers, a new book he'd found interesting, a gift that Mum had given him. No mention of friends, or games. He kept growing up – he was 10 now, and his writing had gotten less neat, more uneven.  _I want to be interested in sports, I really do! I'd like to play with the other kids, but Dad says that I don't need them to have fun, and besides, we'll be moving again soon. I wish we didn't have to move around so much._

Lucía kept turning the pages. Anders's family seemed to have moved a lot, much like her own. She could feel the same sense of isolation that she'd had all those years. He'd started remembering his dreams.  _I have trouble sleeping at night. There are images that keep coming to me. Last night I dreamt of fire, and I was running away, but someone caught me. I couldn't see the face._ Some weeks later, he'd written about another dream. _I woke up because I couldn't breathe. I was locked in a wall of stones. It felt very real._ He'd stopped writing for months. The next entry was from when he was 13.  _Dad was shouting at Mum today. He said it was my fault we'd had to move. I tried to talk to him later, but he pushed me away and I fell against the TV set. Dad was furious and locked me in the cellar for the rest of the day._ The cellar appeared later on, again and again. He'd spent days on end in that dark room, and his mother read to him from the other side of the door, so that he could continue learning.

Lucía remembered the day her father had gotten furious with Carver, and how scared Leandra had been when she'd seen all the blood. She shuddered, thinking of what could have happened. She continued reading. His teachers always gave Anders extra homework, which he welcomed, since he had little else to do. He'd got interested in Biology lately, and his mother had bought him a microscope.  _This is the happiest day of my life,_ he had written. Lucía smiled. How simple it was to make a child happy.

Some pages had been ripped off the journal. The next entry was from the moment Anders was 15 years old.  _Today it was Mum's anniversary. I still wish it had been me instead of her, but at least I hope she's finally found some peace. Dad's making my life more and more difficult every day. I can hardly restrain myself when he's around. I'm having nightmares more frequently now. My hands are on fire, and I don't know how to control it. It consumes me._

"What are you doing up so late?" A sleepy Bethany asked, walking towards the kitchen. Lucía closed the journal.

"Work stuff, nothing important," she said. "Trouble sleeping?" She got up and walked to Bethany.

"That sauce was too salty," Bethany said. "I think I've had like two litres of water since I went to bed. And if the thirst doesn't wake me up, the need to pee will."

Lucía tossed her sister's hair lovingly and chuckled. She put some water on the fire. "Want some tea with your old sis?"

"No, thank you," Bethany said, finishing her glass. "I'm too sleepy and I want to be up early, since I've got an appointment with Karl tomorrow."

"Ah," Lucía said. "Not Anders?"

"Haven't seen him for a while now. Karl says he's busy writing some speech for a conference he'll be giving soon. In Starkhaven. He'll be away for a while this time. G'night, sis," Bethany kissed Lucía on the cheek and dragged her feet back to the bedroom.

Lucía made some tea and went back to her couch. She looked for the last page she'd read and continued.  _It's hard to remember all my dreams. Last night's was more complex than the others. There was a blonde man, dressed in ancient Tevinter robes, and he was looking for a female slave that had been taken from him. But then it switched to another man, crying. And dark feathers. I woke up really distressed. I didn't want to go back to sleep after that. That man's anguish was so heartbreaking that I couldn't stop crying._ Lucía felt sorry for him. Whenever that had happened to her or Bethany, there had always been someone to soothe them. More passages on his education, and how much he loved school, and how hopeless he was at sports. He had started jogging. Running had given him joy, a sense of freedom.  _Dad started drinking again. I hope he won't get violent. I'll try to be as quiet as I can._  There was a time jump. He was now 16, and his handwriting was hard to read.  _Today they brought my things from home. Everything's quiet here. It's hard to feel the silence. I'm not used to it. I'm trying to write with my left hand, since I've still got 20 more days till they remove the plaster cast from the right arm. The pain's gone now. Aunt Sylvana has been really nice. Maybe she feels guilty because it was her brother who did this to me._  Lucía stopped reading. What kind of monster was his father? She thought of her own father, the pieces slowly falling into the right places.

_I met my cousin today. I didn't even know that I had one. His name's Leto. He's a skinny child, a few years younger, and very shy. He seems to brood all the time. He's too young to brood._  Lucía raised an eyebrow and chuckled. That didn't seem to be the same smiling Leto she'd known in the last few days.  _Aunt Sylvana says that Leto's having trouble at school. I suppose I could give him a hand, since I still have one more month till the ribs heal completely. I've asked Leto to come and see me every day after school, so I can help him._ There was an account of what the problem was: Leto's reading skills were subpar, and his classmates made fun of him frequently.  _I've seen the bruises in his arms. He says it's nothing, but I told him I know of bruises. By this time, we both can identify what body part leaves this or that mark. He nodded but refused to talk._

Lucía started wondering if it hadn't been a blessing that her father had usually been away. She didn't think an older Carver would stand the abuse the way Anders and Leto had.  _Today I took a few steps into the garden. Leto helped me. He's a nice guy. His reading comprehension has improved a lot._  But then, Anders's dreams started again.  _I dreamt about fighting with Leto. I couldn't understand the language we were using, and he looked older. I felt that every word that came out of his mouth was venom._  And then another:  _There was a young woman in my dreams today. I felt as if I'd met her before. She smiled at me and said, "I'm waiting." I wanted to ask her what for, but I couldn't speak. There were lots of images between us, and I lost her._

_I talked to the career counselor today, and he said that I must find something to study. I like Biology, but I'd also like to study Medicine. Psychiatry is another possibility. It feels strange, being able to choose. The counselor said that my grades were outstanding, and that might help me get a scholarship. I'd like that._  Lucía thought that this was closer to the version of Anders she'd known. She realized that she was surprised by his good-humoured nature, considering what he'd been through. But if Carver had healed, why wouldn't he?  _I've been accepted to study Medicine. Mum would have been ecstatic. There's nothing I want more than to be able to help people. Leto told me he'd started to stand up for himself, and that's good, but since he's started boxing, I reminded him that violence was never a solution._ He seemed to care for his cousin.

_I was really scared today. I waited for Leto to finish his classes so that we could walk home together, but he wouldn't come. I found him on the floor. He'd been attacked by some of his classmates because he refused to fight them back. They even cut him across the stomach – superficial wounds, since I suppose they didn't have the gall to go deeper, luckily. I called an ambulance and held his hand all the way to hospital. He didn't blame me, even though I felt terribly guilty about it. He said he felt better by holding my hand. He's like a brother to me. I don't ever want him to get hurt._

Anders had gone away to university. He immersed himself in his studies, and the dreams had returned.  _I had a very vivid dream today. A dark-haired woman was kissing me. She led me to her bed and gave herself to me. I felt her hands over me. I felt loved for the first time. I woke up to discover that my body had reacted to the dream, and my heart was content. If only that woman existed._  His academic achievements were impressive. He became assistant to virtually every teacher whose classes he enjoyed, and he seemed to live for it, but there was no mention of other women.

_I came back home for Satinalia. Bad idea. My father and I started arguing since I put a foot in this dark house. I'll probably go back to campus tomorrow._ And the next entry: _I was lucky to have eye-witnesses who said that he attacked me first, and that I had no choice but to defend myself. I think that one of the men tried to stand between us, and the poor bloke got knocked out. My father got the worst part, however, since he fell against some concrete blocks and fainted. I should have stopped hitting him, but I felt my strength overpowering me. I passed out, and I was covered in blood when I came to._

Lucía closed the journal and held it against her chest. She didn't know what to make of it. Her tea was cold by now, but she drank it anyway. She opened the book again and resumed her reading. He hadn't been charged because the university vouched for his good behaviour, but he'd been sent for psychological testing.  _They say that I am what psychiatry considers an 'amenta'. I'll have to investigate this further._ Lucía's heart sank. It couldn't be. His journal detailed his research, and the tests that had been done on him, and everything confirmed the original diagnosis. The experts were baffled, however, since he hadn't exhibited any of the usual symptoms, in spite of the repeated provocations. Lucía had read all the papers Anders had given her, but she had failed to recognize him. She continued reading: Anders had come to terms with his nature, and tried to stay away from trouble, and then a name caught her attention.  _Prof. Quentin was very interested in my latest paper. I'm beyond thrilled. The man's a huge expert, and I'd be happy to participate in his project._  Lucía's eyes devoured the pages, looking for her father.

_I met Prof. Quentin today. His lecture was superb, but he's a strange man. He ignored me when I greeted him. I thought he'd wanted to know me, so I followed him to his temp office and he said, "I'm a Dreamer, just like you. By now, you should know that those are not real dreams, but projections of past lives. At least some of us can learn to read those visions properly, in order to prevent certain mistakes. But don't get me wrong: what's written can't be changed, and you're bound to repeat certain things." He stared at me with his piercing blue eyes and told me, "If you get an invitation from the University of Ferelden, don't accept it. Stay away from that place. And never go to Lothering. Everything that comes from that place will be your doom. If you want to succeed, you can try breaking the pattern, but it will always come back to you, and you never know the consequences that might bring."_

_..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: "Patterns" is a song by Simon and Garfunkel. I'll invite you to read the lyrics if you don't know it. But you don't want to get depressed. So don't. This chapter ended up being longer than I expected, and still not long enough. Too many things to say, and probably next chapter -for which I've already found an appropriate song- will bring a confrontation between Lucía and Anders.


	28. Killing Me Softly

Lucía had imagined what her father was for a while now. She'd had her suspicions for years. But she didn't understand why Malcolm had said that to Anders. Was he talking about them when he'd warned Anders about Lothering? She rubbed her eyes, trying to remember…

Some images came to her. Her childhood nightmares, plagued with monsters and strangers. Her father had held her in his arms, and spoken to her in… What language? She tried hard, but she couldn't remember the words – only the desolation that the dreams used to bring about. She went back many pages to Anders's memory of the heartbroken man. That was exactly what she used to feel.

And then the dreams had stopped, right after her father had lost his job. Lucía had attributed it to the fact that everybody in the family was more stressed. But this… Could that mean that her father had broken a pattern, affecting all of them?

And Bethany. She had been 4 or 5 when that had happened. Lucía tried hard to remember when Bethany's nightmares had started. She shut her eyes tight.  _Remember, remember. Please, remember._ Some images came to her. Flashes. Blurs. But she wasn't sure anymore. She couldn't see anything anymore. She wasn't surprised by the tears flowing from her eyes. Silent tears, like the ones she'd been hiding for years.

She took Anders's journal and continued reading. He hadn't got to work with Malcolm, because he never worked for the same university for a long time. He was always moving around. Lucía smirked.  _Father._  So many secrets. And to think that she and Leandra had thought he had another family. At this point Lucía wished it had been just another family that he'd been hiding.  _He said he'd had a vision of me as soon as he'd read my paper. I laughed, but he was serious. He gave me a phone number and asked me to make an appointment with the director of the institution he was working for. He says they can help with my occasional problems. I don't think my episodes are memorable, to be honest._

 _I haven't been able to sleep for three days now. Every time I doze off, I get these… dreams. Hallucinations. Shapeless things that lunge to attack me. I tried to contact Quentin, to no avail._  The episodes continued. His visions became more intense and less defined.  _I've started hearing voices now. There's a voice in my head that calls me. It's my name, but it isn't my name. I can't explain what goes on any longer. I had to call the number Quentin gave me. They're expecting me tomorrow._

Lucía rubbed her forehead. Why had Anders's visions got worse after meeting Malcolm? The only reasonable explanation was what she'd come up with before: her father had actually moved something when he'd contacted Anders, and he was the one behind everything. She clenched her fists, trying to contain her anger. And Anders had idolized him. He wasn't aware of the monster he'd met. He'd contacted the organization – _Somniari_ – and he'd started the treatment. As she read the lines, she could see the procedures he'd performed on Bethany all over again.

He'd stopped chronicling for a while. He'd graduated top of his class at the age of 23, and during his residency, he'd focused on Developmental Neuroscience and Neuroimaging, and he'd completed his course in Forensic Pathology by the age of 26. Lucía started to feel intimidated. On the one hand, he'd been completely devoted to his studies, which was a good thing, but on the other hand, his life seemed empty. Lonely.  _I dreamt of the dark-haired woman again. She said, "I'm waiting." This time I said, "I'm here." She mouthed something, and I understood. Well, the me in the dream did; I sure didn't._  He'd started working with Varric. Lucía wasn't surprised to see that he'd quickly warmed up to the short man. She remembered what he'd told her once,  _"He was a close friend and you took him away from me."_  She missed that. She'd been so foolish, trying to protect Bethany and herself, that she hadn't seen his friendship until it was too late.

 _I've heard there's been an outbreak in Lothering. I guess this is what Prof. Quentin warned me about. Thank the Maker I wasn't there. But those poor people... They keep coming and the doors to the Free Marches are closed if Kirkwall rejects them. I'll talk to Leto and see if he can help me get some rejects in._  He hadn't kept a list of how many people he'd helped, but he'd written something about everyone. She found their family name in his pages.  _The Hawkes are special. The little sister, Bethany... She needs help. I hope I can help her the same way I was helped._  Lucía remembered those first months in Tantervale, and the picture of a vacant-eyed Bethany came back to her. Through the tears, she spotted her name. She wiped them and read,  _I think_   _Lucía hates me for some reason. I wish I could make her see that I mean no harm. Sometimes, when she looks at me with her piercing brown eyes, I get the strangest feeling, as if she was scolding me for something I've done._  Lucía frowned. Was that the way he'd seen her? There were some accounts of more visions, and Bethany's night terror at the lab; the one that Lucía had caused. Anders had written down that there were coincidences in their data.

But then he'd stopped writing for a while. Lucía remembered that had been the period in which they'd started spending more time together. The notes on the dreams got sketchier, as if they were written in code.  _Lucía's in hospital. After my dream yesterday, I was afraid._  She remembered Varric's wedding. And then she found the notes for the previous year – an account of their outings, and his realization that she liked him.  _I like her too, but how can I tell her that I can't have anything with her?_ More outings, more notes.  _The dark-haired woman has Lucía's face now. I don't know if this means she's the one after all these years, or if I'm losing my mind and I'm confusing things._  And then, the last outing they'd had.  _I can't see her again. It takes a lot of energy and effort to control myself around her. I don't want to sleep anymore. Every time I dream, she is there. Silent, defying, a stranger, and yet..._ Lucía read the rest of the entries. He'd changed his medication to avoid dreaming. He was trying hard to cut her out of his life. And then Leto had come along.  _Perhaps the two of them would be happy together. They're both important to me. But I don't want to think about them. Not together. I don't know if she shouldn't be with him, or if I don't want her to be with him. I'm not sure anymore. I'm losing touch again._

The journal ended. Lucía's perception of Anders went from pity to anger to frustration. Even though she'd read and learned so much about him, she still felt cheated. A ray of sunshine came through the blinds and she covered her eyes.

And then it dawned on her.

She heard Bethany moving around in the other room. She looked at the time. 7 in the morning. She was getting ready to go to the laboratory.  _Well, she won't be going alone,_  Lucía thought. She stood up and walked to the bedroom. Bethany was getting dressed and Leandra was coming out of the bathroom. "Wait for me, Beth," she said. "I'm coming with you." Bethany stared at her for two or three seconds and she nodded. Lucía took off her pyjamas and put on her clean uniform. She took her mobile phone and sent a message to Varric, letting him know that she'd be late. Varric replied right away, saying that he'd leave early for work then. She brushed her hair and put on her boots, and then she walked to the kitchen, to make breakfast for her family. There was something about going through the everyday ritual that made her feel calmer.

As they were on the bus, Lucía looked at Bethany. "How does it feel, Beth? I mean..."

"I am awake. That's how it feels. I know that I've just walked down the street with my sister. It's a sunny day, my name is Bethany Hawke, and there are no real monsters. Also, I know that you spent the whole night reading Anders's journal." Lucía was startled. "No, I don't read minds. I just happen to know the journal. I've got good visual memory."

Lucía nodded and smiled as Bethany passed an arm round her waist. "So, you never told me why you arrived so late last Saturday. Or rather, Sunday morning. You went on a date with this Leto guy, and...?"

"We went dancing  _kampao_. Remember I used to dance it with Carver, back in Lothering?"

"Yes yes, that much I know. But you two didn't come back together. I think you were very lucky to have returned before he did. So? Is he a good dancer?" Lucía nodded, and Bethany pressed further. "A good  _horizontal_ dancer?"

"Bethany!" Lucía blushed.

Bethany gave a shrill cry and giggled. "I  _knew_  it! You totally did it! He's very good-looking, Lucía. There's nothing to be ashamed of! I'd have done something with him too." Lucía caressed her hair. "I know, I know. I'm not supposed to do anything. Anders and Karl always say that getting involved is not the best thing to do for people with my condition."

"What do they know?" Lucía said bitterly. "Father had a family."

"And it didn't turn out to be a great thing, did it," Bethany said. She kept pressing her sister for details about her night out, which Lucía wouldn't share. They got to the office and Bethany knocked on the door.

Karl opened, and as soon as he saw Lucía, he cried out, "Lucía! What a surprise! What are you doing here?"

"Nice job, Karl. You couldn't have been more obvious," Bethany said, patting him on the shoulder.

"Where is he?" Lucía said, stepping in. "Anders!" She walked to his office.

Karl tried to block her way, but Bethany grabbed him by the arm. She was surprisingly strong. "Leave my sister alone," she said. "He can't keep hiding."

"I'm here," Anders said, coming out of the white room. Lucía was shocked to see how pale he looked. The stubble that covered his usually clean-shaven jaw was careless, and his brown eyes appeared tired in the daylight. She swallowed hard and clutched her bag. "What do you need?" His voice was cool and collected. She took his journal out of her bag. He squinted. "Is that...? Why do you have that with you? Who-?" He took it from her hands. "Leto." He heaved a deep sigh. "Did you-?"

"Yes, I read it. Go get your camera. We need to talk." She saw him standing there. "Now!"

* * *

"Say it," she told him, her eyes burning with a fire he'd never seen before. He hesitated.

"Date… Place and protocol number on stamp. This is an interview with a relative of experimental subject number 55, a.k.a. Bethany Hawke. Please state your-"

"My name is Lucía Hawke. I'm 26 years old. My family is composed of my mother, Leandra Amell, 47 years old, a younger brother, Carver Hawke, 23 years old, and a younger sister, Bethany Hawke, 20 years old. My father's name is not Malcolm Hawke." She saw Anders frown. "His real name is Gascard Quentin, and he is not only a leading expert in  _amenti_ , but an  _amenta_  himself. Just like you."

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Roberta Flack


	29. Don't Speak

Leto opened the door. It wasn't locked. He frowned as he dropped his rucksack and turned on the lights. His house looked neat, as usual. He heard someone moving in the bedroom. Isabela. She came out of his room, wearing one of his T-shirts. She'd been sleeping there. "So, you're back."

"This is my house," he said calmly. "What are you doing here?"

"I was waiting for you. I was worried," she said, sitting on the arm of the couch. "I didn't know where you'd gone. Running away like this is not like you."

He sneered. "You'd be surprised by the many things I do that aren't  _like me_."

* * *

Anders stared at Lucía and then burst into laughter. "I don't know why I'm laughing. It's not even funny. Professor Quentin,  _your father_?" He laughed on.

Lucía took her wallet from her bag and produced a photograph of her family. She slid it across the table for Anders to take a look at it. Anders's smile disappeared from his face when he saw the picture of Malcolm. He looked at her in disbelief.

"Is this a joke?" he asked, bewildered.

"I think Carver asked me the same thing when I showed him a picture of your professor. That night you showed me the magazine with his picture on the cover." Lucía sat back and braced herself against the inevitable question.

* * *

"What's that supposed to mean?" Isabela asked. Leto had picked his rucksack and walked to the bedroom.

"I don't want to argue, 'Bela. I really don't. I've just returned from a journey and I'm kinda tired."

"Very well. Where did you spend this past week?"

Leto started putting his clothes in the laundry basket. T-shirts, jeans, socks… He hoped he hadn't forgotten anything. The people from the hotel would let him kn-

"Leto," Isabela's voice sounded sad.

"I went to Tantervale," he said impatiently.

"Tantervale? To your cousin? But… Bianca didn't tell me-"

"I asked Varric not to tell your sister, or you," he sighed.

* * *

"Why didn't you tell me?" Anders stared at Lucía.

She smirked. "I could ask you the same thing, but wouldn't that be a childish thing to do... I didn't tell you because I wanted to check the information myself. Family business. My father is gone, around the same time that Professor Quentin disappeared. Carver remembers the name. We've traced my father's birth certificate. It's fake. I guess my name shouldn't be Hawke anymore. I should change it to Amell." She laughed bitterly. "What a sham."

Anders looked at the photo. He remembered the times he'd met Quentin. Lucía took the journal and looked for the passage of her father's vision. She showed it to Anders. He touched the pages lightly, as if they were about to turn to ashes, and read the bit for himself.

"But… He was right. I'd been toying with the idea of asking the university about a course there, in Lothering. If I'd gone there…" He stopped and looked at her. Her eyes were lowered, her cheeks softly blushed. "If I'd gone there," he repeated, "I might have met you before."

* * *

"I hope you're joking," Isabela said, fixing her eyes on Leto. "Why?"

"Because I was busy there. Besides, my cousin was sick, and I needed to see him."

"Anders? Why didn't you tell me? Leto," she said softly, as she put a hand over his arm, "I think that we can be honest to each other. I mean, we've been together for quite some time, and you can count on me as a friend." He looked away and she sighed. "Look, I understand what you told me that day. That you're not in love with me. I don't know if I'm in love with you, honestly. I think it's a big thing as well. I'm not as shallow as you might think."

"I don't think you're shallow," Leto protested weakly.

"Right. Listen," she rubbed her forehead. "I never meant to push you into doing something you didn't want to do. Giving you an ultimatum was… I don't know, it wasn't like me."

"Isabela," Leto said, raising his palm. "There's no need to explain. No harm done."

"Shit…" She scratched her head. "I can't find the stupid words to say what I mean to say. Look," she sighed heavily and walked over to where he was standing. "I'd like to erase the last week. Cross it out. Nothing happe-"

He shook his head. "I slept with someone else," he murmured, looking away.

* * *

"Really? Is that the only thing you see?" She stood up and pointed to the following passages. "Think about it, Anders. Ever since you met him, you've been plagued with visions. _I_  don't understand what they mean. I know what you two think they are, but me? I just can't fathom the idea – past lives?" She shook her head. "It's just  _dreams_. Strange dreams – just that."

"They're… They're not. Listen," Anders reached out to hold her hand, and there was a sparkle of electricity as their fingers touched. Lucía quickly withdrew her hand, shaking it. Anders put his behind his back. "I'm sorry."

"It's all right," Lucía said, massaging her hand.

He shook his head. "No. Not about this. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to drag you into this. I tried to stay away. I'm sorry for acting like an ass for the past few months. I left you alone, after months of trying to get you into my life. I ran away and hid like an idiot."

"I know you must have had your reasons," Lucía said, backing away and crossing her arms.

Anders grunted. "Maker…" He shut his eyes tight. "Bethany… Some of the visions that can be seen when we scan her dreaming… They're the same as mine. At first it was objects, people… But now it's situations. The medicine is working with her, and she's getting them less frequently. But they're the same, Lucía. And you're in there."

* * *

"What?" Isabela said.

"I slept with someone else," Leto repeated, more slowly this time, as if this was the first time he'd said it to himself.

Isabela crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against a wall. "Well… It's… It's fine, I guess. We're not in a serious relationship or anything like that, right?" She smiled briefly. "Besides, I don't think it's strange that a man who's just been out of a… A man who's alone… It's normal to go out and have a fling or have a one-night stand."

Leto didn't reply.

"It was just a fuck, right?" Isabela's eyes searched for the answer in Leto's face.

* * *

"No," Lucía said. "You said it yourself, in your journal. I don't have to explain this to _you_ , Anders. You're seeing my face because it's external interference: when we dream, we recycle images-"

Anders took a step forward and held her face in his hands. He closed his eyes and touched her forehead with his forehead very lightly. "How I wish I could make you understand." Lucía looked at him, his brow furrowed. She felt sorry for him. She touched his hands and he opened his eyes, their faces so close now that they could feel each other's breath as if it was their own. Lucía felt her strength abandoning her, her energy drained little by little. Anders's eyes closed and his mouth looked for hers, but as their lips got closer, the words raced through her mind:  _Maker forgive me but I cannot live without you don't leave me never blame yourself for what will happen what have you done you could have told me it was good to be happy for a while go away I cannot go on without him I'm sorry he will hurt you forgive me go meet your death…_

Lucía shuddered and shut her eyes, but now the words had turned into images:  _Anders fire a kiss fingers around her neck crying Leto arms around her body a knife blood falling embers a sea a ship a lover an embrace escaping a storm water no air hands…_

She backed away and detached from him, gasping. Their lips had never met. The images swirled in front of her eyes. Anders was looking at her. "What was that?" she asked, out of breath.

"I don't know what you saw – possibly, what lives inside my head," Anders replied calmly. "I just feel… Lucía, I feel like I've known you for a very long time. That we-"

"There's no  _'we'_ , Anders." Lucía said, shaking her head. "You should have told me what you are. I would have understood. Now I don't really know… And I don't buy this whole 'past lives' stuff. I think that we can always break the pattern. Look at what my father did. And he even had his own family, the hypocrite, while telling the rest of the world that _amenti_ shouldn't have children."

"I see," Anders said, holding his journal against his chest.

She looked at him. "You know that I had sex with Leto, don't you?" He gazed at her sadly and nodded, silently. She sighed. "Look… I don't want you to think you  _have_ to be with me because of some past-life stuff. Also, it's not flattering. It feels like I'm living somebody else's life. I make my own destiny, and so should you. Forget about these visions. If we…" Lucía stopped, aware of the word she'd just say, "If we decided that we wanted to…  _try_ to have something together, we'd have to work for it, like everybody else."

Anders's eyes shot up, a hopeful look flashing in his eyes. "Does that mean…?"

"I'm going away in three months. After I return… We'll see if there's a  _'we'_  for us," Lucía said. "I can't promise anything. But I'll leave that door open."

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by No Doubt. One of my favourite ones, and I think the lyrics relate to the story quite well. Or at least, that's what I tried to do :)


	30. Poker Face

He was walking her home. Their hands weren't touching – they were just walking, side by side.

"I say she should have gone to his room with him to fetch the ring, instead of waiting."

"Why would she? It was two rooms away, and it's not that they expected the castle to be attacked that night. How could she have known that he'd get killed?" Lucía shook her head.

"I don't know," Anders said. "He didn't know the castle very well, it was dark… He could have tripped on a loose slab and cracked his head."

"And how was she supposed to help in that case? If anything, for her it would have been a-"

"Guilt trip!" They said in unison. They laughed.

"Maker, we make the most stupid puns," Anders shook his head embarrassedly.

Lucía smiled and shrugged. "Who cares? It's not like we're performing for an audience."

They'd reached her home. She never invited him to come up, but he understood. "Everything was great, thank you," she said.

"It was a pleasure," he replied. And there it was: the awkward moment that took over every single one of their goodbyes. His mind wouldn't shut up, telling him  _hold her_   _kiss her_  – but what did his mind know? After all the times that it had conspired against him, Anders didn't trust it completely. And she hadn't given him any signs that she wanted to move forward in their relationship. They went out once a week, and they had dinner together, or saw a movie, or a play. They talked all the time, as if they wanted to fill every possible moment with sounds, because their minds worked faster in silence, and that somehow didn't seem to be convenient for them.

"Well," she said, taking her keys out of the purse. "I should get going. Long day tomorrow."

"Good luck with that," he said.  _Give her just a quick kiss, man,_  his mind said. So, before she could turn around and leave, he gave her a peck.  _If she likes it,_  Anders thought,  _we might…_

She hadn't even blinked. She looked at him and said, "Good night." She climbed the steps to the door slowly and entered the building.

 _Boy, you're screwed,_  the voice in his head said.

* * *

Lucía ran the stairs up to her apartment. She opened the door and threw her things on the couch. Carver was in the bathroom. She banged on the door and shouted, "Will you be there for long?"

"I've just got out of the shower!" he said.

She opened the door, took the towel off her brother's hands and threw it outside. "Hey!" Carver protested, but Lucía had grabbed him by the arm and dragged him out of the bathroom as well, closing the door behind her. Bethany came out of the bedroom to find a naked Carver standing outside the bathroom, still wet and having no idea of what had just happened. He looked at Bethany and she calmly knocked on the door.

"How was the-?"

"Go away!" Lucía yelled.

"Ah, don't worry," Bethany told Carver. "It was just another  _'I-must-resist-Anders'_  date. She takes a cold shower after each of those." She realized that her brother was wearing nothing and blushed. She handed him the towel while looking away. Carver quickly covered himself.

* * *

Varric led his people towards the meeting room. Outside the door, they found Sergeant Jeven, Sergeant Karras, and their people. There was an air of excitement coming from the waiting groups that spread onto the newcomers.

"I was beginning to think you'd backed down, Tethras," Jeven muttered.

"Never," Varric said. He stood in front of the line and knocked on the door. Aveline's voice told them to enter.

Carver stole a glance at his sister, standing on the line next to his. Her face denoted no hesitation, but no particular expectations either. For him, this would be a chance to prove himself, especially in something that could mean the definite start of a new life. But for her…

 _She'd started dating Anders a while ago. When his sisters had told him about Anders being an_ amenta _like their father, Carver had opposed, but Lucía had been adamant. "I make my choices," she'd said seriously. "I make my own destiny." So naturally, Carver had decided to take the bull by the horns and he'd paid Anders a visit._

 _"I don't trust you. Not because of who you are, but because of_ what _you are."_

_"I understand," Anders had said. "Honestly, Lucía has more faith in me than anyone. It's because of her that I can trust myself. For the first time, I'm willing to give myself a chance. Maybe you-"_

_"I trust her. You don't need to tell me that. I trust_ her. _And I won't tell her to stop seeing you. I'm just warning you. I won't let you break her heart like my dad broke my mum's."_

Lucía looked back at him, and nodded discreetly. He nodded back and looked ahead, and they walked into the room. Each group comprised two men and two women, except for Jeven's, which was an all-male team. Twelve people stood in front of the Board, headed by a tall woman, with hair that glistened like the sun and ocean blue eyes. The woman smiled. "Greetings," she said, standing up and walking over to them to shake their hands. "I am Brigadier Meredith Stannard. I will be the Tactical Head of Mission DR-28 for the next few days. You are one week away from entering the Deep Roads, and there are many issues to solve before that day. Tomorrow morning you will report for duty and you will be transported to an intermediate facility, where you are to spend the next six days."

She stood in front of them, her hands behind her back now. "During the time you are away, be that a month or two, you will have no contact whatsoever with your families. No emails, no phone calls, no messages. The following week is for you to get accustomed to the idea. It is not pleasant, I know, but it is what must be done." The door opened behind them and they heard someone come in. When the man entered their field of vision, Lucía heard Lily gasp briefly. Aveline shot a stern glance at the agent.

Lucía's eyes landed on the man that was standing behind the Brigadier. No wonder Lily had gasped. Never had Lucía seen a more beautiful man. His dark honey ginger-haired head was crowned by soft waves that were neatly kept at bay by the right haircut. His skin was smooth and his carefully trimmed stubble surrounded his perfect mouth. His eyes were light brown with greenish hues. He was tall, well-built, and his checked grey suit was obviously tailor-made, since it looked painted on him. Lucía realized that all his features were proportional and correct. She imagined Varric thinking what a lucky bastard this man was, and Carver complaining about the new guy in town who'd steal all the girls, and even though she wanted to laugh, she contained herself.

The man murmured something in Meredith's ear and she nodded. She faced the agents. "This man here is Commandant Grayson Cullen. He is my right hand, and you will see plenty of him in the following days. He will accompany one of your teams in your venture." Commandant Cullen saluted the agents and they responded. Meredith then called out, "Sergeant Tethras!" Varric took a step ahead. "Sergeant, are you sure you are committed to this venture?"

"Yes, Brigadier."

"You are sure you don't mind leaving your pregnant wife behind."

"No, Brigadier."

"Is there someone who can care for her, should you perish in this mission?"

A deafening silence filled the room. They'd always known that their training had been hard for a reason, but nobody had ever openly said it. Varric cleared his throat and said, "Yes, Ma'am. A brother and a sister."

"Good. Return to your position. Agent Hawke, Carver! Agent Hawke, Lucía!"

The siblings took a step ahead. Meredith browsed through some papers given to her by Cullen.

"It seems that the board of examiners considered both of you to be good candidates, in spite of my request that no two members of the same family should be allowed. Congratulations."

"Thank you, Ma'am," they both said at the same time.

"You will be working in separate teams. That will, hopefully, avoid the unpleasantness of reminding you that should one of you fall in combat, the other would be expected not to put the family bond ahead of the mission." The Hawkes looked at her. "In other words," she continued, "if one of you goes down, that person goes down on their own, so as not to compromise the nature of the scheme. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Brigadier," Carver said. Lucía remained silent. "Agent Hawke?" Meredith said to Lucía, raising her eyebrows.

Lucía felt everybody's look on her. She tried to steady her voice. "Yes, Brigadier."

"Perhaps you're having second thoughts, Agent Hawke?" Cullen said softly, taking a step forward.

Lucía looked at him intensely. "Never, Commandant." Cullen nodded and stepped back.

* * *

As Lucía was going out, she saw Anders standing outside the station. He was leaning against a wall and trying to conceal a bunch of jasmines. Before he could see her, she hid the smile that he'd unknowingly put on her face and cleared her throat. He turned to look at her and beamed. He began to climb the steps towards her, but he stopped when he saw a man standing behind her. "Agent Hawke?" the man called her.

She turned around and saw the commandant. "Sir?"

"I just wanted to make sure that you're going into this with your eyes wide open, Hawke. There's no turning back once we're there. There must be no room for doubt." His voice was steeled.

"Yes, sir. I understand," Lucía replied.

Cullen saw Anders approaching and smiled at Lucía. "Looking forward to working with your team, Lucía," he purred. His and Anders's eyes met before he walked away.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Lady Gaga. From the piano version I posted on Facebook, I really like the lines "He's/She's got me like nobody". Cullen is, of course, Cullen, but a different man, so I'll ask you to abandon the stuttery canon version when you think of this one. The physical image is closer to the DAII's version, and if you're confused by the way in which he acts in the last part, you must know that Cullen is an agent of chaos/change. He's a tease and likes to provoke. Whether Meredith approves of this behaviour, or she knows of it, remains to be seen.
> 
> Lucía and Anders are discussing a scene of one of my other fanfics, "Last of the Couslands - A family story".


	31. Kiss From A Rose

Lucía was stunned. Why had the Commandant acted that way?

"What was that about?" Anders said, arching an eyebrow.

"No idea," Lucía muttered. "That's Commandant Cullen. He came today with the Brigadier and-"

" _Stannard?_ " Anders's eyes were wide open. "She's  _here_?" he asked excitedly.

"My, I didn't know you were such a big fan!" Lucía mocked him. "Should I have asked her for an autograph?"

"I'm not-I mean, it's just that… Wow! She's a modern legend." He passed his fingers through his hair and looked into the station, hoping to catch a glimpse. Lucía couldn't help smiling. Anders caught her off guard. "Oh, here!" he said, producing the bunch of jasmines. "These are for you."

She took a whiff. Fresh, sweet, and intoxicating. "They're lovely, thank you," she said, walking down the steps. Anders followed her. "So… Why are you here today?" she asked.

"I came to pick you up," he replied.

"What for?"

"What do you mean?" he frowned.

"We went out last night; why would you come here today; to see me again?"

"I didn't know I needed a reason to see my girlfriend whenever I wanted!" Anders exclaimed, surprised. Lucía stopped and he realized they'd never openly discussed what their relationship was. "I-I mean… Well, not _girlfriend_ , maybe girl  _friend_ … It's… Well, it's not like you… Or we…" He was blushing and he obviously had no idea about how to get out of that situation. Lucía turned to him and gave him a kiss, longer than a peck, but short enough for him not to react. Anders raised his eyebrows and smiled. "What was that for?" Lucía shook her head and quickly walked away. He caught up with her and put his arm around her shoulders.

* * *

_"I saw him, with Lucía Hawke. How shall I proceed?"_

_"Hawke…? Interesting. Let them be, for the moment."_

* * *

They stood at the door of her house.  _This is where we say goodbye,_ he thought. For a moment, he felt strange. Neither sad nor worried.  _Strange._  She was looking at him.

"Would you like to come upstairs?" she asked. "We can have dinner with my family."

He nodded. "I'd love that."

* * *

They'd been blessed. You didn't need to know them for a very long time to see that. Carver and Bethany were looking for his socks –as usual, Carver had no idea where his clothes were– and as soon as Lucía and Anders walked through the door, Leandra poked her head out of the kitchen.

"Anders! So Lucía _was_ able to convince you to come – good!" She wiped her hands on a dish towel and kissed him on the cheeks. "Take off your coat, sit down. Lucía, get him something to drink and then set the table."

"I'll help you with that," he said.

"No, no! You're our guest tonight!" Leandra said, wielding a wooden spoon. "You get comfortable!"

Lucía brought him a soda, and he whispered, "Was this all planned? What would you have done if I'd said no?"

She laughed. "I don't know? I'd have had to kiss you again, I suppose."

"You minx!" he smiled. Carver came out of the bedroom, dragging his rucksack behind him, and Anders waved. Carved nodded briefly. Bethany was holding some pairs of socks that Carver had left behind. Lucía was carrying plates, knives, forks, glasses - all in a pile that looked as if it was going to come crashing down any minute. Leandra was shouting for Bethany from the kitchen, so the young woman dropped the socks and ran to help her mother. Carver failed to catch the socks and they got scattered around him. He groaned and Lucía made fun of him. Anders was watching them all from the couch, sipping at his soda.  _This is chaos,_  he thought. He remembered his own quiet childhood and his family life, so very different from this family, and he felt very grateful for being allowed to share this moment with them.

* * *

"You know what we should do?" Bethany gasped. "We should take a photo. Of all of us!"

"I don't know, Beth," Lucía said, braiding her hair. Carver was washing the dishes and Anders was drying them. Leandra stood up and went to the bedroom. She came back with an old camera.

"I remember that," Lucía murmured. She took the box from her mother's hands and opened it. Her father's instant camera. One of his most treasured possessions. "I thought you'd sold it back in Denerim," she said to her mother. Leandra shook her head. "No. I just couldn't part with it. Not because of him, but because we'd captured so many precious moments with it that it seemed sad to sell it for a few coins."

"Let's see if it still works," Lucía said, as Leandra and Bethany posed for the camera.

* * *

Anders was quietly drying the dishes when Carver said, "She hesitated today, in front of the Brigadier."

"Oh?"

"I'm beginning to think that she'd rather stay here." Carver wasn't looking at Anders. He was meticulously washing one of the pots. Anders had seen him washing it for a while now. This was possibly the third time he'd done it. Then again, he'd been drying the same dish for the last five minutes. He wondered if Carver wasn't having second thoughts as well.

"Did she say anything about quitting?"

"Never. You know my sister. When she bites, she doesn't let go." Carver stared at him with his piercing blue eyes, and Anders mentally kicked himself for not having recognized Quentin's eyes in his son before. "She seems… happy."

"Does she? It's hard for me to know if I'm doing something right," Anders sighed. "She rarely tells me how she feels."

"Well,  _duh._  This is why they're called  _I-must-resist-And_ -" Carver realized he'd shared more than he should have and shut his mouth quickly. Anders had stopped drying the dishes and was waiting. Carver said, "What? They're gonna kill me if I speak. You don't know what it's like to live with three women."

"So she's holding back," Anders murmured. "Huh. Well, I knew that already."

"What are you guys doing?" Leandra said behind them.

Carver shook his hands and took the towel from Anders's hands. "Guy stuff, Mama. After you took my manhood away from me by making me do the dishes, I needed some male conversation. Come, Anders. Get the chocolate syrup from that shelf, and I'll get the ice cream."

When they went back to the dining room, Lucía was lying on the floor, her long black hair sprawled over a blanket, and Bethany had sprinkled some jasmine petals over it. The sisters were laughing together. "Andy!" Bethany called him. "Come here, and let me know what you think!"

Anders approached them and took a look at Lucía. "Ugh,  _hideous_ ," he grinned. "Such a monster."

"Shut up," Lucía hit him on the leg. "You wish you looked this way," she said, sticking her tongue out at him. Bethany handed him the camera and Anders took her picture. She looked like something sacred – mysterious and foreign. She stretched out her hand to take the picture from him but he wagged a finger at her and put the photo in his wallet. She pouted and he took her hand to pick her up from the floor; the petals fell around her.

He took shots of all of them. Carver pulling Bethany's hair, Lucía strangling Carver, Bethany sitting on Leandra's lap, Carver sitting over them, Bethany and Lucía hugging, Leandra kissing Lucía's forehead… Anders took shot after shot, until there were only two shots left.

"Oh, no!" Leandra wailed. "You should have told us! Now we can't all have pictures with you."

"He doesn't need to take photos with all of us," Bethany said, taking the camera from him and pushing him towards Lucía. "Go on, hug her or something."

"We're not trained monkeys, Beth," Lucía said, blushing. Anders put his arms around her and rested his chin on top of her head. She smiled, and Bethany took the shot. For the last one, Carver set the timer and ran to his position. Anders was in the centre. Leandra and Carver were hanging from his shoulders, and Bethany and Lucía were sitting in front of him, holding his hands.

After dessert and coffee, and once they'd finished taking a look at all the photos, Carver told him, "You should keep the camera." He stood up, patted him on the shoulder and walked away.

* * *

"Thank you," he said to her kindly, as they stood outside. "This was probably the best night of my life." She giggled. He knew what she was thinking and he smiled. "Yes, yes,  _so far_. We'll see about that when you return, yes? Just… Make sure you return safe and sound." He nuzzled her.

She found that she couldn't speak, but there was nothing left unsaid between them. He kissed her on the lips very softly –a kiss that was longer than a peck, but short enough for her not to react– and he whispered, "Come back to me." She nodded and he left her standing there.

* * *

The van picked them up the following morning and took them away, into the unknown.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Seal - lovely unplugged version. So, this is it. One more chapter, and they're gone.


	32. Evening Falls

Lucía could hear Carver joking with Jeven and his teammates. They were sitting at the back of the van. She rested her head on the window, watching the empty streets bathed in the orange-y morning light. She sighed. Why was her heart disquiet? She closed her eyes for a few seconds, and she felt a hand over hers. Varric's. He looked at her – his eyes also seemed to doubt. She patted his hand and both looked ahead.

* * *

Commandant Cullen was waiting for them at the entrance. He was wearing a brown and tan MultiCam uniform and combat boots, and his neat hair was covered by a patrol cap. He waited until all of them had approached to talk. "Welcome to Facility 365-D. We're in the heart of Wildervale, between Tantervale and Kirkwall. This will be our base for the following days, and our starting point before the Deep Roads. For the following days I will be overseeing your final assessment. Everyone will be assigned a position by the end of the week, and I will be accompanying the team we consider to be the weakest." He smiled. "In short, I'll be a wild card. Come, grab your rucksacks and I'll show you to the barracks."

* * *

"You're up for physical exams in 30 minutes," Cullen said, walking in front of them. He looked at the females and smiled. "Don't worry, ladies. I won't be participating in that." Lily, Macha, and Brennan giggled, but Lucía frowned. She wondered whether that kind of behaviour was allowed in the military. Cullen saw her. "Agent Hawke?" He said softly, as he walked over to stand behind her.

"Sir."

He took a lock of her hair between his fingers. "Your hair…" Discreetly, he gave her a gentle tug. "It is too long. It will be cut short."

After the briefest pause, Lucía said, "Yes, sir."

"Good," he smiled to himself. Carver caught a glimpse of him but he quickly went back to looking ahead. Lucía's hair was possibly her greatest beauty. He frowned.

"30 minutes, people. Room 11, west wing, first floor," Cullen shouted and walked out of the room. As soon as he left, the murmurs grew. Lily and Brennan looked at Lucía sympathetically, but she showed no sign of emotion other than a slight blush. She went back to her bed and started fishing for something in her rucksack. Carver hesitated. He finally decided to approach her.

"Luz?" he called softly.

She produced a pair of scissors and walked over to her locker. She opened it and looked at herself. At least Anders had taken a photo of her long hair. She took a lock and snipped it. The lock fell onto the floor. Then she took another, and another. Her long, black hair fell around her. She tried not to cry.

"Let me help you," Carver said behind her. She looked at him through the mirror and nodded, as she surrendered the scissors to her brother. "You know," he said, as he carefully cut the back locks, "this is like a dream come true."

"You dreamed of becoming a stylist?"

"No. Chopping off your hair and getting away with it. Mama would have killed me for it."

"Hah," Lucía let out. She looked at herself in the mirror. Chin-length black hair. Somehow, she felt grateful that Anders wouldn't be able to see her like this. In a month, when they returned, it would look better. Hopefully. Carver finished and gave her back the scissors. When he'd made sure that nobody was looking, he gave his sister a quick peck on the cheek and walked away.

* * *

"This is the area we will be dealing with," Cullen said. "Under the Vimmark Mountains. The area is called the Deep Roads because it is believed that some of its passages extend under the Waking Sea, connecting the area to the Deep Regions controlled by Orzammar. That would certainly explain the presence of the Spawn."

"I'm sorry?" Varric said, browsing through his papers.

Cullen frowned. "The Spawn. That is the name we use to deal with the infected. I take it Captain DuLac neglected to give you this information?"

"I think it hardly matters, sir," Varric said. "Now we know it and we'll use it as from this moment."

Cullen watched him for a couple of seconds. He cleared his throat and continued, "There are three entry points, which is why you've been sorted out into three teams. We will tackle the area from the north, the east, and the south. We do not want to risk a confrontation with Nevarra by taking the west side." He changed the slides and showed them the map of the area, explaining what they might find in each part. "You will have to get used to working without your operators, agents. Therefore, you will be provided with these devices." He opened a case and took out a head-up display. "This will work the same way as your traditional operator: it displays a full-data target indicator, gives an intuitive view of the terrain database and, more importantly, it contains a much needed thermal sensor, and a camera, for further reviewing of the data collected. Sergeants, you will be in charge of distributing the roles in each team. Overlapping of tasks leads to disorganization and ineffectiveness. Every member is vital to the survival of the team. Work together and you will make it through."

"Doesn't that contradict the idea that Brigadier Stannard upholds?" Lucía questioned. " _If one of us goes down, that person's on their own_? If all of us are vital, then we should either do our best to help the one who falls or know about all of each other's tasks, in case we lose a member."

Cullen stared at her. "Actually, Brigadier Stannard's warning was mostly due to the problem posed by you and your brother. We got the impression that you would go for the silly sentimentalism of aiding the fallen comrade. Of course we would not leave members of the team behind. Unless they die." He stated categorically. "There is no reason to retrieve the corpses, then." An uncomfortable silence fell on the room. Commandant Cullen smiled. "It is time for all of you to go to the shooting range and give your devices a test. Remember to revise the new data added to your dossier. You are dismissed."

As they were going out, Cullen shouted, "Agent Hawke!" Carver turned around. "Not you, Agent. You can leave." Carver cast a quick look at his sister before exiting.

Cullen approached Lucía slowly. She swallowed hard and stood there. His slow walk reminded her of a cat she'd briefly had, back in Lothering. There was something feline in this man which made her feel uneasy. He looked deceptively quiet. One minute he was all smiles and the next minute, a storm seemed to build up inside him.

"Agent Hawke…" he said slowly, passing his fingers through her hair. "I think your hair is still too long. Carol!" he shouted at an officer standing by the door. "Escort Agent Hawke to the sanitary facilities again and tell them to cut her hair as short as her brother's."

"Yes, sir," the officer said, waiting for Lucía.

Lucía stared at Cullen and saw a fiery look flashing in his eyes. She took her folder and left the room.

* * *

"Wow," Carver said, looking at her, back in the barracks. "You  _do_  look a lot like me. But with brown eyes. And fuller lips. Don't worry, it will grow back soon."

Lucía shrugged. "I don't care about the hair, honestly. It's his attitude that bothers me."

"You keep antagonizing him, he'll keep bothering you, Luce," Varric said, lying on the bed next to hers.

"I can't help it," she said. "There's something about him that makes me feel I've got to be on the alert, you know? As if he was watching me closely." She shuddered.

"If anything, Lily's the one he's watching closely," Carver muttered. "And she appears to enjoy it."

* * *

Cullen looked at them on the monitors. His eyes were fixed on the Hawke siblings.

* * *

The last night at the barracks was a restless one for Lucía.  _This is it,_  she thought.  _There's no turning back._  During the past few days they'd been fully informed of the situation, and though it didn't seem as dangerous as they'd initially thought, by now they knew that it would take much more than a month.

She was lying in bed, on her stomach. Her eyes were closed even though she was awake. Sleep wouldn't come to her so easily. Her mind was full of data, images, voices, and the head-displays they'd been forced to use all day long didn't help. It was like having your eyes on two different dimensions taking place at the same time. She sighed deeply, and she heard movement. She opened her eyes. The pitch-dark room was quiet. But she _had_ heard something… There was a shadow, moving in the dark. She sat up, and the shadow was gone. She rubbed her eyes. The gentle snoring of some of her roommates covered any other noise.

She lay on her back, looking up at the ceiling. In time, she was able to make out the shapes of the lamps and the lockers. She thought of her family, back in Tantervale. They were safe. Anders was watching over them. She closed her eyes and finally dozed off.

_"... Choose," he said. "Him or me. I won't spend time around an abomination in that dark place."_

_"Fine," she replied. "I choose you, then." The man's green eyes lit up. "Varric, we're ready to go."_

_"No Anders?" Varric said. Lucía shook her head. The man with the green eyes smiled discreetly..._

* * *

The three vans were ready to take them away. Carver stood next to Lucía. His van would be going to the north entrance, hers to the south one. When it was his turn to get in, he didn't look at her. He just muttered, "Goodbye, sister," and he was gone. Lucía nodded and got in her van.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Enya. Lots of memories will be coming back.


	33. One-Night Man

_"I slept with someone else," Leto repeated, more slowly this time._

_"Well… It's… It's fine, I guess. We're not in a serious relationship or anything like that, right?" Isabela said. "It's normal to go out and have a fling or a one-night stand. It was just a fuck, right?" Her eyes were fixed on him._

_Leto shook his head. "I'm sorry."_

_Isabela couldn't believe her ears. "You're telling me you… You met someone over there and fell in love_ in a week _? What's-? There's no way-"_

_He shook his head again. "It's Lucía," he blurted out._

_Isabela squinted. "The_ refugee _? Your cousin's girlfriend?"_

_"She's not- Look, I… I don't need to explain myself to you, Isabela. I shouldn't have said anything. I just wanted to stop. I wanted to stop this game, before your heart got broken. Before you got too deep into this." He walked towards her and cupped her face with his right hand. "Nobody deserves to be with the wrong person. You and I… We're just not right for each other."_

_Isabela slapped his hand away. "And you think she's right for you? Why didn't you stay there, then?" He didn't reply. "You're delusional, Leto. I get it – you don't want to be with me. But you didn't need to invent this whole soulmate bullcrap you're trying to feed me." She snorted. "Maker, I thought you had balls." She turned away and picked up her clothes. Leto went to the kitchen, unable and unwilling to deal with her. He heard her slam the door as she went out, and he felt relieved._

* * *

"I need to know, Leto," Anders said. "You owe me that."

"I hardly think I owe you anything by now. I've practically handed her to you on a silver tray."

"You gave her access to something I'd been protecting. Yes… Perhaps it was better for her to finally know what I am, but-" Anders made a pause. He sighed. "Do you love her?"

Leto sneered. "We fucked, Anders. It was a one-night stand, that's all. I'm sorry if you wanted to be her first, but she seemed to be okay with it. The  _no-strings-attached_  thing, I mean. She took it very well."

"I'm not asking about her. I know her. What about you?"

"Must you go on about this?" he groaned.

"FENRIS."

Leto was frozen. His name. In his cousin's voice. It felt strange. Distant. Cold. Threatening. But it was also enraging. He'd always hated it when his cousin called him by his last name, the name he'd got from his son of a bitch of a father. He frowned. He felt like hanging up. Running away. He clutched his phone and muttered, "I'm not there, Anders. I have no chances with her." He felt his body shaking. Anger. "And yes, I love her. But she seems to have strong feelings for you. Her skin, her eyes… Everything changes in her once you're mentioned. I don't make her feel that way. And I'll have to play the game, at least for a while. Maybe, in a couple of years, if everything goes fine between you two, I'll forget her, and I'll be able to greet her as my own cousin. But not now. Not for a while."

"Leto…"

"At least I'm glad she'll make you work for it," Leto said, a sad smile on his face.

"Yes. She won't make it that easy."

* * *

_He had been accepted in the group. The mage had healed him and the dwarf had fed him. There was another woman in the group, but she was rarely seen. Reclusive. Secretive. But he was there, accepted by her, of all people. He was one of the finest Orlesian warriors, and she was his pride._

_He felt he couldn't possibly be manly enough for her. He was also a warrior that had run away like a coward._

_"You're not running away, Louvetaux," she told him one night, stroking his white hair and his scarred cheek. "You were running towards me."_

_He looked into her eyes and saw love._

* * *

His eyes shot open. For a moment, he'd expected to find the woman there. The dreams… They'd become more vivid lately. He wished Anders was there to talk about them. He'd fallen asleep holding Lucía's red handkerchief in his left hand. It had fallen off her little purse the night they'd spent together, and he'd only discovered it the next day, when he was packing to go back home. He'd thought of giving it back, since he was going to see her and give her the journal, but it had her fragrance. He'd taken it as a memento – a reminder that their night had indeed taken place.

* * *

"Maker help us," Brennan whispered. "This place… It feels strange."

Varric walked ahead of the group. He swallowed hard. They had never thought the passages underneath the mountain range had so many twists and turns. Ewald had suggested they use the head-up displays only when it got really dark. They had taken re-generators to charge them, but they wouldn't last more than a month.

The first two weeks had been relatively easy. They had come across a few settlements, where they'd been able to trade for supplies, so that they wouldn't exhaust the more synthetic emergency food they'd taken. Lucía looked at the people living there. She felt a strong connection towards them, maybe because she thought of herself as a refugee still. They hadn't seen abnormal occurrences, and they'd never seen or heard of Spawn.

But then they'd come to the Crossroads. Three roads opened up ahead. That hadn't been marked on their devices, and the Commandant hadn't mentioned them.

"Maybe we took a wrong turn somewhere?" Ewald said, his voice resonating against the walls of the passage. He knelt down and gathered material to analyze.

"Maybe the Commandant thought it would be funny to lose Lucía in one of these," Brennan teased. "Seriously, cut the guy some slack next time."

Lucía rolled her eyes. "I can't help it. He's a player. I don't like that type. He looks great, but there's something about him that gives me the creeps."

"Less chatter, more action, ladies." Varric frowned. "We'll be staying here until we get the results. How long, Ewald?"

"For all three entrances? Three or four hours, at least. We need to process the soil and it would be good if we could get some samples from the walls and ceiling of the forks." He handed the other three some chrome-plated test tubes and started fidgeting with his portable lab. Varric took the west, Brennan the east side, and Lucía was left with the middle fork.

She stepped in carefully. The air had felt stagnant a while ago, but now there seemed to be a soft breeze coming from somewhere. There wasn't a sound. She turned on her display. No movement detected. She was on her own. She looked towards the sides. The walls had to be thick, because she couldn't perceive Varric's or Brennan's presence at all. She checked how far she was from the gathering point. 200 metres. It hadn't felt that much. Still, no sign of movement. She ventured further. The passage seemed to be getting broader, wider.

Something flashed before her eyes. She stopped and checked. It hadn't been movement. No new data had been collected recently. She frowned. She  _had_ seen something…

Another image popped up. Fire. She covered her face with her arms. But the thermal scan hadn't picked up on anything.  _I'm losing my mind here,_  she thought. The vision had been so real…

She heard a noise in the distance. White noise. No, not that. A humming. She turned on the camera for further analysis, and she heard Ewald's voice through the bug.

"Couldn't resist it, eh? I hope you've got a good reason to use it, because the lab will also occupy a slot in the re-gen. Varric has just returned with the samples."

"You just love nagging, don't you?" Lucía smiled. "Yeah, I know I shouldn't have, but I think I'm hearing something, and I'd like you to tell me what it is. So if you could please shut your trap, it would be great."

"All right, turning on the sound scanner now," he said, and went silent.

Lucía walked on. There was something familiar in the humming. It was soothing, yes. But she felt as if she'd heard it before. The terrain scan disappeared for two seconds. She tried not to move. So she wasn't as brave as she'd thought. Carver would laugh at her. She wondered if he'd been successful. She was starting to feel that everything was a waste of time. She was somewhat happy, though. It would be the easiest money they'd made. She'd be able to buy a bigger house; she'd have her own room at last. Her mind conjured up Anders. Would she stay in the family house for long? After all, she wasn't a child any longer. And Anders looked like he needed someone who would…

"Lucía?" Ewald called her. "We had to turn it off, it was deafening! How can you stand it?"

"I don't like this. Get out of there now, Hawke," Varric commanded.

"What are you talking about? It's still as soft as-"

A grumble. Low. Deep. To her right. She turned on the thermal scan again. The area became distorted in the display. The interference was strong. She turned it off. Another grumble.

She took a few steps back and held her gun. Firm. Steady. She hadn't used it in weeks. She'd hoped she wouldn't have to. The grumble grew in intensity. To her, it felt like a growl. An image flashed before her eyes. It felt like being under water for a really long time – she couldn't breathe.

"Get out of there now!" Varric screamed through the bug.

The grumble turned into a roar, as the rocks towards the right side started moving. Fire. Light. Dust. She was choking. She was breathless. The boulders rolled up and down, shaping into a new form. The humming. The grumble. The roar. The darkness.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Especially because of the first part of this chapter :) A song by Ricky Martin.


	34. The Prophet's Song (Part One)

_"Uh-oh," Varric said._

_The rocks were swirling, slowly shaping into a stony giant, faceless and formidable._

_"How do we fight that?" Carver shouted, a tinge of desperation in his voice._

_Fenris stood in front, sword in hand. "Everything dies," he grunted._

_Hawke looked around. There were columns which provided blind spots. "Varric!" she shouted, and pointed to two different columns. He dashed towards the first one and readied Bianca. She ran towards the other, bow in hand._

_"Right, leave us the hard work," Carver bitched._

_Hawke shot a paralyzing arrow to the core of the now fully-formed giant, and she saw Fenris leaping forward to attack. He was vicious and relentless, and Carver matched him as an equal. Their strength was invaluable._

_Hawke shot arrow after arrow, until the beast contracted into what seemed to be a huge boulder._

_"Hah! Not that hard, after all!" Carver laughed._

_"Step back!" Varric shouted, his eyes fixed on the massive cluster of energy that had started drawing them towards it. Carver jumped to where Varric was, and Fenris covered Hawke's body with his own. An impressive wave of energy burst from the giant. The humming was unbearable. Hawke heard Carver screaming. He'd been hit as he'd tried to see if the attack was over. Her first reaction was to run and aid her brother, but Fenris's arms held her. He was right, it would have been reckless._

_The beast seemed to run out of energy, and its shapeless body landed on the rocky floor. Hawke knew it was trying to recover, and that's when she saw the other stony monsters. "Rain, right!" she shouted at Varric. She gathered her arrows and shot a storm at the monsters on the left. "Fenris, core! Carver, limbs!" Fenris nodded and dashed forward to attack the fallen beast. She tried to stand in a place that would give her access to the core, without hitting Fenris. She silently thanked Merrill for enchanting her quiver and Varric's bolts._

_As she was shooting, she noticed that the monster's core of energy was vulnerable. She took her four-bladed silverite arrow –Anders had told her to save those for finishing moves, since they couldn't be enchanted– and aimed. Through the corner of the eye, she noticed that Carver was watching her and following her eyeline. He crouched and leapt forward, accelerating with every step. Hawke knew what he was doing: he was going to run through the core with his sword. But there was no way to know if he was going to make it._

_"Carver, no!" Hawke shouted, as she saw the monster raising the limb that Carver had stopped attacking. The full force of the rock formation hit him on the chest and sent him flying away against a column. He wasn't moving. Hawke was running towards him when she heard Fenris shouting something. As she turned to look at him, the other arm of the beast hit her, and everything went dark._

* * *

Varric ran along the corridor, towards Lucía. They'd heard the rockslide through the intercom, and Brennan had stayed behind, helping Ewald to collect the equipment as fast as they could.  _Please don't die please don't die,_ Varric thought, as he came to the point where Lucía was supposed to be. In the distance, through the massive cloud of dust, he saw her, lying on her back. She'd been hit by a rock of considerable size, and there was blood across her face. He covered his mouth with the dust mask and looked for Lucía's. She started coughing, and once the dust had settled, she opened her eyes.

" _Varric?"_ she said weakly.

"I'm here, Luce. Don't worry, you're gonna be fine. Brennan's coming here and she'll heal you."

She stared and him and frowned.  _"Ici beféhe ne, Varric."_  She touched his face.  _"Hitsy unc, ac..."_  She opened her eyes wide.  _"Carver!_   _Mínaaron wæs geáfohten! Hwybæcern sy he?_ " She gasped.  _"Ond Fenris!"_  She quickly stood up, leaving a gaping Varric behind, and ran towards the rocks.  _"Áglæcasy geádéadod? Áhilpmé eacþás, Varric! Þurfan béoþ beneoðan þá clúdas..."_ He saw her searching for Carver – and had she mentioned something like 'Fenris'? He knew that name...

He walked towards her, climbing the mounds of fallen rocks. "Lucía! Lucía, come back here!" But she kept searching for whatever it was she was seeking. "Hawke!" he cried, and she turned towards him. He knelt beside her and she looked at him. Why wasn't he helping her? He looked at her and said, very slowly, "I can't understand you, Lucía. Calm down." She frowned. He was speaking in a strange tongue. He kept repeating this word,  _'Lucía'_. She didn't understand. And his clothes... When had he changed? This couldn't be Varric. A demon had taken his appearance. Anders had warned her that anything could happen in this place. If only he or Merrill were there. And Carver. Where was he? If he didn't come back, their mother would be so sad...

Varric reached out to try to soothe her, but she stepped back and lost balance. She fell on her back, hit her head on the ground, and passed out.

* * *

"I don't like the look of this," Carver muttered, as he and his team ventured into the third abandoned area. He turned on his thermal scan. Nothing, save from some distant red dots, no bigger than a pixel. It was the blue ones they had to watch for, and they'd already found some. The first ones, they'd avoided. But then they'd found a pack of Spawn blocking the way.

 _"Step aside," Jeven had commanded. A few of them looked at him. They were just standing there, barely moving. "I said_ move. _"_

_"Captain," Maecon said, "I don't think they can hear you."_

_"They look as if they're way too high," Jalen noticed. "Maybe they're sitting over a lyrium vein?"_

_"I don't give a fuck," Jeven grunted, and pointed his gun at the Spawn. "_ Move! _"_

_One of the Spawn looked at him. His eyes were grey and his veins were popping out. He screamed with a blood-curling screech that left their ears ringing. The others started screaming as well, as one of them made a lunge towards the team._

_Carver, Maecon, and Jalen stepped back, but Jeven shot the first one. He turned around and shouted, "Shoot!"_

_"But... They're people," Carver muttered._

_"Fuck it, shoot, or we'll die here!" He shot another one, and now even more had started moving. The three men aimed and shot until there was no movement to be detected._

Carver still regretted their actions. They might have been deformed, and left aside their humanity, but they were still  _people_. The bloodbath had tainted the soil and they hadn't been able to take samples. Fortunately, they were safe, because it wasn't a condition that was transmitted as some disease. They'd clean their armors and moved on.

He wondered if Lucía was doing fine. The teams would be separated until they met at the centre, but they hadn't counted on the zigzagging corridors. Almost a month and the only thing they'd learned was that the sane, healthy people had fled the place. Or at least, that's what they hoped. It looked as if they'd left in a rush, because many valuables had been left behind. They hadn't touched anything – nothing down there was worth it, anyway.

They came to a point of the corridor where two paths opened before them. They were confused. The maps of the head-up displays didn't read anything.

"We'll have to activate them so that they get a new reading of the terrain," Carver said.

"If all of us do it, we'll run out of energy pretty quickly," Maecon pointed out.

"I'll turn on mine, then," Carver replied, and stood at the edge of the crossroads.

* * *

Karras's team –Keran, Lily, Macha, and Cullen– had been forced to re-plan their route, since the displays were unable to retrieve solid information from the terrain. As a consequence, they were making slower progress. However, they'd hit a lucky streak on the third week. 'Lucky' only in terms of information retrieval, since they had a chance to talk to the people who had abandoned the areas that Jeven's team had found deserted.

"They'd never bothered us," a man had told them. "But lately, they started to move around, and there are more of them..."

"No, they've never tried to hurt us," a woman told Macha. "But it's not nice, you know? You wake up and suddenly you see these – these  _beings..._  slowly walking past your door."

"They seem to be migrating," Cullen said, his arms crossed over his chest. Karras looked up to him and asked, "Do you think we're facing another Dust Town?"

Cullen frowned. "Maker help us if it is so. Are you ready?" Karras nodded and they picked up their equipment.

A few days later, as it was Keran's turn to explore with the thermal scan, he spotted several red dots moving towards them. He signalled the rest of the team and they all turned on their scans. "They're getting closer," Keran murmured. "Tens of them. Rats?"

They were surprised by a flock of birds. Cullen frowned. "Wait... we're hundreds of metres underground. How is this-?"

A sharp jolt shook the floor. "Oh shit," he murmured.

* * *

Brennan had finished healing Lucía when the ground started shaking. "We need to head back quickly!" Varric screamed, as Ewald ran to pick up Lucía's unconscious body.

* * *

"Did you feel that?" Carver murmured. A deep, menacing rumble filled the cavern they were in, and the ground started cracking.

"Run!" Jeven shouted, as the walls started coming down.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Queen.
> 
> ~A few reminders of the in-game characters:
> 
> Varric's team: Varric, Lucía, Brennan, Ewald (Captain of the Guard when the Hawkes get to the city).  
> Jeven's team: Jeven (ex-Captain of the Guard), Carver, Jalen (Lieutenant, Raiders on the Cliffs), Maecon (Guardsman, outside the alley in Blackpowder Courtesy).  
> Karras's team: Karras (Templar), Cullen, Keran (Templar), Macha (Keran's sister – not here, though), Lily (Jowan's lover from Origins).
> 
> ~Here are Hawke's lines, if you feel curious about what she said:
> 
> "I don't understand, Varric. It is you, but..."
> 
> "Carver! My brother was attacked! Where is he?"
> 
> "And Fenris!"
> 
> "Is the monster dead? Help me with these, Varric! They must be under these rocks!"
> 
> ~In case you're wondering, the armor for Carver's team is wearing something similar to the Medium Explorer Armor of Mass Effect, in black and blue. Lucía's team's is black and grey, and Cullen's team's is grey and blue.


	35. The Prophet's Song (Part Two)

Aveline was looking out of the window. In all the times she had travelled across them, the Vimmark Mountains had never looked so inhospitable. She sighed heavily. The last couple of days had been rough.

_"I'm sorry, but I have to be realistic. It's still too early to say anything concrete, or make hopeful promises. Unfortunately, communications have been cut off due to the collapse. This is one of those moments in which not even our newest technology can help."_

_"Captain," one of the women sitting in the front row raised her hand._ Bianca. _Aveline felt terribly guilty, watching her growing pregnant belly. "You're letting us know now, but when exactly did this happen?"_

 _Aveline swallowed hard._ Shit. _"The external collapse took place three days ago, when the Kirkwall teams were trying to work on an opening they felt confident about." She made a pause. Did they really need to know? "The teams have been missing for 27 days."_

_Maecon's mother burst into tears. Leandra held Bianca's hand. "We expected them to take longer than the month we'd initially told them they'd be away, but yes, it's been 27 days since we lost contact with them." She didn't want to look at Leandra. Not one, but two of her children; down there, not knowing whether they'd live or not._

_What was more unsettling was the look in the other Hawke sister, and the man sitting next to her. Aveline had seen him picking up Lucía every now and then, and she remembered him from Varric's wedding. Both of them looked straight on, as if…_

_As if they knew more –and better– than the others._

"Captain? We're almost there," the chauffeur told her. Aveline thanked him and got ready to meet the Brigadier's envoy.

As soon as the car pulled over, a man in a military suit escorted her to a tent, where a tall man was waiting for her. "Captain du Lac," he said, shaking her hand, "I'm Major Wesley Vallen. Welcome."

 _What is it with the Brigadier that she recruits such handsome men?_  Aveline wondered. Major Vallen had black hair, styled with a very suitable haircut, and dark green eyes. Very much like Commandant Cullen, his features were very attractive, but he smiled quite a lot, considering the circumstances, which made him sound approachable. "Pleased to meet you, Major. I trust you've received my latest reports?"

"I have, yes. It's always hard to talk to the families of the… people involved in these situations." He shook his head. "I had to do it after the issue with the Vaels. We lost some good people there. Anyway, Captain: we're pretty confident that there is an entrance that we can use, but the catch is that it is in a conflictive area."

"The Nevarra-Orlais settlement?"

"Exactly. To be honest, I think that the Brigadier would be perfectly capable of dealing with this situation, but on the one hand, she's not available at the moment, and on the other-"

"You want to take advantage of my Orlesian background," she completed the sentence.

"I come from a Nevarran family myself, so…" He smiled. "A perfect match, don't you think?"

* * *

_He had died there. He knew it. He felt it, deep inside. He couldn't explain how, but he knew that he had died there._

Carver opened his eyes. The head-up display wasn't working, but at least his eyes were being protected from the cloud of dust. He moved his hands over his body. Nothing was bleeding or broken. He stood up. He heard someone groaning. Maecon. He was lying nearby. Carver ran towards him. Maecon's shoulder was dislocated. Carver talked to him to calm him down, and gave him a roll of bandages to bite on as he reduced the arm, placing it back into its shoulder joint. Maecon shouted, but the pain was tolerable. Carver helped him up and took him to a place where he could rest, but Maecon insisted on searching for Jalen.

Carver didn't want to shout, in case there was another collapse. He turned on a flashlight and searched for his other teammates. To his right, he found Sergeant Jeven. He was unconscious. Carver made sure that he was not badly injured and revived him with one of the liquids that they carried in their aid kits. "Where's Jalen?" Jeven asked, once he'd recovered.

Maecon shook his head and looked at the mounds of rocks that were now blocking their way out. "We haven't been able to find him, sir."

"That means we've lost our portable lab," Carver sighed.

Jeven muttered a curse under his breath. He sighed. "All right, then. We have no other way to collect samples or analyze them, so I suggest we change the objective of our mission to mere survival. We need to find a way out of here."

* * *

"Someone?" Lily cried. "Anyone?" Her leg was trapped under a rock of considerable size, and she had the feeling that if the suit hadn't been so tight, she'd be having a much worse time.

She heard some movement in the distance.  _Please, be one of my teammates and not Spawn,_  she thought. She didn't want to speak again for fear that her voice would attract unwanted attention. She heard someone coughing for a minute, and then the hissing of the dust mask. Some steps, coming towards her. And through the dust cloud, she saw Cullen. He was dirty and there was a cut on one of his thighs, but other than that, he looked fine. He spotted her once he'd taken off the head-up display.

"Please, Commandant," she said, trying to hold back the tears. She didn't want to look fragile. Especially not in front of him. But Cullen only focused on lifting the blockage, and as soon as her leg was free, she rolled towards the side. He knelt beside her and moved his fingers slowly over her leg, checking if there was something broken. But everything was fine.

"There's a cut on your-"

"I know," Cullen said, "but I'll have time to see that later. The dust is settling and we've got to find the others." He stood up and went back to the place he'd come from. Lily tried to stand, but she only managed to walk when she used the wall of the passage as a support. Not the wisest thing to do, she thought, but it would have to work.

She trod on something mushy. A hand. "Commandant!" she cried out as she pointed the flashlight down. Sergeant Karras's head had been crushed. She gagged and looked away. "Commandant?" she called again. This time he came towards her, carrying Macha's pack.

"I'm sorry," he said, shaking his handsome head. "She's dead, and I haven't been able to find Agent Keran. I was able to get this, though. It might help us survive a few more days, at least until we find one of those abandoned settlements the refugees told us about. But without the displays, we're pretty much on our own here."

* * *

_Hawke had been lucky – she had just been out cold for a matter of minutes, during which Varric and Fenris had finished off the battle with the wraith. Dizzy and sore, she had crawled to her brother's side. Carver was dying. There were no cuts or blood on his skin, except for a very fine thread coming out of his ears. He tried to breathe a couple of times and then his eyes closed. He looked as if he was sleeping. But there was no pulse or breath. No life anymore._

_She was crying over his chest. Her mother would never forgive her. Her little boy wouldn't return home. Carver… So silly. Always wanting to be better and bolder. If only Anders had been there… Maybe he could have saved him. But Fenris had forced her to choose._ Either him or me, _he'd told her. It had always been like that with him._ Either Bethany or me. Either Merrill or me.

_The choice was easy for her now. There would be no more Fenris by her side._

* * *

Lucía's eyes were closed, but she could hear Ewald, talking to her. Explaining that they had been forced to take refuge in that cavern that she'd found. She opened her eyes. Ewald was smiling at her. "Thank the Maker," he sighed. "Can you hear me?"

"Loud and clear," Lucía croaked.

Brennan was standing by her side, unceremoniously dropping the equipment she'd managed to retrieve. "Hey, Varric! She's awake, and she's not talking gibberish anymore!"

"Andraste be praised!" Varric said, running towards her. She had sat up and Ewald was giving her something to drink as he performed a reading on her body. After some minutes he told them she was fine, as Varric was telling her about the strange behaviour she'd had.

"You really don't remember anything, Luce?"

"I… I only remember-Carver." The tears came to her eyes. "Carver was dead. A rock had hit him. He was dead, and Anders wasn't there to help him, because of… Fenris."

"You mentioned that name before! It sounds really familiar…"

"Isabela's-," Lucía started to say, but Varric snapped his fingers. " _Of course_ ," he muttered.

"The guy you slept with?" Brennan said. Lucía choked on the liquid as Varric stared at her, open-mouthed. "Sorry, I meant to say, the guy you _danced_ with?"

" _You slept with him?_  When-? Ah, when he broke up with Isabela. Yeah, I remember all the phone calls and the drama…"

Lucía frowned, but before she had time to ask, Ewald said, "Guys, I don't want to bother you, but I think it would be better if we could leave this conversation for some other-" One of the walls started cracking. They all got on their feet and moved in the opposite direction. The first layer of rock fell off, releasing more dust.

"What  _is_  that?" Varric said, once the dust had started settling. The soft humming seemed to come from the light. The four of them approached the source. "Is that…? It looks like…"

"Red lyrium?" Lucía murmured.

...


	36. Set Adrift On Memory Bliss

"Well? What does it say?" Lucía asked Ewald, after retrieving a sample of the red lyrium.

"Nothing," Ewald replied. "Or maybe this stopped working, like most of our equipment."

"Fuck," Brennan cursed. "So we're back to nothing."

"Not necessarily," Varric said. He had a vague feeling about this… "Ewald, do you have the results of those biotics in the vials some months ago?" Ewald nodded. "Run this thing against those."

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Lucía said, stepping back, away from the red lyrium.

"Me too." Varric rubbed his face and sighed. He cast a sideways look at Lucía. "So…  _Hawke._  Care to tell me about that little indiscretion now?"

"There must be something more important right now," Lucía said, watching Brennan slip away.

"Ewald, is that going to take a while?" Varric asked.

"Are you kidding? We'll be lucky if we get some results in one hour or so."

"See?" Varric smiled. "All the time in the world."

Lucía sat down and told him about the dinner she'd shared with Leto, and how they'd arranged to meet the following weekend. "I don't know," she shrugged. "He said they'd broken up, but that it had been very recent. He didn't really want to talk about it."

"Well, they didn't get back together. Bianca told me that Isabela had told her that he'd told her that he'd fallen in loooo-oh. Oh." Varric shut his mouth quickly. The implications were too strong for the moment. Lucía had heard him. She frowned. Then she laughed.

"Oh, Varric! You always know how to make me feel better! Ow, my head!" Lucía went on holding her head and laughing. "For a moment you had me there…" She saw Varric's face. He'd reacted too late. "What are you-? Wait. Are you saying…?"

"No, no. No! No." Varric suddenly wished they were back on the surface, so that he could roll down the mountain and escape faster. Her eyes were fixed on him. He sighed. "Dammit… I don't know, Lucía. Maybe I misheard. I don't hear half of the gossip Bianca tells me."

"It can't be. It doesn't make sense. Why would he give me Anders's journal then? Why go away so suddenly?" Lucía stood up. "It just can't be."

"I er… I had a talk with them some days before that. I… kinda told Anders I knew he knew you liked him. Maybe Leto… I don't know." Varric shrugged. "Maybe he cares about his cousin more than he cares about you? Or maybe he thought that you were a lost cause or something like that. Why did you sleep with him if you liked his cousin? You must have confused the poor guy."

"I'm not sure. He was very sweet. I guess I liked that. And you and Carver are always saying that women have needs. And we do." She looked at Brennan, who was nodding emphatically.

"Still, kinda messed up," Varric said. "What will Blondie say when he-?"

"I told him," Lucía said, shrugging. "But he already knew. So I guess Leto told him first."

"Ah, well… Then you're  _all_  messed up," Varric concluded.

* * *

"Oh, come on, Isabela! You've never turned down an outing," one of the women insisted.

"I'm sorry, I can't," Isabela said, going into the cafeteria. "My pregnant sister's coming to town tomorrow, and I'd really like to spend some time with her," she said, grabbing a ginger cookie and putting it on her tray. "She's going through difficult times. Her husband's disappeared."

"How awful! He abandoned her?"

"No," Isabela shook her head. "He works for the LED; he's a sergeant. I don't know much, but he went somewhere on a mission and his team's missing."

"What?" Isabela heard Leto's voice behind her. "Varric's missing?"

Isabela rolled her eyes. "Yes. And yes, _she_  is missing as well." The other woman looked at them, not knowing what was going on between them.

"Isabela, please…" Leto's voice was gentle, and after all these months, it still tugged at Isabela's heartstrings. She explained what Bianca had told her the night before. "That's all I know," she finished, and walked away, followed by her companion.

Leto stood there. He  _had_  to talk to Anders. He paid for his coffee and a chocolate cookie and dashed back to his station. He picked up the phone. Karl answered. Anders had taken the day off in preparation for his journey to Kirkwall; hadn't Anders phoned him to let him know that he'd be going there?

Leto hung up.

* * *

_Are you going to risk everything we got for him?_

_The venom in the mage's words paralyzed him._

_This is not about him – this is about us. Just face it: we are no more._

_You are mistaken. I will make you see._

_He had escaped again, leaving her. The mage was right. He was a danger to them. He was being hunted. He didn't want to make her suffer. But she found him. Every time he escaped, she found him. She didn't ask him to return to her side. Always the same story. He promised himself he'd be strong – he would push her away this time. But her skin was his now. He owned her hips, and every time she lay with him, he bit her and hurt her, so that she would carry his marks; so that she'd remember him when he was not there._

_But now, she'd missed their appointment. He walked around their secret meeting place and waited. Hours. Days. He searched for her, day and night, until he found the dwarf._

_I couldn't save her. I'm sorry. The mage…_

_He closed his eyes and saw the jealous mage's fingers around the neck of his beloved Marian._

* * *

A cold sweat covered his body. He jumped out of bed, as if the sheets were ghosts from the past. He walked to the window and let the sunlight in. The cool breeze of the early morning kissed his naked body. He breathed in and out, trying to forget. His dreams wouldn't leave him alone. He couldn't go back to sleep. He made the bed and sat on it. He opened the drawer and took the red handkerchief in his hands. He had to get rid of it. It was ridiculous. He was clinging to the memory of someone who'd chosen to be with another person. And yet, even though every fiber of his body told him to forget her, he just couldn't. He lay the handkerchief on the pillow lovingly, got dressed, and walked out of the bedroom.

Anders had sent him a message. "I'll be there at 9." He looked at the time. 6.50. He still had time to get those cinnamon rolls that his cousin loved. He grabbed his keys and wallet and left home.

It took him longer than he'd thought. It may have been the detour he'd taken, or the park where he'd spent half an hour, trying to think about what to say to Anders. _No._  How to look normal in front of him. No need to panic over Lucía, or ask about her right away.

He went back home. As he was getting to his door, he heard Anders's voice.

"Hey," his cousin said. He was sitting on the steps leading to the next floor, and Bethany was with him. Leto waved at them. Anders stood up and hugged him. Bethany kissed his cheek.  _They look so nice together,_ Leto thought.  _Why can't_ they _be together, and leave Lucía for-?_  "So good to see you, cousin," Anders said. "Is that… cinnamon?"

"Yeah, I got you some rolls. I thought you'd be hungry, after travelling all night." Leto opened the door to his apartment and saw them in. "But you've got to prepare the cocoa. You know I don't know how to do that."

"Don't worry," Anders said, leaving his jacket on the couch and heading for the kitchen.

"Do you mind if I use the restroom?" Bethany asked Leto. He told her where it was, and she walked along the corridor. The door of the bathroom was just passing his bedroom. As Bethany passed by, she caught a glimpse of something red on the pillow.  _Blood?_  She went back a few steps and entered Leto's room. No, not blood. She sighed, relieved. But then it dawned on her. She knew that. She took a few steps and grabbed the handkerchief. Yes, she'd seen it. It was Lucía's. She closed her eyes and remembered. Lucía thought she'd lost it. But she hadn't. It had travelled with Leto, all the way from Tantervale to his bed. She left it on the pillow, and when she turned around, she found Leto standing behind her. Watching her.

Bethany looked at him quietly. "She thinks she was your rebound. Why didn't you tell her?" Her eyes were sad. She pitied him.

"You know it's rude to snoop, don't you?" His green eyes looked angry.

"It's also rude not to answer when you're asked a question," she replied. He raised his eyebrows and reached behind him. He closed the door and sighed.

"Don't tell Anders," he said softly. Bethany felt truly sorry for him. She hadn't expected him to admit it so soon. The poor guy had to feel really bad about it. "Is… Is she happy with him? Was it worth it? Giving her the journal?"

"As far as I know, they're okay. Why didn't you tell her? She might have said yes."

"She could have said 'no'."

"So? 'No' would be better than that," Bethany said, pointing to the handkerchief. She raised her hands. "But it's your life. I can't tell you how to live it. I've no right to do so, anyway."

"Please, don't tell her," he asked calmly.

"I won't tell her," Bethany replied. "I'd better go to Isabela's, you know? I didn't want to stay there. Too much girl-talk. And Maker, now I understand why Isabela gave me that strange look when we got there." She sighed. "I'll go let Anders know I'm leaving. I'll give you guys time to talk."

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by P.M. Dawn (although I always listen to the Backstreet Boys' version). As a note, the conversations of the team members take place almost a month before the conversations in the 'external' world. As Aveline said, they've been missing for 27 days, counting as from the day in which Varric's team found the red lyrium. So basically, at the moment in which Anders visits Fenris, we don't know the status of the teams.


	37. Champagne Supernova (Part One)

**~ Day 21**

The pain on his leg was getting worse. At first he hadn't paid attention to it, but now that the hunger, the exhaustion and the heat were stronger, he was beginning to feel that it had been wrong to dismiss the cut so quickly.

"Commandant!" Lily called.

Cullen turned around. "What is it, Lily?"

"I know this passage," she said, passing her hand over the rock. "At least I know this composition is the same type of the passage through which the birds came." She rubbed her fingers together.

Cullen touched the wall. "Melt," he frowned. "This can't be the same passage." He smelled his fingers. "This seems to have a hint of…"

"Plastic?"

Cullen nodded. "There's only one type of rock that smells like this, and has this type of rubbery texture. But that would mean we're at least 150 kilometres below the surface."

Lily looked at him warmly. "At least we're not dead, Commandant. And 150 kilometres is nothing."

Cullen looked at her and smiled. "Wait…" he said. He closed his eyes, trying to remember. What had he seen before Keran had mentioned the birds? He recalled the images in his display. Another passage, right behind them. "There has to be another passage to the left. That's where we came from, where we encountered the last group of people. Their camp might still be there."

Lily took her bag and got ready to leave.

It took them six days to find it, but they'd made it. The last settlement they'd visited. It was still intact. Cullen wiped his forehead. He was sweating profusely. The cut on his leg had taken a nasty colour. For the last stretch, he'd had to rely on Lily. His body ached and burned.

"We're almost there, Cullen," she said, her voice quivering a bit. "Don't give up, please. Don't leave me alone here."

Through the chills, he felt her warmth, her words… Her dark hair caressed his cheek. Her hair… How had she got there? He blinked, and the other woman's face was gone. His love. The woman he'd left in Kirkwall. He couldn't see her face, unless Lily stayed close to him. He felt the woman dumping his body on a pallet. He spoke a name. Not Lily's, the other woman's…

Lily returned to his side, having found a carboy filled with water. She'd drunk some –she was thirsty, after so many days of barely keeping their mouths hydrated with the emergency pads– and then poured the rest into a recipient. She zipped down Cullen's suit and soaked several pieces of cloth into the recipient. She placed some under his armpits and one over his eyes. With the last piece, she cleaned his torso, glistening with sweat. He was certainly beautiful. She struggled to control herself. That was hardly the right moment...

He was mumbling, pleading for something, but she didn't understand what he wanted. She moved her face closer to his, and when he felt her hair touching his chest so lightly, he shuddered. His love had come to him; she had found him. He took her in his arms and kissed her.

* * *

**~ Day 29**

_Carver threw up. Jeven frowned. "Don't be such a pussy, Hawke," he grunted. "It was him or us."_

* * *

**~ Day 30**

"So… How are you holding on?" Leto asked, nursing his cocoa mug.

"Much better than other people. I'm in awe when it comes to Leandra, though. She's such a strong woman. I guess having Bethany around is a great help for her." Anders finished eating his cinnamon roll and cleaned his fingers. "I try to help, although I don't know what else I can do."

"It must be hard for her: two of her children down there." He was trying very hard not to bring up her name. For a moment he thought that Anders was going to say something, but he'd just nodded.

"I think they're fine. Something tells me they'll be fine. I haven't felt anything strange or disturbing."

"Lucky you," Leto sighed without thinking. This time Anders didn't fail to notice the words.

"Why? Have you dreamt differently?" Anders asked.

Leto opened his mouth to deny it, but he found himself saying, "I don't know. I've been… dreaming about this woman. Her name's Marian." He hoped the name would throw Anders off.

"You met someone? Why didn't you tell me? I'm so happy for you, cousin!" His cousin's voice sounded so genuine that Leto hated himself for lying.

"It's not that I met her. I can't explain. I've been dreaming about her. Quite often. Always the same woman."

"Not Lucía?"

There it was. He'd finally said it. He was surprised to hear that her name in his lips was like an open wound. Leto found himself wincing. Anders hadn't noticed that last movement – he was busy picking another cinnamon roll. "No," Leto said slowly. "Not Lucía. Not anymore."

"Well then, tell me about it," Anders said kindly. "It might help you relax a bit."

* * *

**~ Day 38**

The negotiations had taken far too long. Major Vallen and Captain du Lac had done their best, but for Aveline, a week down there had surely been too much for them to survive.

Little did she know that the teams hadn't even felt the external collapse, other than consider it a distant rumble.  _If she had known about the first collapse,_  Wesley thought,  _she would probably have let her emotions get the best of her._  He respected her, but he couldn't help seeing her as a woman. She'd never know about that either.

They were standing on the edge of the opening. The machines had shown that the first kilometres would be safe enough for them to march with their team, and there hadn't been any quakes for a couple of days now.

"Ready to go in, Aveline?" Wesley asked her. There was a certain look in his eyes that made her feel as if she was having a déjà-vu. They would be running into something they could not assess properly. They'd trained all their lives for situations like this one, but still, it felt foreign, unknown. Somewhere, deep inside, she was afraid of failing, now more than ever. He'd told her that he wouldn't leave her alone if she fell, that he'd bring her back. But how could she tell him that she felt that  _he_  would be the one to fall? She'd never doubted herself, but this time… This time everything felt different.

"I need to know if there's a chance," Aveline muttered, looking into the gaping mouth of the mountain. "I need to know that I may be able to bring them back alive." She felt Wesley's hand on her shoulder, and his reassuring look on her. She'd felt it all along the week; he'd been with her all the way, even if he didn't understand a word of Orlesian. Every time she'd turned around, he was there, supporting her.

"I'm not going to lie. We may not get to them as soon as we'd like. But we're definitely going to bring them back, Aveline. I swear."

And she believed him.

* * *

**~ Day 39**

_Varric swallowed hard. "It's just I... We all thought you were dead."_

* * *

**~ Day 55**

_Cullen held her from behind. Her screaming filled the passage. The Spawn would find them if she didn't stop, and this time they had nothing to bargain with._

* * *

**~ Day 56**

After listening to Leto, Anders had started dreaming about this woman, Marian. For a few days, he'd felt relieved. She didn't look like Lucía. And then Bethany had spoken. "I promised him I wouldn't tell Lucía, Andy," Bethany had said. "But I must tell  _you_."

That's when Leto's dreams had started permeating his own. He had to know if it was the same woman. She didn't  _look_  like Lucía, but now Anders  _felt_  it was her. When he'd told Karl about it, his friend had looked at him as if he was crazy.  _And perhaps I am,_  Anders thought. Soon, his new dreams had turned against him. They oozed jealousy and doubt, and Anders found himself filled with inexplicable self-hatred. The images of Leto and Marian haunted him even in his waking hours.

 _Why did you let me believe that everything was fine, Leto?_  Now he knew that there was no Marian. Or if there had been, it was the same woman. It was always Lucía. Anders lay on his back, looking at the empty ceiling. He'd heard his cousin when he'd told him some months ago that he cared for Lucía. He'd also heard his cousin a couple of days before saying that he was fine with Anders and Lucía being together. But as Bethany had said, holding on to something as seemingly meaningless as a handkerchief proved just the opposite.

Anders raised his left hand and rubbed his eyes. Karl's voice came through the speakers, letting him know that it would start soon. A night of dreamless sleep. That's what he needed. Not to think, not to dream, not to feel or get confused. He'd made up his mind and the decision hurt him. He knew that she was still alive. When he saw her again, he'd tell her about Leto. He'd explain that he didn't feel comfortable being with her, knowing how his cousin truly felt about her.

As soon as she came back, he would break the pattern. He would set her free.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Oasis. I started writing this chapter from the end, and by the time I got to the parts that were missing, I realized that it would be too long if I included them here, since they're important. The three parts missing are -in order- Carver's dilemma, Varric's surprise, and Lucía's fears.  
> At some point in the near future, there will be an explanation about Cullen's visions of a woman. Since it's not directly relevant to the story, I decided I'd write it as a one-shot and leave it outside the storyline. I'll link you to it when it's ready.  
> Thanks for reading!


	38. Champagne Supernova (Part Two)

**~ Day 21**

_His mind was confused, and his body took control._ **_(*)_ **

* * *

**~ Day 29**

They were running short of rations. They were taking turns to eat. But how long could they last like that? Carver thought that this was more than they'd bargained for. Suddenly he wished he'd never become a part of that venture. And his sister. Where was she? He didn't even know if she was alive. Or maybe…

_Maybe only his team had been trapped._

That wouldn't surprise him. When they were children, Lucía had always been the lucky one. His father had never been particularly rude to her, his mother always entrusted her with the important tasks, and his sister called for her whenever she had one of those episodes. Good Lucía. Blessed Lucía. Saint Lucía. The image of his sister appeared in front of his eyes. Held. Loved. Congratulated. The Champion of the Free Marches.

He shook his head and he rubbed his eyes. What was he thinking? He felt dizzy and nauseated. He'd barely eaten for the last two days. But then their luck had seemed to change. They'd found a lost settlement, possibly one of the first ones that had been abandoned, and they'd found supplies. They'd also found Spawn, but these ones stayed together on one side of the former colony, so the team didn't even bother to try to move them away.

But it was only a matter of days till they ran out of food and water. And what were they going to do when that time came? They had no technology, no aid kits left. Going back out there meant possible injuries, probably getting lost and roaming around again, and more of the intolerable darkness.

And that's when Jeven had come up with the plan. Carver and Maecon looked at him as if he was crazy. But as the days went by, Carver started considering it. Jeven did have a point. They were stronger and smarter. Nothing would happen to them, and in that way, they wouldn't need anything anymore.

But Maecon didn't even want to hear about it. He'd pulled out his gun, pointing it at Jeven and Carver. Carver held up his hands and tried to reason with him, but Jeven shot Maecon right in the face. Carver's face got splattered with his teammate's blood.

Carver threw up. Jeven frowned. "Don't be such a pussy, Hawke," he grunted. "It was him or us."

* * *

**~ Day 30**

_Leto and Anders patted each other on the back. "See you tomorrow," Anders said. Leto smiled._

* * *

**~ Day 38**

" _Ready to go in," Wesley informed. After he'd received confirmation, he signaled for deployment._

* * *

**~ Day 39**

There was something about those walkers that made them extremely uneasy. It wasn't their appearance. It was their silence. They all marched together in unity, but not caring about the others.

After hours of walking, Varric muttered, "Holy shit."

They'd come to a citadel; the greatest settlement they'd come across. Ewald elbowed Varric and pointed out to some people in the distance. "Those are not Spawn," she said. Varric beckoned and the team went down quickly towards the people standing there, but as soon as they'd seen them, the people ran towards a huge construction and closed the doors behind them.

"Please!" Brennan and Lucía banged on the doors. "We're only people! Let us in, please!"

Varric and Ewald looked around, looking for another way in, when Varric suddenly heard a voice talking through some loudspeakers placed outside the fortress.

"Well, well, well... Look who's at my door. If it isn't Sergeant Tethras!"

Lucía raised an eyebrow. Varric was stunned. "... Bartrand?" he shouted out. The doors were opened manually and they were seen in by some people. At the entrance of a huge hall stood Bartrand Tethras. He opened his arms and hugged his younger brother. "Varric, you can stop gaping. It's really unbecoming," Bartrand laughed.

Varric swallowed hard. "It's just I... We all thought you were dead. Mom... Dad..."

"Yes, well... Long story. But come in, come in. You're my guests now. Er... It'll do you good to rest. You all look and smell like shit."

Some days later, Bartrand told Varric about a report he'd gotten from some people lost in a passage a few hours away from the citadel. He offered Varric some equipment and a map, and Varric and the team left the fortress to see who they'd find.

After a long time, they found the place that Bartrand had told them about. They entered the cavern through a smaller passage. Brennan was the first to come out. She saw someone standing in the distance. She grabbed the binoculars Bartrand had given them and took a look.

"Lily?" Brennan called out. The figure turned around and waved at them. Another figure came out of some sort of construction. "Hey guys! Lily's over there!" Brennan said excitedly, as Cullen and Lily approached them quickly.

"Where are the others?" Ewald murmured to Lucía. She shuddered and thought of their former companions. She lowered her head and said a silent prayer for them before joining the newcomers.

"You were lucky we took this turn," Varric said, shaking Cullen's hand. "We were following one of the maps we got from my brother-"

"Your... _brother_?" Cullen sounded confused.

"Long story, I'll tell you about it later. Anyway, apparently there's something wrong with the map, but luckily Lucía persuaded us to turn this way. We were about to stop looking."

"You shouldn't have put yourselves at risk," Cullen said drily. He felt Lucía's scowl on him and he cleared his throat. "But dammit, I'm glad you decided to come this way."

"Come on, let's pick up your things and get back to the citadel."

* * *

**~ Day 55**

They'd left behind everything that wasn't essential. Ewald had taken the smaller storage devices with all the info they'd collected. They all sneaked out a few hours after dinner.

"How long do you estimate?" Lucía asked Varric.

"It's about 160 kilometres, and then, we should pray that neither Orlesians nor Nevarrans will attack us for trespassing."

"They'll be too busy killing each other," Brennan huffed. She'd insisted on carrying as much medical equipment as possible.

Cullen watched Lucía. "Are you okay with this? Leaving your brother behind?"

"Isn't this what you expected, Commandant?" Lucía hissed. Even though her voice was no more than a whisper, Cullen could clearly feel the animosity in the tone. He frowned. She walked faster to catch up with Varric, and he fell behind, walking by Brennan's side.

After a couple of hours of walking, Varric told them to take a break. They'd reached a crossroads again, and he needed to read the map carefully.

"If you'd asked me," Ewald said, "I'd have been prepared to bet on us being caught by your brother's henchmen minutes after our escape."

"Gives you hope, right?" Varric muttered. He'd been thinking about that same thing for a long time now. It seemed impossible that Bartrand had failed to notice their disappearance. Six people vanishing overnight, after everything he'd said. He looked aside and saw Lucía looking into one of the passages.

"Luce?" he called after her. She didn't reply. He walked up to her and put his hand on her shoulder. She still wouldn't look at him. He shook her gently, and then she turned to him. Her face looked as if she'd just woken up. "Tired, Hawke?"

Lucía shook her head. "There's something about this passage… I've got a bad feeling about this."

Cullen looked up to her and snorted. "Women…"

Lucía didn't bother to look back at him. She pressed a hand against her chest and murmured, "I think we need to look into it."

"Our priorities changed, Hawke," Cullen said, standing up. "We've already got some information; we have some samples. Investigation is no longer our objective. Especially when you say that you've got 'a bad feeling' about a place."

"I'm with the Commandant on this one," Lily said.

"Of course you are," Brennan scoffed. "But Lucía's instincts around these places usually lead us to interesting discoveries. We're here already. We've got nothing to lose."

"Varric?" Ewald said. "It's your call."

Varric looked at the map. "Well, it seems we've got to go that way anyway, so… Let's get moving, people."

As soon as Varric approved, Lucía picked up her bag and walked boldly into the dark corridor. Cullen sighed heavily but pressed his steps to catch up with her. Brennan and Lily went after them, and Varric and Ewald closed the line. Ewald muttered, "I hope you know what you're doing, Sergeant Tethras. Taking a chance like this, purely on the instincts of a subordinate, could be lots of trouble for you."

"Ewald," Varric said, "we're pretty screwed anyway. We're better off letting her lead us around here. Trust me. It's a strong hunch."

Hours of silent walking along endless corridors, and every time they found a crossroads, Lucía would choose an exit without hesitating. Cullen watched her closely. She knew something they didn't, that much was clear. Perhaps she was-

He felt her hand on his chest. She looked around. "Do you hear that?" she whispered. Cullen frowned. Everything was dead silent. Varric emerged from behind. "What is it, Hawke?"

"The humming, Varric. The humming of the red lyrium." Her head was tilted sideways, listening attentively. She dropped her equipment and dashed forward. Cullen cursed under his breath and ran after her. She was surprisingly fast, and in spite of being better, his leg still felt strange.

He found her standing at the entrance of an abandoned settlement. "The humming," she murmured. "I can't hear it anymore."

A screech took them by surprise. "Spawn," Cullen muttered, standing in front of Lucía and pointing his gun at the creature that hissed and spat at them before crawling away. Was this the effect of red lyrium on the usually tranquil Spawn? "Stand back; go back to the others," Cullen told her. But she walked on, as if she was sleepwalking. In the dim reddish light that filled the settlement, he saw a figure standing apart from a large group of Spawn.

"It can't be…" Cullen whispered, as he heard the rest of the team getting closer.

Varric peered "Andraste's flaming ass. Is that…?"

"Carver!" Lucía shouted. "Carver!" She ran towards her brother as fast as she could and jumped into his arms. He held her and stroked her short hair quietly. "Oh, Carver! I thought-! Oh, I'm so glad you're alive!" The team moved close to them, their flashlights on. Carver covered his eyes. "It's alright," Lucía said, hugging him. "It's alright; we're going home, brother. We're-"

Varric held her by the arm. "Luce…" he whispered and pointed his flashlight at Carver.

The veins in his arms and around his neck were prominent. "Lucía," he said, and his voice sounded hoarse and foreign. Lucía took her brother's face in her hands, searching for the reason in his eyes. The blue of his eyes had a much brighter hue. "No," she murmured. She removed the top part of his suit as he stood there, without moving. She lifted up his arms. The marks in his armpits were there, clear in the light of the torches. "No. No, no, no!" She slapped him. He didn't say anything. "What did you do, you jerk? What did you do, bastard!" She hit him again, and again, he didn't fight back. "Why did you do it! Why!" She punched him and threw him to the ground, shouting and cursing. She failed to notice the large group of Spawn gathering around them. Cullen and Lily got her off Carver, and Varric and Ewald picked him up.

"We need to get out of here now!" Brennan shouted. The Spawn had become restless due to Lucía's shouting. They dragged her away and rushed back to the crossroads where she'd left them behind. They had to get back to the crossroads. They had to lose the overwhelming groups of Spawn that were right behind them first. Varric directed them towards one of the side passages. As they went through the entrance, they felt a change in the air. Lucía stumbled and fell. Cullen tried to get her up, but she had passed out. Carver, Varric, and Ewald went in the passage, and Carver also fell to the ground. Varric used the wall as support as his legs gave way.

"What's going on?" Lily asked desperately.

Cullen left Lucía with Brennan and went towards Varric. "You okay?"

Varric panted and nodded. "It feels… different here. I don't know… My head's spinning. I think I'm gonna be sick."

"Rest for a while. Ewald, check on Hawke," Cullen said, pointing to Carver. He turned around and saw the women trying to revive Lucía. After some seconds, she seemed to come round. The women helped her sit up. She frowned and rubbed her forehead.

"I had a nightmare," she said. "I dreamed Carver had turned into a…" Her voice died out. She saw Carver lying on the ground. She scrambled towards him and took a good look at his face. She looked at the people around her, who refused to meet her gaze. She sobbed and choked. "It wasn't a dream… He… He…" She couldn't go on talking. Her sobbing turned into loud crying, as she lay over her brother's chest.

Varric's eyes were filled with tears. Lily and Brennan were sobbing quietly. Ewald tried to move her away, but she shoved him and started bawling.

In the distance, they heard some shrieking.

Cullen held her from behind. Her screaming filled the passage. The Spawn would find them if she didn't stop, and this time they had nothing to bargain with.

* * *

**~ Day 56**

_Bethany stood behind Karl, watching Anders sleep. "When are you coming home, Lucía?" she wondered._

_..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: same as for the previous chapter. Apologies for the length of this one. 
> 
> (*) http://archiveofourown.org/works/824103 - Here in AO3 you can find the one-shot that deals with Cullen in greater detail, for those of you who are interested.


	39. Live and Let Die

"They're here, sir."

"See them in," Bartrand said languidly. As soon as the servant had left, he took a gun out of a drawer, checked to see that it had enough bullets, and went to the study room to meet his partners. There were only two of them. "Where's Sigra?" he asked. He'd always felt uneasy when one of the members of their little group was not visible.

"Nice to see you too, Halleri," one of them said, faking amusement. Bartrand grunted. "Sigra's busy as usual. And we heard you've also been busy." The voice was now soft and dangerous.

Bartrand shrugged. "Nothing too hard to handle."

"And yet," the other said, leaning against the back of the chair, "we're under the impression that your  _guests_  have managed to escape." The careful, neutral tone was always there.

Bartrand fixed his eyes on this person. "I see… Perhaps you would have liked them to stay over for tea, or to have a little chat with you, Strith?" Their eyes met.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Strith said monotonously.

"Ah well, then you won't mind partaking in a bit of fun, will you?" Bartrand's grin was sinister in the dim light of the study room. Strith looked at his companion, who looked just as surprised.

"Explain yourself, Halleri," the other demanded.

"No need to get all worked up, Dautha," Bartrand smiled. "You'll see." He pressed a button and one of the walls revealed a series of screens. Dautha and Strith watched the images. Most of them revealed nothing but empty passages, but some showed that the Spawn were moving slowly. And then, one of them showed an image of a group of people.

"Take a closer look, go on," Bartrand said, encouraging his partners. Both stared at each other for a moment. Bartrand felt the weight of the gun against his leg. They made him uneasy when they acted like that, as if they could see further and better than he did.

Dautha and Strith peered at the screen. Bartrand zoomed in amusedly. He knew what their reactions would be like. "You're playing with fire," Dautha said, turning around. "He was not supposed to be there with them."

"Oh, but he is. As I recall, he volunteered himself to do this, didn't he?" Bartrand rested his arms on his desk. He was interested in Strith. If the reaction was what he'd predicted, he'd have the upper hand. But Strith turned around and said nothing.

"Come on!" Bartrand shouted impatiently. "Let's stop this charade! Now we all know who we are!"

Strith watched him silently.

"Well then, if you're not going to object," Bartrand muttered, "we can start playing. What shall it be? Controlled detonation? Fake earthquake? Gas leak?" He watched Strith closely. "Or perhaps, death by Spawn. What do you say, Strith? Your choice."

Strith's eyes pierced into Bartrand's. Neither of them looked away. Dautha's eyes went from one of his partners to the other.

"Nobody will mourn the loss of such a small group. Send the Spawn after them," Strith said.

* * *

"Agent Hawke," Cullen said firmly as he restrained Lucía's body, "calm down! We need you to stay alert. Remember what we talked about before coming here." After a short while he felt Lucía's body relax and she nodded. Of course she understood. There would be time to deal with that problem later. She looked at the others, watching her. She felt selfish; she was endangering them. As soon as he let go of her, she crouched beside Carver.

"Carver! Carver! Wake up!" Lucía hit her brother's face. Brennan gave her one of the revivers from the aid kit and Lucía applied it under his nose. Carver opened his eyes. "Lucía…" he groaned.

"Get up, brother. We must leave this place at once," she said, offering him her hand. Carver looked unresponsive. "Do you understand me?"

He nodded and took her hand.

* * *

To her, everything seemed to be moving in slow motion.  _It's just a dream,_ she thought,  _it's just a bad dream. I'll wake up and I'll be home, and Carver will be fine, and mother and Bethany will be there, and I'll see Anders again. It's just a dream, just a bad, bad dream…_ But the pain, the exhaustion, the stench, the anxiety – that was not a dream. That was a reality.

" _Remember the other biotic that Captain du Lac mentioned?" Ewald asked in a hushed voice. "The one that infected the technicians and caused the termination of the entire floor?"_

_Lucía nodded. They were at Bartrand's place, and Varric and Brennan were on the other side of the room, helping each other memorize the information they had gathered._

" _That's the red lyrium we collected," Ewald said. Lucía looked at him inquisitively. "I'm positive."_

" _So… We're been carrying a potentially killer substance with us all along?"_

" _I don't think it's a killer substance. We'd be sick or dead by now."_

" _Then why terminate a whole laborat-?" Lucía stopped. Ewald's eyes were fixed on her and he nodded quietly. Lucía shook her head. "No. It just can't be."_

As he ran, Varric wondered if everything had been planned to be so from the start. It had been the strangest coincidence to find his brother in the middle of everything. Varric suspected that his brother was a mere executor of a plan masterminded by someone else. Their story had always been the same: Bartrand would hang about with heavy-weights, and Varric would run around making contacts and collecting information. They'd sat down together to talk about the years that they'd lost, and that had been the beginning of the end for them.

" _You know," Varric said, stretching, "it's easy to see that you know a lot more about me than you let on." Bartrand took a glass of wine and watched his younger brother silently. "You know exactly what to ask to get a precise answer, but you've carefully avoided asking me what I'm doing here."_

" _Varric," Bartrand smiled, "I don't think_ you  _know what you're really doing here."_

And then Lucía and Ewald had come up with that crazy theory… Varric hadn't believed them at first, but the more he thought about their words, the more they made sense. He'd plucked up the courage to go to Bartrand's study room and show his hand.

" _We're not here to see why these creatures exist," Varric told Bartrand firmly. "We're here to see how easy it would be for someone to have access to this area. What you have down here is-"_

" _Stop." Bartrand's eyes lingered on Varric's face for a while. "You know about the red and blue lyrium. You know about the effect it has on the Spawn." He saw Varric frown. "You wonder what my role is. And that's the extent of what you should know. Sadly, I can't let you go. It's too dangerous for you out there. Get used to the idea of staying here for a long time, brother."_

Varric had frowned because he'd figured out what was behind Bartrand. After all, nobody else, apart from the people involved in the operation, referred to the creatures as 'Spawn'. As they were running away, Varric's eyes were fixed on Cullen.

* * *

"Please, we have to stop," Lily panted. The Spawn seemed to have fallen behind. "I'm not sure I can go on. We've been running for hours now, and we don't seem to be getting any closer to the exit."

"We're still going up; we've taken the right turns," Lucía said as they left their bags on the floor.

"But what if the map's wrong?" Cullen cleaned his sweaty forehead with the back of his hand. "What if your brother let us escape because he knew we'd die anyway?"

"Well, you'd know about that, wouldn't you,  _traitor_?" Varric spat.

"What did you just say?" Cullen's eyes opened in disbelief.

"It's over, Cullen," Ewald said. "We know about your department's involvement in this."

Cullen stared at them. "I can't believe you're… You're saying this was  _meant_  to happen?" He stared at them. They stared back. "This is fucked up. I had  _no_  idea-"

" _Why_  are you even here?" Varric blared. "We were supposed to be prepared for this. Why the fuck did you come?"

"How do we know that it wasn't you who killed the others?" Brennan yelled.

"Bartrand knew about this operation; it had to be you!" Ewald shouted from behind.

"Stop!" Cullen roared. "I'm here for her! I'm here for Lucía!" The dead silence caused by his statement was broken by the ground shaking under their feet. In the seconds that followed, they knew that up and ahead was the only way to go. Brennan and Cullen took the bags, and Lucía and Carver jumped far from the chasm that was now separating them from the passage where they'd come from. Lily slipped and fell, and the inclination of the ground caused her to roll down, into the gap. Ewald left his bag and jumped to grab her by the hand, but she'd already disappeared, and the floor beneath him had cracked as well. Varric tried to catch him, but their hands never met, and Ewald fell into the darkness.

* * *

After a few hours, Lucía said to Cullen. "When we get out of here, I'm sure we'll have a talk, Commandant."

" _If_  we get out of here, you mean," Cullen said. "But I can't really talk about it. My duty-"

Lucía left Carver with Varric, slammed Cullen against a wall and pressed the gun against his left temple. "I'm getting tired of your shit, and after all we've been through down here, after seeing my brother like this, I have a good mind to shoot you right now. So fucking talk!"

"Do you hear that?" Brennan whispered. The screeching had returned. "More Spawn."

"Fuck them," Lucía said, leaving Cullen and pointing the gun to whatever was coming along the dark passage. "We won't go down without a fight."

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Paul McCartney/Wings. The names of Bartrand's merry band are representations of Conquest (Sigra), War (Strith), Famine (Halleri), and Death (Dautha): the (in)famous Four Horsemen. Bartrand is Halleri, and I'll leave you to try to figure out who the others are. They will appear again in the following chapter, "Enter Sandman".


	40. Enter Sandman

"The last two times we were attacked by them, I heard the humming," Lucía said, dropping her rucksack on the floor. They'd managed to leave the Spawn behind.

"Then it has to be the red lyrium," Varric panted. They'd been forced to kill the Spawn that had attacked them. Fortunately, there hadn't been many of them, but Varric wondered what they would do when they ran out of ammo.

"I no longer know," Lucía said, leaving Carver against one of the walls. He'd been dazed for some time, but now he was more responsive. She wiped the sweat from his forehead and he looked at her with those bright blue eyes. She smiled and he tried to, but he couldn't keep it up for long.

"He'll be like this for some hours," Brennan said. "The shot's like a cocktail of stuff meant to be used as anesthetics."

"Maybe that's why he's not reacting like the others," Cullen remarked.

Lucía stared at him for a moment before going back to Carver. She sat next to him and pulled him towards her lap. "Try to rest, brother." She stroked his hair lightly, and Carver closed his eyes.

* * *

"They're really close to the exit," Dautha observed.

"Yeah, it looks like it." Bartrand took a bottle of whisky from a shelf and a couple of glasses. "I still hesitate to send in a larger group."

"You don't say," Dautha muttered. "What's holding you back?"

"Our friend here," Bartrand said, nodding his head towards Strith. "As I said before, this is a game that assesses Strith's dedication and commitment to the cause. We're all in this together, right? So, what will it be, Strith? Should I let them go, or should I send a larger group?" He poured the whisky for his partners and smiled.

Strith's eyes were fixed on the screen. Bartrand's brother was scouting, the fair-haired woman was going over their inventory for the hundredth time, and the tall man – _Cullen_ – was watching the last two as they rested. Strith's eyes showed no sign of emotion.

Cullen had started talking to Lucía, and that had made Strith snap out of his thoughts.

"Is there a chance we can get the audio as well?"

"Ah, curious, are we? Sadly, no. But you can give your lip-reading skills a test." Bartrand zoomed in, until the faces of the people became visible. Strith frowned.

* * *

"We know your lover is an  _amenta_ ," Cullen blurted out. Lucía's eyes remained on Carver for a while, and then they found their way up to Cullen's tired face.

"So? Is that a crime?" she asked slowly.

"It is when he's suspected of having killed someone."

"Anders would not kill anyone," Lucía said, shaking her head.

"He was the last person contacted by the victim," Cullen said. "He also has ties to an organization we're investigating –  _Somniari_."

"You could ask him directly instead of going about this whole cloak-and-dagger business."

"We also know about your sister," Cullen said. Lucía's eyes shot up. "And we know that you have been enquiring after the victim."

Lucía squinted. "What's the name of the victim?" Cullen didn't reply. Lucía huffed out. "You know, I really can't help you if you don't-"

"Doctor Gascard Quentin," Cullen said. He observed her in the dimness of the lyrium-lit corridor. She was clenching her teeth.

* * *

" _I don't need you, Carver. Go and play outside."_

_He never spent time with Father. Lucía and Bethany were obviously more interesting to him, especially after the incident._

_He was four years old. He'd wet his bed. Father had discovered it when he'd come at night. Carver didn't like it when Father got in his room and pricked him before going to bed. Carver never dreamed, and that seemed to irritate Father. The day he'd wet his bed had been the last night that Father had asked anything of him._

_Four years old._

_He was back in bed. There was a dark silhouette looming over him. "We've got to do this, Carver," the shadowy figure hissed. "If we want to live, we've got to do this." Jeven's face._

_After that, the dreaming wouldn't stop. But it wasn't his dream anymore. It was a song that became louder and louder; the song within sang of war and death, of conquest and pestilence. It wasn't his. He was unable to shut it._

_Would Father be proud of him, now that he could dream?_

* * *

Carver's eyes shot open. The song. It was there. They'd be there soon. He gripped Lucía's legs until she screamed. A pair of strong arms dragged him away. He knew this man. Another man was trying to restrain him as well.  _Varric._

His body wasn't his own. There was something living in his body, in his head, that had taken over. He hadn't meant to hurt Lucía. He looked at her sadly.

"They're coming," he said. Lucía shouted some directions, and they started moving. Up, up, up. They kept going up. Carver knew they'd soon be out. But the song asked him to stay down there, with the rest of them.

* * *

"Keep moving!" Varric shouted. The screeching had returned – this time there were more of them. Lucía stood in front of Carver and she pulled the trigger. Her shooting had to be precise. She couldn't afford wasting more bullets than necessary. Varric's aim was perfectly accurate. Cullen was handling a larger weapon that could take down two at the same time. And Brennan…

Brennan was screaming. Her gun had got jammed, and she was the one that was closest to the Spawn. She tried to reload the gun, but her shaky hands had dropped the cartridge, and the inclination of the floor had caused it to roll away. She only had one chance. She dashed for the cartridge.

"Brennan, no!" Varric shouted. Two of the Spawn had jumped over her and dragged her away.

"Leave her!" Lucía screamed, running towards her, but Cullen grabbed her by the arm. Brennan's shouting increased until one of the Spawn broke her neck. Her body disappeared within the swarm of Spawn.

"Run!" Varric yelled. The four of them ran upwards as fast as they could. Lucía's ears were ringing due to the humming. Was it possible that Cullen and Varric couldn't hear it? She was dragging Brennan's rucksack and Carver, and she tripped and fell. Something rolled out of Brennan's bag. Charges.

"What are you doing with that?" Cullen screamed when he saw her holding the explosive charges. "You'll get us all killed!"

Varric checked his load. No more ammo. He looked at Lucía. He knew what she was thinking. There was no way out.

"Do it," he said. "Don't let them get us. I'd rather die knowing we'll take as many of them as we can."

Cullen's eyes went from one to the other. "You can't be serious! This… No!"

"There's no other way," Lucía said. "Leave now."

Cullen grabbed her wrist. "You- You can't…!"

Lucía looked at him. "Take my brother with you, please." She turned around and ran into the passage that they had come from. Cullen watched her leave, his mind still not fully processing what was going on. The explosion would surely cause the mountain to cave in. But what if the Spawn caught up with them?

He heard an inhuman scream coming from behind. Carver Hawke. He had pushed Varric away and was now running after Lucía. Cullen tackled him and restrained him, but Carver's strength was raw and unpredictable. Cullen struggled with him until Varric came and injected Carver with another shot of anesthetics.

"This is the last one," Varric said. "Let's hope that Lucía's plan works out."

* * *

She heard the screeching coming from afar. She stood on the edge of the passage and planted the charges.

* * *

"What… What is she doing?" Dautha asked Bartrand. "Are those…?"

"Explosives." Strith watched Lucía, smiling slightly. "She's going to blow up the passage."

"That's insane!" Dautha frowned. "There's no way that will affect us in here, is there?"

"No. All the passages are disconnected." Bartrand watched Strith, standing in front of the screens, observing her every move. He recognized the look in Strith's face and smirked.

"You can't hide it, you know?" he muttered. "I've seen that look before. You're actually happy to see that she's doing that." Bartrand breathed in and sighed. "Ah, fatherly pride."

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Metallica. Do not despair, the end (of this story arc) is nigh.


	41. Wish You Were Here

Strith remained silent, but Bartrand picked up the microsignals in his face. They gave him away. Bartrand smiled. He had the upper hand now. Years of thinking, planning, researching…  _And all it took was a fortuitous event_ , Bartrand thought. Strith's daughter, delivered by his own brother.

At last, Varric had been useful for something.

Oblivious to the conversation between his partners, Dautha folded his arms. "I can't believe she's doing that. She'll get them killed." He shrugged. "I suppose we should feel glad that it ends there."

Strith cleared his throat. "I believe we have things to discuss?" he said softly, as he turned away from the screens.

"Oh no, don't tell me you wanna miss this show, my dear fellow!" It was easy to see that Bartrand was savouring the moment.

Malcolm Hawke's piercing blue eyes seemed to smile. "There will be nothing to see, Halleri. Trust me."

* * *

One secured. Onto the second one. Two secured. Lucía had two charges left. If she placed all of them… She wasn't sure what would happen. She held them in her hand. Small things, and yet, so dangerous. She hoped that two would be enough. She knew she'd had enough already. Down there, they'd found nothing but death and pain. And questions.

She paid attention to the sounds around her. In the distance, she heard the screeching. But there was nothing coming from the other side. Her partners had left her. It would be for the best. She activated the charges and ran up the passage. 5 seconds to run as far as she could.

Five. She wouldn't make it.

Four. Mama, Bethany…

Three. Carver…

Two. I'm sorry.

One.

In the last second, Lucía saw Varric's face, coming towards her. He hadn't abandoned her. She wanted to scream, to tell him to walk away, but how could she-?

The detonation made the walls of the passage shake and the last thing Lucía saw was Varric's arm, reaching out for her.

* * *

"How far are we?" Aveline asked Wesley.

"140 kilometres and counting. This is where we lost contact with them. Is your display not working properly, Captain?"

Aveline blushed. "It is. I'm sorry. I guess I was just trying to-" She felt nervous and hoped that it wouldn't show. She felt Wesley's eyes on her and she wondered whether she should look up. She was a little intimidated by him. His boyish smile was certainly disarming. Perhaps it was his Nevarran upbringing, but he was different from the men she'd known. Orlesian men were all about ensnaring women with charming words and gifts. Wesley cracked silly jokes, occasionally. She thought he wanted her to feel at ease, and she appreciated not being called 'sugar', 'honey', or 'princess'.

What was she thinking? Of course he hadn't called her any of those names. They were being professional! And she was a Captain. And he was a Major. And they were on a mission, together, down there. Well, not that 'down there', and why was she thinking about that? Oh, she  _was_  being naughty!

"Many others have compared the Deep Roads with female genitalia before, Captain," Wesley said, chuckling. "Don't fret about it." Aveline gaped at him. He gave her the boyish smile. "Yes, you've been speaking out loud."

Aveline's face was scarlet. She was glad that the passage was dark enough to conceal the furious blush covering her cheeks. Wesley chuckled again.

"What is it this time?" she groaned.

"I'm sorry, Captain – it's just that my thermal scan is on," he laughed and continued walking.

Aveline clenched her fists. "Major Vallen, I seriously think-"

The ground started shaking under their feet. Wesley grabbed her by the arm so that she wouldn't fall, and then he shouted some instructions for the rest of the team. Her ears were blocked by a thunderous rumble. Wesley held her against his chest as everything around them grew unstable. She looked up and saw him signaling the team members to take refuge in specific places. He looked at her. "Aveline, stay here. I have to help the others." As he pulled away, she grabbed him by the arm. Her look was stern, but her touch... Something in her touch spoke directly to his soul. He took her by the hand and nodded, and together they went to check on the others.

* * *

"Luce!" Varric was facing a wall of debris. He tried to move away one of the boulders, to little avail. "Lucía!" He coughed. It was getting hard to breathe. "Lucía…! Lucía, I swear that if you've died, I'm gonna get in there and kill you!"

"That doesn't make sense," Cullen said behind him. Carver was beside him. Unresponsive. Varric looked at them tiredly.

"Nothing makes sense, Commandant." He rubbed his eyes. He was so, so tired. Tired of running, tired of guessing, tired of playing a game whose rules he didn't understand. _No._  It wasn't the rules that he didn't get. It was the other players. He looked at the two men left. He breathed in and let it out slowly. "Cullen… Go on with the boy. I'll stay here. Get someone to come for us." He gave Cullen the maps. "It's not long now."

"Why stay?" Cullen was puzzled.

"I can't leave," Varric shook his head. "Please… At least take the boy… To say goodbye to his mother. You'll make it, I know. Come back for us later."

For a moment, Cullen opened his mouth to protest. But Varric's hard jawline showed determination. It would be futile to argue. He nodded and walked away, with Carver tagging along.

* * *

…keupwakeupwakeupwakeuPwakeUPwakEUPwaKEUPwAKEUPWAKEUP-

Lucía opened her eyes. There was nothing to see. Only darkness. She tried to breathe. Dust. She coughed. Her right hand moved slightly. A tingling sensation running up her fingers, her arm… She was alive. And trapped. But still alive.

And then it hit her. It was like a wave. She'd only been to the beach once, in Rivain. She was young, 4 or 5 years old. Carver was a toddler, and her father had taken her to swim with him, while her mother stayed on the shore with her brother. Her father was a good swimmer, but she was too young and small to keep up with him. She'd lost sight of him. She'd panicked and had tried to stand, and there was no bottom to support her. She'd swallowed water –the taste was awful– and she couldn't breathe. But somehow she'd managed to stay afloat. And then the wave had hit her, making her lose direction. She no longer knew what was up or down, or left or right.

This pain hit her like that wave. The left side of her body was throbbing – she used her right hand to touch her left arm. Sticky and hot. Blood. She tried to move, but the pain increased. She screamed.

"Luce!" Varric. Where was he? Had she got him trapped as well?

"Varric?" she called out weakly.

"Luce!" His voice again. Lucía clenched her teeth and tried to move her leg. There, the pain was unbearable. She screamed until her throat could not go on. But Varric had heard her. He knew that she was alive. "Hang in there! Cullen's gone to find help!"

"Go away, Varric!" The tears were inevitable. Her whole body was reacting. The pain came and went in waves. She didn't know where she was anymore.

"I won't leave you, dumbass! What were you thinking, you stupid bitch?" Varric's voice was trembling. "Trying to play hero? This isn't a motherfucking tale!"

Lucía smiled until the spasms hit her again.

* * *

Carver was growing restless. Cullen had dropped the bags along the way, to make it easier for them to make progress. After a few minutes, he heard movement nearby.  _Please, don't be Spawn,_  he thought.  _Please…_

The lights hit him right in the eyes. "Major! We've got two males! One of them seems to be a Spawn. Awaiting orders!"

"Wait!" Cullen shouted, sheltering his eyes from the blinding lights. "I'm Commandant Cullen! Don't shoot! There are two agents down the passage, they need help!" Carver started screaming and the soldiers pointed at him. "No! This man needs help, he's not dangerous! Please…" Cullen's voice broke. "We need help."

* * *

"… A-and I've a-always want-ted to h-have a cat," Lucía cried. "B-but m-my fath-father-"

"Keep talking to me, Lucía," Varric encouraged her from the other side. "Go on." He could hear her crying and it wrung his heart. "Forget about what I said earlier, Luce. You are the hero of this story. But this is not how it ends." She coughed and groaned. "Shall I tell you how it ends?" She didn't reply. " _Lucía Hawke gazed up. The sky had never looked more beautiful – not even that night in which her lover had kissed her and asked her to return safe and sound."_

Varric sat down, the words pouring out of his mouth.

" _She would return home, carrying the riches that she had rightfully obtained. She would be able to give her family a better life. All the sacrifices that had been made would be worth it. 'We'll surely fetch a good price for this stuff,' the dwarf told her. 'And don't worry about Carver. He'll be fine, you'll see. The Wardens-"_  Varric's eyes opened wide.  _Of course._  The Wardens. " _The Wardens will take him. He will survive, and one day you'll see him again."_  He stood up, holding his ear against the rocks. "Lucía?"

There was no reply.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Pink Floyd. Even though the lyrics are quite meaningful, it's the melody that fits this piece better.


	42. Flowers Never Bend With The Rainfall

"She's still asleep," Aveline said to Leandra, "but would you like to see her?"

Leandra let out a sob and nodded quickly. Bethany squeezed her shaky hand and smiled reassuringly. Aveline pressed a button and the dark glass outside the room became transparent. Leandra smiled as the tears rolled down her face. Bethany beamed.

"Thank you for bringing her back, Captain," she said. Aveline shook her head.

"I wish I could have found them earlier. Perhaps this wouldn't have happened."

"Sleeping will be good for her," Bethany said. "When she wakes up, she'll be rested and well – you'll see. Thank you so much." She hugged her mother and gazed at Lucía through the glass.

* * *

" _How are we going to do this?" Aveline asked Wesley. "We might kill her if we're careless. We don't even know where she is."_

" _She said her left arm and leg were trapped," Varric said. "She has to be near the left wall."_

" _All right, then," Wesley said. "We'll start with the right side. What's the composition?"_

" _Mostly clay, sir. There's another element that we can't quite identify, but-"_

" _Let's try with dehydration, but only on the smaller debris – stay away from the wall." A short time later, the smaller rocks started moving and falling off, causing the rest to move and roll down. Wesley's officers caught them as they fell. "Start with sublimation on the larger rocks whenever you can," Wesley said. He turned to Aveline and Varric, who were discussing Carver's condition._

" _It won't be easy," Aveline sighed. "They don't just take anybody. If they think it's too lat-"_

" _It's not," Varric insisted. "They have a three-month window. He's been like that for a month, tops. Captain, we have to give it a try. You know the boy's worth it."_

" _We'll do whatever we can, sergeant Tethras." Wesley sounded serious but polite. Aveline gazed at him. Varric's eyes went from one to the other and he smiled. There was a loud noise behind them and Wesley instinctively covered Aveline. He turned around and shouted, "What was that about?"_

" _We've managed to make a gap big enough, Major. Now we have visual contact."_

* * *

"You're not gonna see her?" Bethany asked Anders.

"Of course I want to see her; more than ever!" Anders was pacing about the room. "What the  _heck_  was she thinking? She could have-!" He kicked a chair out of the way. Bethany watched him patiently. "Why didn't I see any of this?"

"Perhaps she broke the pattern," Bethany said calmly. Anders stared at her. "You must consider the possibility. If what she did was-"

"You _cannot_  break the pattern," Anders muttered. "Your father said so. Everything points to-"

"So what? Are we supposed to stand by as we watch our lives run a course that we didn't set?" Bethany walked towards him and put her hands on his shoulders, forcing him to look at her. "I want to believe that we can make our own destiny, Anders. I want to believe that this is the reason why you woke me up."

* * *

_Her eyes were closed. At least that's what she thought. Everything was so dark, so full and empty at the same time that she didn't know whether she was there or not. She thought of her family. What would happen to her mother and sister if she died? Carver was gone. Her father was gone. And Anders… He had no obligation to…_

If Anders had been here, this wouldn't have happened.

_Her eyes shot open. It felt like her voice, but… It was harsh. Bitter. She saw some beams of light coming through the rocks. She wanted to shout, but her throat wouldn't respond. Her body didn't feel… hers. It was as if somebody else was slowly taking over her._

_She heard some voices and the light hit her on the face. She fainted._

* * *

Isabela set her tray in front of Leto and sat at the table. Leto looked at her. He was puzzled. She had barely talked to him lately, except for that day in which she'd told him about the mission. She cleared her throat. He continued eating his soup. She cleared her throat again. "Yes?" Leto asked.

"They've been found," she said, taking a piece of bread. "Some days ago. They're alive."

Leto watched her. After a while, he said, "Thank you for letting me know," and went on eating.

Isabela arched her eyebrows. "You know, you can be more expressive about it. The  _love_ _of your_   _life_  is still aliv-"

"She's not the  _love_  of my  _life,"_  he muttered. "I was wrong to think- I'm happy for my cousin, though. I'll call him."

Isabela started eating her salad. "So… You've given up, haven't you."

"Pretty much, yes." He was toying with the rest of the soup. "I care for my cousin. The days we spent together… I don't know. Maybe I should stop brooding about it." He shrugged.

Isabela smiled discreetly. "Brooding suits you," she murmured.

* * *

blub blub blub – bloop; blub blub blub – bloop…

" _Now, the most important thing is that you don't move. Are you listening, Lucía?"_  


" _Yes, Papa."_  


" _Good girl." Malcolm injected her with the blue liquid that she liked so much. It looked so pretty when it went_ blub-bloop  _in the test tube. Papa let her play with his lab things, as long as she was a good girl and helped him. It didn't hurt so much. A little prick on the arm, and she went to sleep. As long as she dreamed, everything was fine._  


_Her father's arms were warm. She remembered his fuzzy beard tickling her nose as he embraced her before she fell asleep. She also remembered the noises in the lab._

blub blub blub – bloop; blub blub blub – bloop…

* * *

"Good news, Commander?" Wesley crossed his fingers and looked at Aveline across his desk.

"For the moment, yes," the Commander replied. "He still has to undergo the psycho-physical assessment, but this morning he seemed to react to the stimuli and we're waiting for him to wake up."

"Is there a chance his family-?"

"No. I'm sorry, but it will take some time before he's able to interact with people who have emotional ties. The first year will be rough."

"I understand. Thank you, Duncan." Wesley hung up and smiled at Aveline. "He'll make it," he said with a smile. Aveline gave a sigh of relief and smiled back at him.

* * *

"You're huge, woman!" Varric shouted through the intercom.

"I'm glad you'll be here when she's born," Bianca said, pressing her hand against the glass. "Although I don't know if you'll be there physically. How long will it be till they let you out?"

"It's only been 10 days – we've still got 30 to go. I don't think I'll be able to get there. If it means you or Mirabelle will catch something, I'd rather stay here."

" _Excuse me?_  Mirabelle?" Bianca snorted. "There's  _no way_  I'll call a daughter of mine like that."

"Why not? It's a cute name! I'm rather fond of it!"

" _Varric!"_  Bianca put her hands on her hips and frowned.  _"No! Freaking! Way!"_

Varric smiled. "Oh,  _how_  I've missed you, woman," he chuckled.

* * *

" _You're always gone! The children barely see you!"  
"They aren't children anymore, Leandra! Bethany's a teenager already! And _someone  _has to work in this house!"  
"Do something else, then! Something close to home! Or let _me  _work! They need you, Malcolm! Carver needs his fath-!"_  


_Carver heard his mother gasping and groaning. He held Bethany as Lucía entered the room._

" _Don't you_ dare  _lay a hand on her!" she shouted. "You touch her and I swear I'll kill you!"_  


_Silence. Footsteps. Carver saw his father stride out of the room, without looking at him or Beth._

* * *

Carver opened his eyes.

Lucía opened her eyes.

* * *

Cullen filled in the form and was given a disposable mobile phone in return. He took it and dialed the number. Nobody replied.  _Please, please, pick up,_  he thought. He hung up and called again.  _Please, be there._

"Hello?" Even though he'd wanted her to be there, her voice took him by surprise. All the feelings he'd had for her came back to him – all together. He heard her gasp. "Grayson? Is that you? Gray?"

"Yes," he replied slowly. "It's me."

" _Thank the Maker!_  You're-!" She broke down. He felt a lump in his throat and smiled.

Everything would be fine.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Simon and Garfunkel. Lovely lyrics - I hope they sort of resemble some parts of this chapter.


	43. Tooi Sakebi (Part One)

"Are you sure about it? That Malcolm Hawke and Gascard Quentin are the same man?"

"She said it herself. I can get you the tape if you want. Besides, it's a match. The DNA, I mean."

"Did you tell anyone about this?"

"No. I thought you should know about it. She's just woken up."

"Listen… Let's keep this between us, okay? At least, until everything's been settled with them. Will you be working on the red lyrium?"

"Yes. I'll be managing a team, but I'll be handling the information myself."

"Good, good. Thank you, Karl."

"Always a pleasure."

* * *

The ceiling was made up of panels of a certain soft, amber-ish light. For a moment, she thought she was back in the Deep Roads. She blinked a couple of times. She wriggled her nose – it felt stiff. One of her cheeks was covered with something moist and cold. And her lips – there was something in her mouth. Something plastic. She tried to push it with her tongue, but her mouth felt dry and hostile. Her right hand tingled. She moved her wrist and closed and opened her hand. But when she tried to do the same with the left one, she couldn't.

A woman dressed in white approached her bed and smiled at her. "Welcome back, Lieutenant Hawke. We were expecting you to wake up sooner, but the doctor said you might take a few more days. Sleeping is the best medicine, it seems." Lucía's eyes looked at her, trying to focus. She could see the woman's fingers working on a screen. She moved her head to the left and the pain shocked her. "Please don't move so suddenly. You've been in the same position for 15 days now; you're bound to be in a little pain, even though the painkillers should be working… right now." Lucía felt something fresh, mint-like, rushing through her body, and closed her eyes.

Someone entered the room. The nurse turned around. "Doctor Thekla, I didn't know you'd been assigned to-"

"I'm not. I was just passing by and thought I might as well check on this patient," Karl said. "Is she conscious already?"

"She was until a few seconds ago." The nurse hesitated. "You shouldn't be here. The Brigadier gave specific instructions-"

"Oh, I know. Don't worry. I was just leaving." Karl adjusted his glasses and smiled at the nurse.

* * *

 _Pick up, pick up,_  Bethany chanted in her head. She heard his voice on the other side. "She's awake!"

"Really? Have you seen her already?" Anders asked anxiously.

"No, they've just called us from the centre. She opened her eyes yesterday. Today they're re-training her or something. You know, because of the leg and the arm… But even if we cannot touch her, we can talk to her through the glass."

Anders sighed, relieved. "You two should go first, and I'll visit her later. Just… ask her if she wants to see me. Perhaps she's not feeling up to it."

* * *

Her mother and her sister looked like puppies asking to be let in. Their noses and fingers were stuck to the glass and both of them were talking at the same time, asking questions that they knew she couldn't answer, partly because she'd always been bound to secrecy when it came to their mission but also because… Well, her memory had become quite tricky lately. She didn't know if the drugs had something to do with it, but everything felt hazy. "Have you… Have you heard from Carver?" she asked timidly.

Leandra shook her head. "We know he's alive, but we can't talk to him. Not for some time." Lucía nodded. She was looking down. Leandra frowned – she knew her daughter very well. "Stop blaming yourself, Luz. There's nothing you could have done to prevent this.

 _If they knew,_  Lucía thought. She smiled sadly. She was beginning to have a headache. "Perhaps you're right. I'm… I'm feeling a little tired. If you'll excuse me…"

"We understand, darling," Leandra said lovingly.

"We'll come back tomorrow, Luz!" Bethany beamed.

"I've got a busy schedule for tomorrow," Lucía frowned. "I won't be able to see anybody."

"Well, it's all right. The day after," Leandra told her.

"You don't need to come and check on me every day," Lucía frowned. The headache was killing her now. Why did they keep insisting-?

"What about Anders? Don't you want to see him?" Bethany asked. "He didn't want to come today with us because he thought you needed more time to-"

 _You should have listened to Anders,_  a bitter voice whispered. Lucía closed her eyes and pressed her temples. What was happening to her? "No," she shook her head. "I can't-I can't see him."

A nurse came over. "I'm sorry, but the patient needs to rest." She pressed a button and the window turned black. Leandra pressed her hand over the glass. Bethany passed her arm around her mother's waist and led her away.

* * *

As the days went by, she felt better. She spent most of her time in the rehab ward. The trainer had told her not to overdo it, but she was determined to get well as fast as she could. She had spent too much time immobilized and it hadn't been good for the leg. It had healed properly, but the pain was more intense than they'd anticipated. She was working on stretching it when she heard a familiar voice coming from behind.

"Shit, Hawke – I'd never realized you had killer legs." Varric was standing at the door, smiling.

Lucía opened her arms and smiled. "Come and hug me, jackass." Varric didn't make her wait. He felt her need for physical contact and he squeezed her.

"I thought I was gonna lose you, Luce. You're the living proof of my theory."

"The  _'What the fuck goes on in women's heads'_  theory?"

"Exactly." He hit her on the back of the head playfully. "Seriously though – what was I supposed to tell your Mama if you didn't make it? Did you even stop to think about it?"

"No. Honestly, I just wanted to get out of there. Perhaps part of me thought that death would be the fastest way out-"

"Hey! Not even as a joke, got it?"

"All right, all right," she sighed. "I didn't want Mirabelle to grow up without a dad."

"Bianca vetoed the name. She wants to call her Lucía."

"No freaking way. That's my name. Get her to call her some other name."

"This is Bianca we're talking about, remember?" They chuckled. It was Lucía's time for a massage on her good leg. As the nurse approached them, Varric asked her to leave the lotion to him. The nurse looked at Lucía, who nodded and smiled. Varric crouched next to Lucía's leg and started spreading the moisturizer. He muttered, "Pretend I'm not talking. Look up, sideways, whatever you want, but don't move a muscle of your face." He felt Lucía's body tense up slightly and then her right hand moved a finger, signaling she'd heard him. "There's some serious shit going on, Luce. We can find out about it later, but Cullen's told me," he felt her body tensing up again, "that we shouldn't mention anything we've learnt down there, especially not in front of the Brigadier. She'll be here to let us know what's gonna happen to us after we're out of here. Apart from the change in ranks, as you must have realized by now." The door opened and another nurse went in. Varric stood up and took a dry towel from the table.

"You leaving?" Lucía said.

"Yes. I'll see you tomorrow. Try to rest, will you?"

* * *

It was Cullen's turn to pop in her room. He made small talk as the nurse was there. Lucía noticed the nurse's eyes on Cullen, a soft blushing covering her cheeks as he shamelessly flirted with her. Lucía rolled her eyes. She saw the nurse walk out of the room as Cullen offered to rub the lotion on Lucía's leg. Just like Varric, he didn't look at her, and he spoke in a soft voice even though they were on their own.

"I trust Varric's told you not to say anything. I'll be… conducting an investigation. On my own. I'd really appreciate it if you kept everything you know to yourself. We wouldn't want you to go missing, would we?"

"Is that a threat?" she muttered, looking away.

"Certainly not. But we can't be too careful. All you have to say is that you lost your brother there, there were lots of Spawn, and still the situation seems under control, especially after your sort-of-reckless actions. I've already been questioned about it and I've credited our survival to you. Lieutenant's not a bad promotion after all." His fingers worked up her leg, applying the right amount of pressure, and she thought that he'd done that hundreds of times before. She snorted and saw him smile. "I know you don't like me, Hawke. That's quite clear. You don't have to like me. We're not friends. I'm just interested in the truth." His fingers ran up her thigh. "For instance, why didn't you tell me that you knew that Quentin was your father? No, don't strain your leg. Back then, you heard me tell you that we were after your lover-"

She arched her back and turned her face away from the door. "The truth's more complex than you think, Cullen. Did you find his body?"

"There was no body. Just inhuman amounts of blood. It would've been impossible for him to surv–"

"There's isn't such a thing as 'impossible' with my father, Cullen. You're looking for Professor Quentin – I'm looking for Malcolm Hawke." She sighed. "It seems this is far from over."

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: "Tooi sakebi" means "A distant shout/cry", and it's a song by Nakaido Reichi. It's the ending song of a great anime, 'Serial Experiments: Lain'. I swear I'm trying hard to make this lighter, but after so many days wandering about the Deep Roads, it's hard to bring the characters back to a 'normal' state. They're all a bit scarred.


	44. Tooi Sakebi (Part Two)

In the days that followed, Varric and Cullen took turns to visit Lucía, and the three of them started weaving a story. Explaining how they had managed to survive without mentioning Bartrand was particularly difficult, but they figured they could stretch out the time they'd spent in the settlements. Explaining the casualties was far too disturbing, and they found themselves dreaming about it. Cullen had dreamed about Lily three times already, and Varric kept seeing Ewald's face swallowed by the darkness of the gap.

Lucía's dreams, however, took her deep into the heart of the Deep Roads. There were some words that kept ringing in her ears. _The idol. The idol. The idol._  She had no idea what that meant, and one afternoon she asked Varric about it.

"Maybe it was one of the things that you said in that weird gibberish you spoke," Varric said. He had been given a mobile phone to keep him updated of Bianca's state and he kept fidgeting with it.

"I don't remember anything," Lucía frowned. "There are images and feelings… But I'd never heard of something like an 'idol' before."

Varric shrugged. "Maybe you heard 'idle', because your body wants to start moving again. Speaking of moving your body… Have you talked to Anders already?"

"What does that have to do with the body?"

"You know…" Varric winked. "He's been waiting for you – what, three months now?"

Lucía snorted. "You know he's got… issues. When it comes to getting physical."

"Ah, but you don't. Isn't that the reason why you 'danced' with the cousin?"

Lucía blushed violently.

"Oh! Did I hit a nerve?" Varric smirked. Lucía didn't answer. His grin vanished. "Oh shit, I  _did_  hit a nerve. Is there something wrong?"

Lucía shook her head. "No, no. It's nothing. It's just… I don't want to talk about them. Anders hasn't come over yet, and Leto…" She bit the inside of her cheeks. "I don't know…"

* * *

_Well-rested, my lady?_

_The dwarf's voice sounded amused. She raised her eyes and saw him smirking. He had surely heard them the night before._

_Louvetaux came out of the tent, half-dressed. She could not tear her eyes away from him. One moment, he was passing his fingers through his messy white hair; the next, he was washing his face with the water left in the bucket. Some drops were running down his neck and his chest, leaving a trail that glistened in the morning sun, and they got lost in the fine line of delicate white hair that was born in the lower part of his navel – a line that, she now knew, extended to more intimate parts of his body._

_Parts that she had eagerly explored. Parts that were hers now._

_He caught her watching him and gave her a half-smile. She looked away as the other woman in the party came out of her tent. She could not face that woman's reproach now. She went back to her tent and lay down for a while._

_She felt a pair of hands groping her, awakening desire in her. She turned to look at Louvetaux, but his hair was not white any longer – it was dark, and his eyes were green. She let him kiss her again and again as he called out her name, as he begged her not to leave._

Lucía, _he had whispered in her ear._  


_But she wasn't Lucía. She was Marian._

* * *

Lucía woke up. Another night of strange dreams. She remembered now what Varric had said about Leto and Isabela after they'd found the red lyrium. He was in love with her. He was in _love_  with her? She couldn't believe it, and yet… She felt guilty about the night that she'd shared with him. She kept telling herself that, if there was a way to go back, she'd erase that night from her memory.

And still, she couldn't stop thinking about him.

* * *

Isabela had finished washing her hair. The hot water ran down her body and kept her warm as she used the soap. Mint.  _Strange,_  she thought. Through the corner of the eye she saw a silhouette approaching her. She smiled.

"Who told you that you were allowed in here?" she said, faking severity.

She felt his hands running over her body and her legs quivered. "I don't need permission to be here," Leto grunted in her ear, as he sank his face in her black hair, grabbed her by the waist and took her from behind.

* * *

"She was born, just now!" Varric ran into Lucía's room and found her talking to Cullen. Lucía clapped and shouted.

"Congratulations, Captain!" Cullen said with a smile.

"What name did you choose for her?"

"Enya," Varric said. "Enya Tethras." Lucía and Cullen looked at each other briefly. "Hey! You didn't want us to use your name, so you have no saying-!"

"I know, I know!" Lucía said, beaming. "I'm so happy for you two!" She hugged Varric and patted him on the shoulder.

"Lieutenant Hawke, you have a visitor in room B," a voice said monotonously.

Lucía hopped out of the bed and walked into the following room. She pressed the button next to the glass and this became transparent. And there he was. Looking tired but handsome, anxious and surprised. She touched her short hair, self-consciously. "Hi," she said, blushing.

"Hi," Anders replied with a shy smile. "I didn't know if you'd want to see me…"

Lucía's eyes feasted on his demeanour – his fingers passing through his hair nervously, his warm eyes on her, his lips moving as he asked her how she felt… Something deep inside her stirred awake, and for a moment she felt like smashing the glass that separated them and jumping –broken leg and everything– to the other side, where he was. The more he talked, the more she wanted to feel him, to be close to him. "You hair looks…"

"Terrible, I know." Lucía covered her head with her plastered arm. "It was much worse, three months ago. Now it's a little better."

Anders nodded. "It's… not that bad. It will grow again." The pressure was killing him. He wanted to break her free from there and take her away, but Leto's feelings kept coming back to him. He sighed sadly. Lucía picked up on the sigh and felt discouraged.

* * *

The Board questioned them for hours. They were confident and natural in their answers. The situation they had gone through had been extraordinary enough for them to invent anything else. After that, it would be one more day and then, they'd be out of there.

And into what, exactly. Cullen had someone waiting for him, and Varric was about to start a new era of family life. What about her? Would she move in with her family? Would she get a place of her own? Would Anders be there? The last time they'd seen each other, he'd seemed to have second thoughts about them. He hadn't said anything explicitly, but it had felt like the last time they'd gone out together as friends. Lucía felt that he was holding something back, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to know what it was.

The Brigadier's voice took her out of her thoughts.

"Major Cullen, Captain Tethras, Lieutenant Hawke." Meredith leaned back in her chair. "If quick-thinking and survival instincts were something to be praised, you would surely be commended for it. Lieutenant Hawke," Lucía stood up. "Major Cullen tells me that you engaged in perilous actions in order to ensure the escape route of your fellow comrades. Is that true?"

"I did what conscience dictated to be done, madam," Lucía said, looking ahead. As Meredith opened her mouth, she hurried to say, "My only fault was perhaps to bring my brother with me. I could have endangered my fellow teammates and I apologize for that."

Meredith gave a little smile. "Still, Major Cullen tells me you had an uncanny sense of guidance and leadership. It will be interesting to see how you can help the people who will be responding to you from now on. Well done." Lucía nodded politely and took a seat. She felt every muscle of her body tensing and she wished that everything was over soon.

Meredith Stannard looked at the three of them. She smiled courteously. "I would like to extend my congratulations to you, Commandant du Lac, and of course, to you, Lieutenant-Colonel Vallen." Aveline and Wesley nodded graciously. "I've been told you two led your party efficiently. I'm looking forward to seeing further collaboration between your Departments. Perhaps, now that you'll be transferred to Kirkwall, Commandant du Lac, we'll be seeing more of you."

"I hope it will be for a good cause, as usual," Aveline said.

"Commandant?" Lucía asked. "You're not staying in Tantervale?"

"Neither is Captain Tethras," Meredith said. "We need people like him in Starkhaven."

"I… Brigadier, I had no idea…" Varric started to say.

"Now that you're starting a family, it's good to have new beginnings, Captain Tethras. Your help will be invaluable there. For the moment, Lieutenant Hawke, you will remain in Tantervale. Consider this to be out of deference to your brother and his… unusual circumstances." The Brigadier's lips smiled, but her eyes were cold. "Once your brother becomes active in the ranks that he has joined, you're expected to report for duty in Kirkwall." She stood up and took the folder she'd been toying with for the whole meeting. "Don't get too attached to this city, Hawke. Kirkwall will be waiting for you."

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: same as the previous one. The lyrics talk about the cost of freedom, being a victim of circumstances, and how some are punished even though they're innocent, and how that punishment is accepted.


	45. Tired of Being Alone

"… This is the total amount credited to your account."

Leandra gasped and Lucía's eyes opened wide. "Are you sure that figure's correct?"

The accountant took a look at the screen. "Well, you still have your brother's account. He made your mother his executor in case something happened to him." He looked for the file and asked Leandra to input the key that she'd been given before they'd left. There was even more money in his account. The Wardens were generous with the families of the recruits they took.

"This is his money, anyway," Leandra said. "He'll need it, once he's back."

"He won't be back to us, though," Lucía said. "But it's true - we won't touch his money."

"I'd suggest you talk to him about it as soon as you can. Perhaps he'd like to invest it, or-"

Lucía touched the screen and signed out of the account. She stood up. "Thank you for your time," she said, and left the office, followed by her mother.

* * *

They'd finished having dinner. Bethany had brought a scrapbook of ads of houses that she was interested in for Lucía to see, and Leandra was saying that they didn't need to move out so soon.

"Mother!" Bethany protested. "Lucía said we could buy the house we wanted!"

"It will be for one year only, Beth," Leandra said. "Remember that your sister will be transferred to Kirkwall. We can buy a house there."

Bethany sighed. "I was looking forward to getting my own room at last."

"You'll get your own room," Lucía said firmly. She'd been looking out of the window until then. "We will all get our own rooms."

"Mother could get her own place," Bethany insinuated. "That way, she could receive Benoit-"

 _"Bethany,"_  her mother warned her.

Bethany stuck out her tongue. "What? I know you've been seeing him. I even followed you once!"

Leandra gasped. " _Mother!_  How  _bold_  of you! I hope it's more than sex," Lucía said, winking.

"It must be," Bethany giggled. "They hold hands and everything!"

"What are you two- I can't believe- My two daughters against me!" She'd turned scarlet.

Bethany sat on her mother's lap. "Awww, you're blushing! We're not judging you, Mama. After all, I'm the only pure soul in this house." She grinned at Lucía mischievously. Leandra looked at her elder daughter inquisitively.

"She means that I had sex with someone and she won't let me forget about it," Lucía barked. "Nobody will, apparently." She took her coat and walked out of the apartment.

* * *

"Oh, you're  _back!"_ Merrill said. "I didn't think you'd come here again, after I spilt the coffee over your folder. And you didn't, for some time. A long time, actually! What's-? Oh my! Were you in an accident? You poor thing!"

"It's nothing, really," Lucía smiled. "I fell down and hurt myself."

Merrill put her hands on Lucía's shoulders and asked seriously, "Is your boyfriend violent to you?"

Lucía frowned. "What?"

"It's okay. I've heard that many women make up excuses for their lovers' behaviour." Merrill hugged her. "I'm here for you, whatever you need."

Lucía stared at her for a minute and then shook her head. "No, no! I was on a mission, Mer! That's why I haven't been around for months."

"Ooh! A  _secret_ mission?" Merrill's green eyes opened like plates. Lucía couldn't help but smile.

* * *

  
_Leto cupped her face with his hand._ Promise me you'll take care? _His lips landed on her cheek, giving her a chaste kiss. She wanted to say that she was sorry, but his hands circled her waist and drew her towards him._  


_As she tried to detach from him, she saw that the lips and hands were Anders's now._

You've come back to me.

Yes, _she simply said, as she parted her lips and kissed him, melting into him._  


Lucía opened her eyes, panting.  _That kiss…_  It had seemed so real. She wondered if Anders was capable of doing something like that. They had barely kissed. A few pecks, or perhaps slightly more than that; that had been all. How had it felt? Incredibly warm. She closed her eyes and touched her lips with her fingertips. Anders's lips had felt warm and sweet and right. She smiled. She'd pay him a visit in the morning.

* * *

"How's the leg?" Anders asked, as he took a pile of things off the couch for her to sit.

"Much better. It's been like 8 weeks now. It  _has_ to be."

"Yes, but you had an infection. That's bound to delay the healing-"

"I'm not here as a patient, Anders," Lucía smiled. "I already have a doctor."

"I'm sorry," he smiled briefly. She was standing close to him.  _Too_ close, perhaps. He could smell her perfume. Maker, he had missed her scent. Suddenly the task he'd set for himself –get her out of his life– seemed impossible. She was there; she'd come back to him. They could start something. Bethany's words, however, went round his head.  _He's suffering,_  she'd said.  _He fell hard for her._  For a moment Anders felt an intense hatred for Leto. Why would he do it? Should he do this for his cousin? Should he walk away from the woman he wanted for Leto's sake?

Lucía had said something. "I'm sorry?" Anders said.

"I said you look troubled. Is there something wrong?" She caressed his left cheek with her hand.  _Her skin…_  Anders closed his eyes for a brief second. He wanted to kiss her palm so badly.

He shook his head and took a step back. "We have to talk."

* * *

He explained how they really didn't know each other; that he'd thought about it better and he'd decided to stand by his original decision of not getting involved, with her or with anyone. He told her about the sleepless nights he'd had, and how hard it was for him to focus every time he'd let his feelings get the best of him. He'd been worried about her when he'd realized that she was unpredictable to him. What she had done, right before being rescued… It had made him uneasy. He couldn't afford to feel that way. He was jeopardizing everything he'd got.

"So… This isn't because of Leto." Lucía said slowly. Anders shot a glance at her.

" _How-?_  Did Bethany-?"

 _Aaah,_  Lucía thought. She was of course talking about the night that she'd spent with Leto. But he was talking about something else. Something that  _Bethany_  knew about. And she remembered what Varric had told her. It wasn't hard to put two and two together. She'd have a talk with Beth later. "I  _know,_  Anders." She crossed her fingers mentally, hoping that he wouldn't ask her what exactly she knew. From his reaction, it was obvious that he'd heard the same rumours Varric had heard. She didn't think Leto had said anything directly to  _him_. "I know about Leto's… feelings." Her mind was working fast now, trying to find the right connection. Leto had told Isabela, Isabela had told Bianca, Bianca had told Varric. Bianca must have told Bethany: Bethany had told Anders.

Oh yes. She would  _definitely_  have a talk with her little sister later.

Anders stood up. "I'll admit it's not only that, but… It was a big shock for me too. To discover that he felt that way, I mean. Both of you told me about… Well, about the night you shared. I thought that you'd be just another girl for him. The fact that he fell for you…" Anders laid his back against the wall. "He'd never fallen like that for anyone before. Not that I know of. Logically speaking, thinking about what I am… I think you two should be together. But in my heart…"

His brown eyes took a good look at her. Lucía felt her heart quicken its pace. She stood up, sighing.

"I'm so tired of this, Anders. So, so tired.  _You_  came after me first," she murmured. "You came after me with your friendly, flirty attitude. You made me trust you. You made me  _like_  you. You made me want to be with you. And then you pushed me away." She took a few steps towards him. "You pushed me away, what for? So that I wouldn't think about you? I thought we were friends, and you even led me to believe that we could be more than that, with your kindness and thoughtfulness and attention… You knew that I was falling for you, and you let me go through with it." Her voice rose. "And now you say that you aren't right for me, that I should have a normal life with someone else!" She shook her head. "Leto came after me, and when I was with him…" She clenched her fists. "When I was with him I wished it was  _you._  Every touch, every kiss… I wanted _him_  to be  _you._  And now you tell me… You _dare_  tell me who I should be with. Who do you think you are to say who I should be with? You sound like-" Lucía was mad. "You sound just like my father; my overbearing, manipulative, son-of-a-bitch of a father!"

She turned away, giving herself a few seconds to calm down. And then it hit her. Oh, the  _bastard._  She could see it in his eyes. He had her right where he wanted. He was making her break up with him. She'd almost fallen for it. She let out a short laugh and turned to look at him. Swiftly, she bridged the gap that separated them and pushed him against the wall. He could feel her warm breath on his skin as she searched for his ear.

"You'll have to do something better next time, Anders," she whispered in his ear. "I won't give up so easily," she said, as her lips touched a soft spot on his neck very lightly. He closed his eyes. One more second and he would give up any kind of pretense.

One more second and he would take her, right then and there.

But she pulled away from him and took her bag from the chair. "See you around," she smiled with the confidence of someone who's won a battle, and walked out of the office.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Al Green.


	46. In the Crossfire

_"How are you feeling?" Bethany's voice was sweet._   
_"Wonderful. I've been stuck here for weeks now. How's the fresh air suiting you, Lucía?" Carver's blue eyes pierced into his older sister's. "How does it feel to be finally out?"_   
_"Carver, baby," Leandra said. "Please…"_   
_"Are you happy that she's home, Mama? Did you buy a mansion with all the money you got? Was it worth it?"_   
_"I think we should go," Bethany murmured._   
_"What's that, sister? Eager to leave?" Carver stood up. "So am I. But wait, I can't. I'm fucking stuck in here, with this, for the rest of my life!"_

* * *

Carver opened his eyes.

A room. So cold. His body. Cables. Tubes. Straps. Noises. No colour. No move. No voice. No song. No dream. No one else. No partner. No sister. No mother. Just him.

A light. Someone. White clothes. His eyes. Pain. Close them. Forced open.

"He's awake." A voice. "Can you hear me?"

A groan. His voice. "Hrm."

"Say yes or no, come on. Can you hear me?"

"Yes."

"Good. What's your name?"

"Carver."

"Last name? Look at me. Last name?" A growl. "What's that? No last name? Then it's back to sleep for you."

A groan. "H-Hawke."

"Full name?"

"Carver Hawke."

"Welcome back, Carver Hawke. In the following days you'll be rehabilitated. You're at the Warden Headquarters and you'll stay here for a year. During that time you won't be allowed to leave the premises. Is that clear?" A grunt. "Hey. Is that clear?"

"Yes."

"Good. And it's back to sleep for you."

"No."

"Yes."

* * *

_"It's only a few more months, darling," Leandra said. "You know this is for the best."_   
_Carver scoffed. "Oh, she's convinced you, hasn't she?" He turned to Lucía. "This is your fault!"_   
_Bethany stood up. "Stop it! Please! This was nobody's fault!"_   
_Lucía put her hand on Bethany's arm. "Let him speak," she said calmly._

* * *

He welcomed the hot water. He'd been suffering from dizziness caused by the withdrawal and he hadn't been allowed to take a bath for weeks. He took a look at his arms. His veins looked so blue. He felt the blood rushing through as the temperature dropped. He closed his eyes and let the water run until it was cut off.

He walked out of the shower and took a look at himself in the mirror. There was a huge reddish bruise on the right side of his abdomen, and bruises down his thighs. But it was his own eyes that shocked him. The irises were bright blue. Like pure lyrium. He backed off, away from the mirror. His father had those eyes.

_Father._

He sank the fist into the mirror, shattering it into a thousand pieces. His knuckles bled profusely. Someone ran into the room and shot a dart at him. He ripped it off his chest and threw it far away. His eyelids – they were so heavy.

He fell on his knees and passed out.

* * *

_"You should have stayed home! This was my chance! Mine!"_   
_"What happened down there was not my fault, Carver," Lucía said. "We didn't expect-"_   
_"I could have been in Varric's team! You forced me to switch to Jeven's section!"_   
_Lucía was frozen. Bethany put a hand on her shoulder. "Lucía asked you to stay with us, Carver!" she said softly. "But she found you… Varric told me she looked for you-"_   
_"And she arrived too late!" he spat venomously._   
_Lucía looked at him sadly. She stood up and approached the glass that separated them. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "I really am." She pressed her hand against the glass._   
_"Fuck you!" He smashed his fist against it and the glass cracked slightly. Bethany and Leandra shouted. Lucía didn't move. Carver screamed and hit the glass again. The crack spread faster as he banged his fist against it._   
_Two men entered the room and dragged him away as he continued screaming. Leandra cried and Bethany held her._   
_Lucía didn't move._

* * *

He spent most of the day running on the treadmill. Running nowhere. The view from that part of the Headquarters was stunning – the walls of the gym area were reinforced glass, and they overlooked the green valley on the outskirts of Tantervale, but Carver barely noticed it. He just went on running, on and on, until he was so tired that his body asked for a respite.

Many days went by, and those days turned into weeks. He had started talking to the others. There weren't many of them. Not all of them survived. He'd been very lucky, they'd said, that he'd been found at such an early stage.

"Why did you guys take me in?" he asked one afternoon.

He'd been assigned a Senior, Nathaniel. He was a young man with bright blue eyes and raven black hair. He had a kind nature and was usually very quiet, which was exactly what Carver needed to calm his temper.

"It was… an interesting combination. You had an impressive sheet, little corruption, and very persuasive friends. And good stamina. That's always important," Nathaniel said, winking.

"What about you?" Carver asked. Nathaniel stared at him.

"Come. I'll show you."

* * *

_She was sitting on his favourite bench. The morning sunlight bathed her as she closed her eyes with a smile. He'd heard the news from their mother, and he was glad to see her again._   
_"You look… well," he said shyly. "When did-?"_   
_"Four months ago." Lucía smiled. "I've brought you this," she said, as she gave him an envelope. He opened it and nodded._   
_"Are you sure?"_   
_"Your Senior says that you can-"_   
_"No, I mean… This," he murmured, pointing to the envelope._   
_"Ah. It wasn't really a choice. I guess it was going to happen at some point. I wish it hadn't been under these circumstances."_   
_"If you're happy, then I'm happy," he said, pressing her hand warmly._   
_"I'll be waiting for you to come home, brother," she replied, as she held his hand between hers._

* * *

Dust town.

The footage was gruesome. Amidst the carnage and the heaps of bodies, there was a hand that moved. The camera zoomed in and Carver saw Nathaniel's gaunt face, unfamiliarly emaciated. He was screeching with a voice that brought back memories to Carver's mind. Nathaniel had come out of the pile and had jumped over an agent, pounding him and screaming. It had been hard to restrain him – it had taken four men and he was still kicking and writhing when they took him away.

"I was lucky to be found. The Commander says that it was only a matter of days before I completely lost it." Nathaniel looked at the image on the screen.

Carver turned to Nathaniel. "How many Wardens are there?"

"In the Free Marches? Only the ones here. 20 or so. I am from Ferelden, though. One of the first to fall."

"And yet, here you are, assigned to babysit me," Carver smiled.

"My orders came from above, as usual. Someone up there believes that you'll be a great Warden and I am to train you properly. Your sister's actions… They set us back for a while, but at the same time they revealed some new passages we'd been looking for."

Carver shifted uncomfortably. He still felt ashamed for the way he had treated Lucía the last time they'd met. He cleared his throat. "Is that what we're supposed to be doing?" he asked, pointing to the screen. "Killing Spawn? Recruiting them? Rehabilitating them?"

"All three of them, yes." Nathaniel's voice was gentle in spite of its usual huskiness. "It's tough. Most of the times we're just too late."

"So our duties don't include investigating where the Spawn came from? Or how exactly this started?"

Nathaniel stared at his Junior. "What makes you think we don't know that?" he asked softly.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a great song by Starsailor.


	47. Is It Any Wonder?

Lucía sat down at the usual booth. She checked her mobile phone for messages or calls. Nothing. She yawned and rubbed her eyes. Exhaustion was always welcomed these days.

"Did you work the night shift again?" Merrill asked. She'd already prepared fresh coffee for Lucía.

"I'm still on leave, at least until the therapist clears me for duty. I'm only allowed to do passive tasks at the office. It's a lot of reading, so I do it at night, when it's quieter. It's no big deal, really – I haven't been able to sleep well for a while anyway, so…"

"I'm a morning person, most of the times," the waitress pondered. "Except when I oversleep, of course. Now I leave the curtains drawn, so that I'll wake up with the sunlight. It works. Except on cloudy or rainy days."

Lucía chuckled. A message popped up in her cell phone. She replied quickly and sat down to enjoy her coffee before Bethany's arrival. She looked at her reflection in the spoon. Her father had taught her why she looked upside down on the face of the spoon. Her father had taught her many things. She wasn't sure whether she'd forgotten some things naturally, or if her mind had forced her to forget…  _What a curious thing memory is,_  she thought.  _You either get stuck in the past and remain oblivious to the present, or you refuse to acknowledge what happened and never learn._

Oh, great - now she had turned into some sort of Cafeteria Philosopher. She sighed.

Bethany arrived some minutes later. Her glossy hair had been braided and she was wearing a light blue tracksuit. She was certainly beautiful. Lucía wondered how long it would be till she was fully awakened and realized that she was a woman – she'd want to start her own life, and it was still hard to say how much she'd be able to do.

"Mama was about to make breakfast for us. Are you sure you don't want to go home?"

"No. I've got an appointment later on and I wanted to talk to you in private."

Bethany glanced at her sister. Lucía wasn't looking at her. She appeared to have been mesmerized by the spoon. "Okaaaay," Bethany said and turned to Merrill, who was waiting by the table to take the order. "Er… I'll have the strawberry milkshake, please."

"Right away," Merrill smiled. "I'll bring you more coffee, Lucía."

"Thank you," Lucía said, absent-mindedly.

Bethany rubbed her hands together and waited. Since she'd come back, Lucía had these occasional bouts of silence that made Bethany nervous. She missed the old Lucía. Yes, she could be grumpy sometimes –more like serious most of the times– but she was always loving and kind and patient. The new Lucía, however…

Some days, Bethany felt as if she'd lost both siblings down there in the Deep Roads.

"I went to see Anders yesterday," she finally said.

"Ah," Bethany said. Anders had called her to tell her that Lucía had been to his office, and that she'd somehow found out about Leto. Bethany wondered how.  _Probably Varric,_  she thought.

"He wants us to stop seeing each other."

"What's going to happen, then?"

"So… You don't want to know why he wants that? Or maybe you already do." Lucía raised her eyes to meet her sister's.

Bethany sighed. "Yes, I know. Look, I…"

"Strawberry milkshake for you!" Merrill said happily. Bethany thanked her as the waitress poured more coffee for Lucía. When she'd finished she walked away, humming a little tune.

"Who told you about Leto?" Bethany asked. "Was it Varric?"

"Yes. Who told you?"

"Leto."

Lucía's eyes opened wide. "Did he… Did he actually say…? What did he say, exactly?" She shook her head. "I really wanted to believe that it was a joke."

"It doesn't matter. I promised him I wouldn't tell you."

She grabbed Bethany's hand impatiently. "Bethany,  _please._  I haven't been sleeping well recently, this is definitely not the happiest moment of my life, and I already know half of the story, so please, fill me in about the rest and don't make me waste my time. What. Did. He. Say."

Bethany removed her hand from her sister's grip. "Are you feeling fine?"

"Fine? No, I'm not feeling fine. Not at all. My brother's away, the guy I was kinda dating wants to break up with me, and my sister hides things from me!" Lucía rubbed her face. "I don't want the details, Bethany – I want… I…" She broke down. "Oh fuck, I don't know what I want! I don't know what I expect – I don't know what I should do!" She hid her face in her hands. Bethany sat down next to her and hugged her tight. How unusual it was for her to play that part, to be in that role. It was Lucía the one that held them together – it had always been that way.

Bethany said slowly, "Perhaps… I'm not saying it's like that, but  _maybe_   _someone_ loves you in a special way and they feel they shouldn't, especially because you  _might_  be dating a member of their family.  _Perhaps."_

Lucía wiped the tears with her hand. "Is that what he said?"

" _Maybe._  And  _perhaps_   _someone_  didn't pursue a relationship with you because they love their family member as well, and they wouldn't want to break that… bond they have."

"I… Are you talking about Leto or Anders now?"

Bethany opened her mouth and frowned. She closed it again. She seemed to be thinking. "Actually, I don't know. I guess it applies to both?"

Lucía leaned back and looked up. "Why do they act like that? It shouldn't be that hard. I… kinda understand Anders. I mean, I still think some of his reasons are bullshit. He should at least give us a chance. And Leto… I'm baffled as to why he feels that way about me, really. I don't think I was particularly nice to him. And yes, the sex was good, I suppose. It's not that I can compare it with some other experience-"

"He kept your handkerchief. The red one you'd been looking for, remember? That's how I learned about his feelings. It was lying on a pillow on his bed."

Lucía raised her eyebrows. "What were you doing in his bedroom?"

"I was looking for the bathroom and… Oh, that's right, I didn't tell you. We went to Kirkwall for a few days, right after you guys got lost. Anyway, I was looking for the bathroom…" Bethany spoke about her brief chat with Leto and Lucía listened to her silently.

"I don't know if I should feel flattered or… I don't know. That's odd," Lucía murmured at the end.

"He asked me not to tell you, but Lucía, you should have seen him and heard him that day! I felt really sorry for him. And he's got the most adorable puppy eyes I've ever seen in a man."

"He's rather sweet, actually," Lucía smiled. "Very gentle and kind, in spite of the initial standoffish attitude he had."

"And he's so attractive. He's definitely more attractive than Anders."

"I don't know. Well, yes. He's got gorgeous eyes and his body is… Yeah, okay, he's attractive. But I don't know. I don't like Anders for his body. Although I do like his back. I feel… I don't know, protected when he holds me?" She was nursing her cup of coffee and a smile appeared on her face. "I like his sense of humour. And his kindness."

"Doesn't Leto have those things as well?" Bethany asked.

"Perhaps. After all, if Anders loves him so much, it must be because of something. But I really can't explain why it feels different. I think that Anders and I are… synchronized. I mean, I know I never paid much attention to his theories of past lives and all that stuff, but maybe… Maybe he's right. That would explain some... things." She looked at her sister and shrugged.

"So what would have happened if Leto had stayed? After that night together, I mean."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I told Leto that he should have told you how he felt about you, and he said that you might have rejected him. What would you have done?"

Lucía thought about it for a few minutes. "If he'd told me he loved me at that moment, I would have thought him mad. If he'd stayed in the city, however… I would have seen him again, for sure. I mean, I had a great time with him. Yes, I would have hung out with him again. It's not like Anders had any saying at that moment. I wasn't in love with him."

"And now?" Bethany pressed her sister's hand. "Are you in love with him?"

Lucía sighed. "He's making it very difficult." She laughed. "It's funny. Two people claim to love me and here I am, all alone. Well, with you, but… You know what I mean. I wouldn't want them to fight for me, anyway. But I wasn't expecting all this  _'I insist, you keep her', 'No, no, good sir, you keep her', 'By no means, you deserve her', 'Humbug! You're a worthy man and she'll be happier with you'_ …"

"Yeah, they're both a pair of pussies," Bethany said, sipping on her milkshake. Lucía shouldered her playfully.

"Why do people need this… confusion, this secrecy? Anders, Leto… What do they get from it? Satisfaction?" Lucía groaned. "Why are men so complicated?"

"You're leaving out Father," Bethany pointed out. "If there's someone with secrets, that's him."

"Father…" Lucía snorted. "That reminds me…" She checked the time. "I've got to go – it's time for psychometrics." She kissed her sister's cheek, left some money on the table and walked out. Her phone rang. She saw the name on the display. "I thought you wouldn't be calling-"

"I need to see you tonight," Cullen's voice said.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Keane. I think I'd never paid attention to the lyrics. This thing of choosing songs for the chapters is paying off!


	48. Never Tear Us Apart

"Your qualifications are impressive," the interviewer said. "I am surprised to see that this is the first time you've applied for this course."

"I've been too busy with other things," Anders said. "But now I find myself in a position to leave the city for some time without affecting my work here, and I thought this would be good for me."

"Have you been to Seheron before?"

"No, sir. I must admit I'm looking forward to it," he smiled.

"Beautiful beaches, great weather. You'll definitely like it." The interviewer stood up and shook Anders's hand. "If you decide to join us, there's a group leaving in two days, and another one in a week. Think about it and call me."

* * *

Cullen helped Lucía to her seat and then he walked to the other side of the table. He didn't even need to see the menu. To Lucía's surprise, he knew exactly what to order.

"I'd been here before, when we came to Tantervale before the Roads," he explained. She nodded and sipped on her water quietly. "You look beautiful, by the way."

Lucía choked on the water.

"I'm sorry. I thought it would be nice to pay you a compliment," Cullen chuckled. "I hope you've already stopped hating me about the hair."

Lucía shrugged slightly. "It's not that important, and it's growing fine."

"Yeah, I see," he said. Lucía saw him take something small from his pocket and before she knew it, his hand was on top of hers, playing with her fingers… and slipping a memory card under her hand. Lucía smiled and secured it with her thumb. With the other hand, she held the glass of water and drank slowly.

"Isn't that your boyfriend out there?" Cullen said. Lucía turned her head and saw Anders watching them as he passed by the window of the restaurant. Lucía looked at him blankly and then her eyes turned to Cullen. She shrugged indifferently.

* * *

"Thank you for accepting this invitation," Wesley said as Aveline entered his office.

As soon as she went in, her eyes opened wide. His usually sober and minimalist space was covered in folders and photographs of places and people from the case she was working on.

The desk was illuminated by a scented candle and there were two trays of food waiting for them. Wesley helped her to her seat and turned down the volume of the radio. "Hope you enjoy the meal," he said, smiling boyishly. Aveline uncovered the dish.  _Seafood._

"Maker," she gagged.

"Oh no! You don't like it," he said. She shook her head.

"It's more than that. I'm allergic to-" She covered her mouth, stood up and walked to the window.

"Oh shit," Wesley muttered. He put the two trays in a plastic bag and took them away to the refuse containers down the corridor. He came back quickly and said, "I know! We should order pizza. A simple one. The simplest one. Is that all right?" The eager look in his eyes made her smile. She nodded and smiled.

She didn't have the heart to tell him that she hated cheese.

* * *

The music played softly in the background. Leandra finished drying the dishes as Benoit washed them. There was something about this man that made her feel comfortable with herself, at ease and content. His bright green eyes and graying hair gave him an air of respectability that suited him quite fine. He was well-built, and in spite of being almost 60 years old, his body was still firm and tight. Leandra chuckled to herself.

"What's so funny?" he asked her with a smile.

"Ah, if my daughters could see me now," she said.  _"Children,"_  she corrected herself. "My children. Oh, how could I have forgotten Carver?"

Benoit du Lac dried his hands and put his arms around her. "Hey… You haven't forgotten about him, Lea. He's alive, and that's all that matters." He lifted her chin and kissed her softly. She smiled. "Aveline told me that he will be able to return one day, so there – it's not that bad."

"I know, it's just… Sometimes I feel I'm forgetting about a lot of things."

"Like what?" he asked as he took the dessert out of the fridge.

"Like… My life in Ferelden. I lived there so many years and still, it feels as if all that had happened to another woman. Now I wonder how we survived that long. Oh, never mind. I'm rambling."

"I like it when you ramble," he said, kissing her again, this time with greater intensity.

"So… Are we skipping the dessert?" she smiled playfully as she wrapped her arms around him.

"What would your daughters say, Lady Amell?" Benoit teased her.

" _'Go Mama!'_  probably," she giggled, as she leaned in for another kiss.

* * *

His fist went through the cupboard door. Karl ran into the room when he heard the noise and he saw that most of the papers and folders had been trashed.

"Andraste's _Holy Tits_ , Anders! What the  _fuck_  is wrong with you?"

Anders panted. His eyes were dark and cold. "I need a shot, Karl," he grunted. Karl swallowed hard and dashed away to look for the vial. Anders removed the splinters that had got stuck in his hand and waited. How much longer? Karl would be back soon. He had to.

As Karl injected him with the solution, Anders seemed to relax. Karl disposed of the empty syringe and sat down, staring at him.

"What?" Anders said calmly.

" _'What'_ you say? What the  _fuck_ , I say!" Karl replied. "What happened?"

Anders remembered.  _Their hands, together._  He rubbed his eyes and shook his head. "Don't wanna talk about it," he muttered.

Karl raised his hands. "Okay… How was the interview?"

Anders's eyes shot up. He took his mobile phone and called the interviewer. "This is Anders Devin," he said, trying to sound cheerful. "I was wondering if there was a place available for me in the group that leaves in two days…? There is…? Yeah, that would be great… I'll be looking forward to your email, yes… Thanks a lot!" He hung up.

Karl gave him a hard look. "Running away from Lucía again?" Anders didn't reply – he just looked at his friend calmly. The solution had already kicked in. In a few minutes he'd be sound asleep. Karl raised his hands and left him alone.

* * *

"So, when will I see you again?" Lucía said to Cullen as she got out of the taxi.

"Hopefully, in three weeks. Keep your fingers crossed, Hawke," he said as he waved goodbye.

* * *

"You've barely touched your pizza," Wesley noted.

"I'm more interested in knowing how you acquired all this information!" Aveline grinned, browsing through the files. "This is excellent stuff!"

"Well, you said you'd give anything to get your hands on these… Er… Not that I expected you to give me anything, or well… Unless you wanted to… I mean! Your hands, on… stuff and Maker I'm making a fool of myself," Wesley lamented.

Aveline smiled and timidly stroked his cheek.

* * *

"Marry me," Benoit said. Leandra sat up and covered herself with the sheets.

"What… What did you say?"

"You've heard me," Benoit said, holding her hand and kissing it. "Marry me."

* * *

_He remembered this smell, this warmth… The fireplace near the bed – the wood, sometimes popping quietly, sometimes sizzling._

_A long-lost memory, one that felt real. Too real._

_He felt his body reacting to her hands, her fingertips running through his hair, her lips slightly brushing against his skin, as if he was a delicate thing… But he wasn't. He wasn't delicate. He was flesh and blood, and she was driving him crazy. He parted his lips and caught her mouth, kissing her hungrily. His hands slid behind her hips and he pulled her onto his lap, so that she'd feel how much he wanted her, how much he needed her…_

_"Anders," he heard her moaning against his mouth, biting his lips._

His eyes shot open.

Lucía was sitting astride him, kissing him.

He swallowed hard.  _How…?_  He couldn't – he shouldn't…

But her eyes… She wanted him as well.

 _Oh fuck it,_  he thought, as he went back to kissing her.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by INXS


	49. Running Away

He'd never felt that way before. The timid kisses they'd had until that moment were nothing compared to what they had now. Something was singing in his blood, and he felt that he could barely control himself. She quickly took off her jacket and as soon as her hands were free again, she slipped her fingers through his hair and kissed him unrestrainedly. He put his arms around her waist and pulled her even closer towards him. He wanted to melt into her, he wanted to-

"Oh Maker, I'm sorry!" Karl screamed. He'd entered the room and now was standing at the door, not knowing whether to close the door or simply vanish into thin air. Lucía moved away and blushed furiously. Anders stood up and walked to the window. Karl cleared his throat. "Er… I… wanted to see if everything was fine. I guess it is, then. Does this mean you won't be going to Seheron?"

"Seheron?" Lucía asked, raising an eyebrow. She looked at Anders.

"I… made some arrangements today, to do a course in Seheron for five months. It's… not easy to get in the program. They've accepted me and I'm supposed to leave in 2 days."

She frowned, trying to understand what he'd just said. "And when… When were you planning to tell me?" Anders looked away quickly, a soft blush covering his cheeks. She arched her eyebrows. "You weren't going to tell me," she snorted and shook her head. She stood up, grabbed her jacket and her bag, and walked towards Karl. "Here," she took the memory card that Cullen had given her and left it in Karl's hands. "He says you've got three weeks."

"What are you two talking about?" Anders asked.

"I think you've got enough secrets of your own to worry about others'," Lucía said bitterly as she left the office.

* * *

Isabela shook the doctor's hand and left his office. She walked down the steps, along the empty streets. She needed to think, and for the first time in her life, she needed to be alone. Her feet led her to the Boardwalk, the posh area of the city that overlooked the sea. She sat at a table of a café and ordered something. The owner of the place wasn't playing music today, and she welcomed the silence. Now she could hear the sound of the waves, gently rolling in and crashing against the rock wall that protected the seafront. She closed her eyes and smiled. Yes, there was peace in the world, and everything would be fine. She didn't need to be afraid.

The waiter brought her the Rivaini coffee she'd ordered and left it on the table with a smile and a wink. It was nice to feel wanted. She fed on the thrill of the accidental brush of fingers on her arms, the slight touch of a strange body in the elevator… Leto didn't give her that thrill. His body was there for her, in ways she hadn't felt with other men. But his mind wasn't. And she'd learnt not to care. It had been difficult, but she'd eventually understood that there was someone else in his heart, and that whatever he said or did would never be as sincere as the moment he'd told her about  _her._  Which was the reason why she'd panicked when her period was late.

Three weeks. She'd forgotten about it, until one day she was looking for something in the bag of toiletries and had found the pads. She'd counted the days and yes, she was three weeks late. It was usual for her, but then she remembered that they'd had unprotected sex once.

She'd spent the rest of the day wondering whether she should say something to Leto or not. She decided not to say anything. She bought a home pregnancy test and followed the instructions. The first one was confusing. She had to buy another. Also confusing. It couldn't be that hard. One or two lines, that was all. The first one had no lines. The second had two half lines.  _Fuck my luck,_  she'd thought, as she'd picked up the phone and made an appointment with the doctor.

Weeks of testing revealed that not only she wasn't pregnant, but she couldn't get pregnant at all. The doctor had said that it was in her DNA. She could have been born without arms, or mentally impaired – instead, the anomaly had made her infertile. She could always adopt, he'd said, but however advanced the fertility treatments were, having a baby was just not possible.

It was funny. She'd never wanted a baby. She hated the idea of someone depending on her. But one thing was to refuse to have a baby, and another, not even being given a chance. It occurred to her that maybe this was a blessing in disguise, a way of telling her that she shouldn't expect to have a family of her own. She thought about her sister and her little niece and was suddenly overcome by the desire to see them. She'd ask Leto…

And here was the thing. She and Leto weren't an item. They'd never be an item. The knowledge didn't make her sad – on the contrary, it was almost liberating. For a moment, she felt sorry for him. She'd never stop seeing him, though – he was a friend. He understood her loneliness, and she'd always thought that two lonely people together were better than two lonely people alone.

She'd returned home that night, and the next day, while they were having lunch, she explained to him that she didn't feel like having sex with him anymore, but could they remain friends? Leto was surprised; still, what surprised him the most was the fact that he actually liked the idea.

* * *

"Come in, Donnic!" Bethany closed the door behind the young man and took his coat. "I'm sorry about the mess, but we're packing as fast as we can."

Donnic had been having dinner with the Hawke women quite often, since Bianca and Varric had moved to Starkhaven. "I don't mind. I can help! Are you leaving Tantervale?" he asked, rolling up his sleeves.

"No, we'll be moving to a hotel for a few days, until Lucía signs the contract of the house she bought today. She managed to pull some strings, now that she's got the contacts, and I think she really wanted to leave this place behind. Hey, are you staying for dinner?"

"I… don't know?" He was confused – had that been an invitation?

"I'm sorry, I meant 'You're staying over for dinner'," she giggled. "I'm cooking tonight, because Mama's at Benoit's again, and I'd like to hear your opinion on my latest creation – as long as it's honest," she said, raising a finger.

Donnic smiled. "Of course. Thank you."

"No problem!" Bethany grinned and left the books she was putting in a box. "I'll adjust the ingredients to three people. Lucía will be here in a short while." She ran to the kitchen. Donnic followed her with his eyes. Maker, she was beautiful. Every time he was around her he felt as if he was sweating bullets, afraid that someone would see how much he liked her. He'd never get the courage to tell her-

His phone rang. He took a look at the display. "Varric?" he answered.

"How's it going, kid? Did you get to the Nest? How's everything there?"

"Yes, I've just arrived and everything's fine. Bethany's cooking and I'll be staying over for dinner."

"Quick question before I pop in the shower: are you alone with Bethany, brother?" Bianca asked. Donnic shuddered. His sister on the speakerphone: horror of horrors.

"Yes, but-"

"Junior, behave," Varric warned him.

"Lucía's coming, any minute now!" Donnic said hurriedly.

"I'll call her to see if that's true," Varric grumbled. Donnic heard the baby crying and sighed. "Hey, gotta go. Enya's demanding some attention from Papa. Say hello to Sunshine for me."

Varric hung up quickly and walked over to the cradle. Enya's crying could be annoying, but to him, it was the most beautiful sound in the world. Now that he was alone with his baby girl, he could sit down in his study room and tell her the stories he'd been making up for months now. The thought of being able to hold this baby had kept him going all the time they'd spent  _down there_. Some nights, he'd found himself in Bianca's arms as she held him close and kissed his forehead. The nightmares were not frequent, but they were intense. All the people that had died there… He could have been one of them.

He felt Enya's little hand wrapping around one of his fingers. She kept bringing him back. He raised his eyes and saw Bianca standing at the door, drying her hair with a towel, smiling at him. He beckoned her and when she stood beside him, he circled her waist with his left arm and kissed her stomach. Bianca kissed the top of his head and looked at Enya lovingly.

They were everything they needed.

* * *

Anders was walking back to his apartment. He had to pack his bag – the plane would leave early in the morning. He'd tried to call Lucía all day long but she'd rejected every single call. She was right to be mad at him. He felt terrible about it. It occurred to him that he was terrible at making people happy. Lucía was furious. Karl was disappointed. Leto was miserable. The only person that seemed to support him was Bethany. He sighed.

As he walked along, he took out his mobile phone and called Leto to let him know about his trip. A woman answered. "I'm sorry," he said, "I must have the wrong number."

"Anders? It's me, Isabela. Your name appears on the display. How are you?"

Anders was stunned. Hadn't they broken up? What was she doing with Leto's phone? "I'm… fine! I'm doing fine. I just wanted to let Leto know that I'll be leaving for Seheron in the morning."

"Oh, he's in the bathroom. Ah, here he is. Have a good trip!"

"What's this thing of a trip?" Leto asked. "You coming here again?"

"No," Anders said hesitantly. "No, I'm… leaving for Seheron tomorrow morning, for five months."

"No kidding! I've heard it's a great place!" Leto said. "Lucky dog; I hope you have a great time!"

Anders looked ahead and he saw Lucía, standing outside the door of his building. "Yeah, me too," he said distractedly. "Listen, I'll call you from there. Something's come up now."

"Sure, no problem. Have a good trip!"

Anders hung up and hurried his steps. "Lucía…" he started to say, but she raised her hand.

"All I wanted," she said slowly, "was for you to give us a chance. No past lives. No family in between. Just you and me." She sighed. "I don't like this feeling. I don't like chasing after you. I feel like we're wasting our time, and I don't know what else to do…"

"You don't need to do anything," he said, taking a step towards her. Her face looked tired and she looked as if she'd been crying. His heart beat faster. She was there at last. She was there for him.

"If you have to leave, then leave," she said sadly. "I just wanted you to know that I won't bother you anymore." She turned to leave, but he grabbed her by the wrist and spun her around. He cupped her face with his left hand and kissed her passionately until she pulled apart, panting.

"Anders," she whispered softly, her eyes closed, as she clung to him. She was afraid he'd disappear if she let go of him.

"Come with me," he murmured, taking her by the hand and leading her up to his apartment.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Hoobastank. Just as I said in chapter 24, you can imagine what comes next, and right after that, I'll be taking you right to the other lives - Leto's memories, Anders's memories, and the moment where everything started.


	50. This is Hardcore (NSFW)

"I didn't know you lived in a tower," Lucía murmured. They'd just entered the tallest building in Tantervale, and he lived on the top floor.

"Yes – I consort with captive princesses and dragons all the time." He smiled as he placed his hand on her back and led her to the elevators. While they were waiting, he put his hands around her waist and drew her closer. She leaned in for a kiss, but he avoided her and instead, he kissed her neck softly. She grinned and was about to move her hands over his back when she heard him say, "We have to talk, Lucía." He'd started nibbling down her neck. "I hope you know that's all we're going to do when we get to my place."

"T-talk?" She sounded confused.

"Why yes, talk," he replied, rubbing his hands over her hips as he gently sucked on the skin of her neck. "I assume that's why you're here."

She closed her eyes and pressed against him. "I… Maybe. I don't really rememb-" She quivered as his fingers took off one of her earrings and his lips circled her earlobe, gently tugging it between his teeth. She sighed and moved her head to kiss him, but he had pulled away.

"The elevator's here," he said with a smile. "If you want to get away, this is the time to do it."

As soon as the doors opened, she pushed him into the elevator and kissed his grinning lips. "Slow down!" He laughed. "I'm beginning to think you're only here for my body!"

Lucía was going to reply, but she heard a man shouting, "Hold the elevator, please!" She turned around, standing in front of Anders. The man thanked them and then he recognized Anders.

"Doctor Devin! I've been meaning to thank you for what you did for Olivia!"

"Oh, it's no problem. Lucía, this is Mr. Thrask, one of my neighbors, and father to a beautiful baby girl called Olivia. This is Lucía, my girlfriend." Lucía and Thrask shook hands. As Anders and Thrask chatted, Lucía felt a tinge of excitement. This was the second time he'd called her his girlfriend. It was silly to feel giggly about it, but it made her fe-

Anders's hand was sliding down her back, groping her buttocks over the silky fabric of her skirt. She felt her face would surely betray her any minute now, as his fingers started making their way over her hips. She gazed at him and wondered how he managed to keep a straight face and continue talking to the other man normally. His fingertips found the line of her underwear and followed it up. He skillfully slid his hand inside the waistband and slightly tugged at the back of her panties, causing the underwear to wedge in. Lucía let out an audible gasp. Thrask and Anders looked at her.

"Is everything okay, sweetheart?" Anders asked innocently.

"I-I-I've just remembered that I… left something, at the office. Yes. That." She giggled nervously.

Thrask raised an eyebrow. Anders kissed her on the forehead. "Aw, she's so responsible! I'm so proud of her," he said to Thrask. Thrask nodded and smiled.

"Well, this is my floor," he said. "Have a good night; and once again, thank you."

"No problem," Anders grinned. "Good night!"

As soon as the door closed, Lucía hit him on the chest. "You horrible person! How could you do that to me?"

"That?" Anders cupped her face in his hands and bit her lower lip. "That was nothing," he whispered. "You have no idea what I'm about to do to you."

* * *

"No neighbors on the same floor?" she remarked. She was waiting for him to unlock the door.

"No. Feel free to be as loud as you want," he said, glancing at her mischievously.

"Ooh, so confident! What makes you think-" He put a finger over her lips and shushed her. He was pressing her against the wall, his hands slowly running down her body. Her cheeks felt as if they were on fire. Every time she tried to kiss him, he gave her little pecks. She groaned.

"What's the matter, Hawke?" he smiled, kissing down her neck. "Is there something you need?"

She held his face in her hands and pressed his head against hers, forcing his lips open into a long, sensuous kiss. Her tongue explored his mouth and his tongue responded, joining in for the first time. She gasped when she felt his hands pulling up her skirt and sliding up her thighs. His fingers played with the lace of her panties, rubbing her over the fabric.

"Not that I don't... like it," Lucía said weakly, as Anders kissed her neck, "but… Shouldn't we... go in?"

"Go in?" he whispered and nibbled on her earlobe. "All right, then." He wriggled one of his fingers inside her panties and slid in between her lips, slowly and tenderly. She was warm and moist. He pulled the panties aside, giving his fingers more room. She tried to pull his hand away but she couldn't – or perhaps she wouldn't, since now he'd found the right spot and she was completely helpless in his arms.

His finger moved in small circles around it, but not over it. Instinctively, she moved her hips against his hand. "Oh, somebody's definitely into this," he smirked.

"Shut up," she muttered, arching her back and giving him the chance to bite her neck. He raked his teeth against her soft skin and she pulled him off by the hair, kissing him as his fingers below worked slightly faster. With his right hand, he tried to unbutton her shirt and failed, so he just ripped the shirt open until he was able to slide his hand in. He cupped her left breast and bent down to nibble on it, his thumb rubbing her nipple playfully over her purple lace bra. She moaned and pushed her hips against his hand again. One of his fingers daringly slid into her. She shook her head and bit her lips.

" _No_?" Anders asked softly. "What do you mean 'no'?"

"Not… your finger," she panted, as his finger slid in and out of her. " _You_ … Not your-" He held her by the chin and kissed her lips tenderly. She let out a moan that he repressed with a long kiss. As her breathing got heavier and he felt her body pulsating, he slowed down and focused on her mouth. He'd dreamt of her often, and he'd read and seen things that depicted women's reactions to sexual acts, but he'd never imagined that hearing her having an orgasm around his fingers would make her sound so sensual. Her moaning tugged at every part of his body and she was obviously feeling it.

Anders moaned as her hand swiftly slipped into his trousers and started stroking him. "Stop, stop, stop," he groaned and pulled her hand away.

"What? What happened?" Lucía panted. "Did I hurt you?"

He shook his head. "It's just that… We should go in."

"Oh,  _now_  we should go in?"

"Well, yes!" He was blushing. "It's different for me; things can get… messy."

Lucía smiled and kissed him softly. He smiled back. She took him by the hand and led him into his apartment.

* * *

"Are you sure you wanna do it?" he frowned. "I wasn't ready for this – we'll have no protection."

"I don't mind," she said, kissing him softly until she drove his frown away. "I really don't mind."

"Sorry about the other buttons," he said, unbuttoning the rest of her shirt.

"It's all right," she replied, her fingers loosening his tie and delicately undoing his shirt.

"Are you trying to show me how it's done?" Anders smiled and kissed her.

"Somebody's got to do it. I can't afford to run out of shirts."

"You're a wealthy woman now, you sure can. You can do better, you know…"

"Better than you, you mean?" She sighed. "Anders, I thought-"

"We have," he said firmly. "We've left that behind, Lucía. I promise." He kissed her firmly and held her in his arms. She hugged him tightly.

"And yet, you're leaving," she murmured.

"I can't cancel it now. This will be good for me. And for us. It's about gaining more insight into my condition. If I can learn something that will let me help others like me, then it will be worth it, don't you think?" He kissed the palm of her hand. "Think about Bethany. Don't you think she'd like to have what we have?"

"And what do we have?" Lucía whispered, circling his waist with the other hand.

"Well... Each other, and a hell of a night ahead," he purred in her ear, as he leaned forward and gave her a slow, deep kiss.

His hands slid down her back and unzipped her skirt. Her hands removed the tie and undid the zipper of his trousers. They kicked off their shoes, their mouths never parting, and explored each other's bodies confidently, shamelessly. Lucía broke the kiss and took him by the hand, leading him to his bed. Anders gave her a half-smile. He remembered that – something that had happened a long, long time ago…

In the soft light of his bedroom, they were all hands, fingers, and tongues; moans, gasps, and whispers. The things he said made her blush intensely, but at the same time stirred things in her that she didn't know were there. She found herself comparing him to Leto. Leto's body was firmer, but Anders's was tastier. Leto had been gentle; Anders was rough. And when she removed his underwear, she also found herself comparing them…

He didn't give her much time to think, though. He quickly pushed her down and got on top of her. She didn't need any more teasing to be ready. As soon as he slid into her, she wrapped her legs around his hips and held him there. She felt her own body quivering in this simple act.

"I'm supposed to be moving, y'know," he chuckled as he watched her face and her reaction.

"Just… Let me feel you for a moment," she murmured, her eyes closed and a grin on her face. Anders leaned forward and kissed her neck lovingly, whispering something in her ear. She laughed. "All right, all right – you can move. But I doubt it'll get better than this."

After the first couple of thrusts –Anders's movements were slow and hard– Lucía's smile vanished, and she desperately dug her fingernails on his back – not wanting him to ever stop, not wanting them to lose their perfect rhythm. Her back arched as he sank his teeth on her shoulder and her moaning filled the room. His mouth looked for hers and he thrust into her harder and faster, again and again, until he felt her tightening around him, shuddering under his body, and he moaned with release, still inside her.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: one of my favourite songs ever, by Pulp. If you read the lyrics, you might think it's about sex but nope - they're much deeper than that.


	51. The Blower's Daughter (Part One - Victoria)

Lucía was sitting astride him; her chin resting on her arms, her arms resting on his chest. She was gazing at him. Anders's lips had a soft smile as he slipped his fingers through her hair and then softly moved them down her back. She squirmed and smiled.

"It's getting late… or early; I'm not sure," he murmured a while later, groping for the clock.

"What time does the plane leave?" Lucía asked, drawing circles on his side with her fingernails.

"I have to be there at 7, so that gives us… 3 hours. Will it be enough for you to sleep well?"

"Sleep?" she murmured, kissing down his chest. "You'll be gone for months. I can take the day off, and you can sleep on the plane, can't you…" She nibbled on his navel and slid a hand between his thighs, stroking him slowly. He whimpered softly as she wriggled down and disappeared under the sheets.

* * *

She was sound asleep.

There was a certain peace to her cuddling against him. Her mouth was relaxed; her eyelids were still, her breathing was slow and even… He watched her for minutes on end, trying to remember her that way – quiet and warm. He wanted to caress her back and take the texture of her skin away with him engraved on his fingertips. Her hair smelled of jasmines. It made him smile. He kissed her forehead and looked up; counting the seconds in every breath she took, wondering what she was dreaming about.

* * *

**_Lothering – the year 930 of the Dark Age_ **

****

_She saw her father bash the face of the last Darkspawn standing with the end of his staff. He panted heavily. He wasn't young anymore. He'd turned to her. "Is your mother fine?"_

_Victoria nodded and looked around. In the distance she saw Bethany, holding Leandra's hand, making sure that nothing would happen to her. The couple that had joined them was having trouble. The man had been injured, and Malcolm had told the woman that she should stay close to him for as long as she could._

_Carver's jaw seemed to harden when he passed by Victoria. "You're supposed to stay behind," he grunted._

_"You'd have been caught," Victoria protested, cleaning the blade of her dagger on her breeches._

_"Learn your place," her brother muttered. "The archer stays put, just like in the army."_

_"Don't quarrel," Malcolm boomed. Victoria and Carver glanced at each other and then looked away. "We need to be on the alert. If we don't work together, we're lost. Victoria: no more daring rescues, is that clear?" She nodded reluctantly. "Carver: it's not might but control that will win the battle. We don't know how many more we'll find." Carver grunted but nodded. Malcolm opened his arms and Leandra took refuge in them. "Are you all right, my love?" he asked her. She nodded, visibly shaken. "Let's keep moving, then."_

_Victoria fell behind and walked beside the couple. "How is he?" she asked Aveline. The red-haired warrior looked at her husband. His face looked too pale to feel confident._

_"He's been somewhat sick for days," Aveline said. "I hope we can get a healer soon."_

_"Don't worry about me, love. I'll endure." Ser Wesley's voice sounded calm, but it betrayed how much pain he was in. "I will not die today."_

_"Victoria!" Bethany shouted. "We need you here!"_

_Victoria Hawke nodded and ran after her family. Through the corner of her eye she saw Aveline getting her sword and shield ready. As she walked to her father, the ground beneath her felt as if it was about to give way, and then they spotted it. The largest Darkspawn they had ever seen. Bethany screamed and the monster took notice of her. Carver ran towards her to shield her from the creature's grasp. Victoria shot three arrows in a row, one of which got stuck inside the monster's braces. The Darkspawn's attention switched to Victoria, who was running backwards, aiming at the monster's neck. She heard gurgling and screeching behind her and turned around to find a swarm of Darkspawn climbing up her way. The monster bent down and rammed against her, but it never got to her. Malcolm's ice spells hit him on the legs, freezing them, and Carver took the chance to hack at them, making the monster roar._

_Knowing that her brother and father would be able to handle the enormous creature, she ran towards the group of Darkspawn behind her._

_"Victoria! No!" Leandra screamed._

_Her mother's intention had not been for her father to lose concentration, but he had. The monster reached out and snatched Malcolm by the waist._

_"FATHER!"_

* * *

Anders felt something wet falling on his chest. Tears. Lucía was crying. He cupped her face with his left hand and wiped her tears away with his thumb. She still wouldn't wake up. It didn't look like a nightmare. Her face was still peaceful; only the tears betrayed her. Anders kissed her cheeks softly. Nothing. He squeezed her body against his. She barely moved. He recognized the state. She was Dreaming. He stared at the ceiling as he kept holding her body against his own.  _What have I done to you,_  he sighed.

* * *

**_Kirkwall – the year 932 of the Dark Age_ **

****

_"No, you can't take her," Victoria hissed.  
_ _"She belongs in the Circle of Magi, Hawke," Knight-Captain Cullen said.  
_ _Bethany stood in front of her sister. "Please, don't make things worse. Mother needs you, now that Carver's not here with us anymore. I… I will be fine."  
_ _"Beth…"  
_ _"Take care of her, will you?" Bethany's eyes pleaded. "She needs you."_ __  


_Leandra's sobbing made Victoria feel uncomfortable, but it was her eyes that affected her the most. Accusatory. Malcolm's death had somehow been her fault. Carver's death had definitely been her fault. Mother had begged her not to take Carver to the Expedition, but she hadn't listened. Carver would have hated her for the rest of his life._

_She hadn't listened…_

_The sound of Fenris's voice saying_ "Him or me"  _came back to her. She clenched her teeth._

_He'd pay for his pettiness. She would have her revenge. One way or another._

_"Did you notice how Fenris looks at you?" Isabela smirked, pouring some whiskey on her glass. Victoria raised her eyes and took a quick look at the warrior. He choked on his wine and looked away. Victoria smiled. "So? When are you going to give in to those incredible eyes, that sensual tanned skin, those firm legs…?"  
_ _"Hmm? What do you say? Should I give it a shot?" Victoria murmured, playing with the rim of her glass.  
_ _"Please tell me you're talking about shooting Fenris," Anders said, coming closer to the table and sitting next to Victoria, taking the glass of whiskey from her.  
_ _"That's wasted on you, Anders," Isabela said, taking it back and leaving it in front of Hawke. Anders snorted and reached out to take it again. His fingers found Victoria's, and there was a sparkle between them._ __  


* * *

Anders couldn't sleep. She had left him physically exhausted, but his mind was sharper than ever. He could take her with him. No. She'd never leave her family behind. He could ask her to fly and meet him during the weekends. That was a possibility. But what if she regretted this the morning after? What if she decided they'd moved too fast?

What if she was…?

Anders gazed at her. With his thumb, he stroked her cheek gently.  _If you were pregnant,_  he thought… Oh, what a mess that would be. They weren't ready for a child. They'd barely started something. And he wanted her for himself.

He wanted her for himself.

Anders pressed her even closer to his body. Leto had had his chance. Each time, he'd decided to walk away. He kissed her forehead and held her hand over his chest.

He wouldn't give her up – not ever again; not to anyone.

* * *

**_Kirkwall – the year 933 of the Dark Age_ **

****

_She'd helped him, every step of the way. And he'd come to her – docile in her arms. And now he was telling her that it had hurt, that he couldn't take it anymore. Never again._

_Victoria knew that it was exactly what she was waiting for._

_"Have you finished?" she interrupted him, getting dressed. "Anders is waiting for me."  
_ _"Anders?" Fenris's voice sounded confused.  
_ _"I'm supposed to meet him to help him with something," she said, matter-of-factly. "I trust you'll come with me, then?"  
 _"__ _I won't help that… Abomination," Fenris spat.  
_ _Victoria shrugged. "Whatever suits you, Fenris. I don't need you anymore. I really don't." She left the room, leaving him behind._ __  


_Anders had been waiting for her at the entrance of the sewers. As soon as he saw her coming towards him, he gave her with one of his increasingly elusive smiles, which froze as soon as he saw Fenris trailing behind her._

_"What is he doing here?" he muttered to her nervously.  
_ _"Calm down. He's just a sword." She caressed his cheek and Anders looked at her in surprise. She could feel that behind her, Fenris was muttering one of his Tevinter curse words._ __  


_She thought she hadn't been ready for Justice. For a moment, she thought that Anders was going to kill the girl. But then she'd seen him. She'd seen his eyes. Anders was still there, and when she realized this, her heart beat faster. For him._

_Oh, she'd been so blind, so focused on trying to sleep with Fenris and breaking his heart that she hadn't seen that Anders already had feelings for her. Always willing to help; always comforting her, healing her first, making her laugh, supporting her in everything she did…_

_One day she entered the clinic. After all that time… He was still waiting for a cat to come to visit him. He smiled at her. His smile was warm and friendly. He was polite, so polite… She almost wished he wasn't so kind._

_She teased him and his smiled stayed on. So did the pain in his eyes._

_"You know what I am. You've seen what I can do. You can't tease me and expect me to resist forever," he said.  
_ _"How long will it be till I drive you mad?" she purred._ __  


_She hadn't been ready for his kiss. Hot, moist, desperate. Loving? No. Lustful? Perhaps._

_He'd come to her that night. Between kisses and love-making, he'd shared the story of his life, and she'd felt her heart warming up to him._

_When the morning came, it had been decided._

_"Are you sure? You would shelter an apostate in your home?"  
_ _"My father was an apostate. My sister was one for a long time. You're fighting for people like them. I can't be less. You're putting yourself at risk – losing yourself to Justice or to the Templars. I won't allow it." She rubbed her cheek against his shoulder and he placed his arms around her.  
_ _"I have nothing to give you, except for myself. And I'm not sure that's enough."  
_ _"I don't need a savior. I don't need you here. But I want you here."  
_ _"That's all I need to know," he said, kissing her in front of the fireplace. After a while, she nuzzled him.  
_ _"And I'll make sure to get a cat for you," she smiled._ __  


* * *

"Serp'nce-a-lot," Lucía mumbled.

Anders looked at her and shifted to take a better look at her. "What did you say?"

"Cat," Lucía mumbled, still asleep. "For you."

Anders squinted and after a while, he seemed to understand. But... Was it even possible...?

He held her face in his hands and moved his lips close to her ear, trembling.

He whispered,  _"Victoria?"_

_..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a lovely song by Damien Rice. "No love, no glory / no hero in her sky. / I can't take my eyes off you."


	52. The Blower's Daughter (Part Two - Marian)

"Hmm?" Lucía stirred and stretched. "What… What did you say?" She yawned and rubbed her eyes.

"You were dreaming," Anders said, kissing her.

"Ah… I thought you'd said 'Victoria', and it was funny…" she kissed him back. "I was dreaming about a Victoria. Hmm… Then again," she sat astride him, completely awake now, "I think I also had a naughty dream about you."

Anders chuckled. "Oh, is that so? What do you plan to do with me, then?"

"Want me to tell you or to show you?" she smiled, leaning over him.

* * *

He was sound asleep.

It was her turn to watch him. His lips were slightly parted, and he was breathing deeply and yet very softly. Lucía laid her head on the pillow and smiled. He'd been just as passionate as she'd thought. She had truly felt him – his warmth, his trembles, his hesitation and his passion. He was hers, at last. Timidly, she caressed his cheek with her thumb, wondering what he was dreaming about.

* * *

**_Fields of Ghislain – the year 528 of the Dark Age_ **

****

_"And here we are." Quentin Amell opened the gate to his farmhouse and let his apprentice in. Hartmann Devin entered timidly. He was tall, eighteen years old, with strawberry blonde hair and light brown eyes. His master patted him on the back and Hartmann smiled sheepishly. "Don't be so shy, boy. You'll be fine with us." Quentin Amell's kind blue eyes landed on his wife, Leodora Welle, who had been waiting for his return._

_"Papa!" Hartmann heard a young voice and turned around to see a girl running towards them. Reddish hair, dark eyes, red lips and rosy cheeks. Quentin held her in his arms and spun her around. "Hartmann, this is my daughter, Marian." Hartmann bowed politely and Marian curtsied, as her mother had taught her._

_Living with the Amells was like having a family of his own for Hartmann. Quentin trained him in spells that he had never heard of; he was gentle and patient. Hartmann was eager to learn, and so was Marian, who occasionally joined them for practice._

_"This is my grimoire," she told Hartmann one afternoon that they were alone. "Papa says that discipline is the most important trait in a mage, and I've started writing everything he's taught me." Her finger traced the words written on one of the pages. "Do you have one?"_

_Hartmann nodded. "It's very similar to yours, but mine has a bird carved on the cover."_

_"Mine has a cat. I love cats. We had a mouser some years ago. She disappeared one day." She smiled at him sweetly. Hartmann smiled back. He felt comfortable with her. Her younger siblings were still too young to spend time with them, and so Marian sought out Hartmann's company as often as she could._

* * *

Anders's eyelids moved lightly. Lucía thought that he'd wake up, but he went on sleeping. His chest went up and down regularly. She wondered if he was resting. She hoped so. They had wasted so much time being apart. And now they'd be spending even more time apart. Five months, he'd said. Seheron. That was so far away.

She clung onto him and rubbed her cheek against his chest. The morning would come soon.

* * *

**_Fields of Ghislain – the year 538 of the Dark Age_ **

****

_"You need to concentrate, Hartmann!" Quentin's voice was firm, but he didn't sound angry. Hartmann panted and looked up. Marian was watching him with a smile in her big dark eyes. Her reddish hair was flowing in the wind. She was offering him her hand. He took it and as he stood up, she whispered in his ear, "I'm waiting."_

_"You'll see," he replied with a badly-concealed smile. He raised one of his hands and focused on casting his spell. Marian raised her staff and attacked him, but he'd managed to protect himself from her offensive._

_That was the only moment when he was around her that he could think of defending himself._

_She'd snuck into his room one night. He'd been so surprised that he'd become paralyzed for a while. She was panting._

_"Torches! Soldiers, coming this way…"_

_Quentin had warned him that something like that could happen, now that the Nevarran king was starting to recover some of the territories that lay on the border with Orlais. Hartmann told Marian to get her siblings ready and he put his most precious belongings in a sack._

_"I'll be right behind you, Hartmann," Quentin panted, casting glyphs, waiting for their attackers. "But if I fall, take them with you. Protect them."_

_Leodora fell first, trying to protect her son. Hartmann saw the swords of the Nevarran soldiers going through her body, even though she had spoken to them in their language. She was a traitor for mating and breeding with an Orlesian. The younger daughter, Lisbeth, fell down. Marian ran towards her, but Quentin told her to keep running._

_"I won't leave you, Papa!"_

_"Marian…" Quentin cupped his older daughter's face in his hands and kissed her. "Be brave."_

_Hartmann and Marian took little Lisbeth with them, across streams and windy moors of the Arlesans._

_"We should get to Cumberland," Marian said to Hartmann one night, "not to Val Chevin. We have to find a place where we can live in peace, where we're not persecuted. We must go across the sea."_

_"Cumberland would be too dangerous for you," Hartmann replied, keeping an eye on Lisbeth. "If something happened to you…" He caressed her cheek gently. "I'd turn to it. I'd use blood magic for you."_

_Marian held his hand and rubbed her cheek against his palm. "You will never have to. We're in this together."_

* * *

Lucía turned around and took the clock from the night table. 5.45 in the morning. Should she wake him up? He'd have to leave in less than two hours. What if she went away with him? No, she couldn't do that, especially with Carver gone and Varric so far away. Her mother and sister completely relied on her now. She sighed.

Anders turned in his sleep and curled up under the sheets. One of the windows had opened and there was a slight breeze coming in through it. Lucía looked at him lovingly. There was something so human and sweet about that gesture that she had to fight the urge to kiss him. She got up carefully so as not to wake him up and closed the window. She stretched out and walked to the bathroom. A good shower was in order.

* * *

**_Planasene Forest – the year 538 of the Dark Age_ **

****

_"I'll destroy you, demon!" Hartmann grabbed the mage from the neck and she whimpered._

_"Hartmann, no! She was trying to help!" The roguish dwarf, Erwin, jumped forward and pushed Hartmann to the ground. The human, the dwarf, and the elf fell to the ground._

_"She killed her! She killed Lisbeth!" Hartmann shouted. The elf scrambled to her feet and tried to run away, but a cold air seemed to have taken hold of her._

_Marian approached her closely. Her dark eyes, filled with sorrow, pierced through the elf's. "You used blood magic," she muttered._

_The elf nodded. "It was the only way to destroy the demon that had possessed her," she said quickly. "She could have killed us all."_

_"Fighting fire with fire isn't always right," Erwin said, getting up. "And the poor girl…"_

_Marian went back to her sister's body. She caressed the girl's cheeks, pale and bloodied. Hartmann knew what she was thinking: the last part of her family had just died with Lisbeth. She had nowhere to go, nobody to return home to. He put his hand over her shoulder, hoping to comfort her._

_She had slept with him that night, and the night after that. She had been silent – her hands had done the talking for her. He didn't know if she had done it because she felt love, affection, or gratitude. He didn't want to know._

_The four of them wandered about the forest, meeting others like them. Hartmann and Erwin had managed to collect information from travellers and they had learned that Cumberland was a relatively safe passage to the territories across from the Waking Sea._

_That was where they had found him. Wounded. Persecuted. Just like them._

_But deep down, Hartmann knew he wasn't like them at all._

_He'd tried to persuade Marian to leave him behind, but she wouldn't hear him. She had told him that she felt sorry for the white-haired warrior, that he needed them. Blinded with jealousy, Hartmann had left them. He had left her. But he couldn't live without her. Not anymore._

_Some time later, he had found his way back to her, only to find her in his arms._

_She was Louvetaux's now._

* * *

Anders's eyes shot open. He sat up quickly. Lucía was not there. He rubbed his eyes and then he heard it. The sound of the shower.

He stood up and walked to the bathroom. He pressed his hand and forehead against the door. He parted his lips to call her name, but something inside him told him that it wasn't necessary to do that.

He entered the bathroom, stark naked, and joined her in the shower.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: the same as the previous chapter. "We'll both forget the breeze" / "The colder water" / "The pupil in denial" - The next one will show where everything started.


	53. The Blower's Daughter (Part Three - Lucia)

_Lucía was about to rinse the shampoo off her hair when she felt a pair of hands sliding from behind over her belly. She let out a shrill cry and turned around quickly. The water hit her right on the head, washing down the lather right into her eyes. She groaned in pain._

_"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Anders cried out. "I didn't mean to-! It's okay… It's just a little shampoo…"_

_"I know, but it feels like lemon," she whimpered._

_"Let me do it," he said kindly. He wiped the rest of the shampoo off her forehead with the back of his hand. He turned her around, standing behind her._

_"Anders…"_

_"Trust me," he said next to her ear. He cupped her eye with his hand, leading her near the spray, letting the warm water flow between his palm and her face. After a while, he asked, "Any better?"_

_"Yes." Lucía felt his body close to her back and bit her lower lip. "Um… I didn't know you were up already…"_

_"Yeah, I woke up a few minutes ago. Oh, you meant-" He moved back a bit. "Sorry."_

_"Yes –_ that." _She giggled._

_"I'll have you know," he smiled, "it's a perfectly normal thing for men to wake up in this state."_

_"I'm sure," she nodded, turning around and kissing him on the neck._

_"Especially if they've spent most of the night making up for lost time," he said. He felt her tongue on his skin and closed his eyes. "Or if they enter their bathrooms and find a naked woman_ –their _naked woman- in the shower." He moved his hands down her back and leaned in to kiss her._

* * *

_"It looks terrible," Lucía said, looking at her eyes in the mirror. "This one's completely red, and the other one… I don't know why it's reddish as well." She blinked repeatedly. "And everything looks blurry."_

_Anders grabbed her gently by the chin and made her look up. "Hmm… I've got some drops for this. They're a bit strong, but you'll be seeing clearly in no time." He took something from the cabinet and told her, "Look up and don't blink. You'll have to keep your eyes closed for a few minutes." He applied some drops and she could hear him putting the dropper away, but she couldn't see anything._

_"Are those… birds? Outside the window?" she asked, as he led her out of the bathroom._

_"Hmm… No, I don't hear anything," he answered._

_"There! There's some… chirruping." She frowned and tilted her head. "Morning already? It feels warm and sunny..."_

_"Lucía..."_

_"No… No, it can't be."_

_"What can't be?" Anders asked, a little alarmed._

_"It's… the sea. It's the sound of the sea," she muttered, before passing out._

* * *

**Asariel, the year 304 of the Dark Age**

They had found her ten years before, unconscious and alone, lying on a rock on the shore. The glassblower who had found her did not think that he was the smartest man in Tevinter, but he understood that the bodies of the man and the woman lying next to her were there because they had been protecting her. They bore the mark of slavery, but the girl did not.

She did not remember her name, so she was called Filia. Neither the glassblower nor his wife could be inventive when it came to names. Their son's name was Gnatus, and he was the kindest boy. As soon as he had seen her, he had taken to her. She liked the sound of his voice and his smell of mint, and everybody said that she smiled whenever he was around. He led her by the hand and described the landscapes for her as best as he could. He always wondered what images formed in her mind when he spoke. She had been blind from birth.

As the years went by, they had grown close, in spite of the objections of the elders of the village. He was twenty years old and she was seventeen when they decided to escape to Marnus Pell and live together as lovers.

* * *

 _Anders left Lucía's unconscious body on the bed and ran to the kitchen to find the reviver._ It can't have been the drops,  _he thought._ An allergic reaction? That doesn't explain the hallucinations. Then-

_He stopped abruptly, his mind still racing. She had Dreamt before, that very same night. He had heard her talking about things he had seen before. But the visions never tranquilized people – they inflamed them. That was why the medicine-_

_Anders felt his stomach churning. She was Gascard Quentin's daughter._

_Was she a different kind of_ amenta?

* * *

**Marnus Pell, the year 305 of the Dark Age**

She had never wandered that far on her own, but Gnatus had not returned from his master's workshop, and she was feeling concerned. They had only been in that place for some months, and she still had not got used to the local smells and sounds.

They had changed their names. He had chosen _Lucia_  for her, because she was the light of his life. She had chosen  _Anders_  for him. She vaguely remembered some words from her childhood, and she liked the word. He was her man, someone who was not afraid to love her, even though she was different from the others.

She was getting close to the main road. Anders had been her eyes for so long that it was difficult for her to trust her other senses again. She hesitated for a moment. Her bare feet felt the smoother path. She was holding her sandals in one hand and her crook in the other, and she was curling her toes to feel the ground beneath her. She was so deep in thought that she only felt the hooves of dozens of horses coming towards her when they were too close. She panicked and tried to run, but she tripped and fell to the side of the road.

She woke up and felt someone near her. Several people. They were being carried away, in a cart. Her hands were in shackles. A soft voice told her not to be alarmed. She was only being taken away to Vyrantium. She said that it was impossible, that she was not a slave. They told her it did not matter.

When the Ensis captured you, you became one.

They made them get off the cart as soon as they arrived at the mansion. Lucia fell to the floor. Her ankle had got twisted when she had fallen on the road.

"Who brought this here?" A voice full of disdain. Lucia shuddered. The man was standing in front of her. "You should have left her where you found her. She's no good if she can't see. Away with her."  
Lucia stood up. "No, please!" she cried. She held onto her crook and when someone tried to grab her by the arm, she swung it about and hit a man square on the face.  
" _Fasta vass!_  You  _bitch!"_  The man slapped her with the back of his hand and she collapsed. "Take her away and kill her far from the house.  _Filthy-"_  
"Brother?" The voice of this man was gravelly, but at the same time there was a certain sweetness to it. "What is the meaning of this?"  
"They brought back a blind slave who dared attack me!"  
"I'm not a slave! Please… It was not my intention…" Lucia was unable to contain her tears. She located the voice of the newcomer and took a few steps towards him. She did not feel afraid in his presence. She was on her knees. "Please, have mercy…"  
"She is blind, Danarius!" the newcomer grunted. "How can you be this cruel?"  
"Oh? Taken a fancy to her already?" Danarius's voice was intolerably mocking. "Still, remember that even though she cannot see your scars, she will feel them. Mmm... Now that I think about it, blind slaves are useful for one thing only. Their fingers are very nimble."  
"You disgust me," the other man snarled.  
"My little Fenris… When will you learn to bow down to your big brother?"

Lucia felt the drawing of metal. A sword. She covered instinctively. But she was not the objective.

"Do not call me like that, Danarius, or I  _swear-"  
_ "You will run your sword through me? I would like to see you  _try,_  Leto." Danarius's voice was menacingly low now.

There was a moment of silence and the sheathing of the metal. Lucia felt a hand going from her shoulder to her elbow. "Can you stand up?" Leto said kindly.

She was washed and given new clothes. They felt soft and strange. She did not understand why the second man had taken care of her. She was grateful, but confused. She asked the women who were tending to her about it. They only said that Master Leto was very kind, and that he had probably felt pity for her because his own mother had been blind, like her. His mother was not Master Danarius's mother. Master Danarius's mother had been the Decent Consort of the Old Master. Master Leto's mother had been the Decent Concubine.

The air in the room felt suddenly different. Lucia turned around. "Leto…" she murmured.  
"How did you know-?" he asked, as the servants left the room.  
She smiled. "I… I wanted to thank you for your kindness. This has been a misunderstanding. I am sorry about the problems that I caused." She felt him standing close to her. She knew that he was watching her. She could always feel the intensity of looks. Anders always did that to her.  
"What is your name?" he asked softly.  
"Lucia," she replied.  
"Lucia. The light."  
"Yes." She wanted to ask about how she could return to Anders. There was something about Leto that made her uncertain. "My partner gave it to me."  
"Your partner."  
"Anders. He is an apprentice healer in Marnus Pell. We live there."  
"I see." She felt him stepping back and she took a step forward, but her ankle did not resist the sudden movement and gave way. She fell forward with a whimper and he caught her by the waist. She could feel his warm breath on her cheeks, and his heart, beating slightly faster than normal. Perhaps the other servants were right. Perhaps he had taken pity on her because she reminded him of his mother.  
"I will help you find this man," he said. "But first, you need to recover. You are welcome to stay in this house. As a guest, not a servant."

In the month that followed, Lucia spent most of her time in the garden. Leto visited several times a day and talked to her. She was a good storyteller and sometimes she narrated tales for the children of the house, Danarius's children. She did not know why, but she felt happier when she heard Leto chuckling along with the children.

Before the month was finished, Leto had to leave. The Ensis family had always been the sword arm of the Imperial Archon, and Leto was the commander of their forces. While he was gone, nobody talked to Lucia, except for one or two servants. The idea of being with Anders again seemed to slip away with every passing day, and the thought of Leto returning gained more and more ground. Months went by. She spent them alone.

One day, she was walking in the garden, barefoot, when she heard some steps behind her. "Leto…" she murmured, as he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her.

* * *

 _Anders dropped the flask._ Leto. _She had called out his name. She wasn't unconscious. It was a different kind of Dreaming._

_Leto._

No.

_No. He wouldn't accept it._

_He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her._

* * *

**Vyrantium, the year 310 of the Dark Age**

"You need to rest," Leto told her as he led her to her favourite bench in the garden. "Do not worry about Nico. I will stay with him today. Say goodbye to Mama, Nico."

The toddler caressed his mother's cheek and kissed her nose. Lucia smiled as she heard them walk away. She had been feeling strange for a few days. Her heart had grown disquiet. She knew that something was coming. Something strange. She could feel it in her blood. She stood up and walked about the garden. The common scents soothed her. She loved the smell of jasmines in the morning sun.

Somebody was walking down the gravel path. The pacing of the steps… She knew that… She turned around and, sliding her hand over the balustrade, she quickly walked up the steps to the terrace. Her heart was beating so fast now. She had to get to the family pantheon. She would be alone there.

The cool air hit her on the face. She was right. There was nobody there. She walked towards the fountain at the back of the pantheon and she heard them again. The steps. He was there. The smell of mint. Lucia's body shook violently as Anders brushed his fingertips along her arm. She gasped. And then she heard him. He was crying. He was on his knees, pressing his head against her belly, circling her hips with his arms. Crying desperately for the woman he had lost, and the one he had found. Lucia held his head lovingly, feeling the tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I've found you…" he said, his voice strangled with emotion.  
"I'm sorry," she whispered. She knelt down and her mouth looked for his lips. He kissed her fervently, repeatedly. He was there, with her, at last.

He had had an accident on his way back home. When he had returned, she was not there anymore. He had searched for her high and low, but nobody had been able to tell him where she had gone. He had returned to Asariel, thinking that perhaps she had regretted the idea of being together. He had searched for her for years, and one day, as he was travelling around the area with his master, he had heard about the beautiful blind consort that had given the young master of the Ensis clan an heir. Lucia Ensis.

After days of discussion and arguments, he had persuaded his master to release him from his duty and sell him to the Ensis. He was using his birth name again, because he was not sure if Lucia had ever mentioned him. He had been living there for a month, but he had only been allowed in that part of the mansion very recently.

"You… You are a slave now?"  
"It was the only way to see you again."  
"You shouldn't have- Oh, Anders…  _Gnatus_ …" She held him in her arms. "Your freedom… It is the most precious thing we have… I am so sorry, love. I really am…"  
"I am not sorry for what I have become. It brought me back to you. You know that I will always come back to you."  
"I should have looked for you-"  
"You were far away; it was not your fault."  
"Leto… He is a good man. He had offered to help me look for you. He… He cared for me. He cares for me. We have a child…"  
"I have seen him. He is a beautiful child." He stroked her cheek and she smiled sadly. "He looks every bit like you."

He kissed her forehead softly but she threw her arms around him, hungry for him. All the doubt and fear that her heart had felt in the past days was gone. She felt her body yearning for him, and he took her on the floor. Flesh against flesh, kisses and tears, hearts and bodies melting into one.

She was overcome by guilt. That night, she lay with her husband.

They were not ready for what happened some months later.

"They are everywhere!" Anders shouted as he rushed into the room where Leto and Lucia were talking.  
"What are you talking about, Gnatus?" Leto asked, confused by the sudden outburst of his slave.  
"Darkspawn! They've reached the borders of the city! The fortifications won't hold!" Anders panted. "You have to get her out of the city! You have to get Lucia and Nico away from here."  
"What nonsense is this? My forces can defeat them!" Leto shouted back. "We will not be overpowered!"  
"This is Darkspawn! They do not bargain! Look!" Anders took him by the arm and led him to the balcony. "She is in danger, as we all are, but she can't defend herself. We need to move quickly!" He ran out of the room.

Whatever Leto had seen had obviously made him change his mind. He gripped Lucia's arm. She whimpered. "Anders…" he said next to her ear. The tears rolled down her face as she nodded slowly. "You knew… You  _knew_ he had come to you…"

"Leto…" she whispered and put her hand on his chest. His heart was beating fast. For a moment she thought he was going to hit her. She deserved it. But he held her face in his hands and kissed her instead. "I am sorry," he whispered. She knew what he had meant.

Anders had returned. "We should be able to get to the docks without incidents," he said. Leto walked towards him. Lucia's heart was racing.  
"You are coming with us, Gnatus. Nico is too heavy for my wife to carry him, especially in her state. You will be her eyes, and I will be her shield."

Their servants and their personal guard followed them down the stairs. The villa of the Ensis family had its own docks, and their ship…

A ship that was gone now.

" _Vishante kaffar_  – Danarius!" Leto snarled and kicked a crate.  
"We have to find another boat," Anders said. Nico was sobbing in his arms.

One of the servants let out a scream, and others followed. Lucia was beginning to panic. As the people ran away, one of them hit her and she fell to the floor. Leto's hand helped her up, and Anders screamed, "They are here! We must run!"

Lucia's ears and mind were filled with a screeching that curled her blood. Leto and Anders took her by the hand and led her to a boat. Anders got in first and helped her sit down. She held Nico, who was crying loudly at this point, and she tried to soothe him. Leto jumped on board and he and Anders rowed away. Lucia was scared. There was a foul wind coming from the East. Where were they going? There was no escape for them.

The storm soon caught up with them. Anders and Leto were screaming, saying things that she no longer understood...

What she did understand was the loud crack of the wood against the rocks, and the cold water around her feet. Somebody's arms tried to get hold of her – she no longer knew whose arms those were, but soon after it did not matter anymore. Her child had stopped crying and she went underwater as well.

* * *

_Lucía gasped for air as she opened her eyes. Anders was there, sitting beside her, the saddest look in his eyes. She sat up quickly and threw her arms around him. "I'm sorry!" She was crying. "I'm so, so sorry! I'm sorry!"_

_Anders held her close to him. He knew what it felt like, to come out of something that took over body and mind, something that felt incredibly real. He didn't say anything about what she had said. He just held her in his arms and stroked her hair gently, wondering what she had dreamed about._

_Wondering why she had dreamed at all._

_..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Damien Rice. "Did I say that I want to leave it all behind? / I can't take my mind off you..." As you may have noticed, since this was from Lucía's point of view, the story of how it is that Anders and Fenris stop collaborating is incomplete. That will come later, when one of them dreams about it. And sorry about how long this was -like two chapters in one- but I didn't really want to break it up. :) By the way, the only reason why I chose italics for present day and regular format for the memories is that I thought it would be too long to read everything in italics. Just saying :)


	54. Wild World

The man adjusted the in-ear monitor as he listened in on them.

"Don't tell your mother," Anders asked Bethany. "We wouldn't want her to worry."

"I won't, don't worry," she said. "I'll be there in a short while." They hung up.

Malcolm Hawke took the earpiece off and stared at the entrance hall of Anders's tower from across the street.

* * *

 _Don't go, please don't go. Don't do this._  Lucía felt the anguish slowly taking over her. Her heart, her body, her soul – everything in her was pushing her to beg Anders not to go.

But instead, she smiled. "I'll be fine. Stop worrying about me."

"This is not how I'd have liked to depart." Anders put his arms around her, but she didn't return the embrace. If she did, she wouldn't be able to let go of him. "Bethany will be here in a while. Let me show you the rest of the apartment."

"There's no need-" she began to protest, but he put a finger on her lips.

"This is your house now. With me. When I return, that is." He watched her face slightly changing. "Oh… Of course, if you feel it's too rushed-"

She shook her head. "It's not that. It's just… This seems familiar, I don't know. Moving in together. It doesn't feel as strange as I thought it would be." She pressed his hand and he smiled.

Bethany picked them up in a taxi and they went to the airport with him to see him off.

"Don't worry about her, Andy," Bethany said calmly. "My big sis will be right as rain in no time, you'll see." In a whisper she added, "Just… Let her know how you're doing, you know? Every now and then? Don't get lost."

"I won't, I promise." Anders patted Bethany on the arm and turned to Lucía, who gave him his jacket and his backpack. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her softly. He whispered something in her ear and she nodded. There was a weak smile on her face while he wasn't looking, but as his eyes focused on her, she grinned happily. He kissed her one last time, taking in every detail of her face, and finally walked away.

Bethany and Lucía took another taxi to get back to Anders's apartment. Lucía was silent. For a minute or so, Bethany wondered how Lucía would react to-

Lucía started sobbing.

"He'll be back," Bethany said, stroking her sister's hair.

Lucía only shook her head. "It's not just that..."

* * *

Lucía put the key in and stood still. Bethany was chattering behind her, but she stopped talking as Lucía raised a hand. She took her gun out of her handbag and signaled Bethany to take cover. She turned the key completely and shouldered the door open, aiming her gun.

"Put that down," Malcolm said calmly. "You wouldn't shoot your own father, would you?"

* * *

Anders sat down and looked around, not really paying attention.  _Last night…_  He smiled. How he had doubted about going away. But he was confident that they –the word 'we' constantly popped up in his mind, making him smile again and again- would be fine. Together.

A man sat next to him. Tailor-made suit, grey hair, manicured fingernails. Anders looked ahead.

"What do you think the weather will be like in Seheron?" the man said. Anders wasn't one to make small talk, but he decided to play along.

"Well, it's tropical all year long. Copious rainfall."

"I was wondering if I should have brought more comfortable clothes," the elderly man sighed. He seemed to be in his late fifties, but his skin was immaculate. "The problem of travelling to these places is that there are always lots of social activities to do, and one wants to look good for the ladies but be comfortable at the same time."

"I wouldn't know about that," Anders chuckled.

The man looked at him. "I assume you have someone waiting for you."

Anders hesitated for a moment. "I guess I do," he said reticently.

"You have that look, you know." The man leaned back against his seat. "It's no longer the fervent passion of the young stallion that wants to run free and bite every mare's neck."

Anders snorted. "I'm sorry…"

The man laughed. "What can I say? I'm a horrible poet."

Anders extended his hand. "Doctor Anders Devin. And you are?"

The man shook his hand warmly. "Nice to make your acquaintance, Doctor Devin. I'm Doctor Alberic Orsino."

* * *

Lucía struggled to contain herself. She felt her face burning. It wasn't hatred. It was… Something she'd never felt before. She closed the door behind her, hoping that Bethany would understand that she should stay away.

"You've done quite well, Lucía," her father said softly. "Aren't you going to invite Beth to join us?"

"Leave her out of this." Her voice sounded strange, as if it wasn't her own. " _You…_  You have a lot of explaining to do." She lowered her gun. "So many things to say,  _Gascard_ …"

Her father raised his hands with a smile. "As I said, I think you've done quite well so far, on your own. You don't need me to tell you anything." His piercing blue eyes made her think of Carver. She hoped he would be safe with the Wardens. "So… Doctor Devin, huh." He snorted. "So much for the precautions I took. You found him, anyway. Who pointed the way?"

Lucía couldn't believe her ears. Her mind was racing, remembering the events of the previous night. Her dreams…

"No. You died," she said slowly. "I saw you die. How do you know-?"

He had taken a small notepad from his inner pocket. "Was it… Varric? No? It can't have been Carver, right? What about Fenris?" He saw her eyes open wide and he smiled. "Aaah, Fenris. I haven't had much access to him yet…"

"You… Leave him- _them_ out of this," she snarled.

"So  _protective._  You haven't changed a bit. I wonder if Anders knows how you feel about his…  _cousin?_  Oh, Lucía…" He shook his head in disapproval.

"You have  _no_  right… What? What the fuck do you want?" she screamed.

"Language, dear." He stood up. His height had always intimidated them, except for Carver, who was as tall as their father. He walked towards her and said, "I want to know what's here," he said kindly, pointing to her forehead. "This was the first night you spent with him, wasn't it?"

"What?"

"I found no condoms, and I've already checked the sheets." His voice was cold and matter-of-factly. "He came into you, didn't he?"

Lucía frowned and recoiled. "What… What are you asking?"

"Don't worry. You're not pregnant. The medication he takes makes it impossible for him to impregnate you. Or anybody, but I assume you've been his only one. No, what I want to know is…" His voice was soft and tender. "What did you see?"

"You were dead," Lucía blurted out, barely knowing what she was doing.

"You've said that. Lothering?" She nodded. "Orlais?" She shook her head. "Hrm… Maybe it wasn't that-"

"Tevinter," she blurted out again, feeling sick.

Malcolm Hawke raised an eyebrow. "Tev- _Tevinter?_  You reached Tevinter?" He let out a short laugh. "That is amazing – simply amazing, my dear!"

The door opened behind them. "Luz? I was get-" Bethany froze, her hand pressed against the door. Lucía saw her chest rising and falling quickly.

"Beth! Beth, no." Lucía held her sister in her arms. "Breathe in and out. I'm here. Shush… I'm here. Nothing's going to happen."

"You…" Bethany hissed. "You… _Bastard!_ You monster!" She pushed Lucía away and jumped over her father. Malcolm grabbed her by the shoulders, but she was no longer the little girl he had left behind. She gripped his wrists until he released her and pushed him backwards. He tripped, but his reflexes were sharp. He frowned for a moment, but when she raised her hand to hit him, he caught her arm and twisted it until he heard the bone break. Bethany howled in pain as he threw her against a wall, and Lucía jumped at him. Before she could touch him, however, he fired a taser at her and she fell to the floor, unable to move.

He removed the electrodes from her body. She was still shaking when he grabbed her by the face, the electricity flashing around his fingers. "You're not ready for this game, Lucía. Stay away." He left her on the floor and walked out of the apartment.

Bethany got up crying and knelt beside her sister. Lucía recovered soon after and scrambled over to her bag to get her phone. She called an ambulance for Bethany, and while she was waiting, she made another phone call.

"You have to come back," she said. "He's here, Cullen. Father's here."

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Cat Stevens (although I very much like Mr. Big's version.) This is the beginning of the second story arc, called "Anders's Manifesto".


	55. Play Dead

Leto opened his eyes. Something bad had happened – he could feel it. He turned and lay on his back, his right hand pressed against his chest, feeling his own heartbeat.  _Water._  He had dreamed of water.  _Anders._  They were being washed away, together. What did that mean?

He sat up.  _Seheron._  Seheron was an island. Anders would be there.  _Maybe that's why…_  Yes, it had to be that. His brain had used that piece of information and made him dream about that. He rubbed his face and looked at the time. 5 more minutes and the alarm would go off. He lay down again and wondered what had happened between Anders and Lucia. No –  _Lucía_ , not Lucia. He remembered the night he'd spent with her and how she had giggled when he'd said her name and the stress hadn't been in the right place. He tried to remember what he'd written in the form. It didn't matter now. She'd done well; she didn't need to go back to him to check the status of her provisional citizenship. She was a citizen now. She didn't need him anymore.

Leto sighed.  _What would have happened,_  he thought, _if I hadn't let her in?_  She wouldn't have met Anders. They wouldn't be together now. For a moment, he felt a pang of jealousy and there was a flash of anger in his green eyes. But then his look relaxed. He wouldn't have spent that night with her. After all this time, anybody would laugh at him and say how stupid he seemed to be for clinging onto the memory of a woman who had been his for one night only.

He looked at his hands. Every time he thought of her, he had this warm feeling. Surely a memory of that night, he thought, but it felt like something else. His hands had known exactly where to touch her and how she'd react to certain things – things that he had never done to any other woman before. Their bodies had seemed to recognize one another, and that had felt so real that it had become engraved in his skin.

She hadn't chosen him, and for some reason, he hadn't been as surprised as he should have been. He'd accepted it. He was even willing to entertain the possibility that perhaps, he'd been confused. But then Bethany had told him that if he'd said something, Lucía might have said yes. Leto snorted. What a coward he'd been, running away like that. He almost deserved it. He deserved to be plagued by the idea of that woman lying in his cousin's arms, of that man basking in her light and warmth and love…

The alarm went off. He shook his head, trying to clear up his mind from those silly thoughts, and went off for a shower.

* * *

 _"Tantervale?_  Why would you need to go there?" Meredith stared at Cullen in disbelief.

Cullen's face remained impassive as he said, "Gascard Quentin has been sighted."

Meredith squinted and pressed her hands against the desk. " _What?_  How did you learn this?"

"Someone in our network," Cullen replied. He didn't want to add more information. He knew that the Brigadier had taken Gascard's case to heart, and mentioning his name to her would secure him a free pass to days off and no further questions. Meredith trusted Cullen.

Meredith stood up and looked out of the window. The view from The Gallows had always given her a sense of security, as if the city below was something that she could hold in her hands – something that she could give shape to, if she wanted. She had been offered the position of Governor of Kirkwall, but she had politely refused it. As a consequence, the petty politicians of the Free Marches had gone on rallying. Some of them had abandoned the race but the others, the ones who still clung to the little flickers of hope, weren't strong enough to win on their own. She could feel the desire for her support every time they accidentally ran into her, every time they flattered her and her actions. She let out an imperceptible sigh.

"Very well," she finally said. "Take whatever you need and keep me informed. If this is true… Then things can be more complicated and dangerous than we'd thought."

* * *

Leandra kissed Bethany's forehead and her daughter smiled back at her. "I'm fiiiiine, Mama," she whined playfully. "It was just a bad fall."

"I still don't understand why you were going down the stairs," Leandra insisted. "You have used elevators before, baby. What was so different this time?"

"I told you. It's an old elevator. It makes all sorts of strange whirring-and-squeaking noises that made me a little nervous."

"You three are going to kill me one day," Leandra said as she watched Lucía talking to one of the nurses right outside the room. "First, Carver and his intoxication. Then, your sister and her injuries, and the mental anguish that she has. And now, you…"

"Don't be so hard with her," Bethany asked her mother. "She is trying to solve her issues. She is seeing a therapist. If you ask her, she'll talk about what she feels or how she's doing. But Mama, it can't have been easy for her to see so many of her partners die."

Leandra smiled at her daughter and stroked her cheek. My baby, she thought. She was so conscious now. Thank the Maker for Anders and Karl.

Lucía entered the room and told them that Bethany had been released. Her mobile phone rang and she answered it.

"Temporary relocation?" she said, after a while. "Where? You've got to be kidding me! My sister's just had an accident – I can't leave h- Take them with me? I can't do that to my mo-" She saw Leandra beckoning at her. She walked towards her mother, and Leandra whispered, "I'll go with you, don't worry. We'll stay together, Luz."

"Are you sure?" Lucía mouthed silently, and Leandra nodded. "All right," she said to the person on the phone. "When do you need me to leave? Fine, we'll pack our bags as soon as possible."

"Did she buy it?" Cullen asked her, on the other end of the line.

"We'll be ready in three hours."

"I'll pick you up at that time, then. I'll give Karl a heads-up and you call the Hendyr boy. And Hawke…" Cullen's voice suddenly turned serious. "Be careful. Don't do anything that can put you or your family at risk."

* * *

"Are you sure this is not about the baby thing?" Leto asked her as they were having lunch.

"Of  _course_  this is about the baby thing!" Isabela replied. "It's not about having a baby, but it's about the one that already exists. I haven't seen Enya since she was born, and I suppose Bianca will appreciate the company, now that she's stopped working and she's a full-time housewife."

"Your sister doesn't strike me as that type…" Leto said hesitantly. Isabela laughed.

"And you'd be right. What can I say? I like her husband –in a totally non-sexual way, mind you– and I'd be sorry to see him in jail for killing her. He loves her, I'm sure of that, but Bianca can be…"

"Difficult?"

" _Trying,_  I think." Isabela laughed. "Besides," she added kindly, "I haven't taken time off since we went on that holiday together. Taking some time off now will be good for me, don't you think?"

Leto raised his glass and smiled. "To family reunions," he said.

"And time off work," Isabela grinned.

* * *

Lucía's head was resting on the glass. The last time she'd travelled in a van like that had been when they'd been taken to the Vimmark Mountains. She shuddered and looked around. Leandra had finally fallen asleep and Bethany was resting her head on her mother's shoulder. Donnic was immersed in a book about werewolves and vampires, which he tried to hide when he felt Lucía's eyes on him.

"Thank you for coming with us," she whispered.

"Oh, it's a pleasure! Er… I mean… It's no problem… My sister was happy to hear that I'd be visiting her. Er… Have you heard anything about Carver?"

Lucía remembered her visit to the Warden facilities. "He'll be fine," she said adamantly. Donnic nodded and was about to say something when he raised his eyes and saw Cullen standing near them.

"A word with you?" he said softly. Lucía stood up and followed him to the back of the van. "I let Karl know about your father." He saw the shadow of doubt in her eyes and hurried to say, "He'll be okay. He's stronger than he looks, and far smarter. He'll lie low."

"What about Varric? I don't want him to be in any sort of trouble…"

"He won't. He's Captain now, so he only responds to Kirkwall, and I'm pretty confident I can pull many strings there. And Kylon's an understanding man. Everybody is, if you know how to talk to them, I guess." Cullen shrugged. Lucía nodded and looked back at Bethany. Cullen followed her sightline. "She'll be fine. It seems that she's been in good hands."

"Yes," Lucía said, smiling slowly. "Thank you," she told him. He raised his eyebrows inquisitively. "I know what you're after," she murmured. "And you don't need to be here with us to get it. You know you will, eventually. We'll get to the bottom of this." Lucía leaned against the back of her seat. "Next time, I'll be ready to play the game."

* * *

"You really can't stay away from me, can you?" Varric said as he squeezed Lucía. He hugged Bethany and Leandra and patted Donnic on the arm. When the others entered the house, he approached Cullen.

"That bad, huh…" Varric said, as he leaned against the van.

"Meredith's right," the young man muttered. "I thought Lucía was hysterical, but her sister's arm… This guy is dangerous." Cullen looked at Varric in the eye. "Should anything happen..."

"There's no need to say it. This is my family as well. I'll shoot to kill," he simply said. Cullen nodded silently and watched Varric slowly walk into the house, waving at him without looking back.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: A song by Björk and David Arnold.


	56. Another Girl's Paradise

Amidst the friendly chatter led by Bianca and Donnic and the clutter of plates and glasses, Lucía felt someone's eyes fixed on her. Isabela's. It was a burning sensation, and certainly not a pleasant one like the one provoked by Leto's eyes or Anders's look. She knew exactly why her skull was being pierced through by those golden brown eyes, but she didn't think it was worth speaking up.

Isabela kissed Enya's little head and stared at Lucía once more, wondering what Leto had seen in her. She wasn't particularly attractive. She could see a few scars on her left arm. Perhaps those were new, she certainly didn't remember them. Whenever she smiled, her mouth looked too wide. It was a good thing that she didn't wear any lipstick – otherwise it would have looked almost clownish. Still, her face changed when she smiled. There was something there that made her incredibly approachable. Easy? No. You could tell from her eyes that she was holding something back, that there was some sort of pain there that had never healed. Isabela could tell that she was hiding something, but it was hard to say what. The only moment when her eyes warmed up was when they landed on her sister, her mother, or Varric. That was when her whole face lit up, and that warmth seemed to spread onto her actions. The way she had taught her sister how to handle the cutting of the food in spite of the broken arm, or how she kept looking at everybody's glasses, making sure they would always be full. Her hands moved gently and gracefully, as if they were meant to do things without being detected. She was a self-sufficient being –Isabela had known that right from the beginning– but there was something else there. Something that was unique and elusive.

Isabela realized that she was intrigued, and her curiosity had to be satisfied.

* * *

"Come  _oooon,_  tell me…"

"Are you crazy? I'm not telling you that…"

"You know you want to… Tell me what you're wearing…"

Giggling. "I'm not playing that game!"

"Why not? It's just the two of us in here. Would it help if I described my clothes… or  _lack_ of them?"

"We're not doing this, Lucía," Anders laughed. "I'd feel very silly."

"Spoilsport," Lucía sighed. "I miss you already. And I don't even know why."

"Well, you've got time to figure that out. And I miss you too." Anders paced about the room, rubbing the back of his neck. "I've barely been able to concentrate on the lectures," he said shyly.

Lucía smiled. "Well, it's just a few more months."

"It's only been a week and I can't wait to see you, to be with you, again."

Lucía closed her eyes and bit her lips, trying to contain some sort of squeal that threatened to come out any minute now. She cleared her throat and said, "Four months and three weeks, Anders. Besides, I think you're pretty efficient at the whole keeping-me-away thing by now."

"It's different now. I know what I'm missing. Besides, we need to go on proper dates. You know, wine and dine, shows, holding hands, public displays of affection-"

"Oh no," Lucía groaned. "Not those. Not unless it's late at night and nobody can see us."

Anders laughed. "You'll get used to it. In the meantime, you can imagine all the things we'd be doing when we return home…"

"Don't be mean," she said weakly.

"I'm charmingly innocent, my dear. It's all in your head." He chuckled. Suddenly he heard Bethany's voice coming through the phone.  _"Moooom! Lucía's naked and playing with herself in my bed!"_  "What-What was that?" he asked.

"Nothing!" Lucía said hurriedly. "I have to go now!"

" _But-_  But she  _said_ -!"

"Talk to you tomorrow!" Lucía hung up and gave her sister a high five. Bethany laughed.

"Was my acting convincing enough?" she asked, taking a bow.

"I hope so. That'll teach him not to tease me like that," Lucía laughed, hugging her sister. The door was open and she saw Isabela walking by, casting a glance at her, a little smirk on her face. It was a matter of seconds. Lucía swallowed hard. She'd have to talk to her soon.

* * *

The farmer's market of Isbeil Square was bustling. Bianca was pushing Enya's stroller and listening to Leandra's advice on baby care. Bethany was chattering happily, gasping and oohing at most of the things she saw. Lucía was listening to her, but she was aware of Isabela's slow walk behind her. She felt as if the Rivaini woman was a cat, about to pounce on her.

And then she smelled it. Sweet, tangy, but above all, familiar. Lucía turned her head around and saw them. "Honeybells," she whispered and dashed to the stall. Isabela raised an eyebrow and followed her. When she caught up with her, she found her holding the biggest oranges she'd ever seen, with a smile on her face that was contagious.

"Here," Isabela smiled in spite of herself as she handed Lucía a basket.

"Thank you," she replied, surprised. She put the oranges in the basket and turned to pick more.

"I would have been an ass if I'd let you hold those nipple-like things in your arms." Isabela laughed. Lucía blushed and chuckled. "When I was a child, my mother made a kind of jam with these," Isabela said, holding one of the honeybells in her hand. "I'd always ask for marmalade, because I'd once tasted the fruit and I liked peeling off the slices and feeling the texture of the pulp in my mouth. But Mother always took great pleasure in doing the exact opposite of what I wanted."

"Oh… I like embrium jam better," Lucía said. "This fruit… It's so easy to peel that it's a crime to make anything out of it. It should be enjoyed on its own." Isabela nodded slowly and was rather surprised herself when she heard Lucía say, "You want to know, don't you?"

"Oh? And what is it that I want to know?"

"What happened with Leto," Lucía said quietly.

"He's not mine," she smirked. "We're not dating now. We weren't even dating when you two slept together."

"I don't mean that. I mean the reason why he felt that way about me."

Isabela's smirk froze.

"Varric told me," Lucía said softly, "what Leto had said to you. I didn't know I'd caused that sort of impression on him."

"Don't think too much of yourself," Isabela cut her short. "He only said you hadn't been just another fuck, that's all. What I'm trying to understand is why he felt that way about  _you._ "

"And not  _you._ " Lucía spoke calmly. There was certainly no bitterness in her voice, but to Isabela, her sweetness was sour. She found herself speechless. Lucía paid for the oranges and walked back to where Isabela was standing. "I think it's more complex than I'd like to admit. I'm not sure how to explain it, but… Are you familiar with the concept of past lives?"

* * *

_Isabela raised her head and looked at the woman. Her ginger hair was covering her breasts, and her chest was rising and falling in a most sensuous way. She wiped her chin and smiled._   
_"I must admit, I did not know that technique, my dear Isabela," a man said behind her. "You're truly a paragon of sensuality."_   
_"Don't be absurd," Isabela purred as she stood up and took the glass from the man's hand. "You're the one who taught me that."_   
_"I did? Why, I must have been lost in the ecstasy of your undulating hips and far too distracted to notice what I was doing." His golden-honey eyes leered at her, but Isabela knew that beneath the heat of his look, there was a calculating individual, and that was what she wanted from him this time._   
_"I've got a job for you, Zev."_   
_"My dear, you know that you've got to go through the Crows first-"_   
_"This is of a more personal nature," she said, staring at him._

* * *

Isabela's eyes shot open. That man… What had  _that_  been? She touched her body. It  _had_  been her, but… Something felt off key. She turned around in bed and thought about Lucía's words. She'd laughed when she'd heard that thing about past lives, but Lucía hadn't even smiled.

She sniffed the air. Surely it wasn't…?

Isabela took her robe and walked towards the kitchen. Lucía and Leandra were cooking something, while Bethany was holding Enya and chatting with Bianca. The smell was heavenly, and the whole scene was something that comforted her and made her want to be a part of it.

"Oh, you're awake! Good! I had to wake up earlier to make sure that it was ready for breakfast, so I hope it was worth it." Lucía was holding a wooden spoon as she approached Isabela. Honeybell  _marmalade._  Not jam. She'd remembered. "Blow," Lucía told her.

Isabela blew the steamy concoction softly and tasted it. It felt like she'd always thought it would. The sweetness, the soft and juicy chunks, the sour aftertaste. It was all there, in the hands of the person that had intrigued her for months, weeks, days. Lucía smiled at her sweetly and returned to her mother's side to help her make the rest of the hearty breakfast they'd been preparing for hours now.

And suddenly Isabela understood what Leto had seen in her, what he had felt for her, because she was feeling it as well.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: one of my favourite songs by Tori Amos.


	57. Interstate Love Song

_"I'll be there for ten days, if that's okay with you. They still owe me some days for working during Wintersend, so I'll be taking my week off plus those days. I'll be getting my own room. We don't need people whispering behind our backs. Pick me up from the airport next Friday at 7 in the evening."_

Anders re-read the email and blinked. He sighed and picked up the phone.

"Hi there!"

"Hey, sweetheart…"

"Uh-oh. You've started off sweethearting me. Bad news?"

"Well… Remember that you were planning to come over this weekend?"

"Oh  _no._  Hell  _no."_

"'Mafraid so."

"But you  _promised_ …!"

"This time it's not a seminar, I swear! It's… It's Leto. He's already got his ticket and he's coming to spend 10 days with me."

"Oh…" Lucía remained silent for a few seconds. "All right, then I can… I could go there in three weeks, I suppose."

"I knew you'd understand," Anders replied, sighing sadly.

* * *

"Has anybody actually ever treated any of you as if you were monsters? Don't be shy, raise your hands – we're among friends here; at least, we're all the same kind of monster…" Doctor Orsino counted the hands. "Well, not as many as in my time, actually. Society seems to be progressing, or at least moving, one way or another. How many of you have actually done something that warranted the weird looks, the hushed whispers…?" Two hands remained raised. "Ah, let's see. Anders, and the beautiful Solona. In this case, the gentleman will go first, my dear. My apologies."

Anders felt as if he was back in school. All the eyes were fixed on him. He cleared his throat and said, "I had a fight with my father, and he ended up in hospital. He is  _–was–_  an amenta."

"I see. Did you provoke him?"

"Not that I remember. I think it was self-defence. At least that's what the people around me testified. I… blacked out."

"Ah, a sympathetic crowd. You were most lucky, dear boy. Not all of us get something like that." Orsino looked at the young woman sitting nearby and moved closer to her. "Would you like to share your experience, Solona?"

The blonde woman coughed nervously and looked at him. He nodded encouragingly and she smiled faintly. When she spoke, her voice came out soft and airy.

"I spent most of my childhood in my family's farmhouse. When we moved to the city and I interacted with other children… I felt anxious all the time, and I started withdrawing. I started dreaming. My dreams became my reality, and one day…" She breathed in with difficulty, but it was evident that she was used to dealing with her anxiety. "One day, a boy followed me home. He shouted at me, called me names. He told me to return to the hole where I'd come from. He laughed and called me a creep. He said I should crawl, as the creep I was, and he…" Solona made a pause and clenched her fists. "He grabbed me by the hair and slammed my face against a wall, and then threw me onto a pile of debris that was lying nearby. I tried to run away, but he caught me by the ankle and dragged me by the leg.  _'Creep',_  he kept shouting, and he… He pulled down my trousers and-"

The room was silent. Everybody was looking down, holding their breath.

"I remember holding onto something that felt like a bar, a long metal bar. I pushed him away and I still remember the weight of that bar in my hands. It was too long for me, but I had no problem handling it. And I used it. I hit him. I beat him with a strength I didn't know I had."

Orsino knew better and kept his distance, but his eyes reflected compassion. "Were the police involved?"

"They were. I was probed, scraped, and manhandled, and because I'd been a victim too, and I was underage, they let me go. After that, we had to move."

Anders looked at Solona through the corner of his eye. He was overwhelmed by the violence that had surrounded other people's lives, and afraid of the idea of hearing about Bethany in a situation like that. She'd never know how lucky she'd been to have her siblings around.

* * *

Leto patted his cousin on the back. "Sorry to keep you waiting. I really hope it won't be stormy all week long. Just my luck, right?"

"It's all right," Anders smiled. "The weather's crazy in this island. We've had rain every day since we got here, but it's just for a short while, and then it's really sunny."

"Anything interesting to see?"

"Lots of pretty ladies, yes," Anders laughed. "But you're not that kind."

"I don't know what kind I am anymore," Leto answered with a shy smile. "But I have to try and see, don't I?"

* * *

Anders was sitting on a towel. 5 in the afternoon and the sun was starting to set. The orange-red sea made him feel powerless. The only reason he was there was because Leto had travelled all the way from Kirkwall – otherwise, he just stayed away from the beach as much as he could.

Leto was lying by his side, his body drenched in the afternoon sun, which gave his skin a bronze-like quality. Anders envied him. He'd always found himself bound to sun block lotions. He yawned and stretched.

"Bored?" Leto asked.

"Not really. I think it's a general lazy feeling that's taken over me."

"You should try napping for a while."

"Sure. And I'll only wake up to see I've turned into a lobster."

"Get back to the hotel for a while and sleep there. You don't have to spend every single waking moment with me. I'm a big boy, you know."

Anders chuckled and stood up. "Catch you later," he said, and left.

Leto waved and closed his eyes behind his shades. There was something different about Anders. He was much more relaxed. He hadn't asked much about his cousin's life, even though they'd been together for a couple of days, but he knew why Anders had changed. Even though he knew it was impossible, he could feel Lucía's presence all over his cousin. He sighed and tried to empty his mind, focusing on the sound of the sea instead.

* * *

  
_He was lying on the sand. He opened his eyes and saw Anders lying nearby. Or maybe it wasn't Anders. But he_ had _to be – it felt like Anders. He sat up and coughed. The taste of salty water made him gag. He had the feeling that he'd lost something, but he couldn't remember what._  


_He saw Anders move and sit up as well. His head had a nasty cut and the blood covered half of his face._

_He saw Anders scramble to his feet and shout at the sea. He didn't understand why._

_He saw Anders fall on his knees and cry. He didn't understand why._

_Black hair, going underwater._

_And he remembered._

* * *

He opened his eyes and Anders was standing next to him. "That's going to hurt," the blond man said.

Leto sat up and winced. He looked down at his stomach and saw that it had turned red. "I had no idea I'd slept for so long," he grunted, looking around. There was nobody at the beach, and the sun had set completely. "I had a very strange dream. You were there. At first I thought it was this beach, but…" He stood up and looked behind him. "No. There were cliffs. You were crying and shouting."

"Wow. Thanks. Why was I displaying such array of emotions?"

Leto frowned. There had been something. Before he could stop to think about what he was going to say, he blurted out, "Black hair."

"Ah," Anders said. He put his hands in his pockets and drew circles on the sand with the tip of his toes. Leto took a quick look at him. He wanted to say something, but he didn't know what. They hadn't spoken about-

"Listen," Anders said. He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. "The only reason why I've been avoiding the topic is because everything's quite recent. Lucía and I-"

"It's all right," Leto said hurriedly. "You don't need to say anything." But that wasn't what he'd meant. Something inside him stirred. It wasn't just what he felt about Lucía – this new feeling felt older than him. What he'd really wanted to say was ' _Don't tell me anything. If you don't speak, it won't be real. If you don't speak, there's still a chance that we'll be together.'_

"We're in a relationship. I think."

"You _think?"_

"We want to, but… We haven't really had time to sit down and talk about these things."

"I thought two months had passed between her return and your coming here."

"Yes, well…" Anders looked at his cousin. "Other things happened in the middle." But that wasn't what he'd meant. Something inside him stirred. It wasn't just what he felt about Lucía – this new feeling felt older than him. What he'd really wanted to say was ' _If you hadn't been there, everything would have happened faster. You, the thought of you suffering, kept me away from her.'_

"I'm glad for you two, then," Leto gave his cousin a half-smile and turned to walk back to the hotel.

"So you say," Anders muttered, following him.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Stone Temple Pilots.


	58. Stuck in the Middle with You

Carver turned around and snuggled his pillow as he wriggled under the blankets. There seemed to be a cold breeze coming from somewhere. Probably one of the others had left the door open when they'd gone out.

Which meant that he'd overslept.

He opened his eyes in shock and sat up. He was alone.  _Fuckers,_  he thought, as he jumped out of the bed. He slipped out of his pants and ran to his locker. He groped for his uniform. It wasn't there. He blinked. He remembered putting it there, the night before. He'd brought it in at 10:34 exactly. He sighed. Another prank.

He smirked. Well, he knew how he was going to make them pay.

He slipped out of his underwear and walked out of the room. They'd surely be in the dining room. He sniggered as he imagined Nathaniel's face when he told him that he'd rubbed his naked ass against his favourite chair. And Kristoff… He was the mastermind behind this; Carver had no doubt about it. Always keeping a straight face, but Carver knew better. The older Warden was all for pranks.

Carver opened the door of the dining room, only to find Nathaniel talking to a short woman, who opened her eyes wide and went silent as soon as she saw Carver. Nathaniel turned to look at the newcomer and went scarlet. Kristoff entered the room from the other side, carrying breakfast plates for six but he stopped dead when he saw the young Warden standing at the door. Carver heard a bump against Kristoff's back and a curse coming from a feminine voice. A woman's head looked at him from behind Kristoff and she gasped audibly.

A fork fell from one of the plates and it clanked, breaking the awkward silence that covered the room. Carver wished the silence could cover him as well.

Nathaniel cleared his throat and said quietly, "We'll all pretend we haven't seen anything if you go to your new chambers right now and get dressed there."

Carver blinked.  _Of course._  He would be allowed to sleep on his own now. "My room. Right. I… I'll just… I'll go now." He closed the door behind him and sighed. Why couldn't he make a joke right for once? He banged his forehead on the door softly, feeling stupid.

"Hey kid… Loaded weapons are not allowed in the premises," he heard a raspy voice snigger behind him. A short man was standing there. His head sported a crew cut, except for the top, covered by a fiery red crest. His beard was thick and braided. The man reminded Carver of Varric, but Varric was always clean. Carver almost expected to see flies circling around this man. His eyes were reddish and he smelled of alcohol.

"'choo looking at, pretty boy?" the man grunted with fake severity. "I don't wanna look at it, but if you keep shoving that thing in my face, you're gonna poke me in the eye."

"Well, you shouldn't be that short, you know," Carver muttered, covering his parts with his hands.

"Hah, is that the best you can come up with? Good to see you've got other assets for the ladies." The man laughed as Carver ran down the corridor.

* * *

"Mama?"

"My baby! What a surprise!" Carver clung to the phone as he heard Bethany's voice shouting his name in the background. "We were going to phone you tonight. Isn't it too early for you to be up?"

"We're got strict schedules," Carver replied, trying to sound important.

"I'm so glad to hear you're fine, dear." Leandra's voice was as sweet as he remembered it. Now that he was allowed to make and receive phone calls, he wanted to stay in touch as much as he could. "Bethany wants to talk to you."

"Brother!" Bethany's voice was as enthusiastic as ever.

"How's it going, Beth?"

"We're doing fine. Varric and Bianca say hi. They let me babysit Enya. They trust me, Carver!"

"Don't be silly. Why wouldn't they?"

"Well, because… Because I'm not like you guys."

Carver frowned. "Well, I don't know who these 'guys' are, but I'm sure not like them anymore either, so… We're together in this, right?"

"Of course!" Bethany laughed. "We were thinking of going over and seeing you in two weeks. You'll be there, right?"

"Where else would I be, Beth? I'm kinda stuck in here." Carver sighed. "Yeah, unless things change today, I'll be here. You can come and see me."

"Good, good." Bethany's voice trailed off. "Er… Lucía won't be coming with us, though."

Carver bit his lower lip. "I… I was kinda expecting that. I was incredibly rude to her the last time she was here. I've been meaning to phone and apologize, but…"

"It's alright, she understands," Bethany said warmly. "She'll be travelling to Seheron in two weeks, just for a weekend. Andy's there and they'd like to spend some time together."

"Well, maybe you two could go with her. Have some holidays, y'know…"

"Carver, they need some time  _on their own._  They're kind of an item now."

"I know, I know." Carver sighed. "Is she… around? Just to say hi."

"No, she's at the market. But I'll tell her you called."

After they hung up, Carver was left with the bittersweet feeling of the family that was there for him.  _There, not here._  He'd stopped believing he'd ever be able to go back to them. But he couldn't hide behind the skirts of those three women anymore. He had to make a name for himself. Ironically, he'd been stripped of his name. He was "just Carver" now. For the first time in his life, he didn't need to live up to anyone.

Carver sighed. The only reason he'd called his family was to avoid meeting the other Wardens in the dining hall. They'd surely be waiting for him. He adjusted his boots unnecessarily again and walked out of his new room. His steps were hesitant at the beginning, but little by little he picked up the pace –his own pace– and by the time he opened the door of the dining room, he had managed to put a smile on his face.

Nathaniel smiled at him and introduced him to the short woman, Sigrun. She was one of the Wardens from Orzammar, just like Oghren, the red-haired guy he'd met before. The other woman's name was Velanna, and she'd also started out in Orzammar. They'd been partners with Nathaniel and Kristoff before they had been moved to the Tantervale division.

"Will you stay with us here?" Carver asked, as he wolfed down his breakfast.

"Not exactly," Sigrun said. "We're just trading and updating information. We don't really rely on technology for that. It keeps things… safer."

"Aaah," Carver said. "More mysteries. Interesting."

"Keep eating, boy," Velanna scoffed.

"Why, Velanna. We wouldn't want him to get any bigger," Kristoff sniggered.

Carver went red. Velanna laughed.

"Ah, don't mind us. I'd missed my buddy 'Toffy here."

"You should have seen our double act," Kristoff told Carver. "Astounding!"

"He'll get to see it tonight, once we get the ale flowing," Oghren grunted. "That's when you'll wish you'd never touched a drop of lyrium, lad. Trust me."

* * *

"I simply refuse to believe it!" Velanna shouted. "There's no way Alistair's gay!"

"I don't know… You've seen him with the Commander. He's got these puppy eyes-"

"Father figure," Nathaniel interrupted. "I also refuse to believe he's gay."

"Ah well, you'd know about that. You and your bromance with that doctor some years ago… What was his name? Andrew? Sigrun, help me out here."

"Nah, this is your mess," Sigrun smirked. "I have nothing to say about Nathaniel."

"Ah, sneaky thing. Willing to vouch for him. Why? Got a taste of the man in the past?" Oghren laughed out loud as Sigrun went red.

"That's-That's not what I meant. Velanna, help me out here!"

"Ah, no!" Oghren sniggered. "Every man and woman for himself."

"Or herself," Carver added.

Oghren stared at him. "You here to correct my grammar, pretty boy? 'Choo gonna do – take out that thing of yours and slap me on the knuckles with it?"

"Well, you're the only one who's been talking about my 'thing', so I'd say the queer vibe definitely comes from you," Carver replied, hiding his face in his glass. Kristoff laughed and patted him on the back.

"You'll be fine, kid," the Warden said. Carver smiled back.

* * *

Kristoff shooed him away from the hall so that he could mop the floor. Carver took the glasses to the kitchen, where Nathaniel was finishing with the washing-up. Carver left the load and glanced at his Senior.

"Anything you need?" Nathaniel's soft husky voice asked.

"I was wondering… You're… You're not gay, are you?"

Nathaniel chuckled. "I'm not, no. I don't see why that would be a problem, though. Do you have a problem with that?"

"No, no!" Carver replied. "I'm all for that! I mean, not for me! It's fine… Whatever you feel like doing with your body…"

"It's not exactly like getting a tattoo because it isn't just a 'body' question, but yeah. Your point's that we should be allowed to do as we please. Gotcha. You're not the most articulate person in your family, are you?"

"Well, you don't really know the rest of my family." Carver said. He frowned. "Do you?"

"I met them when they came to see you, remember?"

"Right. That part's still kinda blurry."

Nathaniel nodded. "So yeah. Not gay."

"What did Oghren mean, then?"

The Senior Warden chuckled. "He's a prankster. Pushing people's buttons is what he does. He was talking about a doctor who once worked with us for some time. A couple of years ago, in fact. A nice guy. Quite shy. I remember we were working in Kirkwall. He had a partner. Those two were a truly odd couple. Not a real couple, mind you. I don't remember the other guy's name, but the doctor's name was Anders. Anders someth-" Nathaniel was interrupted by the sound of shattering glass. Carver had dropped the tray he was carrying, and was now staring at him.

 _"Anders?"_  he murmured.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Stealers Wheels.


	59. Reasons Why

_Lucía was looking at him with her big brown eyes._

Listen… I have to be honest with you. I think you deserve to know…

_He looked at her. He knew what was coming next._

Is this about Hartmann? You two are lovers, aren't you?

I don't know how I feel about him, _she said sadly._ It is true that I may have felt something for him. He was good to me. But you... My feelings for you… It took me by surprise.

_As she leaned forward to kiss him, locks of red hair brushed against his hand. He closed his eyes and his lips found hers._

* * *

"You look like crap," Leto said as he joined Anders for breakfast.

"Well, you don't look much better," Anders replied, munching on a piece of toast.

"What's with that longish hair?" Leto grunted. "You should at least try to tie it up a bit. You look more like an artist than a doctor."

Anders laughed. "It's barely shoulder-length. And what – loose, longish hair is an artist's trait?"

"In my world, perhaps," Leto smiled. He sat down across from his cousin and drank some orange juice. "It was hard to sleep well last night. I kept having these bits of dreams and I woke up more times than I'd have liked. What about you?"

"Something like that, yeah. Anything you want to tell me?" Anders murmured, pressing his lips against the rim of his cup of tea.

Leto glanced at him. He wasn't sure what Anders could tell from his dreams and, considering what he'd dreamed about, his cousin might take it the wrong way. As he retold what he remembered, he left out the fact that the first woman he'd seen had been Lucía, out of respect for his cousin's relationship with her.

Anders left his cup on the saucer. His eyes were glued to a little mountain of crumbs he'd built on a napkin. Leto watched him silently, wondering what was going on in his mind.

 _Hartmann,_  he'd said. Anders bit his lower lip. Then he was right. That  _had_  happened. He looked down. His hands… He opened and closed them slowly, trying to shake off the feeling-

"Are you all right?" Leto's voice brought him back. He nodded. "Um… Maybe we should-"

"It's not a dream," Anders blurted out. "It did happen. All of it."

"Don't start- It's ridiculous, Anders," Leto scoffed. "See? This is why I shouldn't have-!"

_"Louvetaux."_

Leto froze. A sudden chill ran up his spine. " _What_ -What did you call me?"

"You know." Anders stood up, unable to bear the look in his cousin's face. "You know it's you."

"It's not possible," Leto muttered.

"You know about Marian." Anders's eyes were fixed on Leto, who had winced at the mere mention of the name. "And you know, despite your best efforts to deny it, that Marian is  _–was–_  Lucía."

Leto stood up quickly and paced about the room, shaking his head. Anders went on watching him, waiting for his cousin to realize who he'd been. Waiting for his cousin to explain why his hands felt that way. Anders needed Leto to say out loud what had happened.

"Then you…" Leto sounded sick. "You _are_  Hartmann."

"I guess I am," Anders said. His voice sounded oddly strained.

Leto's green eyes pierced through him. Anders had never seen him looking like this. There was a certain emotion in them – _frustration? hatred?_ – that he couldn't identify.

"If that's true, then… You killed her," Leto said. He recoiled. "You killed her."

It was Anders's turn to freeze. "That's… No." He shook his head. "No, that can't be. No, I'd never hurt Luc-!"

 _"Marian!"_  Leto thundered. "Her name was  _Marian!_  And  _you_  killed her!"

* * *

Orsino was returning from making a phone call when he heard the trashing in Anders's room. He ran towards it and stuck his ear to the door. He could hear some groaning coming from inside. He was unsure whether it would be wise to knock on the door – maybe Anders was having rough sex. But then he heard the word "murderer" and simply had to barge in.

He found Anders and a young man with bloodied noses. The other man's hands were around Anders's neck, but the doctor wasn't fighting back. Orsino took the kit he always carried with him, filled the syringe with the liquid in the blue vial, and injected it into the young man's neck. The man screamed and fell to the floor amidst convulsions. Anders coughed and crawled towards him.

"No! He's not an amenta!" he croaked. "Quick! We must give him the serum!"

Orsino's hands trembled as he gave Anders his kit, but the young doctor did not hesitate. He quickly injected Leto with the serum and waited until the convulsions disappeared. Leto's eyes opened briefly for a moment and his mouth moved weakly. Anders moved his ear close to his cousin's lips and heard him mutter  _"Pain… Skin burns…"_  before he passed out.

* * *

_He had opened up to her and she had betrayed him. Lucia's laughter came from the gardens that smelled of jasmine. He knew why her garden smelled of mint now. He hated mint. Lucia's hand caressed his cheek. Her black hair covered him like a curtain._

  
_He moved aside the fabric and saw her. Marian was kneeling, barely covering her naked body. He fell on his knees and she pulled him closer, kissing him with desire. Her dark eyes drew him in._ I am yours, _she said. Those words seemed to ring in his ears forever. Her hair was fire, and he was getting lost in it. His body felt on fire..._  


I began to remember.

My life before.

It's too mu-

_Have you finished? Anders is waiting for me._

_Who was that woman standing before him? Her name was elusive. He felt as if he'd known her forever, and yet… Her eyes. Hard. Cold. Hateful._

_That wasn't his Marian. That wasn't his Lucia._

_This woman wasn't his anymore._

* * *

"Mr. Fenris will be fine in no time, Anders," Orsino said, picking up the pieces of the saucers and putting them on a tray. "You know, even if this was an unfortunate situation, you can't imagine how glad I am to see you acting so well under this kind of unexpected pressure."

Anders smiled faintly. He'd had to make a huge effort to stay in control. But at what cost? His body felt weak and tired, as if all his energy had been drained. His eyes landed on Leto, sleeping restlessly on Anders's bed, where he'd been left as soon as the serum had rendered him unconscious. Why couldn't they get together, say goodbye, and have no incidents in between? He was tired of the fighting, the reproach; the lies they told each other every time they met. But it hadn't always been like that. That had started happening since-

"Lucía," Anders murmured.

"Pardon me?" Orsino had finished cleaning up and was looking at him curiously. "Lucía?"

"I… Yes. She's my…"

"Ooh;  _that_  lady. The one waiting for you back home." Orsino's chuckle died in his lips when he saw Anders frowning.

"She's not home, she's… somewhere else now." He rubbed his forehead. What was home? He felt as if he'd never had a proper home – as if his soul had been roaming around for ages. His apartment, a tower, the basement, a farm, a shack by the sea, underground. The smell of dust came back to him, Orsino's voice became muffled and he no longer knew where he was.

He shut his eyes tight and tried to focus. "The drawer," he muttered. "White box. A tablet." He felt Orsino's hurried steps moving about the room and the light weight of the medicine on his palm. He swallowed the tablet and drank the water that the older man had given him. He remained still for a few minutes, feeling Orsino's inquiring look on him. After a while, he took another look at Leto, who was now sleeping quietly, and he thanked Orsino for his help.

"This medicine... You're a Dreamer," Orsino murmured. Anders nodded. Orsino sat down, blinking. "I can't believe you're one of those. The only one I've met is Professor Quentin, but he was always talking about the ones he'd found in his journeys. Nobody knew their names, except for him. His disappearance… We haven't heard anything about him for years-"

"He's not dead," Anders stared at Orsino. "My girlfriend saw him less than two months ago."

"Your girlfriend?" Orsino blinked, puzzled.

"His daughter," Anders murmured, as he stood up and took a bottle of water from the mini-bar.

"Your-? I didn't know that Professor Quentin had a family."

Something stirred in Anders's mind. Was he revealing too much? He glanced back at Orsino. The man looked just as confused as he'd been. He decided to tell him just what he needed to know to understand what was going on, but he would not refer to Lucía, her family, or their name again. He needed to talk to someone about it. He needed to process his thoughts, and someone who was what he was would surely help to do so.

* * *

Karl yawned and poured himself another cup of coffee. The lab felt lonely without Bethany. Even moody Anders was some sort of company for him. He chuckled when he remembered all the times he'd tried to make a pass at his friend and Anders had been completely obliv-

The monitor was flashing blue, showing the results of the latest test that Karl had run. Karl gaped at the screen. He quickly picked up the phone and dialed Cullen's number.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: "Reasons why" is a lovely song by Nickel Creek. If anybody's wondering, Anders knows that Malcolm was in Tantervale but Lucía didn't tell him about what he'd done to her and Bethany.


	60. Pancake

The apartment was devoid of people; their things, however, were still there.

He knew they hadn't been there for weeks – months now. They were in Starkhaven, staying at Varric Tethras's house. Bethany's arm was getting better. Leandra was oblivious, as usual. Lucía was inactive. And Carver? He was with the Wardens. He had survived. He seemed to be making good progress, against all odds. He'd never thought much of the boy, mostly because he'd never been able to obtain much out of him. He'd always died too soon. Bethany had been much more useful. She'd painted a clear picture of Kirkwall for him, and he'd been able to see some of Orlais.

It was Lucía, however, the one that had helped him the most – that is, until he'd tried to break the pattern, when she was a teenager. No more dreaming from her after that. Until recently, he'd thought he'd managed to set her free.

He snorted and shook his head. How wrong he had been.

Malcolm looked around the rooms. So that was the place where they'd lived ever since they'd escaped from Ferelden. His long fingers caressed the duct-taped boxes, which were now covered by a thin layer of dust. He felt the urge to rip those boxes open and dig his fingers into their contents. He'd always been like that; there was something about pulling things apart that fascinated him. He needed to understand the inner workings of those things he'd somehow made. His children. Their children.

He sighed. Leandra would never forgive him. Unsurprisingly, this realization didn't make him sad. He'd come to understand that perhaps he'd never loved her, that she was as much of his creation as his children. The only reason why they'd stayed together had always been to make them. They were supposed to have been awakened from their slumber and become great.

But he was aware that it had been his fault; that things shouldn't have turned out that way. What was supposed to be the gateway to a new world had turned into something they'd barely been able to control, and his children had been exiled from their lands. His actions had condemned them.

But he preferred to think that this was just another test for them. So far, they'd survived.

He left his set of notes and the photographs on the table. All the people that had ever been in touch with their children were there. He took Anders's picture and stared at it for a while. He should have known better than to get close to Lucía. Malcolm sighed disappointedly. Something would have to be done about it. His eye was caught by someone else's snapshot. He frowned.

Maybe he should pay a visit to that man.

* * *

"It is kind of a surprise, yes," Carver said. "Has something happened? My mother and my sister are coming next weekend, aren't they?"

"Yes, Junior. I'll take them there myself." Varric heaved a deep sigh and Carver replied with another.

"Shorty, let it out. Why are you calling me?"

"I need you to stay calm, all right?"

"Oh fuck… Is this about my father?"

Varric froze. "Yes," he managed to say a few seconds later. "It's about him. Your sisters… They had an encounter with him." Varric paced about the room, rubbing his temples, thinking about how to tell Carver what Malcolm had done. "They're both fine now-"

 _"Now?"_  Carver's voice went up an octave. "Did- _What_ -Did he do something to Beth?"

"He… forced her arm. But she's fine now, Junior. They've already removed the cast and she'll be doing P.T. for some weeks. I'm just giving you a heads up, so that you don't go around squeezing her or something." Silence. "Junior, are you there?" More silence.  _"Carver…"_

"What about Lucía?" Carver's voice sounded so low that it resembled a whisper, as opposed to his usual barking.

"She's fine. She just got a bit… shocked."

"He was always nicer to her," Carver blurted out.

"Junior, she's still your sister," Varric protested.

"It's not her fault," Carver replied. "I understand now. It wasn't her fault. It never was. I can't blame her for my father's preference. And she was the only one that had the guts to confront him whenever something happened." Carver sighed. "I won't press Beth for details, don't worry. I'm beginning to understand what this 'patience' thing is; trust me," he chuckled.

Varric laughed. "I really can't imagine you being all patient and shit. I'll only believe it when I see it with my own eyes."

* * *

"Wait, wait, wait…" Cullen rubbed his forehead as he leaned against the rail. "You'll have to slow down… Poor signal here… Don't understand a single word… All those technical things you've said."

"Where are you?" Karl asked.

"A cruise… Middle of my honeymoon…"

"Don't stand outside, get to a restroom."

"… Not want anybody near…"

"If you don't speak up it won't be a problem," Karl sighed, rolling his eyes. Maker, why did he always feel that everybody was so slow? Except for Bethany. He chuckled. How odd – he'd certainly grown fond of the little thing. "I'll wait, just go."

"Okay, tell me," Cullen said, once he'd locked himself in one of the restrooms.

"I ran a test outside the protocol. I swear I'd got to a point in which I just couldn't think of something else to do, and then it hit me. It was there all along. You see, we focused so much on the reactants and the catalysts that we forgot to-"

"No, no! Don't tell me about that now. There will be time for us to talk when I get back in three weeks. You know what I want to know." Cullen leaned his back against the door and held his breath. "Just say yes or no. Is this what we need to tie up the loose ends between the DR-28 incident and the S-group?"

"Yes," Karl said. "But-"

"There's no point talking about it. I'll forget anything you say, Olum. I'll be back in three weeks. Make sure you communicate with Kitlik and Zapt."

"Understood, Harp."

Cullen hung up. His hands were trembling slightly. Above all, he sought enlightening. He wanted the truth. He was close. No,  _they_  were close. The four of them. He could feel it. He washed his face and looked at himself in the mirror. He smiled and fixed the collar of his white summer shirt.

His wife was sunbathing. He approached her from behind and kissed her on the lips. "Is everything alright, Gray?" she said. He  _mm-hmm_ ed and sat near her, grinning.

* * *

"I don't know how to stop this," Anders murmured. They'd been talking for hours and they were nowhere near a conclusion. Leto sat down next to his cousin and sighed.

"There's not much to do," he said. "You can control your dreams with your medicine – I'll probably try taking some sleeping pills and see if I can avoid dreaming at all. But there's nothing we can do about her." He felt Anders casting a quick sideways glance at him and sighed. "Look, she has chosen you, and I can assure you that I'd never _ever_  attempt to seduce her."

"But you can't promise you'll forget about her, or stop feeling something for her."

Leto shook his head. "It would be useless to keep fooling myself, or you. What I feel won't go away, I know it. This whole 'past lives' thing… I'd be using it as an excuse, y'know? I don't think that what I feel for her has to do with what a past me felt for a past her. I like _her_. And sadly, at this moment she's just as far away from me as her past self."

Anders scoffed. "And you think that makes me feel better? Knowing that my only family is suffer-"

"I won't suffer," Leto cut him short. "I won't cry, or pine. And I want to keep seeing you. And of course I want to see her. I haven't seen her in a year now. I told you once: maybe one day I'll learn to love her as a cousin, I don't know… But I don't want any more incidents between us, all right?"

Anders nodded. "You know… You two are very similar in many aspects. You're more emotional than I am, and you don't believe that our past lives influence us. You make your own path."

"I make my own path, yes." Leto looked away. "I choose. That doesn't mean dismissing what came before. You can always learn, and try to change that."

"And yet, even though some things seem to change, how do we know that they've actually changed? That we won't find the same results, the same endings?" Anders stood up and passed his fingers through his hair. "Can we really break the pattern, or are we just bending things and getting the illusion of change?"

Leto stretched out and yawned. "I don't know about that. Maybe there's a lot I don't know. But I do entreat you to try to be different from that  _m-_  From the man you once were. For everybody's sake, cousin. I don't want to have to run a blade through you." He chuckled.

Anders smiled weakly. He remembered something…  _A man dressed in black, a blade into his back…_  He shook his head to clear his thoughts. "No hard feelings, then?"

"Not really, no. Just envy." Leto's plane had just been announced. "Take care of yourself, will you? You, and her. And… I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about." Anders hugged his cousin and watched him leave. A sad smile appeared on his face. He had no idea what to do now that everything was out there.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Tori Amos. I didn't mean to make this chapter religious or philosophical, but the song led me that way. Anyway, as you must have noticed, Cullen and his group (Karl+Lucía+Varric) have their own codenames, which -oh surprise- are also the Four Horsemen's names (only in another language): Olum (Karl - Death), Harp (Cullen, War), Kitlik (Varric, Famine), and Zapt (Lucía, Conquest). "The S group" refers to those responsible for the Somniari organization, and the DR-28 is the mission to the Deep Roads.  
> * "Pancake" is the 'male' counterpart of one of the future chapters, "Mrs. Jesus".


	61. I'm a Slave 4 U

"You know that my brother has a crush on Betty, don't you?" Bianca dropped the question casually as she was helping Lucía pack her bag. "I mean, I think that even a blind man would see it. Subtlety is not his forte."

Lucía laughed. "Don't be so hard on him. He's a good kid."

"He's no longer a kid, even though he acts like one at times," Bianca sighed.

"Why do you sound disappointed? True, he's not like other guys his age. But just because he's a guy who prefers reading over going out doesn't mean he's less of a man."

"Precisely. And I don't know if you've noticed, but Betty's a woman now. Which brings me to the point – what are we going to do if they decide to… you know?"

Lucía cocked her head and blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

"How good is it for Bethany to have a relationship with someone, considering her…  _condition?"_

"Ah," Lucía said as she slid her underwear into the hand luggage. She liked Bianca, but sometimes she felt that the little woman was too nosy for her own good. "Well, time will tell. You know I'm dating Anders, right?" Bianca nodded. "And you also know that Anders's condition is Bethany's as well. Maybe if Anders and I can make it, you'll feel more certain about letting your brother play with my sister, hmm?"

Bianca bit her lower lip and blushed slightly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

Lucía smiled. "I know you didn't. It's just the way it comes off, at times. But it's not just you. You don't know how much I wish they'd leave them alone. The  _amenti,_  I mean. I understand why Anders is away. If there's anything he can do to help others like him, I'll support him, come hell or high water." She sat down on the bed and held her nightgown in her hands. "Ah, don't mind me. Maybe I'm just nervous about going back to Tantervale. Lately I've been starting to remember things… Fragments of conversations, moments with my family… You know… It can't have been easy for my father to defy what was expected of him-"

"Don't you dare feel sorry for your father," Bianca snapped. "You're better than that. What he did to you and Betty… No man, no father should do those things and be allowed to walk away."

"I'm not sorry," Lucía replied, getting back on her feet. "I'm trying to understand him better. It's the only way to be ready for the next time we meet."

* * *

"What do you think those kids are doing in there?" Leandra asked Varric.

"I really don't know, my queen," Varric replied as he poured some beer into Leandra's glass. "But you can be sure that little Donnic will behave. His sister gave him one of her scary speeches. I'd be surprised if he looks at Sunshine at all."

"Poor Beth," Leandra sighed. "I like Donnic. He's a good boy. Anders is a good boy too. There's nothing I'd like more than to see my daughters happy and with men who treated them right."

"What about you?" Varric asked, a sly smile appearing on his lips. "Word on the street is that Benoit DuLac is something more than your dancing partner. Care to share?"

Leandra giggled. "We're good friends." Varric wiggled his eyebrows and she laughed. "You're a terrible man, Varric. You know that."

"So I've heard, yes. I take it that things are a little serious with him? You also need a good guy to take care of you. One day your little hawks -or eagles, whatever you prefer- will fly away and you'll need someone by your side."

"He asked me to marry him," Leandra said simply. Varric gaped at her. "I said 'yes, but not now', if you must know…"

"You know how much I love to gossip," Varric said, sitting by her side. "Start from the beginning."

* * *

Bethany was looking at him with puppy eyes. "Please, Donnic? I've never done it before."

Donnic scratched the back of his head. "I'm not sure, Beth… I mean, it's kinda late, and your mother's in the next room… And so is Varric."

"We'll be extra quiet, I promise." She went over to where he was standing. He swallowed hard. Why did he wish that someone entered the room right then? There she was, standing before him. Her dark locks framed her pretty face. Her eyelashes… Oh, what he wouldn't give to feel those eyelashes fluttering over his skin. Her red lips stood out in her pale, delicate face. Her hands were held together. She was begging him to do it with her. He'd never done it before – he'd never been particularly interested – but when he was with her, when they were together… He felt strange. He felt as if he wanted to protect her. He felt that the life she'd led had been too hard for such a beautiful, vulnerable creature as Bethany Hawke.

"So?" She spoke in a soft whisper. "What do you say?"

 _Be confident, damnit!_ Donnic chuckled. "I say I'm glad your brother's not here. He'd send me packing right away."

Bethany laughed. "He sure would! I remember how many obstacles he put to Luz and I'm almost glad that he… That he…" She lowered her head and turned away.

Donnic felt a tug at the heartstrings when he saw her shoulders convulsing quietly. She was crying. He put his hands on the sides of her arms and pressed his forehead against hers. "It's alright, Beth. I'm here for you."

Bethany let out a loud sob and pressed her body against him. At first, Donnic patted her back awkwardly, afraid that he would scare her away if he tried to do something else.  _This is not the right time for anything else, doofus,_  a voice inside told him. After a few minutes, he stroked her hair and felt her body relax. Her hair was so soft… He leaned in...

Donnic sneezed and Bethany moved away. He rubbed the end of his nose with a sleeve. "Sorry," he murmured embarrassed. She smiled and took a handkerchief out of her pocket.

"Here. No need to apologize. I… Thank you. I think I needed that," she said gently.

Donnic blushed. "So… Do you still feel like doing it?"

Bethany nodded. "Yes. Yes, I need to do it. I want to shake off this sadness. Do you know how to-?"

"I've seen some people doing it, so I should know…" He turned on the television and the eye of the sensor scanned him. The words  _'What do you need of me?'_ appeared on the screen and he said, loud and clear, " _Jump, Prance, Dance_."

The screen read  _'Select the number of players',_ and Donnic waved his hand to select the second option. "Shall we play versus or co-op?" he asked Bethany.

"Co-op first, and when I'm sure I can kick your ass, we can think of a little battle," she giggled. Donnic smiled and went through the song list.

* * *

Cullen moved his hands slowly over his wife's back.

"That tickles," she giggled. He was in a very good mood, she could tell.

"Just that? Ana dear, I was hoping to get another reaction," he purred in her ear.

Ana laughed. "What do you expect me to do? Rip off your clothes in the middle of the dance floor and have my way with you?"

"Now  _there's_  a happy thought!" He grinned.

"Besides," she whispered in his ear, "if you're willing to wait a little longer, I've got a pretty surprise for you back at our suite."

"Oh? Are you talking about that red box I found in your bag?" Cullen chuckled.

Ana gasped and hit him on the shoulder. "Bad man! That was supposed to be a surprise!"

"Oh, I can act all surprised when you wear it, don't worry. I'm a pretty nifty actor," he whispered as he leaned forward to kiss her on the neck. She held him tight and when the music stopped, she took him by the hand and led him back to their cabin.

* * *

The day was finally over. Anders stretched out, gathered his things and left the room. He didn't feel like staying behind and talking to anyone that day. As he walked out of the college, he thought that perhaps the lack of his medicine had put him in a sour mood. His tablets seemed to have been affected by the tropical weather of the island and he'd had to throw them away. He'd sent Karl an email for his friend to ship him some more, but they wouldn't be there for at least two more days. He had a splitting headache and he was hoping that he wouldn't run into anyone on the way back to his room.

"Doctor Devin!" the front desk manager called him as soon as he'd stepped into the hall.

Anders sighed silently. He turned around with a smile on his face. "Yes?"

"Someone left a package for you, sir." The man gave him a small black leather bag. Anders looked at him, puzzled. The manager nodded politely and left him alone. Anders opened the little bag and found a cardkey with a number. He frowned.

He got to his room, left his things on the table and went straight to the shower. Some time later, as he was drying his hair with a towel, he saw the little bag on the table. Something didn't feel right. He tried to dismiss the mysterious package, but his curiosity got the best of him. He was beginning to have trouble breathing. He changed his clothes and walked out of his room. The number belonged to one of the rooms, one floor above his. He climbed the stairs, walked down the corridor and stood in front of the door. He knocked. There was no reply. He knocked again. Still no reply. He took the cardkey out of the bag and used it. The door got unlocked. He opened it slowly.

Lucía was sitting on the edge of the bed. She stood up quickly on her high heels, and he noticed that she was wearing a black leather corset and lace panties.

"What took you so long?" she murmured. He held her tight and kissed her deeply.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Britney Spears.


	62. Leather (NSFW)

Anders held her face in his hands. He stared into her eyes, still not believing that she was there. She smiled.

"I'm not a dream," Lucía said, touching his fingers with her hand. She rubbed her cheek against his palm and kissed it sweetly. With the other hand, she moved away a streak of hair that had come loose of his short ponytail. "I like your hair this way," she said simply.

He drew her closer and nuzzled her. His eyes were closed now, and he seemed to be frowning, in spite of his smile. "You're here," he whispered, feeling the warmth of his own breath against her skin.

"I am, yes. Should I have let you know that I would arrive sooner than expected?" Lucía kissed his neck softly.

Anders shook his head. "No, it's not that." A slow smile appeared on his lips.

"What's with the naughty smile?" Lucía asked, amused.

Anders laughed. "You're calling my smile naughty? Excuse me, were you paying attention when you got dressed today?" He gently pushed her away and took a long look at the leather-clad part of her body. She blushed and crossed her arms over her chest.

"I… Was it a silly idea?" She bit her lower lip. "I wasn't sure if you'd like it…"

"I do. I do like it," he said. "I just wonder why you thought we needed it."

"I don't know," she babbled. "I guess I thought maybe you'd want something more interesting…"

He stared at her and a half smile was drawn on his face. He walked around her slowly until she felt him standing behind her. His fingers moved her hair aside and she felt as if her body was on fire when he whispered in her ear, "I want you."

She wanted to turn around, but his hands held her firmly in her place. His left hand circled her waist and his right hand held her by the chin as he leaned in and kissed the curve of her neck from behind. She closed her eyes as he raked his teeth over her skin. His left hand started moving downwards, very slowly at first, letting her feel the delicate touch of his fingertips. His lips closed around her ear and the tip of his tongue flickered along the earlobe. He caught the lace that was holding together the top of the corset between his fingers and slowly pulled from it. His left hand moved upwards, feeling the weight of her breasts and the warmth of her skin. She leaned backwards, against the length of his body, and moved her hands over his sides, grabbing him by the hips and pressing him against her back. His teeth bit her sharply on the shoulder and she gasped.

"I want to see you," she whispered. He turned her around and held her face in his hands. His lips parted and he caught her upper lip between his teeth, gently tugging on it. His tongue stroked on her lower lip, firmly and slowly, before sliding into her mouth. Her tongue met his and her hands moved over his chest, taking off his shirt and pulling him against her.

"Lie down," he told her in a deep, commanding voice. Lucía swallowed hard, sat down and lay on her back. Her eyes were fixed on his brown eyes. He was watching her greedily, hungrily. He straddled her and his fingers worked on the laces again, completely removing them. He saw her chest rising and falling faster and faster as he teased her with his fingertips, as he undressed her and watched her. He leaned forward and breathed in and felt the taste of her skin. His thumbs rubbed down her breasts and she moaned softly. Her hands looked for his body, but as soon as he felt them on him, he moved aside.

Before Lucía could say anything, Anders wrapped his shirt around her wrists and tied her up to the iron headboard of the bed. She opened her mouth and found his thumb stroking her lips. She couldn't help but look at his eyes again, wondering what he'd do with her. She took his thumb between her teeth and licked it. She saw him smile.

He finished removing her corset and turned her around on her belly, her hands still tied up. He sat astride her and moved her hair aside. Softly, he licked his way down her back, tracing shapes along her spine with the tip of his tongue. She gasped and squirmed, trying to free her hands. Anders smiled and nibbled her lower back. His fingers ran up her sides, teasing the side of her breasts with one hand as the other moved down her panties, teasing her lips over the fabric.

Her body coveted him. She'd always thought she'd enjoy the teasing much more than the actual act of sex, but she discovered that it felt as if her body didn't belong to her anymore. Every time he put his hands on her, she wanted to be loud. She wanted to moan shamelessly and say  _'Take me now'_. She wanted him to understand how much she needed him inside her.

"Now?" Anders whispered in her ear. Lucía gasped and realized that she'd actually been speaking as his hands had worked on her. Her first impulse was to deny everything she'd said, but when she opened her mouth, she growled, "Now."

Anders pulled down her panties and the rest of his clothes and lay down beside her. Her back was against his chest now, and he untied her. As soon as her hands were free, she dug her fingernails on the side of his leg and pushed her hips against his. He passed his left arm under her body and cupped her breasts with his hand. As he nibbled on her shoulder, he slid between her legs, brushing against her lips, teasing her. She looked back at him and kissed him deeply. He moaned and pushed his hips forward, sliding slowly into her. His hands moved under her arms and he held her close to him. He pulled her shoulders down and against him, letting her feel him the way she liked it, moving in long, slow strokes, going deeper each time.

She moaned loudly out of ecstasy and frustration. She'd hoped to tease him, to make him long for her – instead, he'd taken over her, made her moan and arch her back so that she could take him in. She wanted to melt around him, to merge with him and be one. His soft moaning beside her ear surprised her.

"Lucía," he growled as he pulled hard against her.

Lucía smiled. Perhaps her role was not teasing, but that didn't mean that she couldn't please him. She wrapped her leg around him and he quickly pulled against it, teasing her with his fingers and sliding in and out of her until they felt their bodies burning and welding, and they found their release in unison.

* * *

They were having dinner at the restaurant of the hotel. He was watching her eat with gusto. "You sure take big bites," he chuckled.

"I was starving," she said, speaking with a full mouth. "And this is really good! I'm surprised you haven't put on weight with all the things you can eat."

"I haven't been eating much lately," Anders said, playing with the base of his glass. "I've had some… episodes. Headaches, mostly. But nothing very serious."

Lucía wiped her lips with a napkin and held his hand. Their fingers met and intertwined. He smiled at her and kissed her hand gently. "So you've seen your father?" he asked.

She pushed her plate forward and sighed. "Yes. Soon after you left. He… I don't know how to say this. He asked me some questions. He wanted to know how much I knew about the Dreaming. He knows that we…" She blushed. Anders squeezed her hand encouragingly. "He implied that because we'd been together, I can now remember things. That's what he wants. He wants me to Dream, Anders. For him. Just like when I was a child."

He sat down beside her and held her in his arms. She wasn't crying, but she looked so vulnerable that he just wanted to protect her. She told him what Malcolm had said, and how he knew about everything and everybody. And then she told him what he'd done to Bethany. Anders sat up straight, fists and teeth clenched, seething. He stood up and put his hands behind his head, sighing deeply. He had to return to Tantervale with her. He couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to them. He felt Lucía's hand over his shoulder.

"You have to stay here," she said, as if she'd been reading his mind. "We need to understand about your condition as much as we can. You're our best shot, Anders." She nuzzled him and he hugged her tightly.

When he lifted his eyes, he saw Orsino standing nearby. The older man had seen him, but he was obviously standing afar out of deference. Anders took Lucía by the hand and led her to where the doctor was.

"Doctor Orsino; this is my girlfriend, Lucía."

"How do you do, my dear?" Orsino said, shaking her hand warmly. "I'm sure you're proud of this young man here. He's an excellent professional, and I'm not just saying this because he paid me to impress you."

Lucía laughed. "Oh, I'd never believe that. Anders does his own bragging."

They chatted and bantered for a while and before leaving, Orsino laughed and patted Anders on the arm. "Take care of her. She's a keeper."

"I know," Anders replied, smiling.

"I'll leave you two lovebirds. Perhaps you'll want to take a walk along the beach. The weather's certainly appropriate for that." With one last look at the couple, he left them.

As it turned out, a sudden wind caught them in the middle of their walk and they ran back to the hotel, giggling like children. They dashed up the stairs and they were walking along the corridor when Anders stopped suddenly. Lucía was holding his hand and felt the tug. She turned to look at him and she saw him gazing at her.

"What?" she smiled.

"I love you," he said.

A warm feeling took over her. She stood on the tip of her toes and kissed him softly.

* * *

The room was dark and silent. Outside, a sudden clap of thunder threatened to shake the world. The sky was completely covered in dark grey clouds which seemed to spread forever. For a matter of seconds, both land and sea stood still – waiting, sensing. And then, a soft, gentle rain started to fall.

The rain started quietly, almost as if it was sleepily caressing the land; it was licking the trees of tropical Seheron, kissing all its dark, mysterious corners, sheltered by the night. There was a flash of lightning and the rain turned into a storm, just as wild and sensual as the territory onto which its warm water plunged – harder and harder, faster and faster, again and again, until it was suddenly over. The clouds parted and a single star shone down on both land and sea, pulsating alone in the sky.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Tori Amos


	63. Only When I Sleep

 

  
blub blub blub – bloop; blub blub blub – bloop…

_His little girl would make him proud. His little girl would show them all._

_  
__But his little girl had to show_ him _first._

_  
__He took a syringe and hummed his usual song, in resonance with the lyrium that was about to be injected into his girl. She was so nice. She was so good._  

_"Lucía..." he chanted, and turned around._

_But his little girl was not there. There was a woman standing where she should have been._

_  
__Black hair, dark brown eyes, red lips._  

"Your little girl is gone."

_Malcolm howled and lunged forward, but there was something protecting the woman – something that was pushing him back. He looked at her carefully._

_  
__She looked familiar._  

"The pattern is broken," _the woman said, and disappeared._

* * *

Malcolm woke up, panting. Something felt off. He wasn't supposed to dream. He'd taken his medicine to avoid the dreaming state, to be more alert. He sat up and rubbed his sweaty face.  _The pattern is broken_ , she had said. But no, she had to be wrong. Patterns could not be broken. Bent, but not broken. Temporarily avoided, but not broken; they'd still come back to haunt you, one way or another.

His hands were shaking.

* * *

_  
She walked along the beach. She had the feeling that she'd left someone behind, but she couldn't remember who. The sand shifted and turned into hard steps which seemed to go on forever. She climbed the first few steps, feeling the pungent smell of fish in the salty air. She gagged._

_A sound of hurried footsteps startled her. They were moving in her direction. She hid behind some crates and waited. A cloaked figure dashed down the steps, followed by four people. At first she'd wanted to warn the figure, but then she realized that Varric was one of the followers._

_She called out his name. She had been wrong. This man was shorter, almost like a dwarf. The man stopped and pointed a strange weapon at her. The cloaked figure approached Lucía. She removed the hood. Cold eyes on a curious face._

"You have something of mine," _she said, and reached out to her._

_Lucía ran away as fast as she could. She got to a place of abandoned ruins atop a cliff overlooking the ocean and rested her forehead against a weathered column. Her body felt heavy and she was breathless. Something moved behind her and she turned around quickly. A red-haired woman was standing there._

"You have something of mine," _she said, and pushed her off the cliff._

_Lucía's body fell into the cold, dark waters below. The sunlight seemed to slowly fade away, and her eyes started to itch. She tried to swim back to the surface, but a pair of feminine arms surrounded her._

"You have something of mine," _the woman whispered in her ear, and dragged her down._

* * *

Lucía opened her eyes, gasping for breath. Anders stirred beside her, but didn't wake up. She was shivering. One of the windows had opened and she got up to close it. The storm had passed and there was a clear sky now, filled with stars and a bright waning moon seemed to smile down on her. She turned to look at Anders, who was sound asleep. She got back in bed and cuddled against him, trying to sleep some more.

* * *

Leto turned and looked at his clock. 5 in the morning. The effect of the sleeping pill had worn off and he found himself unable to go on sleeping – again. He sighed. He placed his arms behind his head and stared at the ceiling. For the first time in a long time, his mind was blank. He welcomed this state of numbness. Thinking too much about some things did him no good. At least, not for the moment.

He scratched his neck. Ever since that day in which he'd fought Anders, he'd got this inexplicable itch all over his skin, and he could swear that, if he looked at it carefully, some parts of it  _glistened_. He'd have to see a doctor about it.

* * *

Lucía kissed Anders's shoulder. "Wake up," she said softly.

Anders grunted and turned around. He felt her hands tickling him and smiled. "Five more minutes," he murmured sleepily against the pillow.

"That's what you said half an hour ago," Lucía said. "Come on, it's a beautiful day, and we can go swimming. You need some fresh air."

Anders pulled her towards him, embraced her, and kissed the top of her head. "This feels good," he smiled. "And strange. I had no dreams last night."

"Perhaps you don't remember them," she said, gazing at him.

"Me? Not remember a dream? That would also be strange. I don't know, I feel... rested?" He nuzzled her. "You?"

Lucía sat up beside him, cross legged, and told him about the three women in her dream. Anders frowned.

"What did the third woman look like?"

"I don't remember much. Black hair. I think she was the one I dreamed about the day you left,  _Lucia._  But... That time, I felt as if I was her. This time, she was pushing me down. She was a different person." She shrugged. "Does it make sense?"

"Well, I wouldn't know about the third woman. I've seen the other two." Lucía looked at him quizzically and he explained. "One of them is Victoria. She's the one I've dreamed about the most. I've yet to determine when we- _she_  lived. I think she belongs to the latest period of the Dark Age. Marian seems to have lived earlier than that. But I have barely started dreaming about her, so I'm not sure."

"Victoria, Marian, and Lucia," Lucía muttered.

Anders caressed her face gently. "I hope it's not me that's causing this. I'd hate myself for doing this to you. I know it's hard to control – I mean, the medicine helps a bit, but… For those who are not  _amenti_ , there's no way to control it. As far as I know, that is."

"Well, as long as you take your medicine, it's fine. I don't feel uncomfortable with them. The dreams, I mean. I hadn't dreamed for a long time. My father…" Lucía cuddled against Anders. "My father implied that being in contact with you had set something in motion in me. And I remember now. I used to dream for him. What kind of dreams I had, I don't know. And then suddenly, everything stopped for me, and he started using Bethany instead. I knew about it. We all knew about it. But by that point, we'd all been through the same process, and perhaps we didn't see it as something damaging. It was just something that needed to be done, and we cooperated, in our own way. Except for Carver. Father hurt him so much once that Carver refused to keep helping him. Father said he was useless anyway. Poor Carver."

Anders's arms held her against him and he stroked her back lovingly. "You know what will happen if I ever see him again, don't you."

Lucía nodded silently. After a few minutes, she raised her face and asked, "Do you think that I'm like Beth or you?" She saw Anders shake his head. "I still remember what Beth used to be like, before you started working on her. What if I end up like that? And these women I've dreamed of... I'd hate to lose myself, Anders." She stared at him seriously. "Promise me that you won't let me lose myself to them, or to anyone."

* * *

  _Some of the bodies were charred beyond recognition. He didn't understand. Everything was slipping away from their fingers. A new horror was clutching at his chest._  


_He was trapped, caged as a pet. Distorted visions of his dead companions haunted him, threatened to drag him into the dark that had taken over the place.  
_ _He prayed for the blood to stop running down the steps. It was a river, and he was going to be drowned in it. There was no way out for him. He knelt down and prayed.  
_ _He would stay strong. He would not falter._

* * *

Cullen gasped for breath. His wife seemed to have been trying to wake him up, to no avail. He sat up, his body covered in sweat. He couldn't breathe. "Shhhh... Relax," he heard his wife say, but her voice sounded strange, as if she was far away. He felt her delicate hands rubbing his back and chest, trying to soothe him.

He felt the anguish building up in him. What had that dream meant? His dreams never affected him like this. He really had no friends, so why had he been so concerned about people he didn't know? Unless the dream was about his new companions? He rubbed his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Ana," he said, "but I'm afraid we have to get back to Kirkwall as soon as we can."

"But... I don't understand, Gray. Do you feel sick?"

"No, I…" He looked at her sadly. "I have the feeling something's going to happen."

* * *

"I'm so glad to see you're doing well, baby," Leandra said, as she hugged Carver before saying goodbye.

"Thanks, Ma," Carver replied. When he leaned in to hug Bethany, he murmured in her ear. "I need you to do me a favour. Ask Anders about the Wardens. See what he tells you."

Bethany gave him a strange look, but she nodded and kissed his cheek dutifully.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by The Corrs.


	64. Livin' on the Edge

"No, no – once again. Skip the jargon. Treat me as if I were a 6-year-old child."

"Well, you see, when a vein of blue lyrium and one of red lyrium love each other so much, they-"

 _"Olum…"_ Cullen warned Karl.

Karl sighed. "The red lyrium is an activator, and it only works as such on those who have been exposed to great quantities of blue lyrium. Blue is supposed to calm organisms, not inflame them. It is one of the components present in the formula that I've sometimes used on…  _someone_ , whenever he's losing control. We've also used it on  _someone else_  to induce sleep. Now, the red variant causes the opposite effect in those who have been _'Blued'_  – it's a stirrer."

"Is it meant to  _awaken_ something in them?"

"Exactly."

Cullen remained silent. He remembered Lucía's behaviour when they were down in the Deep Roads, and how some of the Spawn had reacted whenever they were near the red lyrium. "Does Red affect common people?"

"Both are substances, so both are likely to affect common people. I think what you wanna ask, though, is what is the effect on  _people who are_ not  _amenti_ ," Karl corrected him. "I'll tell you what it doesn't do. It doesn't sing for those who haven't been exposed."

Culled frowned. " _Sing?_  Wait a second…" Something was familiar. He shut his eyes tight. He remembered Lucía whispering –  _Do you hear that? The humming of the red lyrium._ "Does it  _hum?"_

"How do you know that? It does; that's exactly what it does! Did you hear it yourself?"

"No, not me," Cullen replied weakly.

"It's a beautiful song. It's… It sounds as if delicate fingers rubbed the rims of hundreds of glasses. It's almost haunting – and sad…" Karl's voiced trailed off for a moment. He cleared his throat. "Sorry, Harp. What was I saying? Ah, the exposure. I found traces of Red in the medicine of  _our friends._  As you know, the organization that provides the wealthy  _amenti_ with medicine is-"

 _"Somniari,"_  Cullen murmured. "So… They've been trading, or buying the red lyrium."

"That's up to you to investigate. I can keep working on the effect of this fascinating thing," Karl said, as he looked at the tube where a tiny piece of red lyrium was floating quietly.

"Have you talked to the others?"

"Kitlik already knows. He's the one working on the D-Roads data. Zapt will be working on  _Somniari."_

"There's something deeply rotten here, Olum." Cullen sighed. "I'll see what I can find out about this guy Quentin. I'll call you again in a couple of days."

* * *

"Thank you for helping us, Donnic," Bethany said, carrying a box with winter clothes.

"Oh, no problem," Donnic huffed, looking down as he was climbing up the stairs. Bethany was walking in front of him and he didn't want her to catch him staring at her behind. He was glad about having signed up at the gym. Maker, what had they put in that box? He was sweating.

"That's my brother's set of weights," Bethany giggled. "Sorry about making you carry it."

Donnic wondered why she always seemed to read his mind.

"I'm not reading your mind," Bethany replied. "You're speaking up."

Donnic choked. "Am- Wait... What;  _always?"_

"Well, I don't know," Bethany said, opening the door of the spare room. "I always hear you."

"I- I'm sorry! I had no idea… I hope I didn't say anything inappropriate," Donnic stammered, leaving the box in the closet.

"Does that mean you thought of inappropriate things?" Bethany stared at him with eyes wide open.

"No!  _No,_  I- Shit… I'm sorry!" Donnic said, blushing intensely.

Bethany laughed and gave him a peck. "Your face is hilarious," she said, holding his left hand in hers. "Oh dear, look at the time! I told Karl I'd see him today! Thank you for helping!" She ran out of the room and he stood there, a silly smile appearing on his face.

* * *

"Do you think I should tell her?" Bianca said, changing Enya's nappy. The girl was cooing and trying to grab her mother's fingers.

"Baby, she'll figure it out sooner or later," said Varric, putting baby clothes away. "It's not something you can hide for long, y'know? I mean, you've still got a little over seven months to go, but it would be pretty crappy if you waited until the last day. She's no idiot."

"I know," Bianca groaned and sighed. "It's just I feel sorry for her. She can't get pregnant and I'm having another baby… And so soon after this pretty little thing!" she said, touching Enya's little nose. The girl giggled.

Varric kissed Bianca's forehead and circled her waist with his arm. "Everything will be fine, love. She will be happy for us; you'll see."

"I hope so," Bianca replied. She picked up Enya and left her in her crib. She turned on the mobile and a cute melody started playing, as the tiny dolls danced along. Enya laughed. Bianca smiled and turned to Varric. "Could you take out these things, dear? I should tidy up a bit," she said, as she handed him a smelly bag. Varric gave it a look of contempt and held it between two fingers. As he was walking towards the kitchen, the phone started ringing.

"Hello?" he said. Silence. "Hello?" he repeated.  _Bah,_  he thought, and hung up.

The doorbell rang three times.

* * *

"So what do you guys do there? Is it like a self-help group?" Karl joked.

"Mock all you want, Thekla," Anders said. "In fact, you're just saying that because you wish you were here. I can picture you, sunbathing from dawn till dusk and sipping on fancy cocktails."

"With the mandatory little umbrella, of course," Karl chuckled. "How was everything after the incident? Did you tell Lucía about your cousin's attempt to kill you?"

"No. And don't call it that. It wasn't that bad. She did, however, tell me about her meeting with her father. Have you seen Beth yet?"

"I will today. It's strange, she's late. So… How was the meeting with your Mistress Hawke? Did the earth shake and the skies part? And you're not really a gentleman, so you can kiss and tell."

Anders laughed. "You're not even interested."

"True," Karl smiled. "Hey, did you get the tablets?"

"No, but I haven't needed them for a while. In fact, if you want to know what was the result of my meeting with Lucía, I'd say it's that – I've slept perfectly well since she's here."

"Isn't she coming back soon?"

"Yeah, her plane leaves in three hours. She's taking a shower now. By the way, could I ask you to check some things in Beth's scans?"

"She'll be here any minute now; do you wanna ask her yourself?"

"No, just record the next part." Anders and Lucía had put together a list of things they'd remembered and they wanted to see if Bethany had dreamed about them at all. "Listen, Lucía will be busy with something else, but I'd appreciate it if you could give her a hand with all the question of the dream monitoring."

"Sure, I'll help," Karl said, as he heard a familiar knocking on the door.

* * *

"I'm not sure I get what you're trying to tell me, Wesley," Cullen said in a low voice, clutching the receiver and trying to contain himself. He'd understood perfectly, but he wasn't going to admit it.

"All I'm saying is that things have changed a bit since you went on your honeymoon, Grayson. The Brigadier seems troubled. I don't think your report on the delicate matter of Gascard Quentin helped her much."

Cullen raised his voice. "Are you  _questioning_  my-?"

"Calm down," Wesley said slowly. "I'm  _not questioning._  I'm just saying that perhaps she was expecting different news from her 'star officer'." Wesley chuckled. "Seriously, though. There are a few things I'd like to revise with you before you hand in the final official version. It's good to see you're home, because I've sent a courier with my notes."

 _Good old Wesley,_  Cullen thought;  _ever so neat._

The buzzer rang loudly.

* * *

"Don't worry, dear – I'll get the door," Varric said.

* * *

"Gotta go now, Beth's here," Karl said.

* * *

"Give me a sec – I think the messenger's just arrived," Cullen said.

* * *

The door opened.

"Hello, young man," Malcolm smiled. "Do you mind if I come in?"

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Aerosmith. "You can't help yourself from fallin' / You can't help yourself at all..."


	65. Paranoid Android

**Paranoid Android**

Varric stared at the man outside the door.

"You don't seem too happy to see me, brother," Bartrand smiled. "Aren't you going to see me in?"

Varric opened his mouth slowly, but his mind was racing.  _He knows. He knows I'm after him and the Deep Roads. He's come to get me; he's come to finish what he couldn't finish down there. Bianca._ Enya. _I must keep them away, out of all this. I have to take him away from here. Shit, I don't have my gun._

Bartrand patted his brother on the shoulder. "Varric Tethras  _speechless?_  Why, this must be a  _momentous_  day. I wonder what other surprises are in store for me."

"Varric?" Bianca's voice.  _Shit._  "Is something the matter?"

He turned around and tried to warn her to stay away, but Bartrand had already poked his head into the house and seen her. "Dear lady, you  _must_  be Bianca!" He pushed Varric away and walked towards Bianca. He caught her hands in his and pressed them warmly. "I'm sorry, how  _rude_  of me! I'm Bartrand, Varric's brother."

"You are... Of course you are," Bianca murmured and smiled. "I… I didn't know we were expecting you."

"Oh! Well, I wouldn't like to intrude," Bartrand said politely.

"Oh, no. It's fine. You're family after all, right? Er… Would you like to have lunch with us?"

"I'd love to," Bartrand said. "After you."

Bianca looked at Varric through the corner of the eye as she led Bartrand to the living room.

* * *

"E-Excuse me?" Cullen said.

"I said,  _'May I come in, sir?'_ " the woman replied. "And then I added,  _'It would be inappropriate for me to disclose classified information while standing outside the door'."_

"Of-Of course," Cullen replied, seeing her in. The woman took off her impeccable white gloves and shook his hand. "Officer Petrice Sanclair. It is a pleasure to meet you, Major. Lieutenant-Colonel Vallen sends his regards. He has asked me to assist you in the redaction of the report on Doctor Quentin." She stood there in front of him, her little garrison cap crowning her immaculate blonde hair. Her blue eyes didn't sparkle. They just stared at him sternly, commanding him to move.

"Right. Er… Come this way," Cullen murmured, as he showed her the way to his study room.

Cullen's wife came out of the kitchen. "Gray?"

"Oh, Ana… This is Petrice," Cullen started saying, but Petrice interrupted him.

"I'm Officer Sanclair, madam. You must be Major Cullen's wife. Congratulations on your nuptials," she said monotonously, extending her hand. Ana took it reluctantly as she cast a quick glance at her husband.

"Um… Thank you, officer. Grayson, should I prepare lunch for three?"

"That will not be necessary, madam," Petrice answered before Cullen could utter a word. "Major Cullen and I will be working on a private matter and we are not to be interrupted. Major Cullen? After you."

Cullen gaped at the slim, blonde woman. He noticed his wife seemed to be about to say something and he rushed to say, "This way, officer!" as he led her away.

* * *

Bethany knocked on the door – three times, then twice more in quick succession. Nobody answered. She knocked again. The door was unlocked. She opened it. "Hello? Karl?" she called. The silence wasn't complete since the machines were humming as usual, but it was still overwhelming. "Karl?" she called again. She entered his office and saw the papers on the floor. The chairs were in disarray. Some folders had fallen off the shelves. She looked around in disbelief. Karl was always neat.

She walked out of his office and into Anders's. The same scene awaited her, except that the drawers had been opened and the cabinets had been searched through. All the doors were open. Bethany wondered if Karl had been robbed and he'd gone off to contact the police when she saw the red stain on the wall.

She knew that she was staring at blood. She remembered a stain just like that back at their Lothering house, when she was a little girl. Carver's head had bled against the wall. This mark looked exactly like that. But it couldn't be. Karl was a big man. He would have put up a fight and he would have overpowered his opponent. Unless…

Bethany felt her body shake. "Father…" she whispered. She ran towards the monitoring room. The screens were on, and her sister's face was frozen there. Bethany shook violently. With trembling fingers, she pressed the  _Play_  button.

_"-must dream. It is said that we all do it, but most of us don't remember our dreams. I haven't dreamed for a long time now, though. It's a good thing, considering how much trouble we've always had with Beth's dreaming."_

_"Have you considered what I told you? What Dreaming actually means?"_  Anders's voice asked her. Lucía nodded silently.  _"And what do you think of that?"_  he asked.

She smiled.  _"I think you're nuts,"_  she said.

* * *

Karl opened his eyes.

His head was throbbing. The skin of his face seemed to have tightened. He knew what it was. The blood had surely dried and he hadn't been able to clean it. He hated messes. He tried to move his hands, but they'd been strapped to the arms of the chair where he'd been left.

He closed his eyes and tried to remember what had happened. He'd been talking to Anders on the phone. He was doing fine. He'd asked him to do something. What had it been? Help Lucía. Scan Beth. Beth had knocked on the door. But it hadn't been her. Why had he thought that? The way of knocking… Three times, then twice more. He'd assumed it was Beth standing out there. The same colour of hair. Black. A  _Hawke,_ through and through. He'd manage to recognize the man. He'd tried to shut the door, but the man had seen through him. He'd run towards his office, but a pair of hands had slammed him against the bookcase and dragged him out. He'd pulled the man down and punched him square on the face. The man had staggered, and he'd run into Anders's office, and then… And then… He couldn't remember what had happened after that.

He smirked. Ah, the blood on his face would be the least of his problems, he knew it.

The bright lights blinded him for a while, but he was able to make out the silhouette of the man standing in the shadows. "What's the matter, Hawke? Can't finish the job unless you tie me up?" he shouted.

The man walked towards him. He looked like an older version of Carver Hawke – handsome, but weathered. Still, Karl had the feeling that his appearance was deceptive. That man had more vitality and strength that any other man he'd met before. The glint in his piercing blue eyes gave that away. He stood in front of him.  _"Karl Thekla,"_  he said, with his rich, deep voice.

 _"Malcolm Hawke,"_  Karl replied. "Or should I say  _Gascard Quentin?_  What do you prefer?"

Malcolm shrugged. "Names are not important most of the times. When I feel like it, I'm one, or perhaps the other. If I don't feel like it, I'm neither. Names are irrelevant and sometimes deceptive. You might think, because I shared one of these names with my family, that I'll be more protective of them. But it's just that, a name we share. Come on, Karl," he said, crossing his arms over his chest. "You're better than that. Nomenclatures are misleading. So is sex. Does it matter what your physiology says when your whole being rebels against it? Age isn't important either. Am I weaker than you just because I'm older? You can't trust your perception all the time. What we truly are, dear fellow, is beyond that."

"I know what you are for sure," Karl sniggered. "You're a madman, and a coward. You can't take people on unless you take them by surprise. You did this to me, and you did the same to your daughters.  _Coward!"_  Karl spat at him. "You're the kind of man that thinks he's better than everybody else, and you're  _nothing._  You're just a ghost, a shadow…"

Malcolm sat on a tall chair beside him. He pressed a button and Karl's chair rose. Malcolm took a syringe from a tray and a blue vial from a little box. Karl shifted. "Do you intend to torture me with lyrium? I already know what effects it has on those of us who aren't  _amenti,_  Hawke."

Malcolm let out a hearty laugh. "You think you're so clever, Karl. Tell me, do you know what  _'Tranquil'_  means?"

"Are you going to test me on vocabulary now?" Karl snapped.

"Save the snide remarks for a better moment, young man," Malcolm said quietly. "No need to feel embarrassed about your ignorance. Let me tell you a story. A long, long time ago, when magic roamed this land, some mages were considered to be too dangerous to be given certain liberties. So, those who were deemed unruly were branded with lyrium." He filled the syringe with the liquid lyrium. "Their connection to the realm of dreams was severed, and they became Tranquil. No more nightmares, depressing memories, or strong temptations for them."

Karl watched the needle and the man behind it. "I  _swear,_  Malcolm Hawke – the minute you set me free, you'll wish you'd  _never_ -"

"Tell me, Karl," Malcolm interrupted, almost kindly. "Have you ever been told how efficient you are? Have you been picked out for special investigations because of your single-mindedness?" He put his hand over Karl's arm. "You never remember your dreams, do you? You know why's that. It's not that you don't remember. You, Karl Thekla… You are actually one of the few people in the world who doesn't dream at all."

"What are you saying?" Karl's voice came out strangled. He wriggled, trying to break loose. "What are you telling me?" he screamed.

"I have seen you before, Karl," Malcolm said slowly. "Anders and my daughter found each other out of necessity, but they stayed together because of you. You were Tranquil once – Anders's dreams told me about it. And  _now…_  Now I intend to bring you back, Karl." Malcolm inserted the needle in his arm and injected the liquid slowly. "You will remember now."

The dense solution started seeping into Karl's veins. He clenched his teeth. He knew what would happen. It was just a matter of perception, as Malcolm Hawke had said. He'd start _feeling_  as if his skin had turned into a rubbery substance, pulled and stretched beyond measure. His insides would  _feel_  as if they were on fire. His brain would _seem_  to be flooded by information – sounds, images, memories; even scents and flavours… It would be overwhelming.

Karl was aware of a sound. There was this persistent wail that made his head hurt even more. He wanted the racket to stop. And then he realized.

It was his own voice. He was screaming.

He struggled to break free, but his body wasn't responding. He howled until his throat burned as much as the rest of his body. Malcolm didn't seem to care. He was watching the process curiously.

"You  _monster!"_  Karl yelled, as soon as the first wave had passed. "Is this what you did to your children? How could you?!"

"I loved my children. They never felt what you're going through right now. The effect is inevitable in you. But you know, don't you… You know the different stages. You know what's coming next." Malcolm pressed a button and the chair turned into a vertical stretch. Karl's lips quivered slightly as he tried to fight back the nausea. "It's all right, Karl." Malcolm said softly. "Let it out."

Karl shook his head, pressing his lips tightly. His body jolted violently, and he no longer knew if it was the lyrium, the sickness, or the fear. He felt his insides warm, hot, hotter, until the sour vomit spewed out of his mouth. He gasped for breath and felt some tears running down his cheeks. The pain… It was more than he had imagined.

"What do you want from me!" he cried, feeling the sweet taste of blood mingled with the vomit.

Malcolm stood next to him, two IV bags in hand. One of the bags contained a reddish liquid, and in the other there was a murky substance floating quietly. "I've already told you. I need to know what you know."

"I can't- I can't dream on command," Karl said.

"I know," Malcolm replied. "That's why I'll help you."

"No! Please, stop!" Karl's body struggled, but his attempts to free himself were futile. "Please! There must be another way!"

"I'm sorry," Malcolm said, as he passed the needle through the skin, right into the vein.

* * *

A whirring noise. His body was floating. No, the place where he was lying was moving. The back of his head was touching something. A pillow. A small pillow. Hand-embroidered? No, he couldn't see it; why had he thought of that? It was Anders's pillow, wasn't it? He had one like that in his office.  _Anders._  He couldn't remember Anders's face. He'd left the Circle a long time before. The C- What was the Circle? It didn't make sense. He was entering a circle now. He was familiar with this machinery. He'd used it, to monitor Bethany Hawke.  _Hawke._  He hoped that Anders was fine now that he was with Mistress Hawke.  _Lucía._  Or was it the Champion? He felt sad. Anders had never loved him. He never would now. He wanted to warn him, though. Warn him about the Hawkes.

The Hawkes would be his undoing.

* * *

_**Kirkwall – the year 937 of the Dark Age** _

__

_He had been watching the fire from the window in the repository. There was a disturbance that made him feel something. This made him uncomfortable, since he had grown unaccustomed to feeling anything._

_The Champion of Kirkwall was a formidable sight, even for him. He remembered her. Anders had brought her to the Chantry, to rescue him. He didn't need to be rescued. He had found peace in the certainty of his labour. But he understood that they had risked their lives for him. Anders had wanted to kill him, but the Champion hadn't allowed it. Her brother and her sister had been there as well. The sister had been an apostate once, just like Anders. But later on she had submitted to the Circle._

_This time, the Champion was commanding a small force. The Captain of the Guard was following her. He had seen her a few times, coming to The Gallows to talk to the Knight-Commander. A dwarf was with them – Karl had seen him dwelling reluctantly within the circles of the Formari a few times. Two elves had fallen behind. One glowed and wielded a formidable sword. The other seemed to be afraid. She was afraid of the white-haired elf. He was shouting at her. Karl understood. Perhaps, if she was made Tranquil, it would be better for everybody._

_He hid in the shadows. He was not comfortable with the sight of all the blood that had been shed in the courtyard. He could not understand what they were going after. A group of Templars found the two elves and attacked them. They fought back, but the warrior was overpowered and the mage was captured. One of the Templars shouted an order to him. Karl led them to the branding room. The elf cried, and he wanted to tell her that everything would be fine, that she did not need to be afraid. A short time later, the crying was over. The warrior had been chained, and they tried to bargain with the Champion – the First Enchanter in exchange for her companions._

_Mistress Hawke had killed the Templars. The dwarf had helped her and Karl didn't know how, but they had provoked a rain of fire. The enchanted arrows came down on the Templars, slaying them. Karl's arm was scraped by an arrow. He wasn't worried. One of the mages could heal him._

_He walked towards the Champion, who recognized him briefly before running towards her companions. He heard her screaming when she saw the branded elf. The white-haired elf looked sad as well. The Champion's sister ran and healed the wounded warrior. The white-haired elf stared at the Champion. Karl noticed how intense his stare was. The Champion threw her arms around him. She had forgiven him for something he had failed to do, and then she had gone back to the First Enchanter._

_But he was agitated. He was distressed. Karl could feel it. And then he saw it. The magic overtook him. The bodies of the mages that had died fighting the Templars swirled around First Enchanter Orsino, covering him delicately, as if they were protecting him. The Champion's sister healed Karl's arm and asked him to take care of the branded elf. The Champion's sister had always been nice to him. He complied. He took the elf's hand and led her away from the inner chamber, away from the fight._

_He had watched the Knight-Commander burn from the same window he had seen the Chantry explode. He didn't understand why the Knight-Commander and the First Enchanter had not been able to discuss their differences. The elf, whose name was Merrill, watched the battle by his side. Once the danger had passed, they came out to the courtyard. They were joined by other Tranquil brothers and sisters. Knight-Captain Cullen seemed troubled – torn between letting the Champion leave or go away. But the Champion made that decision for him. She called out Merrill's name and the Tranquil elf joined her quietly. Then she turned around and left, followed by her companions._

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Radiohead. 
> 
> ~Sorry for the slow update! Remember you can follow the story on FanFiction.net as well.


	66. Aerie (Gang of Eagles)

**Aerie (Gang of Eagles)**

"There must be a misunderstanding," Lucía frowned.

"Unfortunately, the new regulations determine that suspects are guilty until proven innocent. The Brigadier herself passed the ordinance two weeks ago. You know I can't go against that, Lieutenant." The Captain sighed. "I'm sure you do realize that this situation is highly irregular, Hawke."

"I am aware of this, sir," Lucía replied. She felt tense, so tense. Ever since she had returned, she'd had to deal with Karl's disappearance, Bethany's breakdown, and now this. "I can vouch for my sister's behaviour. We will cooperate, but she needs-"

"Her fingerprints are all over the office, Lieutenant. The fact that she'd been there before says nothing, because these were fresh. She hadn't been there for a long time, according to witnesses. The blood on the wall matches Doctor Thekla's. Sadly, the only one that can clarify this situation is Doctor Thekla himself. Until he reappears, she will have to remain in custody."

"Surely her special circumstances-"

"She will be allowed to continue taking her medication, yes. That's all I can do for you."

* * *

"Speak."

Karl remained silent.

"Have you no tongue? I command you to speak!" His hands squeezed Karl's jaw, forcing him to look into his eyes. Karl's look was soft and tranquil. It wasn't defiant in the least, but he felt it that way. Disgusted, he let go of his face. "Nothing else to say?"

Karl's eyes glazed over. He blinked, but by this time it was just a reflex.

"Then I have no more use for you." He took out a gun and pressed it against the centre of Karl's forehead.

* * *

"I'm sorry, Lieutenant Hawke, but I need you to voice your confirmation.  _Is this Doctor Thekla?"_

Lucía nodded and said faintly, "Yes."

The coroner covered Karl's face again. It didn't matter now. She would never be able to erase the image of that man from her mind. The blue veins protruding from his neck; the cracked, grey lips; the emaciated cheeks. Even his hair seemed to have lost colour - it was almost white now. A perfect circle interrupted the smooth skin of his forehead; the burning mark of a gunshot.

The medical examiner asked the coroner to lead her out of the room, but her legs wouldn't respond. What was she going to say to Anders? Karl was his friend;  _he was-_

Lucía leaned against the wall and vomited.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Jefferson Airplane


	67. Wanderlust

"Here are your belongings," the officer said. "Please sign these copies; this form's for you."

Bethany took the pen nervously and signed her name on the several pages that she was being given. Lucía and Donnic were behind her. They'd been behind her all the way.

"About her record…" Donnic started to ask.

"You know the record will be maintained, Operator, even if she was found innocent of this crime," the officer replied in a neutral tone. Donnic seemed to be about to protest, but Lucía held him by the wrist.

Bethany turned around and whispered anxiously, "Can we leave this place? Please?"

* * *

Karl's funeral was small and quiet. Leandra and Benoit, Bethany and Donnic, Lucía and Varric, Bianca and Enya. He'd had no family, no ties to anybody. Cullen had had to stay away from everything, now that their situation had been compromised. He'd asked Lucía to contact Anders. He'd surely know where Karl had hidden their research.

Varric circled Lucía's waist with his arm. She didn't move. As the casket was lowered into the ground, she could only hear the words that the medical examiner had said.

_"I've found traces of an unclassified substance in his system, but what affected his organs was the massive amount of lyrium injected here," he showed her the pictures of Karl's armpits, "and here," he said, pointing to the marks in his neck. "There are marks around his wrists and ankles, suggesting that he was held captive for a few days, but there are fresher marks over the first ones. There must have been a change of location. When we found him, he'd been dead for two days, which means that he was 'fed' lyrium for twelve days, at least."_

"Luce…" Varric's voice seemed to come from far, far away. "We have to go." He saw Lucía shake her head and sighed. "He's dead, Luce," Varric said. "There's nothing we can do for him now."

"I feel guilty, Varric," she said weakly. "I don't know where we stand anymore."

The man sighed. After a short while, he murmured, "If it was your father who did this… We'll find him, Luce. And I promise he'll pay for this. For everything."

* * *

"What did your brother want?" she asked him later on, while they were having some coffee and liquor. The others had left them alone in the new study room, knowing that they needed privacy.

"Well… You know Bartrand," Varric said, as he sat next to her. "He's got something up his sleeve. That seems to be his safeguard. He hinted that he was looking for a way out of something… Of course he didn't say much. The only thing he did say for sure was that Malcolm's in it."

"I can see why he'd want out then," Lucía said, sipping her coffee slowly. "Why did you let him leave?"

"What was I supposed to do? Bianca was around. He even held Enya in his arms." Varric shuddered. "He said… He said that it was your father who ordered the attack on us down there."

Lucía stared at her friend.

"That's what he said," he continued. "But he also said that he felt as if Malcolm knew that nothing bad was going to happen-"

"Nothing  _bad? Noth-_  Ugh!" Lucía left the mug on the table and got on her feet. She rubbed her face. "This is getting so hard. Not being able to trust your own father is…" She sighed. "I need air."

"Feeling sick again?"

"You didn't see him, Varric," she said tiredly. "Karl's face… It's been over a week and I haven't been able to sleep well. And I still haven't told Anders." Lucía covered her face with her hands. "Every time we talk on the phone, I pretend to be fine. I can't tell him about this over the phone, Varric. I'll have to travel back to Seheron, as soon as I can."

* * *

"You're probably wondering where I've been lately. Well, those of you who weren't enjoying these past few days on the beach," Orsino said with a smile. "And I see lots of tanned faces! Anyway, I've found a passage to the area of  _amenti_  that I told you about on our first week here. I think it'd be good for us to take a few days to go there and see what kind of community they've built…"

"… so we're leaving tomorrow! Isn't that exciting?" Anders said to Lucía on the phone.

"Tomorrow? I… Yeah, I guess it is," she replied.

"Are you okay? You sound strange," he said. "You didn't see your father again, did you?"

"No, no. I've… I haven't been sleeping well lately," she replied.

"More Dreaming? Did you tell Karl about it? I've been trying to contact him, but he won't pick up the phone. Do me a favour, and tell that big oaf to give me a call for a change, will you?"

Lucía bit her lips. "Yes, honey. I'll tell him."

* * *

The journey took them longer than they had expected, but they enjoyed it far more than they had anticipated. It was strange to see how the simple people of the hinterland ran along the train, trying to sell them their handicrafts and homemade food. As they moved across Seheron, they had the chance to see all of the inner lands. There, even the language was exotic and yet terribly obscure. For Anders, however, everything was fascinating, and even though he was enjoying himself, he wished Lucía could join him for the adventure.

The last part consisted of a boat trip along the river. They sailed for two hours until they got to the village. It was far more developed than they had imagined. Anders and his companions looked around in awe. Surely these couldn't be unmedicated  _amenti_. With the exception of a few children, they seemed to be  _normal_ – although the word that popped up in everybody's mind was 'stunning'; the men were tall and muscular, with long black hair, olive skin and dark eyes, and the women were slender and toned, with light brown hair and eyes that looked golden in the sun.

"I think we're looking at centuries of inbreeding," Grace murmured.

"I wouldn't look for someone outside my community either if I had people like these around all the time," Solona observed.

Orsino led them towards the small clinic where the hard cases were confined. He gathered them around a child who seemed unresponsive. "This child has been treated with the compound of roots and seeds that we saw some time ago, just like the others. However, his development has been slow, and as time goes by, it becomes more and more difficult to treat him. Do not misunderstand me: their medicine _is_  working, but as it's usually said,  _'Time is of the essence'_  and this child needs to be awakened. Lay-on-hands is what we call a 'jumpstarting' technique, which…"

Anders looked at the boy. He was sitting on the floor, in the middle of the room, and his vacant eyes stared at an invisible spot. He remembered Bethany and what she'd looked like the first time he'd seen her. She'd responded so well, but he wasn't sure that others would benefit from the same technique without using the medicine.

Orsino put a hand on his shoulder, taking him out of his reverie. "… And now Anders is going to have the chance to test if this technique can be used with the younglings."

Anders nodded and knelt in front of the boy. He needed to make visual contact. He placed his hands on the sides of the head, his thumbs over but not touching his temples. The child let out a weak whimper and his eyes shifted towards Anders, who smiled gently and nodded. The boy blinked. Anders got back on his feet and stood behind the boy. He moved his hands over the boy's head, the fingers of his left hand touching the side of the head and the ones on the right hand hovering over the right temple.

Orsino watched him carefully. Anders seemed to be waiting for a signal, and when they boy's head bobbed, Anders moved his hands quickly, keeping his wrists together, pressing both temples slightly with his fingertips. Orsino held his breath. After a while the child gasped as if he'd been submerged for a long time, and blinked once, twice, three times. He rubbed his eyes and blinked again. Orsino's eyes were fixed on Anders, who was frowning, concentrated, until he suddenly groaned and staggered backwards. One of the local doctors caught him and asked in his language if he was fine; Anders raised his hand and signaled that he was.

The child stood up and walked quietly to the water fountain. He poured himself some water and drank it avidly. He looked back at Anders and smiled briefly, before joining the other children in the garden. Orsino patted Anders on the back and said something to the doctor in his language.

" _What-_  What was that? Will that be permanent?" Grace asked.

"I don't think so," Anders replied quietly.

"We hope so, but it's too soon to say," Orsino said. "This is a technique that needs to be perfected so that it works more efficiently for both the practitioner and the patient. But it's all a question of research and practice. Now, Doctor Arvaarad there," he pointed out to a woman standing near the door, "will show you how you can combine this technique with the remedies you've been studying lately. Go on, follow her. I'll stay behind with Anders." As he watched the group leave, he smiled at Anders. "I'm proud of you, doctor. This is the first step into something new – something that will change the life of thousands. Are you aware of it?"

Anders nodded. He'd felt it. The energy he'd been able to channel… It had never felt so strong. There was something about the land that made him want to stay there forever – healing, saving; making a difference. He knew he'd been born to do that.

"If you'll follow me, Anders," Orsino said, "there are some people I'd like you to meet…"

* * *

Twenty days later, Lucía knocked on the door of his hotel room. Anders hugged her tight and kissed her, but she caressed his face and asked him to listen to her. At first, the words coming out of her mouth seemed ridiculous. She was surely joking. But her eyes never lied, and at the moment, they were looking at him with intolerable sadness. He hid his face in her hair and she felt his body trembling, and his tears rolling down his cheeks and mingling with hers.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Björk


	68. Call Me

Lucía climbed the steps that led to the General Hospital of Kirkwall. Four years before, her family had struggled to make ends meet.  _And here I am,_  she thought, about to undergo the medical examination to ensure her fitness, four months before starting her new job there. She'd talked it over with Anders, and they'd agreed on moving to Kirkwall as soon as he returned from Seheron. He'd be back in a week.  _He'll probably work here,_  she said to herself as she went through the entrance arch. She'd be near him, since she'd be working a few blocks away, in the LED building. Everything would be fine once he was back for good. She smiled as she announced her name at the reception desk.

* * *

Isabela shuddered. A most delicious tingle had tickled her spine, like a lover's sweet caress after a night of lovemaking. She shook her head, dismissing her thoughts, and picked up her lunch tray. As she turned around to get to her usual table, she saw that someone was sitting there already. A young man, with hair the colour of emmer wheat and tiger eye irises, was watching her intently. Isabela arched her eyebrows.

"I'll have to charge you if you keep staring, boy," she smirked.

" _Boy?_  My dear woman, nobody's called me that since I was a baby," he smiled. "And I didn't know that people-watching was a payable activity." He produced a wallet from the back pocket of his pants. "How much do I owe you?"

"How much did you see?" Isabela said, raising an eyebrow, a veiled smile appearing on her lips.

"Not as much as I'd have liked to, I must admit," the man lamented, shaking his head in sorrow.

She stared at him for a while. His tanned skin; the neatly braided, longish hair; his big, strong hands… There was something about this man that intrigued her. "Who are you?" she asked.

"Chief Official Arainai. You can call me Zevran," he said, winking. He saw her go pale. "Well, that's not the reaction I was expecting. Usually the ladies blush and tell me,  _'Ah, Zevran – your name is so exotic! I'd like to know the story behind it'_ , or something like that."

"It's not that," she babbled. "You're  _the_   _exchange_ Chief Officer." Zevran nodded. "I'm Officer Hendyr, Isabela Hendyr."

"Aaah," Zevran said. "Well, just my luck, eh? The only woman that catches my eye happens to be my direct subordinate. My apologies, Officer Hendyr." He stood up and bowed before taking his tray and leaving her alone at the table.

* * *

"What time are you finishing today?" Wesley asked Aveline on the phone as he looked out of the window in his office at The Gallows.

"Same time as usual, but Lucía's coming to pick me up," she replied. "My father's here from Tantervale, and we'll be having dinner with the Hawkes."

"Oh, all right," Wesley smiled. "Just remember to call me if you want us to meet later."

"I will," she said, smiling as well. "Bye!"

"Wait!" Wesley stopped her. "I learned something today and wanted to tell you about it." He cleared his throat and lowered his voice to say,  _"Tu as du monde au balcon, et j'aime tes fesses fermes."_

Aveline blushed and laughed. "Wesley! It's very sweet of you, but please: next time, don't trust the Orlesian men in the cafeteria when they tell you to say those things to me."

" _Oh dear._  Tell me that I said that I'd love to spend the rest of my days with you."

"Hmm… Far from that."

"Did they trick me into saying something dirty again?" he asked, dismayed.

Aveline grinned. She imagined his blushing face. How adorable he was. "Just look it up and maybe you can ratify or rectify your statement later, when we meet. See you!" she said, and hung up.

* * *

Lucía fidgeted with the hem of the robe as she waited for the doctor to finish examining her. She was lying on her back, staring at the ceiling, wondering when it would be over. She'd been pricked, measured, squeezed and analyzed in every possible way. She sighed and tried to keep comfortable as the doctor probed her.

When he finished, he wheeled his stool next to her and told her, "I don't want to get ahead of myself, Miss Hawke, but everything indicates you are expecting. Congratulations."

Lucía rested on one arm. "I'm sorry. I must have misunderstood. What did you say?"

"That you're pregnant. Between 8 and 10 weeks, I'd say."

Lucía sat up quickly. "No no  _no._  There  _must_  be a mistake. I  _can't_  be- There's  _no way-_ "

"Well, apparently there  _was_  a way," the doctor said gently. "I'm sorry. If you want to discuss the possibility of a termination-"

"No! No, that's… I…" Lucía's mind was racing.  _He said I couldn't get pregnant. He said that Anders would not be able to have children as long as he took the medicine._  "Are you absolutely sure, doctor?" she whispered.

"I am pretty sure, yes. But of course, we're going to confirm this once we get the results of the clinical tests. I suppose, from your reaction, that this is completely unexpected."

"Yes… No… I-I'm not sure," she replied vacantly. "Should… Can I get dressed now?"

* * *

As she ate her salad, Isabela pondered what to do about the man that seemed to have rocked her world with a few looks of his incredible eyes. Or perhaps it had been the accent. She felt giddy. If Leto had been there, he would have stopped that nonsense. Oh, that man…

She remembered the dream she'd had. For some reason, she was putting the face of that man on the man of her dream. She'd never felt so aroused by someone she'd met for such a short time, and she guessed that maybe the idea of being his subordinate also contributed to how turned on she felt.

A slow smile spread over her lips. She took a paper napkin and borrowed a pen from the people sitting at the next table, and scribbled her phone number. As she made her way to the exit, she threw the napkin onto his lap and went on walking without looking back.

It was a good thing that Leto wasn't there. He'd have thought her crazy.

* * *

Leandra and Bethany walked around the street market in Lowtown, followed by Benoit, who was busy on the phone with his daughter. Leandra looked at her youngest child and smiled. How blessed they had been for having her back so soon. She couldn't imagine her life without Bethany. She remembered her as a child, shy and fearful, and now that they were walking arm in arm, she thought of those times in which she'd held her hand and been her guide. In spite of the conflict she'd been through some weeks before, Bethany seemed to have taken over the role of guide and protector now, and she led her mother from one stall to the other, commenting on this or that trinket.

Bethany stopped in front of a stall and looked at a little doll. "May I?" she beamed at the merchant.

"By all means," the man replied, charmed by her sweet smiling face.

She held the miniature in her hands and said, "Look, Mama. Isn't it adorable?"

Leandra observed the cute figurine. It was a little knight in armour, sword and shield in hand, with blushed cheeks. She raised an eyebrow and looked at her daughter. "He looks a bit like Donnic," she pointed out.

Bethany blushed softly. "Oh? Ah, perhaps. I hadn't noticed." She left the doll back where it was standing and thanked the merchant politely. Leandra sighed discreetly. She wasn't oblivious to Bethany's preference for the boy, but she wondered if her daughter was ready for something more intense than a friendship. She reached out and held Bethany by the arm.

"It would be a pity to leave it here. We can take it to Donnic as a souvenir, don't you think?"

Bethany grinned and nodded.

* * *

Leto rubbed the back of his neck as he waited for the nurse to print out the form he needed. A few months had gone by and the slight itch of his skin hadn't disappeared. He signed the papers and put them in his follow-up folder. As he was climbing up the stairs, his insurance card fell off and he bent down to pick it up. His fingers had just touched it when someone bumped into him.

"I'm sorry!" both said at the same time.

They looked at each other.

Leto wasn't prepared for the rush of adrenaline that went through his system when his eyes landed on hers. "Lucía," he grunted.  _Idiot! Don't talk to her like that!_

Lucía held her bag tightly against her body. "Hello, Leto," she said timidly.  _This is awkward._ Her eyes looked away for a few seconds. "How have you been?"

 _Thinking about you every day since I left you,_  he wanted to say. He coughed nervously and said, "Fine. Been better, but fine, I guess. What um… What brings you here?"

"I'm… I had to get some tests done before being relocated," she said softly. She cleared her throat. "I suppose you're busy. I'll let you go now. It's… It's been nice to see you."

As she went down the stairs, he called out, "Lucía!"

She turned to look at him, expectantly.

"Do you have time for some coffee?" he said.

To his surprise, she nodded and smiled.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Blondie


	69. Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon

_I have to tell her,_  he thought.  _She needs to know what happened. She needs to know about Marian, and what happened to her._  He looked up. There they were. Her big, brown eyes were looking at him quietly. He blinked.

"So, how's Anders?" Leto asked, trying to clear his mind.

"He's doing fine. He'll be back next week, in fact. We'll be moving here as soon as I finish with all the tedious paperwork from the Department and he breaks the apartment lease."

"You-? You're moving in together?" Leto asked. Lucía nodded. "Ah. So he's leaving Tantervale? I thought he liked having his friends around; working with Karl, you know…"

Lucía lowered her head and stared at her coffee cup. Leto watched her silently. After a while, she said, "His friends… Varric's in Starkhaven, and Karl died. I was given a one-year grace period, let's say, because of Carver. He's stationed at the Warden facility on the outskirts of Tantervale. But after this year, I was supposed to come to Kirkwall. I'll be bringing my mother and my sister with me, because I can't risk leaving them back home with my father on the loose."

"Wait… Karl's dead?" Leto asked, taken aback. "How? When did this happen? Your brother's with the Wardens? And what about your father?"

"I really don't know if I should speak about it," Lucía said meekly. "It's been a couple of rough months, to be honest, and I-"

With a swift movement, Leto's hand covered hers.

"If you don't want to speak, that's fine; I won't press you. But I'm here for you, if you need-"  _If she needs what,_  a voice told him.  _She's already got Anders; why would she need you?_  Lucía's eyes were on him and he wanted her to look away. He wanted her to tell him that he should stop acting like an idiot. He wanted her, and only her, to tell him that they couldn't be together. Her hand felt so soft and warm and… familiar. For a moment he felt like holding it close and kissing it the way he'd kissed it that night…

Lucía pressed his hand warmly. She felt that she needed to get rid of the awkward feeling of remembering Leto's skin on hers, but something inside told her that if she spoke about it, she'd be sealing something forever. And why was she reluctant to say 'no'? She loved Anders – she truly loved him. There was no mistake there. But sitting there with Leto, feeling protected by him, watching those beautiful green eyes…

 _What is wrong with me,_  she thought.  _It must be the shock of the news. It has to be._  She cleared her throat and said, "Where should I start?" She told him about how her life had changed over the year that they hadn't seen each other and he listened attentively, only interrupting her to ask a few questions here and there. He noticed that she was trying to leave Anders out of the narration and he wondered why.

When she'd finished, Leto sat back and muttered, "Anders shouldn't have stayed in Seheron. Not after what your father did to you and Bethany."

"I asked him to stay," she said quietly. "And considering what happened to Karl, I'm glad I did."

"You think it was your father?"

Lucía sighed. "I don't know. Part of me doesn't want to believe it. Then again, whenever I say that somebody comes and thrashes me for being too soft with him."

"It's never easy to hate your father; trust me," he grunted and looked away.

It was her turn to hold his hand. "Do you want to talk about it?" she said gently.

He smiled quietly. "I don't want to summon him, to be honest. But thank you." He pressed her fingers in a friendly way. As he withdrew his hand, a strange feeling took over him. He shuddered as if someone had walked over his grave. "Say, how did you like Seheron?" They talked about their trips and the places they'd visited, trying to part on a lighter note.

"Where are you guys staying?"

"At the Viscount Hotel."

"That's just a few blocks away from here. I'll come with you."

"Oh, don't worry. I'll be fine." Lucía patted his arm and leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek. "Thanks for the coffee. I'll see you around, I guess?"

Leto nodded. He couldn't think of something witty or remotely interesting to say. Anders would have come up with something right away. He just raised his hand and watched her leave. He had the feeling that it wouldn't be long till he saw her again.

* * *

Donnic was about to leave the station when he saw Bethany standing outside. He smiled briefly, until he remembered that her sister worked there as well, and she was probably waiting for her. Bianca's words also popped up in his mind, warning him not to get too close to Bethany. His sister worried too much about him. He wasn't a child anymore, and Bianca had her own family to care for. Still, it was impossible to argue with her. In spite of her warnings, he knew that she liked Bethany, but he was aware –everybody was, in fact– that there was something special about her. But he didn't like her because of her stunning looks. There were plenty of pretty girls in the area. There was something about her that made her sweet and caring; he knew that she was the kind of woman that he'd have loved to take home to meet his parents.

He walked out of the station and she raised her smiling eyes. She waved at him.

"Back so soon?" he said, holding onto the strap of his satchel.

"So it seems," she smiled. "Did you miss us?"

Donnic smiled. "A little. This business of cooking by myself did not turn out well," he said, showing her a bad burn on the back of his hand. Bethany gasped and held his hand in hers.

"We'll have to get you an oven mitt," she said, as she brought the hand to her lips and kissed it.

Donnic withdrew his hand quickly. "What are you doing?" he asked, alarmed.

"I… I'm sorry," she said, blushing. They stood there in silence and then she murmured, "Forgive me." She turned around and starting walking away, and then she remembered. She returned to where he was still standing and left a little package in his hands. "I got this for you," she mumbled before leaving him again.

He opened the box and saw the figurine. It looked very much like him, except for the beady eyes. Or at least he hoped he didn't have beady eyes.

"A bit, perhaps," one of the Operators said as he walked down the steps. "Dude, you really should stop with the inner monologue done out loud. It's 'inner' for a reason, y'know."

Donnic nodded distractedly. He dashed down the steps and ran after Bethany.

* * *

A few days later, Lucía waited for Anders at the airport. As soon as he saw her, he hugged her tight and kissed her, but she caressed his face and asked him to listen to her. At first, the words coming out of her mouth seemed ridiculous. She was surely joking. But her eyes never lied, and at the moment, they were looking at him with uncertainty. He stroked her cheeks with his thumbs and his loving eyes wandered over her face. His lips kissed her eyes, her nose, her lips, until her uncertainty had been driven away and replaced by relief, and she gave him the sweetest of the smiles.

* * *

His left hand was resting on her lower back - deceptively loosely, since he was holding her close to his body. Lucía nuzzled his chin sleepily and he kissed the top of her head.

"Under normal circumstances," he murmured, "it would have been a matter of time till you got pregnant. We end up in bed every time we get together."

She smiled and wrapped her right leg around his hips. "And to think you didn't want to do it."

"I still don't want to do it, unless it's with you," he said, kissing her forehead. He sighed. "Still, we should have used protection."

She looked up to him. "You regret this, don't you? It's all right, I'm not entirely convinced either."

"Lucía," he said, raising her chin with his fingers. He stared into her eyes. "I don't regret anything. I just think that it was silly to rely on your father saying that you couldn't get pregnant as long as I took my-" He stopped talking and frowned. "Of course," he whispered.

"Tell me," she said quietly.

"The days you were in Seheron… I wasn't taking the tablets. They got ruined after the incident with Leto. The dampness of the place got to them. I was waiting for the supply Karl sent me, but it arrived after you'd left."

"Are you taking them?"

"No, I haven't dreamed at all since you were there with me. Could it be…? Nah, it would be silly."

"What?" Lucía asked.

Anders looked at her. "What if the conception –  _this baby_ … changed something?"

* * *

_His hands moved over her body with the same fever, the same passion that she always aroused in him. Her scratchy voice whispered his name sweetly in his ear as she held him in her arms. But her body had changed slightly. He did not understand why at the moment. But the dwarf knew._

She was with child, Louvetaux. That is why the mage killed her.

Leto's eyes shot open. He clutched at his chest, feeling it rise and fall sharply. He sat up and turned on the lights, trying to dissipate the shadows around him. Sometimes they were too intense for him to bear, and too painful to try to understand. But this time…

He needed to see her again. Soon.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Neil Diamond


	70. Something About Us

Nathaniel poked his head into the gym. "Your sister's here," he said with a smile.

Carver stopped his pull-ups and rubbed the excess chalk off his hands. "On her own? That's odd."

"Not Bethany; Lucía." Nathaniel approached him and handed him a face towel. "If you want, I can show her the garden until you're ready to see her."

Carver smiled. "Don't worry. I won't go berserk again. I feel much more in control of my emotions than nine months ago."

Nathaniel nodded. "You're doing fine. You'll be ready to come with us in our next raid. But this time I meant if you needed some time to have a shower. You reek. And trust me, that's not the lyrium."

* * *

Carver walked down the path that led to the fountain. The first time he'd been allowed to go to the open grounds on his own, he'd run into this quiet spot. It reminded him of a place he'd almost forgotten, somewhere near their home in Rivain. The sound of the water calmed him and helped him think better. As he approached the place, he saw her. She was sitting on his favourite bench. The morning sunlight bathed her, making her black hair glisten with a radiance that he'd never seen before. She was smiling with her eyes closed. He'd heard the news of her pregnancy from their mother, and he was glad to see her again. But how could he start a conversation with the sister he'd driven away months before after such a display of jackassery?

Without opening her eyes, Lucía patted the spot next to her. Carver sat down, bending forward.

"You look… well," he said shyly. "When did-?"

"Four months ago." Lucía smiled. "I've brought you this," she said, as she gave him an envelope.

He opened it and nodded. "Are you sure?"

"Your Senior says that you can-"

"No, I mean… This," he murmured, waving the envelope. "How long have you known Anders? Do you really know him, anyway? Are you sure that you want to marry him?"

"Did Mama really know Father?"

"Not the best example," he grunted. "And at the same, yeah, the best. Both of them are amenti. Both of you were forced into marriage because of a baby."

"True; it wasn't really a choice," she sighed, looking at him. Her brown eyes seemed to be lighter now, perhaps due to the sunlight. "But I guess it was going to happen at some point. I wish it hadn't been under these circumstances. Anders didn't really want to get married. Mama and Bethany talked him into it. And Varric and Bianca, of course. You should have seen Anders's face, surrounded by those four."

Carver chuckled. He sighed and leaned back. "If you're happy, then I'm happy," he said, pressing her hand warmly.

"So you'll be coming?" she asked. Carver nodded. "Then I'll be waiting for you to come home, brother," she replied, as she held his hand between hers.

* * *

Leto opened the door. His eyes met Anders's. They stared at each other for a while. "Come in," he finally muttered.

"I won't stay long. You know why I'm here," Anders said calmly. Something had changed in him, Leto could feel it. There was a certain air of self-confidence that Anders had always lacked in spite of his many accomplishments, but now it was shining through. Leto had been trying to avoid his cousin because he felt inferior to him, now more than ever.

"Yes, I can imagine. I just had to do it, Anders. I had to tell her. Though I thought you'd told her already."

"You could have told me what you were planning to do," Anders replied. "We're family-"

 _"Stop it,"_  Leto said. "Stop with the family thing. We stopped being family when you let me fall in love with her. You led me all the way with the idea that you couldn't have anything with her. If I had known-!"

"I  _led_  you? What about you? You kept telling me how stupid I was for not doing anything about her,  _or_  my condition.  _You_ gave her my journal so that she'd come looking for me!" Anders shouted.

"I was an idiot. And you… You always knew that she'd go back to you."

"I told you she would, and you kept saying that people are not predictable. And even after saying that, you called her and told her that in some version of the past, I killed her." Anders took a step towards him and lowered his voice. "You told a pregnant woman that her lover killed her for being pregnant. Really smooth, Leto."

Leto frowned. "What?"

"You know what you did," Anders sighed. "Don't make me say it again."

"She's… She's  _pregnant?"_  Leto looked around, as if he no longer knew where he was standing.

Anders looked puzzled. "You mean you didn't know?"

"No, I…" He rubbed his face. "Maker, I… I didn't know," he whispered. "She never told me."

Anders let out a deep sigh and sat in the couch. Leto sat next to him, silently.

"She's four months pregnant," Anders said. "She found out about it last month, when she came here to get her tests done. She said she'd seen you back then. I just assumed… I mean, she's told everybody. How could I know that she hadn't told you?" He looked at his hands. "I'm… I'm sorry. I guess I should have told her about Marian myself, but I didn't know how she was going to take it. Not at this time of her life."

"And... How did she take it?" Leto asked in a whisper.

"Better than I thought. She was grateful for your concern, but you know her… She's like you used to be. She wants to believe that patterns can be broken. She thinks this baby will do that for me. For all of us."

Leto cast a quick glance at Anders. "Does she-?"

Anders nodded. "She knows how you feel about her."

"Then why… Why didn't she say anything?" Leto murmured.

Anders stood up and looked at him. "What do you think she should have said?" he asked, sadly.

* * *

Bethany was going through some old photos of her family. She wanted to make a special album for Lucía and the baby. Her mother had given her permission to rummage through the boxes that had been sent from Ferelden. The humidity of the storage room had got to some of them, but she'd managed to find some good shots.

A pink daisy fell on her lap. She looked up and Donnic was there, smiling at her. She got on her feet and hugged him. "When did you return?" she asked, still holding on to him.

"Two hours ago," he said, resting his chin on her head. "And I brought you this," he said, producing a little box out of his pocket. Bethany sat down and opened it. There was a pair of gold earrings in the shape of a smiling sun. She gasped.

"I love them!" she beamed, as she hurried to the mirror to put them on.

Donnic moved her hair aside and smiled at her reflection. Once she'd finished, she turned around and hugged him again.

"I had a pair just like this when I was a child," she murmured, once they had parted. "You don't know how much this means to me. Thank you." She leaned forward, but he kissed her on the forehead.

"Wait... There's something I must tell you," he said. She looked at him attentively and waited. Donnic sighed. "I wasn't sure about it, but… There's a chance that I'll be leaving Tantervale."

Bethany's eyes widened. "Does that mean-?"

"I've yet to receive an answer. It'll probably be before the end of the week, but… Yes," he smiled. "I  _might_  get transferred to Kirkwall. I mean," he blushed, "after all, I'd miss you more than anything-"

Bethany squeed and covered her mouth with her hands. She looked fidgety. "Can I?" she blurted out. Donnic nodded, and she threw her arms around him and kissed him passionately.

* * *

The place that they had chosen for the wedding had a huge garden area and a small pavilion that had been decorated with white lilies and jasmines.

Two hours before the ceremony, and she already felt tired. Her five-month belly felt heavier with each passing day. She was glad her dress –a long, gold-dust, Tevinter dress that her mother had chosen for her– was light and flowing. It was a hot, sunny day, and she felt a little light-headed. Then again, perhaps it was the constant flow of people coming and going, making sure that she was comfortable at all times.

Lucía asked to be left alone. As soon as Bethany had left the room, she opened the casement windows and stepped out into the inner garden. The air was cool there, and she could only hear the birds singing. She took off her shoes and sighed happily as she felt the freshness of the grass under her feet. She walked towards the fountain and noticed that Anders had remembered to ask them to decorate it with white water lilies only. She smiled.

Suddenly, she heard some steps behind her. Her whole body shook violently, as if she'd been struck by a bolt of lightning. Her breathing got heavier. "Leto…" she murmured and turned around.

He stopped before getting to her.

"Don't do this," he pleaded. "Don't marry him. Don't be with me either, but... Please, don't."

Lucía's eyes stared into his. She had a hundred things to say, but she found that she wasn't able to think about the right way to say them. "I'm sorry," she whispered and shook her head. "I know we should have talked about this before, but... This is not the right time..."

He took a step towards her. She took a step back. "I didn't mean to go away. I didn't mean to let you go that night in Tantervale. I wanted you more than I've _ever_  wanted  _anything_  in my life. I still do." He took another step, but this time she didn't move. "And even though I don't want to think about it, I care about him, and you're the best thing that's happened to him, but I can't bear the thought..." He bridged the gap between them swiftly. "I love you," he said, cupping her face in his hands. As he leaned forward, he felt something moving over his stomach. He looked down and noticed her belly for the first time. He moved his hand over it timidly, and he was greeted by the movement of the baby. He looked at her and she smiled at him. He put both hands to the side of the belly and the baby responded excitedly, looking for his touch. Lucía winced.

"I'm sorry!" Leto apologized quickly. "I... I never knew they moved so much!" He smiled shyly.

"He never moves, to be honest. He must like the sound of your voice." Lucía moved her hand over her belly and the baby seemed to calm down.

She raised her eyes and noticed that Anders, standing at the entrance of the inner garden, was watching them.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Daft Punk. There's a chance you might recognize the dialogue between Carver and Lucía - it appears in Chapter 46, "In the Crossfire".


	71. All I Want is You (Part One)

"You shouldn't be here. The groom's not supposed to see the bride until the ceremony starts," Lucía said, raising her voice. Anders gave her a lopsided grin.

"Bethany told me that you'd wanted to be left alone," he said, walking towards her. "I thought that maybe the heat of the day was making you even more tired, sweetheart." He got to where she was standing and kissed her forehead chastely. She closed her eyes and received his kiss quietly.

Anders turned to Leto. "Hello, cousin. Isabela was looking for you. You didn't reply, so I didn't know if you'd be coming or not." His brown eyes looked indecipherable in that light, and the neutral tone of his voice made it difficult for Leto to be sure of the way he felt.

"I made up my mind yesterday," he said, trying to control his voice. "Is there a problem?"

"No, no! Not at all," Anders said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "It's always good to see you, Leto. You know that." He patted the younger man.

"Would it be okay with you if I asked you to leave me by myself for some time?" Lucía asked.

Anders looked at her. "Of course, love." He turned to Leto. "After you," he said kindly. Leto looked at Lucía one last time, and walked away. As Anders turned to leave, Lucía grabbed his forearm.

"Just… Don't make things harder for him, will you," she muttered.

Anders looked at her. "Of course," he replied in a low voice. There was an intense look in his eyes. It had been there ever since they had reunited in Seheron. His eyes drew her in and she felt like getting lost in them. She quickly grabbed him by the chin and kissed him with parted lips. His hand moved behind her head and he slid his tongue into her mouth, kissing her deeply. She moaned with frustration and bit his lower lip when he broke the kiss a few seconds later.

"Manners unbecoming a bashful bride," he chuckled, rubbing his lip. "Dear Maker, who am I marrying?"

"I don't know if you've noticed, but my dress is not white for a reason," she murmured. "Run along, and play nicely with your cousin. After all, it was you who wanted to invite him."

* * *

"Did you see her?" Isabela asked anxiously. Leto nodded. "So? What did she say?"

"That this wasn't the right time to talk," Leto muttered. He didn't want to look up. Isabela lowered her head until their eyes met.

"You know I don't like saying  _'I told you so',_  but…"

"I know," Leto sighed. "I don't know what I was expecting, really. I just felt I had to do it. Maker, I'm such an idiot. I need a drink."

Isabela took two glasses of champagne from a passing waiter and gave both to him. "Listen to me, Leto Fenris. You're going to drink, eat, dance, and have fun. I didn't cancel a date just so that I could come here to get bored, do you hear me?"

"I hear you," Leto said, already gulping down the second glass.

"Woah! Take it easy, sweetcheeks!" Isabela frowned. "You don't want to get drunk and do something embarrassing again, do you? The secret of drinking and not getting plastered is to drink one glass of water for every two glasses of alcohol. Let's get you some water, shall we?"

* * *

Leandra adjusted Bethany's sash. "I still don't like the idea of leaving her alone."

"You can't argue with her, Mama," her daughter said. "You know she's been having a rough time lately. Her hormones must be having a wild party in there."

"I still wonder if this is the right thing," Carver said. He was leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets. "I asked her and she said it was, but she didn't seem convinced."

"I wish we hadn't put so much pressure on them," Leandra sighed. "Maybe we should have let them solve this in their own way. They're both smart people-"

"I think they're got a mind of their own; if they're doing this, it's because they feel like doing it," Donnic remarked. Carver stared at him and Donnic sank into the sofa where he'd been sitting. Bethany smiled at him and frowned at Carver. Carver shrugged.

"Perhaps one of us should go and talk to her, then?" he suggested.

* * *

"Well, look at you," Varric smiled. Lucía beamed and embraced him. When they parted, he poked her belly gently. "Hey, buddy! Giving Mama a hard time already? You don't wanna mess with her, y'know? She's tougher than she looks." Lucía chuckled.

He sat down next to her and she rested her head on his shoulder. They were silent for a long time. A soft breeze was playing with her dark locks. "I'm so glad you're here," she sighed. "Everybody's so fussy these days."

"They're worried about you," Varric explained. "You're not a blushing bride. And you have to admit that this year's ride has been a bit bumpy."

Lucía nodded. "More than a bit, I'd say."

"Do you remember what it was like?" Varric asked after a while. "Being trapped down there. I still have nightmares about it."

"My dreams have changed," Lucía replied. "But yes, I remember. I remember them as well."

Varric patted her hand. "You  _crazy woman;_  blowing up shit underground and playing hero. I still don't know what was going on in that head of yours when you did that."

"My family," she replied without hesitation.

" _All_  of them?" Varric grunted.

"You know what I mean," Lucía stood up and walked a few steps. Varric watched her. There was something about her that had changed. She was still sweet and caring, but lately she had been showing bouts of impatience and a certain severity that had not been there before. Not even Bianca's temper had become so volatile as Lucia's during the pregnancy.

"Luce… Are you sure about this?" he asked softly as he stood up and walked towards her. "I mean, I know that we all put some pressure on you guys… But you know… There's still time to back down, if this isn't what you want."

Lucía breathed in deeply and turned to Varric. "I didn't want this baby, Varric," she admitted.

Varric raised his eyebrows. "You could have chosen not to have him, then. You know that."

"That's not an option," she snapped. "Everything happens for a reason. This baby is a wake-up call. Perhaps he was always there, at the back of my mind. Any normal woman would have insisted on using some contraceptive method. I didn't. My body craved Anders's, Varric. It was stronger than me. And I trusted my father when he said that there was no chance I'd get pregnant. I shouldn't have, after all we've been through because of him. And yet, he didn't lie." She paused and caressed her belly. "He didn't lie. Anders didn't take his medication, and this happened."

"Are you blaming Blondie for this?"

Lucía shook her head. "Never. He didn't choose to be what he is. It's within him. He didn't choose the life he had. He chose to be something that would allow him to help others like him. He's a Dreamer, and trust me – that is a heavy burden to carry. And he endures it, and that medication helps him with that. It wasn't his fault that it got ruined, and that this baby was conceived. But at least he can rest now," she smiled. "This baby and I have given him some peace of mind, and that alone is reason enough for me to be happy to have this child." She looked into his eyes with a determination he'd never seen before. "I will break the pattern, Varric. I am confident that I will succeed."

He stared at her, slightly afraid of something he couldn't put his finger on. She stroked his cheek.

"You asked me what I want," she said quietly. "What I would have wanted is more time with Anders on our own – I'm not sure I'm ready to be a mother. What I want today is Anders. I didn't need this ceremony, or the celebration afterwards. What I want is for him to have a chance to be happy. After all... We've never had that," she added in a murmur.

Varric pressed her arm warmly. "And I do hope you get your chance, my friend." A gust of cold wind took him by surprise. He shuddered. "Do you think it will rain?" he asked, as he escorted her back to her room.

"I think there's a storm coming," she said softly.

* * *

Lucía was back in the bridal chambers. She was glad to see that most of the flowers had been removed – Anders had mentioned that they might make her feel light-headed. There were only jasmines and a bunch of red poppies. Lucía frowned. Those hadn't been there before. She walked to the table and saw that a card had been left next to the floral arrangement. She took the envelope with trembling hands. She recognized the handwriting.

For a moment, she thought about calling someone, or throwing away the message without reading it. But she didn't want any more people involved in their affairs. She pulled the neatly folded piece of paper out of the envelope and read it.

_"Lucía, part of me wishes that I could be there with you today. If I were a normal father, perhaps. But I'm not. I know why you're doing this, but this is not the way. If you wish to marry Anders, so be it. Just make sure you do it out of love – otherwise one day you'll feel you'll have wasted your life away trying to stop the inevitable. Don't try to repair what I tried to break, lest we end up going round in circles. I'll be seeing you soon, my child."_

Lucía folded the note and held it in her hands for a long time, wondering if she should say something about it to Carver or Bethany. She could warn them. But her father had said he'd be seeing  _her._ There was no point in putting others at risk.

There was a knock on the door. Bethany's smiling face greeted her.

"Are you ready?" she asked. Lucía nodded and smiled nervously.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by U2


	72. All I Want is You (Part Two)

Carver watched her from the corner of his eye. He didn't have much experience in the subject, but he'd always thought that women were more emotional about this type of event. Her eyes seemed hardened somehow, and they never strayed away from her husband-to-be. Carver was astounded by the intensity of their stare, as if Anders and Lucía had formed a bond stronger than any other thing in the world. Carver's serious blue eyes looked around and noticed that many people were watching him as well – most of them were women. He smiled and walked tall and proud, and when he got to the steps of the pavilion, he gave Lucía a kiss on the cheek and sat down next to his family.

"Smart doctor," Isabela smirked and nudged Leto, some minutes after the ceremony had started; "he skipped the part in which you could have said _'I'm against this marriage';_  did you notice?"

"I noticed," Leto grunted. "I wouldn't have said anything anyway."

"Yeah well, what good has that done to you?" Isabela murmured. Leto scoffed.

"First, the bride will make her promise, and then the groom," the judge said.

Lucía turned to Anders and said, loud and clear, "I'll be your home and your harbour. I will always come back to you.  _Cras amet qui nunquam amavit."_

Anders took her hands in his and smiled. "I'll be your home and your harbour. I will always come back to you.  _Quique amavit, cras amet."_

"Do you declare your consent before your witnesses and this magistrate?" the judge asked.

"We do," they said in unison.

"May the Maker strengthen your consent till death do you part. You may now seal the union with a kiss."

Anders stroked Lucía's cheeks with his thumbs and pressed his lips against hers in a sweet kiss.

* * *

"She looks much more relaxed now," Bianca noted.

Cradling Enya in her arms, Isabela raised her head and looked at Lucía from afar. She was talking to Aveline and a dark-haired man whose hands were never far from the tall, red-haired woman. "She does, yes. She looks happier for sure."

"I feel sorry for Leto," Bianca murmured, having heard the story from her sister.

"Eh. I'd say I am too, if he didn't make me so angry. He could have said something sooner."

"I don't think so," Bianca said. "After all,  _they_ started dating a really short time after  _you two_  broke up. Varric told me he actually had a hand in getting them together."

"I wouldn't be surprised," Isabela sighed, looking at Leto, who was talking to Varric by the bar. "He's too good for his own… good."

* * *

"So  _you're_  Doctor Orsino. My daughter and her husband have talked a great deal about you," Leandra said, shaking Orsino's hand.

"If I may say, I still can't believe that Lucía's your daughter. I don't want to come off as cheeky!" He raised his hands, embarrassed. "But you're so young, and she's so mature!"

Leandra laughed. "Well, yes, I was a young mother. And she's been like this all her life. She's a great support for all of us, ever since… Well, actually, even before we left Ferelden."

"Anders told me about it. He's a good man, Anders; one of the finest I've known. Very responsible, and quite committed to the cause."

"The cause?" Benoit asked, leaning forward.

Orsino looked at him and smiled. "We came across a community of _amenti_ in Seheron. They taught us their ways, and we contributed as best as we could. Anders's knowledge in the field came firsthand from the leading expert in  _amenti_  himself."  _Oh damn it,_  he thought. Did they know about Quentin being Hawke, or whatever it was that Anders had told him? He cleared his throat. "Oh, but I wouldn't want to bore you. Besides, I'm sure you know more about Anders than I do."

"He's a sweet man," Leandra smiled. "Ah, and here's my lovely younger daughter! Bethany, this is Doctor Orsino. Anders will be working for him soon."

Orsino stood up and turned to see Bethany. She had the same dark hair and red lips as her sister, but her eyes sparkled in a different way, and Orsino couldn't help but notice how graceful she was in her movements and how pleasant her voice was. He could hardly put together the image of the young girl that Anders had described with the beautiful young lady that was standing by him, offering him her hand and smiling sweetly.

Orsino mentally kicked himself.

* * *

Leto downed his drink and walked resolutely towards Lucía, who was dancing with Carver to a classic Antivan tune. Her brother had obviously seen him and said something to her, because her head turned in his direction. As Leto was getting there, he saw that they had parted.

"I was wondering if I could dance with the bride," he said in his gravelly voice.

Carver hesitated, but Lucía pressed his arm discreetly. He looked at her one more time before nodding and leaving them alone. Leto circled her waist with one of his hands and held her fingers with the other, as they slowly moved across the dance floor. For a moment, he thought that everything felt just right. And then he remembered – she had got married. Nothing was right.

" _She_  loved you," Lucía said quietly. Leto noticed that she'd been staring at him.

"I'm…  _sorry?"_  he asked, confused.

"Marian," she replied. She felt his body become tense, and he stopped dancing. "Are you okay?"

"No…" he murmured. "Maybe I drank more than I should have."

"Let's go out and have some fresh air, then." Her voice sounded collected. She held onto his arm and led him towards the garden.

There, the atmosphere was different. Leto looked up and saw that the sky had turned slate grey. Not a single star could be seen, and the wind was cold and persistent. He took off his jacket and placed it over her shoulders as he walked with her towards a wooden bench on the far end of the grounds, off the beaten track.

Her hands rested on her belly, and Leto felt the urge to rest his head on it as well. He wanted to touch her belly and feel the baby moving. Surely there was nothing wrong in that? But his thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her voice.

"I've been dreaming about her," Lucía told him. "She's been on my mind for the past few days. Red hair, dark eyes. What you said… That he killed her. Anders or Hartmann, whatever name you gave him. Did you see that?"

Leto shook his head. "No. If I had… I don't know. I'm glad I didn't."

"Anders is not that person, you know that," she said seriously. Leto opened his eyes in surprise. Her eyes seemed to have hardened, as if she was angry at him. "He is not Hartmann, and I am not Marian."

"I know," he replied weakly. "I just…"

"I understand," she blurted out. "I understand what it is to have these dreams and feel that there's nothing you can do about them. I'm as clueless as you are, but this nonsense has to stop." She held his hands. "Whatever we were or may have been, we're different people now. And I wouldn't want to see you hold onto a borrowed memory or spend the rest of your life chasing a ghost."

"It's not because of Marian," he snapped. "Can't you understand that it is because of you? That I love you because of  _you,_  and not because of the ghost of a woman I've never met?"

"You keep telling yourself that, Leto," she said bitterly. "But you and I know that it's the connection with her that you miss, and that's what you tried to recreate that with me. But I'm not her. I'm not your Marian."

He scoffed and stood up. He took a few steps away from her, unable to look at her anymore. The wind had become more intense and he almost welcomed the cold gusts. In the distance, he saw some flashes of lightning.

"We should go inside," he said after a while.

"We won't go anywhere until you've promised you're going to let go of that," she replied.

Leto sighed heavily. "How does Anders put up with you? Are you this insistent with him?"

She nodded and smiled. Leto smiled back. He offered her his hand and as soon as her fingers had touched his, they were startled by the sound of thunder, so loud that the earth beneath them seemed to shake. A few drops fell before the rain turned into a shower.

"Hurry!" he shouted, leading her by the hand. The hall seemed miles away from where they were.

"I can't run faster!" she shouted back. "It's the shoes!" She stopped to take them off and tried to keep up with him, but her belly felt heavy and her feet seemed to slip every other second. Suddenly, she lost her balance and she would have gone down if Leto hadn't prevented the fall. When she raised her eyes, he saw Anders running towards her.

"The weather's certainly crazy!" he shouted. "But fear not, my love - rain on a wedding day is good luck, they say!" he joked, and without hesitating, he picked her up and carried her back to the hall.

He took her to the bridal chambers and left her on the couch. "Don't let your feet touch the floor," he warned her. "I'm going to find something to clean them." He disappeared for a minute and returned with a bowl of warm water, a sponge, and some towels. He knelt down in front of her and washed her feet lovingly, holding her legs with his gentle hands. His fingers wrapped around her ankles as he looked up with his warm brown eyes.

She knew that look. She passed her fingers through his hair and caressed his cheek. Anders kissed the palm of her hand softly before nibbling on her thumb.

"Lock the door," she whispered, feeling a sense of urgency build up in her as he stood up and gave her a cheeky smile.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: same as the previous chapter. The lines that Lucía and Anders say mean, "Let those love now who have never loved"/"Tomorrow let him love, who has never loved" (Lucía) and "Let those who have loved, love yet again"/"He who has loved, let him love tomorrow." (Anders) - they belong to John Fowles's novel "The Magus".


	73. Lay Lady Lay (NSFW)

"It may have seemed a bit rude, now that I think about it," Anders chuckled as he poured some apple juice for Lucía. "Everybody was so concerned about you. They must have thought that you'd had an accident or something. And  _Carver!"_

"I know, right?" Lucía laughed. She was spreading embrium jam on several pieces of toast. "If you hadn't been keeping me so busy at the time, I'd have just laughed my head off when he started banging on the door."

"What is it that he said?  _'You've already given proof of the bedding!_ '" he laughed as he sat down next to his wife. He sipped his tea and leaned back on his armchair. His eyes didn't wander far from her whenever she was around. She was humming a tune as she prepared all the little pieces of toast, and when she'd finished, she left the teaspoon on the plate. Her fingertips had got sticky and he saw her strawberry-like tongue –juicy, tiny, red– flickering three times over the tips before she took a napkin.

Maker, that tongue.

Anders shook his head. They'd been at it most of the night. She was pregnant and tired this morning. He'd just take a cold shower right after breakfast. He left his cup on the saucer and reached out to take a piece of toast. His fingers ran into the back of her hand as she was withdrawing it from the plate. Her smooth skin always took him by surprise. His hand froze mid-action. So did hers. He was aware of the tension between them. Even since they'd reunited after Seheron, the tension was there, binding them together with an almost intolerable pressure.

She was staring at him, almost mesmerized. He thanked the stars for letting her enjoy the act the way she was doing it. Other pregnant women might have lost their drive, but hers had increased, and as soon as he looked into her eyes, he knew that she was ready for another round.

"Come," he told her in a low voice. He moved his chair backwards so that she could sit astride him, which she did promptly. Her right hand moved behind his head as their lips parted and met; their tongues –tasting of embrium jam and honeybush tea– played with each other. Her left hand slid into his silky robe and moved downwards, slithering past the band of his underwear and finding him there, ready to receive her touch. She started stroking him and he moaned against her mouth, caressing her breasts delicately. She was too sensitive to tolerate more than some gentle teasing. The brush of his fingers against her nipples was enough to make her gasp and moan. She stood up, turned around, and sat lightly on his lap, facing away. Her hand guided his head against her, and he pulled her hips downwards, sliding into her slowly. His hands pulled her robe down eagerly and he bit her now naked shoulder; she rode him and moaned wildly, fully in control of the two of them. As he watched her back arched in ecstasy, as he held her in his arms, he thought that 'forever' was too short for them to be together.

* * *

She'd been with two or three guys before – nothing serious, really, and definitely not at the same time; just to fit in the Orlesian culture she'd had to endure for most of her late teenage years. None of them had been as loving as her Wesley. Orlesian males took pride in their sensitivity as lovers, but now she knew that it was just bravado.

There, lying in his arms – that was sensitivity. That was where she belonged. His hands ran up her sides and his lips kissed the top of her head. She smiled.

"What's on your mind?" he whispered.

Aveline shook her head. "Nothing," she replied.

Wesley ran his fingers along her arm and held her hand in his. He kissed her palm and said softly, "Come on. You're always thinking of something."

"I was just thinking that this feels right." She kissed his collarbone and nuzzled him.

"Indeed," he said. After a while, he rested the weight of his body on his arm and pinned her against the mattress. "We should do this every day," he said.

"That's quite impractical, Wesley. I'm pretty sure we'd get tired very quickly."

"I'm talking about spending the night together. We should spend the rest of our nights together," he said hurriedly.

She frowned. "Are you saying-?" She saw him nod. "Did Lucía's wedding affect you?"

"That was like a month ago and no, it didn't," he replied, kissing her neck slowly. He felt her body move and smiled. "You know, I've been thinking about it for a while now. And I know," he moved his hands over her hips, getting another reaction from her body, "that you want it too."

"It's… Too soon," she whimpered. His tongue was circling one of her nipples. He caught it between his lips and sucked on it playfully. "Wesley…"

"I'm not going to let you go," he said, kissing his way down her stomach, "until you say _'yes, Wesley'_."

Aveline closed her eyes and inhaled. He was crazy if he thought-

"Maker!" she gasped and opened her bright green eyes, as she felt his face between her legs and his tongue between her lips. Where was her gentle Wesley?  _Between your legs,_  a voice whispered in her head. Where had he learned to do those things?  _Ah…_  And there he was; right there.  _The right place._ Her legs quivered and she felt her body trembling – hot and cold at the same time – tingling all over. His fingers had joined in. She bit her lips, feeling her cheeks burning. Could it be…? Was it  _possible…?_

"Yes!" she screamed with abandon, as she raised her hips against his mouth once again…

* * *

"Mmm… Sweet as a cupcake, I swear," Zevran said. He came out from under the sheets and lay by Isabela. "Even the shape of it. Incredible!"

Isabela hit him on the shoulder. "Are you talking about my-? Naughty!"

"Of course I am, my dear," Zevran said, pulling her against his naked body. "I'd never seen something as perfect as that. Pretty tight, moist, with a centre of sweet nectar that flows when the time's right."

"How _charming_  you are, Chief Officer," Isabela chuckled, shaking her head. Zevran stuck his tongue out and winked cheekily. He stroked her cheek with his hand and she looked at him, surprised. "What is it?"

"Your skin is to kill for, you know that? True Rivaini skin, with the glow of a thousand candles lighting up the place of sweet lovemaking between clandestine lovers."

She laughed. "Okay, you're starting to sound ridiculous."

Zevran's laughter was certainly joyous. "I can't help it, you see. Every time I'm with you, there's this fire that burns inside me, and I must let it out, lest it consumes me. Oh! Wait here!" He got up and Isabela watched him leave. His body was tight and lean, but his stomach, legs and arms had chiseled muscles, and his butt cheeks… So round, perky, and bitable. Four months had passed since she'd got the courage to given him her number –they could have had more trouble; after all, he  _was_  her boss– and she hadn't regretted a single day. When he came back, his half-erect member seemed to bob merrily between his legs, and Isabela remembered how good it felt between her lips.

"Here," Zevran said, giving her a rectangular box. "It's for you."

Isabela sat up and covered herself with the sheets. She stared at the box that he'd left in her hands and gave him a quizzical look. "Why?"

"Do I need a reason?" Zevran shrugged. "Fine, if you must know, I had a dream about you the other day. Eh… Before you ask – no, it wasn't a naughty one. You were sunbathing, lying on the deck of a yacht, and suddenly you stood up and looked to the horizon. You said there was a storm coming, and I didn't believe you at first, because there wasn't a single cloud in the sky. But then, all of a sudden, a foul wind started blowing, and that," he said, pointing to the box, "was blown away. I found it yesterday in a market in Hightown, and I thought it would look good on you."

Isabela opened the box and found an exquisite sapphire silk scarf, embroidered with golden threads. "It's... It's beautiful," she said.

"Not as beautiful as you are," he said, raising her chin with his long, tanned fingers. His mouth covered hers and he felt her arms around him, pulling him towards her. "My dear –  _again?!"_

"With you? Always," she replied, as she pushed him down and sat astride him. Her hands quickly tied his wrists together and to the headboard. Her hips rested on his as she took his manhood in her hands and rubbed it against her lips until he was ready for her.

* * *

"Come in!" Donnic shouted from the kitchen. The door opened and there she was, wrapped up in a warm coat. After Satinalia the weather always turned wintery. "I'm sorry about the mess, but I've been so busy lately." He gave her a quick peck and returned to check on the sauce that he was cooking for her. It was the first time he had cooked dinner for Bethany, and he was excited. Everything was going fine, although he was concerned that he'd put too much red pepper in the sauce and that it would make it too-

"Hot," he babbled. Bethany had taken off her coat and her pants, revealing a pale blue lace babydoll. The wooden spoon Donnic was holding fell from his hand, but he didn't notice it. After a while, he cleared his throat. "Beth…" he murmured.

"I'm… I know I'm ready, Don," she said, taking a step forward. "I've been planning this for some weeks now." Another step. "If there is someone I want to be with-"

"There's no need to hurry," Donnic said quickly, rushing to hold her hands. "We have all the time-" His lips were shushed by her finger. He saw her reach out and turn off the stove knobs, and when she bent over, the top part of her breasts –her dreamy, creamy breasts– was left exposed. Donnic swallowed hard as she stood on the tip of her toes, cupped his face in her hands and kissed him timidly, resting her body against his. He closed his eyes and kissed her back.

"Take me to the bedroom," she smiled, a slight blush on her cheeks, and he found himself complying.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Bob Dylan. I usually like to give some purpose to this type of scenes. In this case, it's all about bonding and consolidating.


	74. The Unforgettable Fire (Part One)

**The Unforgettable Fire (Part One)**

"So this is how it will be?" Varric said, pouring some brandy for Cullen. "You talk to me, I talk to her? Pretty impractical, if you ask me, considering that you two live in the same city."

"I can't talk to her anymore," Cullen grunted, reaching out for the glass. "I don't know… I didn't want to come off as aggressive. I don't think I was. But the look in her eyes… She doesn't seem quite herself these days."

Varric sat down and stared at his glass. "Sometimes I don't think she's herself anymore."

"It's a good thing I now know how much women change when they get pregnant. I'll consider it twice before having a child," Cullen sighed. Varric didn't reply. Cullen raised his eyes and saw him frowning. "What?"

"They don't change this much. She thinks that Kirkwall's getting to her as well," Varric murmured.

"You mean the city's affecting her?" Cullen asked. Varric looked at him and quickly looked away. Neither of them truly understood what she meant when she'd tried to explain what was going on in her mind.

"What exactly did she say?" Varric asked.

**. . . . .**

_"That day…" Cullen said. "I talked to him that day. He told me about the red lyrium." He looked at her. "Do you know about that?"_   
_"I do," she replied. Her dark eyes were serene, and the shadows under them were worrying._   
_Cullen blinked. "Well?" he asked after a while. He saw her open her bag and take a memory stick out of it. She left it on the table, between them. "You're not going to say anything?"_   
_"Everything you want to know is there," Lucía replied. "That was hidden in Anders's pillow. He must have put it there for safekeeping. You know how to crack it. The lyrium's a dead end. Not much more to say about it."_   
_"You know what I mean," Cullen muttered. "When we were down there… The lyrium sang for you. Why?"_   
_Lucía stared at him. "That is not relevant to your investigation."_   
_He leapt forward and grabbed her by the wrist. "And how would you know that? What aren't you telling me?"_   
_"Take your hands off me," she said quietly._   
_"You obviously know something, and I think I should know what it is as well. What is it? Are you working with your father?" he asked._   
_"Take your hand off my wrist," she hissed, "or I'll break it."_   
_"You wouldn't," he muttered. He felt her arm tensing and something in her eyes told him that she would. He released the grip and she lowered her eyes._   
_"You're still looking into him, aren't you," she smirked. "My father."_   
_"You know I am," Cullen sat back. "Are you going to help me with that?"_   
_"You've never told me what's in it for you, you know," she said coldly. "Why are you doing this?"_   
_"Are you defending him?" Cullen frowned. "Have you forgotten about that time you called me for help, or what he did to you and your sister?"_   
_Lucía stood up. "I don't expect you to understand, Knight-Captain."_

**. . . . .**

"She called you  _'Knight-Captain'_?" Varric asked, astounded.

"She did," Cullen replied. Before Varric could ask anything, he said, "I don't know what that means. She wouldn't tell me."

"This shit is more serious than I thought," Varric murmured. "Maybe she's right, and the city is actually doing something to her. Maybe we should get her out of Kirkwall."

* * *

Lucía stared at the ceiling, trying not to sleep.

Anders's soft breathing was some kind of consolation. He was thriving. Free from the medication, Anders lived every single day as if he'd been given a reprieve. His new job suited him, and he'd managed to get a job for Bethany as his assistant in the laboratory. Doctor Orsino seemed to be pleased to have both of them working for him, and everybody seemed to be doing fine.

Except for her.

She enjoyed having sex with Anders, but the main reason why she had it was to avoid dreaming at night. As soon as she closed her eyes, her head was filled with information about things that were long gone; things that she didn't really want to know about.

But Anders was doing fine.

Something inside told her that she had to endure. Two more months, and it would be over. The baby grew stronger every day, and she found herself torn between wanting to keep him inside –so that Anders would remain that way– and giving birth to him as soon as she could, so that she could go back to sleep quietly. Her father had warned her; he had told her about it – but by the time he said that, everything had been set in motion.

Lucía stared at the ceiling, playing and replaying the words and the scenes in her head.

**. . . . .**

_As soon as she entered the office, she thought that something was off. She looked around. Nothing had been touched or moved. So why did something feel strange?  
"Oh, Lieutenant," Donnic said behind her. "I left a package in your drawer. It arrived late last night, and I didn't take it over to your place because you asked not to be disturbed after office hours."  
"Thank you, Donnic," she replied, absent-mindedly. She closed the door behind her, leaving her new assistant on the other side of it, and sat down at her desk. She could feel it. She could feel the humming. It was soft but steady. Her body shivered as she reached out for the handle and pulled from it. Her fingers found the small package and held it carefully. Smaller than the palm of her hand. She untied the box and opened it. A necklace with a glass pendant, and a small piece of red lyrium floating inside.  
Lucía ripped the box apart and found a small piece of paper. _ Find me the following morning, _it just said._ The nerve, _she thought. Why was he doing this? She thought of phoning Cullen, but…_ No. _She'd have to solve this on her own. She felt the baby shifting inside her. She placed her hand on her belly and rubbed it gently._  
 _That night she'd gone to sleep early, wearing the necklace. She had dreamed – oh, how she had dreamed… But this time, nothing had harmed her or disturbed her. When she woke up the following morning, she knew where she had to go._

 _After a two-hour drive, the car dropped her off in Rylar, a small town on the edge of the Planasene Forest. She instructed the chauffeur to take some time off while she was away on business. She sauntered along the quiet streets and across the old bridge over the cold river, until she got to the site where the temple used to be. A diner._ How convenient, _she thought, as she pushed the door and entered the place. She sat down and ordered a cup of black coffee and a fruit juice for her.  
"You should eat something, you know," her father's voice said softly. She looked up. There he was, standing before her. "May I?" he asked, and she nodded. "You seem to be doing fine," he commented. "You look very much like your mother when she was pregnant with you. And I see you're wearing the amulet-"  
"So this is what we'll be doing? Small talk?" she snapped.  
"Manners, Lucía," Malcolm replied gently.  
"Karl," she growled.  
"An unfortunate case," he said.  
"Why?"  
He waited until the waitress had departed to say, "You know why."  
"I know why you're doing this. I don't _ understand _it. I never will. But killing him-"  
_ "Kill?" _His eyes glanced at her and away as he sipped his coffee.  
Lucía shifted on her seat once more. Her dark eyes were fixed on her father's face. "You didn't do it," she whispered.  
"What I did-" Malcolm started saying, but she interrupted.  
"It wasn't you," she murmured. His eyes stared at the table. She could feel his brain working quickly, the way it had always worked. He was about to come up with an excuse. _ Strike while the iron's hot, _she thought. "You didn't kill him. It wasn't you. And you don't want me to look into it, because whoever did it… Whoever killed him," she said, "might come for me."  
Malcolm's piercing blue eyes did not look at her again. "Anders should continue taking his medication. I went through the same he's going through right now. When Leandra was pregnant with you-"  
"Malcolm…"  
"-I didn't dream, not even once." He paused, still looking down. "Don't let him skip his medication, Lucía; otherwise…"  
_ "Father."  
 _He put on his sunglasses and left some money on the table. "Don't forget what I've told you. I will see you again, before the baby's born. Until then, take care of yourself." He stood up and walked away, leaving her alone once more._

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by U2


	75. The Unforgettable Fire (Part Two)

"Surely you know that's not normal," Bethany said, as she entered Anders's notes in a file. "She's never had trouble sleeping; at least, not as far as I remember. Mama's worried sick about her."

"I'm worried too," Anders muttered. He was trying to focus on handling the nanopipette properly – that had always been Karl's work. "But you know your sister.  _'Honey, are you okay?' 'But of course, Anders! Can't you see I'm the turtle on whose back the world rests?'_  If there's something I know about her for sure-"

"She'll tell you about it when the time's right, yeah." Bethany sighed. "I'm pretty sure it was elephants, not a turtle."

"It's elephants on a turtle. She's the turtle, of course. We're the elephants. You, me, your brother, and your mother, possibly."

"Or the baby," Bethany said. "I wish she'd come with me when I go shopping for baby clothes. I don't know what she'd like."

"She'd want you to save your money," Anders chuckled. "Don't you know your sister?"

"Sometimes I think I don't, no. She hasn't even told me what name you'll be giving him."

"She told me to choose whatever I wanted. I said I liked 'Nicholas'. She told me to choose another. So much for creative freedom," he grumbled.

"How odd," Bethany frowned. "She's always liked that name.  _'Nicholas for a boy and Marian for a girl'_ , she used to say. What? What's wrong?"

Anders had dropped the nanopipette. He wasn't looking at Bethany, but she could tell that something she'd said had made him tense. His back looked stiff and unusually upright, very much like his old self, back in those days when he'd stopped seeing Lucía.

Before either of them could say anything, Orsino came into the room. "How is it going, people? I've brought you some treats." he asked with a smile, as he left a milkshake for Bethany and tea for Anders on the counter. "It's getting cold out there!" Bethany smiled at him and thanked him, but Anders didn't even move. Orsino shot an inquiring look at Bethany and she mouthed _'I don't know'_. "Um… Anders?" Orsino asked tentatively.

Anders seemed to snap out of his state. "I'm… Sorry, did you need anything?"

Orsino patted him on the shoulder. "Looks like  _you_  need something, my boy. Do you feel like talking? Something troubling you?"

"It's… No, it's just my wife," Anders replied. He gave Orsino a weak smile. "You know… Women."

"I know about women, but not about wives. Perhaps I don't know about wives because I know too much about women," he chuckled. "But is there a problem with your wife? Is it about the baby?"

"Oh, no. No, everything's fine. You know, the usual stuff.  _'Anders, can you get me some ice cream right now in the middle of the night?'_ or  _'I get to choose the movie tonight because I'm carrying a baby'._ Those things."

"Ah well… I'm sure that when the baby's born, you'll wish this stage had lasted more," Orsino laughed and patted him on the back once more before going out.

Bethany stared at Anders and wondered why he'd lied.

* * *

Lucía finished working for the day and asked Donnic to work on the files for the following meeting with the officers. Donnic was happy to get anything she gave him, since most of the times she insisted on doing everything herself, so he made some tea for her and left her on her own. Lucía thanked him for everything. He really was a nice guy, and she was glad to see that Bethany seemed to be happy with him. As she sipped on the cup, her fingers played with her amulet distractedly. Her dreams weren't so intense anymore. She didn't understand why, but she didn't need to; the only thing that mattered was that she could have some rest-

The amulet came loose. Lucía checked the chain – one of the links had got opened. She heaved a deep sigh and left it on the desk, along with the cup. She'd repair it as soon as she got home. She sat back and closed her eyes for a moment; just long enough to rest from the day…

* * *

_"You are with child."_   
_"Are you certain?"_   
_"I am. This explains your morning sickness, breast tenderness; even your swollen-"_   
_"A child."_   
_"I take it it is Louvetaux's?"_   
_Marian nodded. She could read Merrill's face: she did not know how to feel. Marian knew what she thought about him. To Merrill, that man had separated the group. He had driven Hartmann away, and now he had left them as well. But nothing mattered to her. There was a new life inside her, and the only thing she could think of was that she had to tell him._   
_They played a game of their own devise. He would run away, and she would find him, every waning moon. They would spend the night together, and she would leave at the crack of dawn. But this time, she would not leave. She wanted him near. They had created a new life, together. Marian wanted him to be with her. She did not care that they had to fight soldiers every time he was with her. She was willing to fight for him. He would never let her do so, though._   
_She awaited the following waning moon eagerly. She spent her time daydreaming, thinking about the child, and thinking about her love._

* * *

"My sister is such a slave driver!" Bethany exclaimed after she'd been watching Donnic working like mad for a while. Anders laughed behind her as he playfully pushed her into the office.

Donnic raised his eyes and beamed. "Oh no! In fact, this is the first thing she's asked me to do today! She's too self-sufficient. Not that I'm complaining, but I like working for her!"

"Well, it does sound an awful lot like you're complaining, though," Anders laughed. "Want me to talk to her about it? Put in a good word for you, or something?"

"Heh; I'm not really sure she'd appreciate that," Donnic said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Look at you! You've been working for her for less than a month and you already know which buttons to press. Way to go, kid." Anders patted him on the back.

"He's no kid," Bethany mocked. "He's only ten years younger than you."

"I'm an old man, Honeybee," he replied as he walked towards Lucía's office. "Older than you think." He poked his head into the room. "Love?" He saw her sleeping in her chair. She looked so peaceful. He walked up to her and saw the broken chain on her desk. He smiled as he took it in his hands, and he fumbled in her desk for her pocket knife.

* * *

_Hartmann stepped out of the shadows._   
_"What are you doing here?"_   
_"I have been waiting for you. There is something that you should know."_   
_"Speak, then."_   
_"The men who are hunting him-"_   
_"No. I will not listen to this again."_   
_He grabbed her by the arm. "He is a deserter, Marian. Do you really want to risk our safety-?"_   
_"I do not care. Let go of me. What you say is not important now."_   
_"Marian…" His voice was full of sadness. "He has left you again. I am here for you."_   
_"I will find him. I always do. And this time he will not leave us."_   
_"Us?"_   
_"I will have his child," she said._   
_"No…" Hartmann shook his head. "That is not true… Tell me that is not true."_   
_"It is," she said as she walked past him. He grabbed her by the arm again._   
_"I would give my life for you," he muttered._   
_"I never asked you to do that," she replied sadly. "Hartmann…"_   
_"I have killed for you," he whispered._   
_"Hartmann-"_   
_"I would die for you."_   
_"I am sorry," she said. Her body felt heavier than it should. She looked at him. The last rays of sunlight almost blinded her, but she could see his strawberry blonde hair shining. She felt sorry for him. She passed her fingers through his hair. She remembered that feeling on her fingertips… She remembered his smell of mint. His mouth pressed against hers and she received his kiss as if he was an old lover. She felt his fingers cupping her face, his thumbs stroking her jawline…_   
_And their pressure…_

* * *

Once he'd finished fixing the open link, he leaned over her and put the amulet back around her neck. His fingers caressed her neck and his thumbs stroked her jawline, as he pressed his lips against hers lovingly, to wake her up.

* * *

_She opened her eyes. His face was unfamiliar. She tried to detach herself from him, but his lips did not release her. Her hands pushed him away, but the more she struggled, the more he pressed. She tried to think of a spell, but she could feel the magic pouring out of him, hitting her in waves; shielding himself from her. She shook her head and his face seemed to cover hers. She could feel his tears, his chest convulsing against hers. His face became brighter and everything around her became darker, until she could no longer see or feel._

* * *

"What's going on?" Bethany ran into the office and found Anders trying to restrain Lucía's arms. Lucía was screaming as if someone was killing her. "Luz! Luz! I'm here, Lucía! I'm here!" She caressed her sister's hair, but her screaming wouldn't stop. "Do something!" she yelled at Anders, who looked helpless.

"Wake up, my love," he murmured next to her ear. "Please, wake up… It's just a bad dream… Lucía, please…" Her screaming subdued and he felt her body relaxing gradually. She'd passed out.

"She's… She's bleeding," Bethany whispered and pointed to her sister's thighs. Anders took Lucía in his arms and carried her away.

...


	76. The Unforgettable Fire (Part Three)

"Please, Doctor Devin; take a seat."

Anders stared at the doctor for a while. He didn't want to sit. He wanted to see her. He'd barely had time to see her before she'd been rushed into the emergency room of the maternity ward. The doctor sat down and cleared his throat patiently. Anders understood that whatever the doctor had to say, he wouldn't say it until he'd sat down. He slid onto the chair, trying to contain his questions.

"Both of them are fine," the doctor told him. "We've performed several ultrasounds, both to check her and the baby, and everything's fine."

Anders let out a sigh of relief.  _Thank the Maker,_  he thought. But then, something else had to be wrong…

"However, there are two questions," the doctor said quietly. "The first one is the question of the blood. There was no internal bleeding, and yet the blood seemed to come from her. This is impossible, since her type's O-Positive and the blood was B-Negative."

"Mine's B-Negative," Anders murmured. "But it couldn't have been the baby's blood, could it? You would have seen something if there was a problem…"

The doctor nodded. "We will perform more tests once she's recovered, which brings me to the second question." He cleared his throat again and his fingers played with the edges of Lucía's chart. "At the moment, she's in a state of deep sleep."

"I know," Anders said weakly.

"Her body responds to light and sound, but I don't need to tell you what we'll have to consider if this state lasts longer."

"Please," he begged. "Let me talk to her. Let me stay by her side. I can bring her back."

The doctor looked at him sadly. "I can give you four hours, but after that, she'll be moved to Critical Care."

* * *

"I've brought everything Bethany told me you needed for her," said Leandra, her voice quivering as she gave him the bag. Anders hugged her and felt her fearful sobbing against his shoulder. He wanted to ask her to stop worrying because he was going to bring her back, but he remained silent. Benoit was standing away from them, near Bethany and Donnic. "Tell me she will be okay, Anders," Leandra pleaded. "I couldn't stand losing her…"

"She will be fine. Both of them will be fine; you'll see." Anders smiled, hoping she'd believe him.

* * *

"I know you can hear me. I know that you're probably afraid. But you're not alone. I'm here, with you. I'm here, and I won't let you lose yourself, Lucía." Anders pressed her hand. "Did you hear me, Marian? Victoria? Just leave her alone... Let us be. We're trying to start again, and she... She doesn't deserve this. Lucía…" He bent forward and kissed her hand. "Wake up, sweetheart." His lips were pressed against her palm. "Come back to me."

* * *

 _A woman was watching her.  
Lucía was paralyzed. The woman's eyes were eerily cold – diamonds and moonlight. Lucía saw her coming closer to her, and then she noticed that the woman was blind. Her eyes stood out in her beautiful face, framed by raven hair. The woman stood by her and their naked shoulders met.  
_ Mors tua, vita mea.  
 _Lucía shuddered. She felt the woman's hand crawling over her belly. She tried to move away, but something was holding her.  
"No…" she managed to articulate.  
_ Non?  
 _"No," Lucía replied, this time more firmly. All of a sudden, her body felt free. She turned to look at the woman, and the woman turned towards her as well. Her eyes were closed now, but her hands touched Lucía's face.  
_ Parva spes… Sed spes…  
 _The woman was weeping now. Lucía felt anguished. The woman put her hands over Lucía's belly one more time.  
_ Memento vivere, Lucia.  
 _Lucía held the woman's hands. "I know you," she whispered. The woman smiled briefly and she let go of Lucía's hands.  
_ Festinato. Ne respicias.  
 _Lucía's eyes watched her fade from view, and she was left alone in the dark._

* * *

"I'm sorry, Doctor Devin," the doctor said, "but there's nothing we can do for her now. It's a matter of time. You can return in the morning, before we move her to the CCU. The following days will be hard. You should go home and try to get some rest tonight. I'll phone you if there's any change, don't worry."

* * *

_The plank was lowered and she ran down to meet him. Her heart was beating inside her chest as if it wanted to come out and embrace him itself. He wrapped her in his dark cloak._   
_"I wasn't sure you'd come, after what I did…"_   
_"I'll always come back to you, Anders."_   
_He smiled. "You've always given me hope, love. I'm sorry I disappointed you."_   
_"Nothing matters now," Victoria said. "Except for you and our child."_   
_The light in his eyes... This time, it was a light of his own._

_Isabela, Varric, and Fenris would sail away together for some time, until the world had quietened down. Merrill remained behind with Anders, Bethany, and Victoria. They felt responsible for her. As time went by, they took refuge in Sundermount, and they awaited the birth of the baby. The feeling of vengeance subsided in Anders, and Bethany and Merrill wandered about the forests, hunting and collecting food._

_The baby would be born soon, she knew it. One day, she asked the two women to find some elfroot for Anders. Hours went by and they did not return. Victoria ventured down the mountain, and then she saw them._

_Merrill's body hung from a tree, and Bethany had been knocked out cold and hogtied. A pyre had been set up, its purpose unmistakable. Victoria was counting the number of men. She was clearly outnumbered. She was wondering if she would have enough time to return to Anders for help when she saw him._

_His shining white armour hid the darkness in his heart. His piety and their friendship had been nothing but a ruse. The last time they had seen each other, he had said something to her; something she had not been able to forget._

"I will teach him what true justice is."

_Victoria felt the cold grip of fear, and she hurried back up the mountain._

* * *

She opened her eyes. This place... Where was she? This ceiling was unfamiliar. She looked down. That robe... She moved her hands over her belly. The baby was fine. The baby was still alive. But then, what was that feeling of dread...?

 _Anders._  His name popped up in her mind. She had to return to Anders. She had to warn him... Warn him? Yes, he needed to know... Her thoughts felt confusing, as if they weren't her own. She got on her feet and ripped the IV off her arm. She had to go back home as soon as possible. She looked around and saw the bag. She opened it and found clean clothes. She slipped into a dress and took a coat before leaving the room.

Her stealthy feet led her to the staircase. She knew this place... It had been different once, but she'd been there before. The air... It felt cool and yet, so heavy. Almost suffocating.

She tripped and almost fell.

 

_Her hands clung onto a thorny branch, and she had to bite her lips so as not to shout. She had to keep going._

 

Was this the way to their home? It did not feel familiar... But it had to be. She was closer to the exit. She could feel the cold air.

_She pushed the door and looked around frantically. "Anders!" she shouted. He was not there. She went out and round the hut. Where was he? She could not risk shouting his name outside. He was nowhere to be seen. She went back to the entrance and she found herself face to face with him._

_"You know why I'm here, Hawke. Surrender him, and I'll be gracious enough to spare your life and that of the bastard you carry."_

_A chilly gust hit her on the face. Everything turned blurry. She caught a glimpse of Bethany's bloodied face. But his face... It seemed to disappear in a crowd._

 

Lucía staggered among the people. A few people looked at her with contempt, as if she was drunk. She couldn't see them anyway. Her hands found the cold stone of the outer wall, and she leaned against it, feeling that her legs were slowly giving way.

 

_"How sad to see the mighty Champion of Kirkwall reduced to this. "They looked on what pride had wrought, and despaired."_   
_Are you despairing already, Hawke? Or will you wait till I find your precious Anders?"_   
_Victoria opened her eyes and saw Anders's light, burning furiously. No, that couldn't be... She wouldn't let him lose himself to Justice._   
_She outmanoeuvred Sebastian and managed to put some space between them, enough to reach out for her dagger and hold it against his throat. "Let Bethany go."_   
_Sebastian stared into her eyes. His hatred made her sick._   
_"Burn the maleficar," he said coldly._

 

Lucía screamed.  _Not Bethany,_  she thought.  _Please, not my sister..._

A pair of strong hands seized her from behind.

 

_Anders had screamed. Or perhaps it had been Justice. Or herself. There was a flash of lightning and Sebastian was thrown back._   
_It was too late to save Bethany, but she could still save Anders, before it was too late for him as well._   
_She felt the sting of the arrow piercing through her back. He had always been a good archer. She remembered the days that they had trained together._   
_Another sharp pang hit her, and another. She felt the ground coming closer, and in the last seconds, she saw her father's face again._

* * *

Malcolm took Lucía's limp body in his arms and carried her away.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: same as the previous two. I hope it hasn't been very confusing. (Feel free to PM me if it was!)
> 
> ~ Tevinter Lucia's words were:
> 
> "Your death, my life."
> 
> "No?"
> 
> "A little hope, but hope still..."
> 
> "Remember to live"
> 
> "Hurry. Don't look back."


	77. Guardian

Kristoff knocked on Nathaniel's door. "You've got a call," he said seriously.

"An off-schedule call? How odd. The Commander?" Nathaniel asked, putting his papers aside.

"The First," Kristoff replied, looking at his friend inquisitively. Nathaniel looked back at him in exactly the same way. The First always talked to the Wardens of Ferelden, where the Commander was, and only then would Nathaniel be informed of the missions or the updates.

He cleared his throat and took the call. "Sir? Senior Warden Nathaniel here," he said.

"Senior Warden, is there a reason why Junior Warden Carver still hasn't been released from the facilities?" the First asked impatiently. "According to my records, he should have been cleared a month ago."

Nate was taken aback by the question. "Junior Warden Carver has decided to remain here, First Warden, since his family is no longer in Tantervale and he has no home to return to. Besides, he's shown an interest in observing-"

"The boy is no scientist, Senior Warden; he has no need to  _observe_ , and he has a  _house_  to return to. I expect him to leave the premises before the weekend. Send him over to Kirkwall first, to see his family, and then back to his house in Tantervale."

Nathaniel clenched his fists. He didn't like it when plans and schedules were upset by irrational demands. What was the problem if Carver wanted to remain with them? Still, he mustered up his civility and said neutrally, "It shall be done, First Warden."

"That will be all, then," Malcolm said, and hung up. He turned around and watched his daughter sleep. It would be a dreamless sleep, if he'd done everything the right way. She needed to rest. He noticed that she wasn't wearing the amulet he'd given her. He sighed. How can you protect a girl that doesn't protect herself? His eyes landed on her belly. The scientist in him wondered what kind of creature would come out of her. Human, of course; but would it be normal or  _amenta?_  Everything pointed to the latter.

That was the scientist talking; the father in him, however, had no idea what to do. Pat her hand? Stroke her hair? Fluff her pillows? His children had never been children for him, except for a few times, before Bethany had been born. He remembered Lucía's childhood in Antiva, and those few summers spent on the Rialto Bay. He wondered if she still remembered that.

He had found her by chance. He knew that she had been hospitalized, but he'd never expected her to escape the hospital like that. He was on her way to seeing her when he'd run into her, lost and alone. If he hadn't been there, who knows what would have happened to her? A car, a mugger, a misstep; everything would have meant danger for her.  _For both of them,_  he thought.

He checked the time. If he was right, she'd wake up in half an hour. He slouched on the armchair next to the bed and rubbed his face. He could do with some sleep as well. He leaned back in the chair and tried to relax. However, the familiar sounds were not familiar anymore. He knew why. Her presence there was altering everything. Hers, or the baby's.  _Stop thinking about it,_  he told himself. His blue eyes turned to her once more. She was like a beacon to him.

Truth be told, she'd always been so. Bartrand Tethras had been right. When it came to Lucía, Malcolm had always been proud. He was aware that his relationship with the other two had become resented, but he had no regrets. Perhaps he had overreacted a few times. Perhaps he had hurt them. But they seemed to be doing fine, in spite of everything. Bethany was starting to have a life of her own, and Anders had known exactly what to do with her. And Carver… When they'd been down there, in the Roads, he'd thought Carver was going to die. In fact, he had  _expected_  him to die. But he hadn't. In spite of his recklessness, he'd survived. Still, he'd die one day, probably sooner than they thought. Becoming a Warden did not put a stopper on death – it merely delayed it. All the Wardens would die before their time. Except for him, of course.

The First Warden, and the creator of the Blight. Amenta expert, and science teacher. Gascard Quentin and Malcolm Hawke. Strith and-

"Father?"

Lucía's voice took him by surprise. She was stronger than he'd anticipated. He stood up and walked to the bed. He checked the IV line connected to her arm.

"I expect you're feeling better," he grunted.

Lucía's big eyes stared at him. "How did I get here?" She touched her chest. "I was drinking some tea, and the amulet you gave me came loose… Did I seek you out?"

"I found you on the street, outside the hospital. Anders took you there-"

"Is there something wrong with the baby?" she asked, as she touched her belly. The baby wasn't moving. She looked up to Malcolm, who turned around and fumbled in a drawer.

"Here," he said, giving her a red packet. She squinted at it. "It's not poison; just embrium candy."

"I thought you hated it," she murmured, taking the packet and putting one piece in her mouth. It was her favourite kind, the one you could only find in Rivain.

" _You_  like it, so…" he shrugged. "Once the sugar gets to the baby, it'll wake up. It's the lyrium that's keeping it asleep."

Lucía glared at him. "Wait – you're giving me  _lyrium?"_  She moved her hand over the IV, ready to pull it off.

"It's one of the components of the solution," he replied, placing his hand over hers. "It's supposed to relax both of you. It's not letting you sleep, so it needs to be calm so that you can-"

 _"He._   _He_  is not letting me sleep."

"Ah. It's a boy."

"Yes. And you two would get along infamously," she said, sitting on the edge of the bed. "He's got me dreaming the way you'd have wanted me to dream for you." She rubbed her face. "I have to go now. Anders must be looking for me."

"Stay," Malcolm said. Lucía raised her eyebrows. "It's better, for the moment. It's too dark outside for you to be wandering about in this state."

As soon as her feet touched the floor, she felt a bit dizzy. Malcolm's eyes followed her every move. "All right," she said after a while. "If I'm going to stay, will you answer my questions?"

"I'd rather not," he replied.

"I can exchange it for the information of my memories," she said.

Malcolm stared at her. "Tempting," he said. Their eyes were locked for a minute, and then he sat in the armchair. "I might answer _some_  questions."

"Why did you hurt Bethany?"

"I sometimes cannot control my strength."

"Not even with your own children?"

"Especially not with my own children. If emotions run deep,  _amenti_ usually lose control of them. Let me be a cautionary tale for what might happen to you and your husband."

"Anders is not like you," Lucía muttered. "He wouldn't hurt us. He just wants to help people."

"And does he really know how? He'll get it wrong a couple of times, Lucía. Eventually, he might learn to do things right – hopefully in this lifetime."

"Don't change the subject. You broke Beth's arm."

"And I hit Carver's head against the wall," Malcolm said quietly. "And I did things to you that I wasn't able to control. All parents make mistakes, don't they?"

Lucía scoffed. "Letting your children stay up late or allowing them to eat lots of sugar is different from what you've done to us." She saw him shrug. "What about Karl? Was he a mistake as well? Why did you torture him?"

"I only meant to bring back his memories. I shouldn't have let him out on his own in that hazy state. So yes, he was a mistake."

"Did you or did you not kill him?" Lucía demanded to know.

Malcolm's blue eyes looked down. "I didn't," he said reluctantly. "Not directly. But he would probably have died anyway."

"Do you know who did it?"

"I have my suspicions."

Lucía breathed in deeply and let the air out slowly. "Should I believe you?" she asked.

"If you are not ready for the answer, then perhaps you shouldn't ask," he replied.

Lucía watched him carefully. He didn't feel uncomfortable at all. "Gascard Quentin. Why?"

"That is my real name. _'Malcolm Hawke'_  is something I chose based on-"

"-one of the past lives," she finished. He nodded. "Before meeting Mama?"

"Precisely because I met her," he said. He sighed. "When I found her… I simply couldn't believe that she was there. I'd spent so many years searching for her, the woman in my dreams…"

"And not 'the woman  _of_  your dreams'? Did you ever love her?"

He shifted in his seat. "Does it matter now?" Lucía's eyes did not move. He sighed again. "Gascard was excited about meeting her. Perhaps Malcolm loved her. There was something there. That was a long time ago. All I remember," he said slowly, "was knowing that the two of us would make something together, something that would be worth everything." He looked at her. She looked away, blushing slightly. "So now, will you tell me what you've learned?"

* * *

"She could be anywhere!" Bethany screamed. " _HE_  could have her! She could be dying, or  _he_  could have hurt the baby-!" They'd received the call from the hospital, saying that Lucía had gone missing before she could be moved to the CCU.

"Don't you think I know that?!" Anders shouted back. "I need you to calm down – you're not helping like this!" He punched the door and his fist left a dent in the wood. Bethany went silent for a while.

"We should go out and look for her. We should call Isabela, Aveline…  _And_  Leto. Don't look at me like that. He can help. Everybody we know in this city. They will help, I'm sure."

Anders nodded reluctantly. "Print a map of the city and we'll divide it into sections." He was about to get the phone when the bell rang.

* * *

 _"So I was right," Malcolm said excitedly. "_ Sebastian. _Sebastian Vael killed you."_

 _"I know that name." Lucía frowned, trying to remember. "The Vaels…_ The Vaels of Starkhaven? _That's impossible. That's the family the Brigadier-"_

_"-Eliminated. I know." Malcolm's excitement seemed hard to contain. "When you were a child… You obviously don't remember any of this… You'd told me about him. Sebastian. You already knew this. You'd told me about it, Lucía. And I knew… I knew I had to act. I had to do something. I did business with them. The Vaels. I needed to watch them, and there he was, the boy that had killed you. And then, Anders… I told him to stay away from Ferelden. There would be no baby. But then, my actions- As soon as everything went out of control, I knew that you'd be meeting him, so there was no option. The Vaels had to go."_

_"But… It wasn't you. It was the Brigadier… Meredith Stannard caught them."_

_"I gave her everything she needed to know about them. I'd get a reprieve, and she'd get power over the region. Tit for tat."_

_"So that's why she's so interested in finding you," Lucía muttered. "So what happens now? The three of them died while they were pregnant. Lucia, Marian, Victoria. Will I die too?"_

_"One day. Just like the rest of us. But not now. Victoria's threat was eliminated. Marian's won't be a problem for the moment. Is Anders taking his medication?"_

_"I don't know," she said. "I don't think so."_

_"Make him take it, for the love of the Maker!" Malcolm said. "And Lucia… Her first child was born. It's the_ second _she died with, so you know what to do. Or what_ not _to do." He turned away and looked for something in the drawer._

_Lucía walked up to where he was standing. He was so tall, and a while ago he'd looked so much like Carver, with his intense blue stare. "Is that why you left?" she murmured. "You were trying to break the pattern. That's what you've been doing all this time. You tried to recreate it, and when you saw that you couldn't control it, you started working against it." Her eyes opened wide. "You're actually trying to protect us, aren't you? In your own, twisted way. If there's anything I can do-"_

_He looked at her. "I think it's time for you to go back home." He grabbed her by the arm and pricked her arm with a syringe, injecting the contents in her arm until her unconscious body slumped against his._

* * *

He left her on the front steps of her house. She was still asleep. He kissed her forehead and caressed her belly once more before ringing the bell. He walked down the steps and away, keeping to the shadows and not looking back, as he always did.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Alanis Morissette.


	78. Melody of You

Her eyes were open now. Her pillows. Her ceiling. Her house. She looked up and heaved a deep sigh. Her hands instinctively moved over her belly. The baby was moving quietly. The door opened slowly. Anders poked his head in. Lucía placed a finger on her lips. He nodded and left the room. She could hear him asking somebody to leave, saying that he'd call them later. Footsteps and a door closing, and then, silence. His footsteps, coming closer. He opened the door again. She'd sat up just enough to have a clear view of the room. He gazed at her and she opened her arms, inviting him to take refuge there. He cuddled against her and she stroked his hair in silence.

* * *

" _Anders._  You didn't know he's part of my family now, did you?" Carver asked Nathaniel. He'd been writing down the piece of information he'd got from Bethany.

The man sighed. "This thing of  _'families'_ ," he said. "It's always so complicated."

"Why did the Wardens use him? He's not the only medical examiner in the Free Marches. You paid him well, he and his friend, Officer Varric Tethras, to do what exactly?"

"I'm not sure who gave you this information," Nate replied, "but surely, since you know these people, they must have told you why they aided our group. I worked with them for a very short time, when I was transferred. It was the Commander who introduced me to Anders."

"Duncan?" Carver asked. Nathaniel nodded. "Anders said he had little idea why he'd been chosen. He got the job through Varric."

"I can't help you with that, I'm sorry," Nathaniel apologized. "To be honest, I don't think it's very important now. He only worked with the Wardens for a couple of months, and then apparently we stopped using external consultants."

"He's an  _amenta,"_  Carver murmured.

Nathaniel raised his eyebrows. "Ah," he just said, and he sat down across from him. "Well…" He wondered whether he should speak about it. The First Warden had said… What had he said?  _"The boy's no scientist"?_  Well, whatever  _'the boy'_  was, he was a Warden first, and a brother. "Then it might have to do with the way _amenti_  process the lyrium. It's not really harmful to them. One of us is an amenta – Velanna; remember her? She's our best Retriever, come to think of it. Oh, and so is the First Warden."

Carver shuddered inexplicably. "Have you ever met the First?"

"Not personally, no." Nathaniel shook his head. "I was found by the Commander and his Second, Alistair. Usually The First only talks to the Commanders, Duncan and Riordan. You haven't met Riordan, have you? He's actually the one responsible for this area, but at the moment, he's in Orzammar, near the border with Orlais."

"Orzammar? I thought the area was lost," Carver said.

"We thought the same, but apparently the Deep Roads go deeper than we'd thought…" Nathaniel's husky voice trailed off. Carver's eyes had hardened. "Listen… There's something I must tell you. I received a call from the First Warden himself, just now." Nathaniel played with the edge of a piece of paper. "Do you remember that we'd told you that you'd have to stay here for a year?" He saw Carver nod. "Well… The year's up. You're free to be reinserted back in Tantervale."

"Oh, I understand how to use calendars, trust me," Carver smiled. "I know I am free to go. But I don't  _need_  to do so, right? I could stay. There are just 10 of us here anyway, plenty of space."

"It's not… Look, these are the First's instructions. He wants you out of here."

Carver stared at his Senior silently. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, nothing of the kind," he replied calmly. "I don't understand it myself. But those are the instructions."

"What am I supposed to do out there?" Carver asked. "Can I at least go to Kirkwall? My family-"

Nathaniel sighed. "The instructions were clear. You're going to take a few days off in Kirkwall, where you're to visit your family. Then, you must return to your house in Tantervale. You… won't be on your own, though. Oghren's coming with you."

Carver cocked his head. "…  _What,"_  he uttered.

"He's the only one available to help you with the process of adaptation at the moment, and the First said you are to be out of here before the weekend," Nathaniel said in a rush. "He's not a bad guy, I swear. It's only for a week or two."

"The First ordered this," Carver stated. Nate nodded. "The First Warden himself. A guy we've never seen thinks it's a good idea to remove me from a place where I'm doing fine, for no particular reason." Carver snorted. "Sounds just like my father."

* * *

"You know what you're asking me to do, don't you?" Anders stroked her cheek. "And just because he said-"

"I know," Lucía interrupted him. "Trust me – nobody has more mixed feelings about this… But I wouldn't want you to become what he's turned into. I'm not saying you will end up like him," she blurted out when she saw the look of reproach in his face, "but I won't let you lose yourself, just as you promised you wouldn't let me lose myself." She kissed his cheek and he sighed.

"And I failed," he murmured. "And it terrified me. I had no idea… I thought that I'd lose you."

"It didn't happen. Let's not think about it, shall we?"

Anders's brown eyes watched her. He had dozens of questions, but other things were more important. "I've already let the hospital know that you're here, and that you're fine. They'll be sending a visiting GP. You stay here and rest. I'll make something to eat." He smiled, kissed her, and got up. Lucía smiled as he walked out of the room, and she rested against her pillows.

* * *

**_Kirkwall – the year 934 of the Dark Age_ **

_"I don't understand why he spends so much time with us," Varric muttered. "Has he set his eyes on any of you, ladies?"  
_ _"I wish," Isabela purred. "I'm willing to bet that his body, covered by that pruddish Andraste armour, is one of the sweetest things in this world. But sadly, I think he's got his eye on someone else."  
_ _"Ah, you heard that too, didn't you?" Varric asked. "What was it? Something about his mother saying the Amells were the best in Kirkwall?"  
_ _"Well, He certainly hasn't got his eye on me. The only eye that he's got on me is the Evil Eye," Merrill muttered.  
_ _"Poor kitten," Isabela patted her. "I'd be interested in seeing his eye, though. The naughty one."  
_ _Victoria and Varric rolled her eyes. She looked at Sebastian from afar. "He's got Fenris," she murmured. "I'd better go save him before he joins the Chantry."  
_ _"I thought you didn't care about the elf," Varric said. "What will Blondie say?"  
_ _"I've already got what I wanted from Fenris, and he's proven to be a good friend. Besides, Anders trusts me," Victoria smiled. They walked towards the men, who were drinking at a separate table.  
_ _"It was not the Maker who enslaved you, Fenris," Sebastian was saying.  
_ _"True. But I don't think He helped me much, either," the elf replied. "Other people did."  
_ _"Still, you stand here, free." Sebastian smiled. "Perhaps those people were sent by the Maker. I'm sure He helped you more than you think."  
_ _"It wasn't the Maker," a voice blurted out from behind. The elf and the brother turned around to see Anders standing there. "He freed himself. If the Maker did anything, He_ watched. _Why should Fenris thank Him for that?"  
_ _Victoria was looking at Fenris, whose eyes were wide open in disbelief.  
_ _Sebastian turned to face Anders. "You always seem so angry, Anders. Did something happen to you in the Circle? We heard of that blood mage – Uldred, was it?"  
_ _"Are you saying a mage can only be unhappy in the Circle if demons are involved?" Victoria replied. Sebastian's blue eyes landed on hers.  
_ _"It's not only about being abused by the Templars; it's a larger principle, Sebastian," Anders said, standing beside her. "It's about the freedom that everyone born in Thedas should have. Freedom is a right."  
_ _Sebastian shuffled in his seat. "You were given to the Circle much in the same way that I was given to the Chantry. The Blight drove Hawke's family away from Lothering. None of us are_ free."  
 _"What about elves?" Fenris asked. "Your Andraste preached freedom and tried to fight the Imperium to end slavery. You humans seem to regard Her highly, but you still consider elves to be a lesser race and keep them in your alienages."  
_ _"Your Chantry preaches tolerance, Sebastian," Anders said, "but does not practice inclusion."  
_ _Victoria's fingers found Anders's hands. She felt his fingers, warm and familiar, entwining hers. Sebastian saw that and looked away._ __  


* * *

"So that's your final answer, brother?" Bartrand asked.

"You knew that would be my answer when we met in the Roads,  _brother."_  Varric's voice sounded harder than usual. Bianca was watching him from her armchair. She was heavy and slow, since the baby would be born in a few days. She'd been reading a story for Enya but now both of them were silent, as if they had some silent arrangement.

"Fair enough," Bartrand said. "Good luck with the birth of your baby boy." He hung up.

For the next few seconds, a strange feeling ran through Varric. He hadn't felt it for a long time, since he'd been down there.

Fear.

* * *

They had dinner and talked about baby names. Lucía explained why Nicholas wasn't an option anymore  _("I don't want another Nico in my life")_  and Anders understood.

"Who would have thought that picking a name would be so difficult?" Lucía groaned. "Help me out here, or I'll call him Iñigo." Anders wrinkled his nose and she laughed. "What? No Antivan names? Well then, what do you suggest?"

"How about Ethan? Ethan Devin. Sounds good, don't you think?"

"It does sound nice, yeah. What does it mean?"

"We can check." He sat at his desk and looked for it. After a short while he said, "Here it says  _'strong'_. Well, what do you know? We may have found our name." He smiled at her. She was looking down. He crouched next to her. He placed his hands over the belly and kissed it as she stroked his hair. The baby seemed to stir softly. "I don't want to wake him up. Let's hope he lets you sleep tonight. Which reminds me…" He stood up and went to get his coat. He returned with the amulet and placed it around her neck. "Let's go get some rest, love."

* * *

_**Kirkwall – the year 937 of the Dark Age** _

_She had finished fixing the strings of her bows when she heard a tune coming from the kitchen and a guffaw. She walked towards the voices and heard Anders saying, "… And now we store it in this bottle."  
_ _"Flask!" Sandal said.  
_ _"You know, your ideas are always much better than mine." Anders smiled. He had seen her standing at the door. "Come in, sweetheart! You must taste this."  
_ _She took a look at the dirty pots and the messy kitchen and sighed. Still, whatever he had prepared smelled divine. She took the spoon he'd given her and licked it.  
_ _"What is this?" she murmured. "It's the most delicious thing I've ever tasted."  
_ _"Embrium jam," Anders replied proudly. "I learned to make the liquor when I was in the Circle, but I figured that in your state, we should avoid-"  
_ _"You know," she whispered.  
_ _He smiled at her. "I can only hope." He frowned and looked away. "That reminds me… We don't have much time. I think we can leave for the mine tomorrow to retrieve the drakestone, can't we?"  
_ _"Of course," she said distractedly, as she took another spoonful of jam._ __  


* * *

_Drakestone._

Lucía opened her eyes. Anders was sleeping soundly next to her. The baby had started moving. Her fingers found the amulet.  _Drakestone._  She'd have to find out what that was.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Sixpence None the Richer


	79. Loser

Carver turned the key and put his hand on the doorknob. He hesitated briefly.

"What're you waitin' for?" Oghren grunted behind him. "I gotta relieve the snake, lad. Open it already."

Carver rolled his eyes and opened the door. The house was dark and cold, completely different from what he remembered. Then it hit him. He'd never been there. Bethany had described the place for him when they'd bought it, and his family had barely lived there before moving to Kirkwall. He left his rucksack on the floor and felt Oghren run past him.

"You don't even know where the bathroom is!" Carver shouted. He heard the man opening and closing several doors. "At least hold on till I find the panel – I don't want my first view of the house to be that of a piss parade!" Rushed footsteps and more doors opening. Carver shook his head. He located the kitchen and found the electrical panel in the pantry. He switched on the lights and looked around. The kitchen was small but comfortable. He ran his fingers over the table distractedly and was greeted by the sting of a splinter.

He looked at his finger. A  _splinter,_  and now that the women were gone, there were no tweezers in the house.

He sighed.

* * *

A few days had gone by, and even though Oghren's presence hadn't been a complete burden, Carver found himself wishing he was left alone. He'd never thought himself as a delicate kind of guy, but his housemate certainly appeared to be the epitome of sloppiness.

Carver watched Oghren eat. For once in his life, he felt like a total gentleman, and he was sure Bethany would have died if she'd seen Oghren at the moment. That man could be disgusting. His knife and fork had barely been touched. He'd licked the bones of the steaks clean; he slurped the ale and wiped his lips with the inside of the bread, which he then proceeded to eat.

Oghren belched loudly. "You're not a bad cook, Junior – I'll give you that," he grunted.

Carver blinked. "Thanks," he muttered, and picked up his fork to go on eating. A pungent smell hit him, making him gag. "What's that-  _Ugh,_  you're..." He stood up and opened the windows. He rested his hands against the sill. "Why do you have to be such a pig?"

"Bah… You're startin' to sound like that little blighter, Howe." Oghren picked some food caught between his teeth with his index finger and leaned back in his chair.

"Who's Howe?" Carver said, turning around.

"Nathaniel. Y'know... Before he was  _just_  Nathaniel, he was a Howe."

Carver frowned. "Howe… Like the Minister of Commerce?"

"Exactly like that," Oghren said.

"Any connection?"

"His son."

Carver stared at Oghren. " _My Senior_  is the son of the Minister of Commerce?"

 _"Was,"_  Oghren corrected him, clearing his throat. "As you know, once we become Wardens, our family ties are cut. Sure, we can keep seeing them… If they're willing to see us." He stood up and walked out of the room. Carver followed him.

"Tell me about the others," he asked.

"Some other day," Oghren said, and closed the door behind him.

* * *

Leto rolled his eyes. He was sitting across from Isabela and Zevran, and he'd had to endure her giggling and his eyebrow wiggling for the whole meal.

"We should go on a double date!" Isabela whispered, as soon as Zevran had walked away to get the dessert. "I can hook you up with one of the girls. Ooh, that redhead in the Border Protection department! I've heard she's got her eye on you."

"I don't want drama, Isabela," Leto replied. "Besides, it would be better if you two didn't go around showing the world you're dating. You know what can happen if they find out."

"The fact that Zev's an exchange officer helps a lot," she shrugged.

"He's still your superior. He might not get in trouble, but he might get  _you_  in trouble."

"Oh? And how exactly would I do that, my dear Fenris?" Zevran's amused voice next to Leto's ear made him jump. "Such a scaredy cat. Don't worry, I don't bite. Much." He sat down and fixed his amber eyes on Leto's green ones. "Now, what is going on?"

"Leto doesn't want to go on a double date with us," Isabela replied, taking the cups of chocolate mousse from his hands and giving one to Leto. "I told him about that girl, the redhead-"

"Idunna? Lovely girl, my friend," Zevran chuckled.

"Beautiful breasts," Isabela added.

Zevran shot a glance at her. "And this is why I like you," he said with a smile.

Leto shook his head. "Not interested, sorry."

Zevran cocked his head. "What's the deal with you? Is your heart still broken over someone?"

"It's complicated," Isabela sighed.

"I hope it wasn't over you," Zevran said, looking at her. "I'd hate to bring drama into your friendship. You two get along rather well."

"Nah, he's in love with a married woman."

"The scandal!" Zevran gasped. "But do tell me more."

"I'm still here, you know!" Leto said, flustered. Isabela and Zevran chortled. "You two are impossible! It's like talking to children, for the love of the Maker." He stood up and left them behind. As he was walking away, his phone buzzed. A message from Anders.  _"I need to ask a favour."_ He frowned.

"Come back!" Isabela said, laughing. Her mobile phone started ringing. She took a look at the display and sighed. "Donnic, what is it? Oh, Bethany! I just saw my brother's number and I thought- _Here?"_  Isabela frowned. "Why? All right, I'll meet you at the entrance."

"Something wrong?" Zevran asked.

"Something fishy. My brother and his girlfriend are here at the Gallows and they want to see me. I don't like this," she muttered.

* * *

They were standing in the backyard. "Why don't you show me what you've got?" Oghren said. He was only wearing his pants. Barefoot, he looked even shorter but stockier. Carver stood in front of him, a look of disbelief in his face.

"You want me to wrestle you?" Carver asked.

Oghren crossed his arms over the chest. "Why, big boy? D'you think I'm not good enough for you?"

Carver raised his hands and smiled. "All right, but don't say I didn't warn you." He walked towards Oghren, bent his knees, and brought his hands up. Oghren didn't move.  _This is ridiculous,_  Carver thought, before jabbing him to his face. Oghren slipped outside surprisingly fast and hit the side of Carver's neck, stunning him. Carver fell on his knees.

"What was that?" he panted.

"Your poor defence," Oghren sniffled and went back to where he'd been standing. Carver swiftly extended his right leg and pivoted his body around, hoping to hit Oghren's knees. Oghren caught the leg in his hands and twisted it, making Carver groan.

"Aw, come on," Oghren said. "You're no sissy, are ya?" He let go of Carver's leg and looked at his housemate. "You lack technique, and you're definitely predictable."

Carver sat down and looked up at the stocky man. "Is that why Nathaniel sent you?"

"A little bit of this, a little bit of that," Oghren shrugged.

"Were you a big shot too?" he asked.

"Whatddya mean?"

"Nate was one. Son of a Minister. Were you one as well?"

Oghren grunted and went inside. Carver lay down on the grass and stared up at the sky. It was a grey day, like many others in Tantervale. A can of ale landed on his stomach. He sat up and saw Oghren holding a six-pack and a chair. Carver spun around and looked at the short man.

"My father was General Kondrat. Yeah, the same," he said when he saw Carver's eyes grow wide. "Governor of Kal-Sharok. I had a privileged life. Got everything I wanted. Served me right in the end. He got rid of me when I started doing lyrium. He was right, I guess. I mean, first I lost my wife to it, and then  _I_  got hooked. Idiot." He took a swig and looked at Carver. "Velanna? Her family's Ilshae, as in Ilshae Star, the oil drilling company. Kristoff's a Van Stauthem…"

"As in Stauthem Laboratories?" Carver asked.

Oghren nodded. "There's a rumour… Some say the Commander's Second is a Theirin. A bastard, but still…"

"The late President's-? No, I don't believe that." Carver shook his head. "But… That would be a hell of a coincidence, wouldn't it… I mean, our income comes from  _somewhere_. Do you think the families paid for their children to be taken in?"

"Hah! I'm not sure my old man would pay anything for me. Unless it meant to have any record of my existence erased."

"I guess you're right," Carver chuckled. "After all, they take nobodies. Look at me," he smiled. "I'm just the son of a…" He frowned.

"What? Penny dropped?" Oghren said, holding his can. "Father's a big shot too?"

"More of a loser," Carver muttered. "A scientist."

"Those don't usually have money. Bah," Oghren said. "There must be more than that."

Carver nursed his ale. "I'm not sure if I'd want it to be so."

"Well," Oghren said, opening another can. "Things can always change, y'know. It's all about what you can do, not where you come from. Come on, drink up and I'll kick your butt again."

* * *

"I'm surprised," Leto said. "Nobody else was available, right?"

"You know me so well," Anders smiled weakly. "Leandra's away with Benoit, Bethany will accompany Donnic, and Carver's in the middle of his home adjustment period. I won't be away more than a week, and she's not actually afraid of staying on her own, but…" He stared down at his hands. "I haven't exactly told her why I'm going to Starkhaven. I told her there had been some complications, but…"

"Yeah, I guess it would be hard to tell her what happened, considering her state," Leto agreed. "So… I should keep an eye on her and drive her to Tantervale on the weekend?" Anders nodded. "And if she asks me-"

"She won't," Anders murmured. "She knows there's something wrong, but she's not stupid. She won't ask what she doesn't want to know."

"Poor Varric," Leto said, shaking his head. "Such a good guy…"

"Indeed." Anders looked at his watch. "The train's leaving in an hour. Lucía knows you'll be calling her tonight, so…" He stood up and left some money on the table. "I… Well, thank you."

"No problem," Leto said before Anders left the café. "No problem at all."

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Beck. This chapter takes place around 10 days after the previous one.


	80. Mrs. Jesus (Part One)

"Hi," Leto waved shyly.

Lucía blinked. "I thought you'd be calling, not that you'd be coming over _."_

"I've got a date later on, in the area." He coughed. "I thought I could see how you were doing and if you needed something."

"Oh, I see… I'm fine." She smiled.

"Glad to hear that," he replied, standing there.

"Er... Is it a dinner date? Because you could stay over for dinner, and then leave when the time's right. If it's not a problem," Lucía added. "I wouldn't want you to be late."

Leto nodded. "I can stay, if that's what you want."

He watched her finish with the preparation of the meal. Her movements were slow but not clumsy. To him, it looked as if she was a creature of water – flowing, fresh and smooth. He asked her about the baby and her work, the only topics he felt comfortable discussing, and she obliged. As they had dinner together, he remembered the night they'd shared those dishes at that Nevarran restaurant back in Tantervale, when her look was light-hearted and his heart was hopeful. There was no wine this time, but it was just as if time had not passed. He'd missed her laughter. Her cooking was not great –too many spices for his taste– but he enjoyed it anyway. Of course, he knew why.

"Hello? Am I boring you?"

Leto lifted his eyes. There she was, smiling at him. She wasn't oblivious to his feelings. Why was she being nice to him?  _Because you keep insisting, you idiot,_  a voice told him.  _And she's too kind to tell you to fuck off._  "No, I'm… Just thinking about my date," he said, taking a look at his watch. "It's pretty late. Maybe I should cancel it."

"Oh no… I'm terribly sorry!" she said, wincing. "I lost track of time. You can take the car if-"

"It's alright," he smiled as he took out his phone. "I'll reschedule."

Lucía looked at him for a few seconds. "As you wish," she murmured, and took the dishes to the kitchen. Leto watched her go and looked at his mobile phone. He smirked. Of course she knew there was no date. She was just playing along. He'd seen it in her eyes.

He had to leave. There was no other choice. This wasn't his place.

"If you're staying, wanna have some tea?" Her voice came from the kitchen, clear and warm.

"Yes!" he replied.

* * *

Anders's steps echoed in the hallway as he walked to their meeting point. He stopped as soon as he got to the maternity floor. He opened his mouth but no words came out.

Varric turned towards him. Anders had never seen him like this. His reddened eyes seemed dull and he seemed to have aged a decade since they'd last seen each other. Varric shrugged and tried to smile, but his lips trembled.

"Blondie…" he murmured.

Anders hugged him in silence.

* * *

Sitting outside the nursery, Bethany watched Donnic talk to a nurse. Against all odds, he hadn't cried. He'd just gone unusually quiet. "My sister died this morning," he'd just said, and he'd clammed up. Bethany had hugged him;  _she_  had shed some tears – he had remained impassive. She'd wanted to comfort him somehow, but what could she say? There had been no meaningful loss in her life. Even though at first it had seemed as if they'd lost Carver, he was alive. She'd liked Karl, yes, but this was different.

Isabela was holding Enya's little hand in hers; she'd taken the girl for a walk around the hospital. Enya had just started to walk – she was thirteen months old and already was the spitting image of her mother. Bethany felt sorry for her. She just couldn't imagine her life without a mother. As far as she could remember, Leandra had always been there for her, even during those days in which everything had seemed colourless and confusing.

"Bethany."

She raised her eyes. Donnic was standing near her, offering his hand. She took it and he led her towards the window. The nurse he'd been talking to was holding a little bundle. Wrapped in a blanket was the sweetest face that Bethany had ever seen. Something in her seemed to awaken, and she knew that one day she'd have a baby of her own.

"What's his name?" she asked softly.

"I have no idea. Varric hasn't paid much attention to him yet. He…" Donnic tried to find the right words. "He doesn't seem to care much. He said,  _'Whatever'_."

"Finn," Isabela said firmly. "His name will be Finn. Finn Tethras. Or Finn Hendyr, if he refuses to be a father."

"I don't think he meant-" Bethany started to say, but Donnic interrupted her.

"Give him time, Isabela," he asked his sister. "It's… It can't be easy."

Isabela's eyes turned to her brother. Bethany could see that she'd been crying, but now her makeup was back to flawless. Her usually relaxed mouth was shut tight in a display of self-control that was obvious to those who knew her. And yet, the hand that was holding Enya's was gentle. The little girl was holding on to Isabela's jeans and Donnic's trousers, babbling for her father. Bethany's eyes turned to the newborn once again and wondered how Varric would manage with the two kids now that he'd be on his own.

"Why don't we take Enya home? It's too late for her to be up," Donnic murmured, patting the girl's head awkwardly. Enya giggled and buried her face in her aunt's leg. Isabela picked her up and nodded silently.

* * *

Anders signed the form and the nurse took it away. He looked at Varric's back. "I'll be giving you some time, Var. I'll be right outside if you need anything."

Varric heard him walk out of the morgue. His eyes wandered about the room, wanting and yet not wanting to focus on the body lying on the table. He breathed in and let it out slowly. He rubbed his face vigorously and then placed his hands behind his head. He looked at the ceiling. He wouldn't do it. He couldn't bring himself to look upon her. That was not her. That was not real. He closed his eyes and tried to think, tried to remember… Their house, their children – that was certain, that was true. If he retraced his steps all the way to that morning – _how long ago now? 20 hours and 16 minutes, approximately_ – he might understand…

It didn't make sense. He refused to believe it. Whatever was lying there on the table was not… It was not her. Anders was there, somewhere out there, just like the old times. That had to be it. Going back in time and having the chance to do it all over again. It wouldn't take him 6 years to get her to go out with him. He would work for it. He would eliminate all those meaningless relationships and tell her that they were meant to be together. He wouldn't go to the Deep Roads. He would say no, even if it meant losing his job. Losing anything would be nothing compared to-

His eyes landed on the sole of her feet. He swallowed hard and stared at them, mesmerized. They were pale and looked soft, except for a spot on the inside of her left foot.

 _"I tell you, walking on the sand is the best foot exfoliation you can get! Why pay lots of money for something as simple and natural as this?"_  
"I don't know whether I should kiss you for being so practical, or laugh at you for being so cheap."  
"It's not being cheap, silly!"  
"Well, in case you haven't noticed, this honeymoon was more expensive than any of those treatments."  
"A perfect reason why you should take off those flip flops and enjoy!"  
She let go of his hand and walked towards the sea, the waves of the Venefication licking her ankles playfully as she waded through some shallow parts.

Varric's eyes read the words on the band around her ankle. Her name. He passed his fingers through his hair, feeling their life together crumbling down around him.

He wanted to cover her. Her nudity was not a problem, but she looked so vulnerable, so fragile… That was not the woman he'd known. His woman was strong. She was cheerful. She was full of life. She was not a shell. She was not that pale body.

His fingers brushed her left arm. He withdrew his hand quickly. Cold, so cold. Her body irradiated a foreign vibe that his fingers could not recognize. He held his breath and ran his fingertips over her arm, trying to find her in that place. Her flesh. Her chest; her breasts, the ones that had been readied for receiving another child, and her arms…

 _"Shhhhh… I'm here, love." She was holding him in the dark. It had been the third nightmare that week. "I'm here, Varric." He felt her warm breath over the back of his neck. His head lay on her lap, feeling her warmth, clutching to her life as if it was his own. He wrapped his arms around her legs and felt her hands stroking his back. "I'm not going anywhere. You're home now. You're with us."_  
"I thought I'd never see you again," he murmured.  
"But you have," she said softly. "And now we'll have a long life together. You, me, Enya, and who knows how many more will come. We've got so many years ahead…" she said dreamily.

Varric kissed her forehead and wiped away a drop of water that was rolling down her quiet face. He looked up at the ceiling before realizing what that meant. When he did, he covered his eyes with one of his hands –she'd always mentioned how big they are, and how little hers looked between them– and tried to fight back the tears. If he did, maybe that wouldn't be real. If he could do so…

But he knew better.

* * *

"I'll stay," Varric said, kindly but firmly. Anders nodded and turned on the voice recorder.

"The date is December 25, 2029. This is Doctor Anders Devin, acting as medical examiner, and I will be undertaking the procedure of a forensic autopsy on Bianca Hendyr Tethras at the request of her husband, Captain Varric Tethras, on suspicion of criminal death."

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Tori Amos. Part Two will bring the resolution of this plus Isabela, but it will focus mostly on Lucía and Merrill. 
> 
> Trivia: it is said that this song is the female counterpart of "Pancake", which I used some chapters ago to deal with the men of the story.


	81. Mrs. Jesus (Part Two)

"Under her breast?"

"A very discreet prick; it was only a matter of seconds." Anders scrubbed his hands once more. "Of course it would look like a heart attack. You'll need a record of the nurses on the floor, and access to the camera-"

"I know what I have to get; it's my job," Varric growled. Anders remained silent. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"It's alright, I understand." He dried his hands. "I don't know what I'd do, were I in your situation. But I know you, Varric. I can read you. I assume you know who's behind this?"

"I do."

"Is this something I should know? Do you think it's connected to Karl's-?"

"I don't know, Blondie."

"I just want to know if Lucía might be in trouble as well." Anders looked at his friend once more. "Listen... Don't forget what I said about the ruptured aneurysm."

"Was it one thing or the other? I need you to be completely sure here, Anders," Varric demanded.

"I  _am_  sure. Induced air embolism. But a natural delivery might have killed her all the same."

* * *

"You're a terrible singer, did you know that?" Leto snickered.

"Oh, shut up and pay attention to the road," Lucía laughed, hitting him on the arm. The road to Tantervale was a quiet one, especially since most of the travelers would be going in the opposite direction, to spend the week of holidays around First Day in Kirkwall.

Lucía's phone rang. She took a look at the display and answered. "Heeey…" Leto was not oblivious to the softness of her voice. He gripped the wheel and sped up. "How's he doing? … Yes, I can imagine… Of course… Ah… Well then… Take all the time you need, yes? … Yes, I'm fine… I'm not sure; I think we've just went past-"

"Wildervale," Leto said. "Say hi."

"Past Wildervale, yes. Leto says hi. He says hi as well," Lucía said. "… Yes, he's a careful driver. Much more careful than you, so don't worry… All right then, I'll call you when we get there… You take care. … Me too. Bye. Well," she said to Leto, "he'll be staying with Varric for a few days, and then he's got to travel to Seheron for a week."

"Will he leave you alone again, then?"

Lucía sighed. "He's very committed to the cause."

Leto wanted to say something about it, but he realized that nothing would change and she'd feel worse if he did. "I don't think I'm a particularly careful driver," he finally said, his eyes fixed on the road.

"Then you haven't seen Anders drive," Lucía chuckled.

"I have; that day we took you to the hospital. Varric's wedding."

"Then I don't remember," she said.

"I just thought he drove that way because it was an emergency."

"Varric's wedding... Poor Bianca," she sighed.

"Indeed," he replied softly, lost in the memory of that day.

Both went silent for a while, for different reasons.

* * *

"So, you'll be staying in the small bedroom downstairs," Carver said, carrying Lucía's bag. "I thought you wouldn't want to climb up with that belly."

"My legs are grateful," Lucía said. Carver shot a glance at Oghren, expecting him to make one of his jokes, but Oghren remained silent, simply watching the scene from the couch. "Leto's staying over for the weekend, if that's okay with you?"

Carver nodded. "You mentioned it on the phone. Sure, no problem. He'll stay in your room, then." Lucía and Leto stared at him. "Not… Not in your room  _now_ ; in the room that would have been yours. Seriously, people," he said angrily and walked towards the little bedroom.

"That would be the first one to your right," Lucía told Leto, who swiftly climbed the stairs and disappeared with his own bag.

"The kid's a grumpy one, but he's not bad," Oghren said to Lucía, watching her closely.

"Oh, I know," she smiled and sat in the armchair next to him. "So, how's he been doing? Any nightmares?"

Oghren squinted. "Nightmares?"

"Well, I was hoping you could tell me if that had been the case. Being exposed to raw lyrium might have changed his sleeping habits. He didn't use to dream before, but my guess is that he does now. Am I right?"

He stared at her for a while. "Three this week."

"I thought so," she murmured, reaching out for a glass of juice that Carver had prepared for her and her medallion was left exposed. "And he's not taking the medication, is he?" She saw Oghren shifting in the couch.

"Your clothes are on the first two shelves. Why did you bring the baby bag? You're not having the baby for at least another month, are you?" Carver's voice seemed distressed.

"Brother…" She smiled. "You can handle the Deep Roads but you can't handle a little baby?"

"Nah. It's just that I wanted to get you some things for him. You know… Baby stuff."

"Isn't he sweet?" Lucía smiled, holding her brother's hand. "Oh, I almost forgot! There are a few things for you in that black bag that I brought. You decide if you want to keep them." She watched Carver leave for the room and turned to Oghren once more. "The medication."

"That's red lyrium around your neck, isn't it?" he blurted out. They stared at each other in silence. "You're the sister that went down there with him, right? The one who blew up-"

"I can always ask him directly, you know," she interrupted.

"But you won't, or you would have done it already," Oghren replied. "Tit for tat."

Lucía smiled. "Fair enough. Yes, it's red lyrium. Helps me sleep better."

Oghren rubbed his chest. "I was wondering what was giving me the willies. That's not stuff you just come across; where-?"

"The medication?" Lucía asked softly.

"He's not taking it. His Senior didn't think it was necessary. He manages without it, and it's always better not to take more of that stuff."

"Got it," she nodded. Oghren stood up, excused himself, and went to his room.

* * *

"Stop avoiding me, Varric," Isabela said, standing before him. She took the glass of whiskey from his hands and drank the rest of the contents. "You don't want to eat, you haven't been sleeping; all you do is mope around the room. You haven't even held your baby, for fuck's sake!"

"Don't give me this shit now, Isabela," he grunted, walking to the cabinet.

"No! You don't get to drink anymore, Varric Tethras. I understand this is hard. She was my sister. But this is not what you'd be doing if she was alive."

"Of course it isn't," he snorted. "Why do you think I'm doing it?"

"You know what I mean. If she saw you like this…" Isabela leaned against the couch. "She loved you, Varric. She was so proud of you. She always talked about what a great father you were for Enya. She's looking for you, you know? Your daughter's out there, wondering where her father went. She's not calling for Bianca," she said softly. "She's waiting for you."

Varric sighed. "I can't be a father now. I can't be anything right now."

"How long do you need, then?"

"What kind of question is that?"

Isabela sat down. She looked at her hands. There was a green stain on her sleeve; mashed veggies she'd prepared for Enya. Her hair smelled of baby puke, courtesy of Finn, who was having a hard time digesting the formula. She was exhausted, both physically and mentally. She smiled. "I'll stay."

"What does that mean?" Varric blinked.

"I'll stay, for as long as you need. I'll take care of them."

"You have a job to go back to."

"Screw my job. I'll stay. There's no way I'd leave those two alone with you. And if I lose my job, well… I can always get another. Or better yet, I could ask for relocation here."

"You do ports. We're far from the sea," Varric sighed. "Besides, I thought Bianca had said you were seeing someone?"

Isabela hesitated. "Zevran, yes… Oh shit, I'd forgotten about that. Still, it's not that we're serious or anything. I mean, we don't… He hasn't... We've never…" She looked at Varric; even in the dim light, she could see that he was smirking. "You like messing with me, don't you." She smiled.

"Look, I really appreciate the offer, but it's as you said. Bianca wouldn't have wanted that for you either. She was happy for you, you know? She told me how fond you sounded of that guy. Whatever it is you want to do, don't give up on him just because you don't know how serious your relationship is."

"I don't want to label what we have," she murmured. "I tried to do that with Leto and it wasn't good. Shit, it was especially bad for him. If I hadn't pushed him-"

"Maybe that was bound to happen." Varric sat down next to her, breathing out slowly. "Give me a couple of days. I've got a few things to sort out before I can sit down and relax."

"I thought you were doing that already," she smiled.

"For the moment. I've got some work to do," he replied, sipping his drink and looking ahead.

* * *

"Jooohn! John, stop reading! We'll be late for the temple. You'll have to bring Paul back home today; I have to work the afternoon shift!" Merrill struggled with the buckle of her belt as she stretched her leg to try to find the shoe under her bed. She gave up and knelt down on the washed-out carpet. "Jooohn! Where-?"

"There's a funny smell coming from the kitchen," a voice said behind her.

"The stew!" she cried, raising her disheveled head. "Paul, can you get that shoe-?" The boy was gone. Before she got to the kitchen, she heard the sound of a lid clanking on the floor. Her little brother had burned himself with the steam of the pot and was pouting. "Oh no… I'm sorry, dear," she said. She took him by the hand and put his wrist under the spray of cold water. "It will be better soon, you'll see." She kissed his forehead and he rested his head against her chest, sobbing quietly.

"What happened?" Another boy came in. His reddish hair had been carefully combed, and his blue eyes, hidden behind his cheap glasses, watched the scene going on.

"Just a little accident, that's all," Merrill answered. "You look nice, John. Could you bring me the cold salve that I keep in the plastic bag in the fridge? How's it going, Paul? Feeling better?"

"A little," the boy sobbed. He was 8 years old and had Merrill's chestnut hair. The only good eye that he had was green like hers; the other was gone. Merrill had agreed to let him wear his fringe long to cover the scar that crossed and sealed his right eyelid.

"Here you are, sister," John said, giving her the salve.

"Thank you, dear. Could you turn off the fire? Now, Paul… Let's see. You're going to feel a little sting, but I promise that it will feel better by the end of the day; do you believe me?" She smiled and saw him nod. She opened the pot and looked at the contents. She was running low. She breathed in and took a little salve, spreading it over the burn with her fingertips. Paul winced and started to whine, but Merrill shushed him softly. Once she had finished, she unwrapped one of the clean bandages around her wrist and wrapped it around her brother's. "There we go. Such a brave boy," she said, kissing him on the cheek.

Her brother sniffled and looked down. He lifted his hand and touched her scars gently. "Will my burn leave a mark like yours?" he asked.

Merrill looked at the thick marks crossing her wrists. "No, dear. Yours will disappear. Mine are there to remind me of some things. You know how silly I am sometimes."

"Let's get your book, Paul," John said, taking his younger brother away. Merrill looked down at her cut marks and sighed. She'd have to get new bandages. She could wear a wristband. She looked at the clock on the wall. 10.30. For a moment she considered calling in sick –she'd worked the night shift at the cafeteria and she'd only slept for two hours before getting up to cook for her brothers-, but working on a Sunday meant she'd be able to pay off John's computer, something he needed for school rather badly.

"Chin up, Merrill," she told herself, and put a smile on her face.

* * *

"This is the shop," Carver said. "They've got expensive things, but your kid deserves the best, right?" He elbowed his sister playfully.

Lucía looked at the shop window. "Mama would kill you if she heard you say that. Expensive's not always good. Oh, I know the shop assistant! Was it Mary? No; Mer... Merrill. Always with her head in the clouds, that one. Come on, let's head in."

...


	82. Love is a Losing Game

The bell jingled as Lucía and Carver entered the store. Merrill was about to greet them when she recognized her old patron.

"Lucía? Long time no-!  _Maker,_  you're  _huuuge!"_  Merrill's eyes opened like platters as she bent down to look at Lucía's belly. "When are you due?"

"If everything goes fine, I still have two weeks. Did you quit working at the café?"

"Oh no!" She waved her hands excitedly. "I work the night shift there, and the afternoons here."

"Two jobs? Impressive," Carver said, his eyes wandering off to the toy section.

"Well… Three, actually." She scratched her head. "But the third one's for a catering company, so it's mostly during the weekends. You must let me get you something, Lucía! Choose something from the shop – that will be my present."

Lucía smiled. "Oh, there's no need. My brother is more than eager to spend money. We shouldn't take that pleasure away from him."

"Nonsense. You were always a good tipper." Merrill smiled. "I was wondering what had happened to you. One day you were just gone."

"I didn't even have time to say good-bye, I know. Rather rude of me. I'm living in Kirkwall now, but Carver's just moved back to Tantervale."

"I thought he looked familiar. I think he came to the café once or twice with you, right?" Merrill's eyes landed on Carver's fascinated face. He was checking out some crib toys and interactive books, ravished with delight. "Erm... How old is he?"

Lucía laughed. "Young enough to enjoy the toys, I think. He's 24. But between you, me, and the walls, men rarely grow up."

"Oh, surely that's not true. If they didn't grow up, this would be a much more peaceful land. They really need to play more and fight less."

"Er… I think I broke this," Carver murmured, holding the legs of a puppy in his hands.

"No, you didn't. I'll show you how it works," Merrill smiled.

Lucía watched them distractedly as she browsed through the shelves.

* * *

"I didn't imply anything. I'm just surprised that Anders lets you near her," Carver shrugged as he kept an eye on the bacon and poured the water for Lucía's morning tea. Leto was standing around, toasting bread and spreading jam on each of the pieces.

"Why wouldn't he? He knows I'm not going to try to win her over or something of the kind. We're family."

"Yeaaah, don't try to feed me that… I think you haven't done it because you know she'd say no, not because he's your cousin, but… Whatever floats your boat. I mean, if the girl I liked was with another guy-"

 _"Love._ Not 'like'."

Carver looked back at Leto. Leto was scowling. Carver snorted.

"Man, that's… even more pathetic."

"No need to hide it. She knows it, Anders knows it; everybody knows it." Leto shrugged. "Someone's got to be the underdog, right?" He took the platter to the garden table, where Lucía and Oghren were talking in hushed voices.

"Guys… You didn't need to do this!" she awwed. "If you'd given me a couple of minutes, I would have done it for you!"

"Someone's making a point of treating you like a queen," Oghren sniggered. Leto's green eyes pierced through the short man's head.

"And of course that would be me," Carver said quickly as he came out to the garden, carrying the eggs and the bacon. "After all, my sister always gets to be the queen, in all the scenarios." He patted Lucía's head condescendingly and sat down beside her. "So, what are the plans for the day? Picnic? Movies? Shopping? Resting?"

"Resting sounds just fine," Lucía sighed. "It's getting harder to move around with this little fellow. If you guys want to do something, go ahead."

"We have some jogging to do. I have to see if your brother can keep up with me," Oghren said, spreading scrambled eggs on top of an already baconed piece of toast. "He's fooled by my short legs, but I'll show him."

"Wanna come with us?" Carver asked Leto.

"No, I'm fine. I'll just stay here. I don't think I'd go very far, to be honest," Leto shook his head. From the corner of his eye he saw Carver's face.

"Perhaps we can skip today's training…" he started saying.

"Chicken," Oghren muttered. "Come on, leave your sister alone. They're not horny teens. Besides, look at her belly. I'd be surprised if she could get-"

Leto choked on his tea. Lucía just looked at Oghren, half amused. There was a slight smirk on her face that made her look strange, as if she was a different woman. He didn't know how long he could stand the teasing of that man who seemed intent on embarrassing them. When he'd announced that he'd be staying there with her for the rest of the week, Oghren had made all kinds of jokes and insinuations that Leto just hadn't been able to take lightly.

_"Seriously, I just don't understand how it doesn't bother you," Leto had told Lucía, flustered about a sexually explicit comment that Oghren had made._

_She'd shrugged. "Because it's just a joke? You need to relax more, Leto."_

He knew that Carver had tried to make him stop, but evidently, his words had fallen on deaf ears. The man carried on with his remarks, and Leto was wondering if he should have gone away when the weekend was over.

He looked at Lucía, smiling in the sun. He sighed quietly and finished his tea.

* * *

She found him browsing the books that had belonged to her. He had chosen a classic novel, "Tales from Beneath the Earth". He turned around, book in hand, and waved a piece of paper that he'd found inside.

"What's with all the names?"

"Oh! I'd forgotten about that." Lucía took the list and looked at it amusedly. "When I was a child, I used to imagine which actors would be more suitable for each of the characters in the tales. It was an easier way to picture their faces."

"I didn't read much when I was a child. I always found it hard. Anders helped me with that."

"I know." Leto shot a glance at her. "It was in the journal. You know, the one you left that day…"

"Ah. Hrm. Of course," he muttered. "I feel like a fool."

"Why? Many children have trouble reading. Carver, for inst-"

"Not for that. For giving you his journal. If I had known that it would get you two together-"

"Leto…"

"-I wouldn't have given it to you. I'd have let him fight his own battle." The words poured out of his mouth, unstoppable and long due. "I feel that I made it easy for him. And you… You were into him, and you used me because you couldn't be with him. I let you use me. I was part of the game. And now-"

"I didn't use you," she murmured. "I didn't mean-"

"What we did… You didn't do it out of love."

"Neither did you. Can you honestly say you were in love with me?" Lucía's dark eyes stared into Leto's. He didn't reply. "You wanna talk about it – fine, let's talk about it. I liked you, okay? I _liked_ you. I wasn't planning on sleeping with you. It just happened. He... He was there in my mind at the beginning. When we first kissed, when you first touched me... And then, when I was alone with you, I forgot about him. While we were... _together_ , Anders… He was not in my mind. For the first time in weeks, he was not there." She was aware that she'd raised her voice, but they were alone, so it didn't matter. "I did like you, but you went away. And what was I supposed to understand? You said you were fine with it-"

"I lied!" Leto snarled.

"How was I supposed to know? We barely knew each other!" Lucía yelled.

"I thought we had something! For a while, I… I thought there was something between us." Leto sat down and hid his face in his hands. "I felt that we could… I don't know; I guess I was hoping you'd choose me."

"You made your move – you were the one who took that option away from me." Lucía stood up and looked at him. "You gave up before we even had-" She sighed. "I don't want to talk about this anymore." She left the room and he stayed behind, still holding the book in his hands.

* * *

_"Do you love me?"_   
_Her red hair was sprawled over the hay. The back of his hand brushed against her face, her neck… His fingers found their way around her waist –she was a big woman, bold and beautiful in her own way– and held her close to him. Their foreheads met and he closed his eyes._   
_"Do you love me?" she repeated._   
_He opened his eyes. She had cleared a white streak of hair from his eyes and was looking at him with curiosity and a tinge of hopefulness._   
_He did not reply._

* * *

Waking up to the realization that perhaps he had never told her what he felt for her… He'd never said it in so many words. His dreams –or memories, because it was hard to tell them apart at times– always seemed to show him running away somehow. Was that what he'd been? A runaway? A slave to circumstances, or had he simply made the wrong choices? Perhaps Anders was right and there was no way to escape from the patterns that had been laid out in front of them.

He would stop chasing after her. There was no point in doing the same thing expecting a different result. He'd never lose hope, though – that much he knew. He would wait.

* * *

The journey back home had been a silent one. Lucía had slept for most of the ride, and when she wasn't asleep, she was talking on the phone with her mother and sister. Well, if that was what she wanted, he'd play along. He had nothing to lose anymore.

He helped her with the bags and waited until she'd taken the keys out of her bag.

"Thank you," she said, squeezing his arm in a friendly way. "I'm not mad at you, you know? It's just that… I don't know. It seems a bit unfair to lead you on, if that's what you really think I'm doing. I'm sorry."

He relaxed. "I should have told you-"

"It's okay. Maybe this is the way it was meant to be?"

"But you don't believe in that," he said softly.

She looked into his eyes and caressed his cheek. The door opened and Anders came out. She climbed the steps towards him as quickly as she could and kissed her husband as he held her in his arms.

"Missed me?" he asked with a smile.

"Terribly." She buried her face in his neck and Anders stroked her hair. "Oh, I have to use the restroom! Silly bladder. Bye, Leto!" She waved and went inside.

Anders picked up the bag and patted Leto on the arm. "Thank you for taking care of her."

"She's one week away from having a baby and you go away to Seheron to do Maker knows what," Leto muttered. "You don't deserve them, you lucky bastard. Pray she doesn't wake up one day and realize that you can't love her the way she deserves to be loved." He turned around and left Anders standing there, frowning.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Amy Winehouse.


	83. Virginia

He was lying on his back, forearm over forehead, his left arm crossing his chest; staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep. It had been months since he'd last lain like that – it almost felt as if it had been during another lifetime. Leto's words were still going round his head. He wondered if his cousin knew something that he didn't. Perhaps Lucía had said something. He'd been away quite a bit – he was aware of that. Still, she'd never raised an objection; never had a harsh word or a reproachful tone come out of her lips.

But then, he sighed, why did he feel this way? His palm rubbed his chest slowly, trying to ease the tension that had been building up there since Lucía had returned. She'd chatted happily about the days spent in Tantervale and had asked about Varric, but… Not a word about Seheron. Anders bit his lower lip. Perhaps Leto had been right, and she-

He felt her hand stroking the outside of his thigh, the only thing she could do from her position. And then her voice, a murmur; half muffled by the pillow, but not sleepy.

"What's the matter, Anders?"

He was unable to speak. He turned towards her and held her from behind, taking refuge in the curve of her neck, as he wrapped his right arm around her. Her left hand stroked his arm and pressed it lightly, encouraging him to talk.

"Can't we just stay like this?" he asked quietly.

"I'd rather we talked," she replied.

Anders sighed. Words seemed to die before his lips. Leto was right; she was surely mad at him for having left her, not only this time, but many times before. If only he could explain what he was trying to do…

"Trouble in Seheron?" she said, entwining her fingers with his. "I barely know what you do, except for the fact that you're working with that amenta colony. I'm not sure I can help you with that. Have you considered asking Bethany and Orsino for help?"

"Should I have stayed with you?" Anders blurted out, dreading the answer.

"What?"

"I'm afraid I haven't always been there for you," he explained. "When your father found you in my apartment; when Bethany got hurt… I stayed in Seheron, even though something could have happened to you…"

"Anders…"

"And then, when you were in hospital… I should have stayed there as well… And now… This is a delicate moment for you. I shouldn't have left you alone." He pressed his body against hers, trying to get as close as he could. "Varric… He was devastated. If I lost you-"

 _"Anders."_  Her voice was firm but kind. She struggled to turn around. In the darkness, she still felt his warm gaze over her. She cupped his face with her left hand. "You're doing what you must do. And besides, I'm not alone. I've got my family behind me." She kissed him. "You're devoted to your people, and I love you for that. When I met you…" She went silent.

He could tell that she was smiling. "What," he nuzzled her.

"I was surprised. Not many people would have risked their jobs for a bunch of refugees. And you've always tried to help us. You've done something wonderful for Bethany. Whatever it is you're doing now, I'm sure it's worth anything."

"They are truly amazing, Lucía. Their knowledge of plants and minerals is astounding. I'd never heard of many of their ways to treat amenti. They've got this wonderful thing called Ajrapathara… It's some sort of component that they extract directly from their grounds, which makes the land fertile and them immune to many of the diseases that affect areas that are seemingly much more developed than they are." He was speaking fast now, the words pouring out enthusiastically. "These people… I would have deemed them alchemists if we'd lived in another era. Their economic resources are limited, but they've got so many skills that have potential for greatness that it's a shame that they're looked down on."

"What is it that they need, then?"

"Exposure," Anders replied confidently. "The world needs to know about them. A whole colony of amenti that has survived for Maker knows how long, full of people who are smart, stunning, and utterly functional… If the rest of Thedas saw that they can be integrated, that they can actually help us answer many of the questions that we've always had about amenti… It would make a hell of a difference, I just know it." He kissed her cheek. "But Orsino hasn't been very successful at raising funds, and I'm ashamed to admit that my savings are dwindling." He sighed.

Lucía pondered for a while. "Perhaps you can talk to Leto. Since he's in Immigration, you might be able to bring some of them to Kirkwall with a temporary permit."

"I'd rather not ask Leto for any more favours," he replied adamantly.

"I understand," Lucía said. She cuddled against him and soon after, she fell asleep.

* * *

**_Kirkwall – the year 937 of the Dark Age_ **

 

 _"Why do you trust him?"  
Fenris's voice was loud and clear. Victoria looked at him.  
"Why wouldn't I?"  
"He is up to something," the elf replied. "You know he is, don't you? He's been in that clinic more nights than I can count. I thought he was staying here, with you."  
"My, my – such concern… Have you been watching over him?" she asked amusedly. Even in the soft light of the fireplace, she could see Fenris blush slightly.  
"Old habits die hard," he grunted. "Besides… Even though you are the Champion, the Knight-Commander has her eye on you. I have seen men lurking around this place. And you will be alone in a few days, when Bodahn and Sandal leave. You cannot be too careful, especially-" He looked away.  
"I see Varric has told you. Don't worry. It is still a while before it's born."  
"Are you not worried? Because of what _he _is… Who knows_ what- _-?"  
"Am I carrying an abomination? Is that what you are asking?" Victoria stood up, the rims of her long finery cascading down to the floor. She was a tall woman, and her sharp face and short hair made her look even taller. She took the silverite dagger that she always kept at hand on her personal desk and handed it to him. "If that's how you feel, come; do it quickly."  
"Are you crazy?" he recoiled. "I will not hurt you! I would _never _-!"  
"Then stop doubting." She tossed the dagger on the desk. "You've seen what those Templars did to the bodies of those children that tried to escape before they could be taken to the Circle. Desecration and depravity. Do you think that I would allow them to do that to my child?"  
"I do not condone their violent ways," Fenris replied. "But you _are _the protector of this city, and it is not hard to notice Anders's animosity. Is one life worth that much?"  
"It's not _any  _life. I'm sure that Anders could be the leader the mages need."_  
"You know as well as I do that he is not human any lo-"  
Victoria smacked the elf with an open hand. Fenris blinked and turned to her, a bewildered look in his eyes. She was shaking, and something else – something that she had last done years before, down in the Deep Roads. The tears flowed down her cheeks. She took a step towards him and hugged him. "I'm sorry," she cried. Her tears wetted his cheeks as well, and she caressed the spot that she had hurt. "But please don't say those things… I have faith…"  
Fenris's arms circled her body. He had held her like that before; she still remembered it. Once, when her heart had been filled with bitterness against him.  
"Please… Do not come with us to the mines tomorrow," he asked. "I will accompany him, together with Varric and Isabela. I promise that nothing will happen to him. Just… stay here."  
But she shook her head.  
"He asked me to come with him. I will be there for him."

* * *

Lucía handed him a check. Anders took it and frowned. "Are you  _mad,_  woman? This is-"

"All my savings, I know."

"This… I'd never seen this amount of money before! What about your mother and Bethany?"

"I bought them a place to live in. It's only a matter of time till Mama moves in with Benoit, and Bethany can keep the place, or sell it and keep the money. I've done enough for them already. Besides, Carver is supporting them as well. You are my family now, and you can put that money to good use." She held his hands in hers and kissed them. "I trust you."

"You won't regret it," he smiled and kissed her lovingly. "I love you, you know that?"

"I do," she smiled back. "Now go and deposit that, before the banks close!"

He kissed her once more and dashed away. Lucía wrapped herself in a warm shawl and walked to the kitchen. She wondered what her mother would say. Leandra was used to living on very little money, and since she was grateful for Bethany, Lucía thought that she wouldn't object to her impulsive act. She frowned. It was so cold. Her body was shaking. There had to be a draught somewhere, perhaps a window had come open.

The bell rang. She wasn't expecting a visitor. She looked aside and saw her phone. She took it and hid it in the pocket of her loose dress. "Who is it?" she asked.

"Major Cullen, Lieutenant," the rich voice came from the other side of the door. She opened it and there he was, in his uniform. A formal visit?

"Major," she muttered.

He took off his hat and bowed. "May I come in, Lieutenant?"

She let him in and closed the door behind them. "Anything to drink?"

"Only if you're having something, Hawke," he replied politely. His voice and look had softened. She shuddered. What was that feeling? "I learned about Varric's wife. He says… He says that your husband examined her, and that it was provoked?"

"So it seems," Lucía said, beckoning him to follow her into the kitchen. She'd have some tea. Perhaps the one that she'd acquired at Merrill's shop. That would surely make her feel better. "What has he decided?"

"He wants out," Cullen murmured. "And to be fair… I understand him. First Karl, then his wife… There's something sinister here, and I'm no longer sure that we can do this on our own."

Lucía felt short of breath. She placed a hand over her belly and inhaled sharply. "You're not planning to tell Stannard about it, are you?" she asked anxiously.

Cullen shook his head. "I'd have a lot of explaining to do…" He frowned. "Are you feeling fine?"

"It's nothing… I think I still have a hard time processing Bianca's death." Lucía leaned against the counter. She could feel the air and freshness leaving her body, being slowly replaced by an unusual warmth that gushed down her legs.

"Maker!" Cullen gasped when Lucía dropped the empty cup she'd been holding. Her face was contorted in pain, but he could see her biting her lips.

"It's coming," she said after a while, her forehead pearled with delicate sweat beads. "I need to get to the hospital. The baby's coming."

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Tori Amos; possibly my headcanon song for DA II AndersxHawke.


	84. Ray of Light

Varric shook the man's hand. "I wish you the best of luck."

"Good luck to you too, Captain, wherever you go."

Varric shook his head. "You're captain now, Warren," he said firmly. "I'm sure you'll do a fine job." He took his box of personal belongings –two framed photos of Bianca and Enya, a box of sweets that Bethany always sent him, a set of spare keys, a folder with encoded files– and left that part of his life behind.

* * *

"Mother phoned!" Bethany came running towards him as soon as she heard the rattle of his keys on the door. "Lucía's on her way to the hospital!"

"Oh! Oh, sunshine… I'm sorry you can't be with her," Varric lamented.

"That's alright," she smiled. "Mama's there, and Andy got back from Seheron last night." She cocked her head. "Finn's awake. Just in time! I'd just finished preparing his bottle."

"How do you know that?" Varric asked, astounded.

"Hmm? Oh, I just know." Bethany laughed. "I don't know how; I guess I got used to the sounds he makes?" She ran to the kitchen.

"Women - you never cease to amaze me," Varric chuckled to himself. He walked to the crib and there was his child, looking up and waving his arms happily. Varric blinked and poked the baby's chest softly. Finn clung to his finger and smiled.

"I know you're probably just passing gas, but yeah, I could use a smile," Varric murmured as he bent down to pick him up.

Bethany stood behind him. She was about to say that he should have washed his hands before picking Finn up, or that he could have waited until she'd fed him, but Isabela had told her to cut Varric some slack when it came to his developing a relationship with Finn. She left the bottle on the table and snuck out of the room.

* * *

Cullen's hands trembled as he finished signing Lucía's admission form. She'd already been taken away and had asked him to wait for Anders. He didn't know why he was so nervous – it wasn't his wife. He wasn't giving birth. The whole process… Ugh. Maker, he didn't want to think about it. He'd think of something else.  _Flowers._  No, he had no idea about that.  _Puppies._  He wasn't a big fan of animals.  _Blue._  Cullen scoffed as his mind drifted to the lyrium. Why couldn't he think of something simple? His fingers twitched and he pressed his hands together, squeezing and wringing them as he paced up and down the corridor.

* * *

"Just give me something," Lucía groaned quietly, as she clenched her fists. The cramps were getting more and more intense with every passing minute. Every contraction filled her ears with a deafening  _Thum Thum Thum_  that she was unable to ignore.

"Lucía, listen to me," the doctor said in a soothing voice. "You're too dilated to get anything. That's not so bad, since it means the baby will be here any minute."

Her eyes filled with tears. "Please…  _Anything…_  This is not normal… This  _pain-_ " Her face contorted and she bit her lips so as to contain the scream that was pushing to come out.

"I assure you, it's absolutely normal." He saw her shake her head. "Trust me. Your husband will be here any minute and he'll help you with it."

"Anders…" she muttered weakly. "Where is he?"

* * *

"Where is she? Is she in already?" His face was covered in sweat. Cullen frowned.

"You don't look fine, Devin. Are you sure you can cope with it?"

Anders nodded faintly. "It's alright, it's just… I'm not feeling very well. My stomach's a bit upset."

"Are you sure you want to go in there, then?" Cullen looked horrified. "I mean… It's-It's going to be gruesome, I just kn-know it. Pain and screaming, and bl-blood and fluids…" He leaned against the wall, his own stomach turning upside down. Yes, he certainly wasn't ready for it.

"I'm sure we've both seen worse than that," Anders tried to smile. He breathed in deeply and walked into the anteroom, where he was sterilized.

* * *

"Yes, baby, don't worry about it," Leandra reassured Carver. "I'm on my way back to Kirkwall already. We'll be there in two hours; you wouldn't make it before us anyway."

"Just keep me posted then, alright? And tell Benoit to drive safely," Carver replied, pacing about the room. Oghren was watching him attentively.

"He always does, darling. I'll call you once the baby's here." Leandra hung up and kept the phone in her hand. She was looking down. Benoit glanced at her and pressed her hand.

"She'll be fine, Lea."

"I know." She smiled briefly. "I'm just keeping my fingers crossed for her, you know? So that she gets something to ease the pain. I remember when she was born… I thought I wouldn't have any more kids after the pain I went through with her. And when I held her... Dear me, then the feeling of seeing her was just amazing. But-"

"But?"

Leandra seemed to have spaced out. When she finally spoke again, her voice sounded hollow. " _Malcolm._  What  _he_  experienced after she was born… I just hope it will be different for Anders."

* * *

His first thought was  _we shouldn't have gone through with this._

He loved her. More than he'd ever thought. He'd thought himself prepared for seeing her like that. After all, it was natural, common,  _human._  To him, she was more human than anything he'd ever known. Enduring, but not impermeable. Strong, but sensitive and at times, almost vulnerable. But above all, it was the determination in her eyes -on her lips, in everything she did- that he admired the most.

Seeing her reduced to a whimpering bulk broke his heart.

She was trying so hard not to scream. One of the nurses had had to give her a thick mouth guard to keep her from biting her lips again. Anders tried to take a step towards her, but found that he couldn't move. He watched her from the spot where he'd become rooted, feeling helpless. He was aware that the doctor was telling him something – she needed him there. He looked at her. She seemed to be pleading, asking him to hold her.

Anders walked over to her and stood behind her. He placed his hands on her forehead. If only he could make it work the way it did with the amenta children he'd treated… He focused, and part of him wished that he could work some magic on her, that he was better prepared for her.

She grabbed his hand and pressed it. Anders understood that the only thing she needed was having him there with her –for  _them–,_  and he tried to relax.

* * *

Burning.

She was on fire. Her skin felt as if it was stretching beyond the limits of her body. She felt that whatever was coming… It wasn't just a baby. She was giving birth to a new world, something that was larger than everything she'd ever known.

Push. Breathe. Push again. You're doing fine. Breathe. Small breaths. Push. He's coming. You're doing wonderfully fine, darling. Keep going. Breathe. Relax. Push. Everything was mechanical, as if her body had been meant to do it, but her mind… Her mind was not prepared. What had Fenris said? Who knows what would be born from that abomination? He'd called Anders an abomination.

Lucía frowned. No, that wasn't them. That wasn't her life. That wasn't her baby. Leto was not Fenris, Anders was not… Surely he was not that other Anders… Her Anders was sweet and fun to have around. But he was so committed to the cause. And she wondered… She wondered if she'd done the right thing.

One more push, the doctor had said. One final push and she'd hold her baby in her hands. He'd called her Mommy.  _You'll soon have Ethan in your arms, Mommy._  She wanted to laugh. He was an older man, very much like her own father. He sounded ridiculous. Fathers were not supposed to be loving. Fathers were strict, hard, distant. She shook her head. That was not-

The last contraction caught her by surprise, and as she pushed one final time, she wondered why her ears were filled by an intolerable humming, like the one she'd heard down there, in the Deep Roads.

It took her a fraction of a second to realize that the humming was actually coming from her.

* * *

Leto Fenris, First Officer of the Department of Migration, was finishing some reports when it hit him.

The  _certainty_  that there had been another version of himself; that he had been a slave, and that he'd had a life that he'd lost and had never regained, but that he'd found another. That he'd been a warrior once, who'd run away from what he loved and he'd lost that forever.

For the first time, he found himself face to face with the certainty that his life was inevitably tied to that of Anders's and Lucía's.

* * *

Isabela Hendyr, Customs Officer, and Zevran Arainai, her temporary boss, were caught by surprise. They'd been chattering happily until that moment, and when it came to them, it hit them like a wave in a stormy sea – eye-opening cold. They knew, for an instant, that they'd known each other forever, and that their relationship had always been both crystal clear and unspeakably murky.

They looked at each other and then they looked away, not knowing what to say.

* * *

Oghren, Warden of Orzammar, ran towards Carver, Warden of the Free Marches, laughing about the fact that the tall man wasn't strong enough to take a few blows, but he immediately realized that there was something wrong. Carver's eyelids fluttered over his vacant eyes, and his ears, his nose, his mouth – they were bleeding. Oghren went inside to get the phone, feeling a bit queasy himself. Even if he called an ambulance, he felt he ought to call Nathaniel and warn him…

Against  _what,_  he wasn't sure.

* * *

For Varric, the man who had stepped out of the game, it felt like waking up. He clung to the certainty of the new reality as if his life depended on it. And then he heard the scream. He ran to the kitchen and found Bethany  _–sunshineapostatesisteramentahoneybee–_  panicking on the corner of the room, as if her whole world was falling apart. Her arms were wrapped around her knees, and she was banging the back of her head against the wall; the crying soon became a wail, and Varric sat beside her and held her as best as he could.

* * *

Lieutenant-Colonel Wesley Vallen had just entered his fiancée's office when it got to them. Commandant Aveline du Lac was on the phone with Donnic Hendyr, asking him about Lucía, when it dawned on them that in another life, they had known each other.  _Known._  Aveline's eyes stared at Wesley, and she couldn't say why, but she felt guilty, as if she'd been caught doing something bad or wrong. She hung up and held onto her desk, trying to contain the nausea that had taken over her.

* * *

Benoit du Lac, overcome with random images that he couldn't interpret, lost control of the wheel and crashed his car against the back of a truck ahead of him. He heard Leandra gasping. Just one second.

And then, silence.

* * *

Doctor Alberic Orsino staggered against the wall. It was the feeling of dozens of voices in his head that surprised him the most. Flashes, yes; he assumed that after everything Quentin had said, those were memories. He wondered why they had appeared now – what had changed.

His mobile phone buzzed. He looked at it. The name on the display made him raise an eyebrow.

_Meredith Stannard._

* * *

Major Cullen fell on his knees. So that was what had happened. The woman had betrayed those she'd vowed to protect, all for that man. He, Cullen, had stood aside when she'd told him to do so. But _this time…_ He shut his eyes tight. Maker, what was that feeling? Who was that woman? Something brushed past his shoulder. A shadow. He turned around quickly, shuddering. A young nurse gave him an odd look. He looked around.  _This place…_  He heard his footsteps along the corridor. He'd been there before. He wondered if Karl would be there.

Cullen shook his head. Karl was dead. And this was not the Chantry.

* * *

Malcolm Hawke, or Gascard Quentin, looked out of the window. The feeling that had been oppressing his chest for some days now had disappeared. He knew, as clear as day, that the baby had been born. He let out a bitter chuckle and shook his head.

He should have killed her when he'd found her, lost and alone, outside that hospital.

But he hadn't been able to bring himself to do so. She was his child. His daughter. And after all, wasn't this what he wanted? Hadn't this been the objective all along? To bring the old world back, to restore the natural order of things?

"It has begun," he murmured to himself.

How long it would take for everything to come tumbling down, he did not know. This was a new world for him as well.

* * *

"There you go, mommy," the doctor said, placing a wailing bundle on her chest. "Say hello to Ethan."

Lucía looked down and saw a wrinkly little face, gradually calming down as he was laid against his mother's chest. And she just knew that she would love him until she died and beyond that. This was the first time that she had seen him, but she had always loved him. Lucia, Marian, Victoria - they'd never experienced that. But this time... Her speckle of gold, her flame of life; her child was there, and it was all that mattered.

Except for Anders.

She looked around, just in time to see him collapsing. Two nurses rushed towards him and the doctor made a run for the intercom, requesting additional help.

The nurses laid him on his side and one of them murmured something. They looked back at Lucía, hoping that she hadn't heard. She couldn't see his face, but she remembered her father's words and wished she'd forced him to take the medication. She saw his legs moving convulsively and she pressed the baby against her chest once more, as if he could protect them against whatever it was that was going to happen.

But for the first time in her life, she was terrified.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Madonna


	85. Enjoy the Silence

The vacancy in Anders's eyes spoke volumes. Their warmth was there, somewhere. Lucía could still see it. She felt it, as bold and beautiful as always. But he was obviously suffering more than he showed. He had become reclusive, shunning everyone except for her. Every little noise made him cringe, as if sounds had a resonance that brought back things from the past; a past that was now more present than ever.

He hadn't been able to hold Ethan. Every time he went near his son, flashes of memories came to him with such strength that he'd have to retreat back to his room and wait until Lucía had finished feeding him to feel calm again.

And so a month had gone by. Trying to get back to sleep was tortuous at first. He didn't want to leave the house. Orsino had medicated him almost aggressively, and the heavy dosage did not agree with his stomach, but it was the only thing that they could do to prevent him from hurting himself, from bursting out in sudden bouts of anger or irritation.

He had taken advantage of his reclusion and had started drafting the platform he'd present for the General Board to consider. Encouraged by Lucía, he had decided to postulate his project in favour of the integration of the highly-functioning amenta community in society.

There was another project that he had been working on, though; something he had kept from her. Some amenta cases were detected when children started attending schools; others, when they started displaying certain emotional reactions, but it was never before the age of 2 that you could tell whether your child was an amenta or not. Orsino and Bethany had helped him devise a test for pregnant women who were in their third trimester and for newborns, to see if something could be done for them from day one. Perhaps, with the proper stimulation, their inclusion could be mainstreamed.

When Lucía had been hospitalized a few months before, Anders had taken advantage of the tests that they'd performed on her. The results appeared to be inconclusive, but when Ethan was born, and after that first month of living together, Anders was quite sure about it.

Ethan was an amenta as well.

He never cried. Hunger and sleep –or lack thereof– didn't seem to affect him. No cooing. No touching. No playing with toys. Granted, he was still very young, but babies would normally reach out for colourful or noisy objects while they were not sleeping. Ethan didn't sleep much, but he didn't seem to need anybody around to spend his time.

What troubled Anders the most was considering that none of the amenta parents that he had known had had a real connection with their amenta progeny. His father and himself, or Malcolm and Bethany; even Leto and his father… Those were the cases he knew personally. Even the Fex –the inhabitants of Seheron– had little interest in their amenta children, unless it meant making them functional. Everything and everybody had a purpose in their culture, and Anders's actions were allowed and not frowned upon as long as they represented a benefit for the entire community.

So Anders spent his days reading and writing, researching and taking his medication, and generally wishing that they had listened to Malcolm when he'd warned them about how difficult things would be for him. But now it was too late to regret anything.

There was no point in going back.

They had to keep pressing forward.

* * *

"I don't have time to discuss this, Doctor Orsino. I will not agree to that."

"If I could just talk to Anders-" Orsino started saying but Lucía cut him short.

"I think you're mistaken. This isn't Anders's calling. This is my sister we're talking about." Her voice was contained, but it was hard enough for Donnic to cast a glance at her. "What she needs now is relaxation and time to get back on track."

"But I'm sure I could help…" he said weakly, already feeling hopelessly defeated.

"… And I appreciate your offer, but I'd rather let sleeping dogs lie for a while, you know? Bethany isn't the only person in my family who needs some peace and quiet right now."

"I understand. I'll call you next week, to see how Anders is doing, if that's alright with you."

"It is. Thank you," she replied, and hung up. She stared at the phone for a few seconds, and then she turned to Donnic. "What do you think?"

"I… Well, I don't know. It's true that she needs to rest, but maybe he could do something for her…" His voice trailed off when he noticed her glaring. He silently handed her the baby and her face changed. She nuzzled Ethan and teased his lips with her finger joint, to see if he wanted to eat. He looked sleepy. She looked at the clock on the wall. It was past his feeding time. "I'll go to his room for a short while. Let me know when Bethany wakes up, okay?"

Donnic nodded and watched her leave the room. He looked at the time as well. Leandra would probably call any minute now. He set the phone on 'silence' to keep that quietness for a little longer, took out a novel from his satchel, and tried to focus on the story.

* * *

"You don't have to keep coming to Tantervale, Mama," Carver protested as he helped his mother with her bag. "I'm sure Beth and Luz need you more than I do."

"Luz can take care of herself, and Beth is much better. The three of us are together. You, however…" Leandra cupped her son's face with her left hand. Her right arm was still in a cast from the car accident. "I wish you could come and live with us," she sighed.

"It's alright," Carver smiled, kissing her on the forehead. "I'll go back to the Wardens next week for one last test and then I'll head for Kirkwall. I can't wait to meet that little fellow."

Leandra laughed. "If Lucía heard you, you know how much she'd tease you, don't you?"

"Yes, yes; if Oghren heard me, he'd surely call me Princess or something like that." He hugged his mother one more time. "Say hello to everyone for me, will you?" She nodded and he saw her get on the bus. He waved until she was gone, and then went back home.

* * *

"Sooo? Have you decided what you're going to do?"

Isabela was changing Finn's diaper while Varric was sending some messages. Enya was playing quietly with a nug plushie that squealed every time she pulled its tail. Varric smiled distractedly whenever she giggled. "Hmm?"

"I mean, I know you've got your money, but it won't last forever. You still have to sell your house in Starkhaven. So I was wondering…" She picked up Finn and rocked him gently.

"I'm not sure. I might get a restaurant."

Isabela arched an eyebrow. "Do you know anything about running a restaurant?"

"Nah. I don't even care much about food either. But I was thinking, what's quite different from what I've been doing so far, but will still allow me to maintain a network of contacts?"

His sister-in-law stared at him. "You don't mean…"

"Oh, I do. I'll lay low for a while. Perhaps a couple of years. But it's always good to keep some of your most resourceful contacts, isn't it?"

Isabela thought for a while. "Maybe you should get a bar, then. Or an inn. A bed-and-breakfast? Something that will justify the presence of strangers in the place."

"A bar, eh?" Varric pondered. If he remembered correctly… He had some ideas about a certain bar that he'd once seemed to know… He glanced at Isabela and wondered if she knew about it. But either she didn't know how to read him or she hadn't gotten the same kind of visions that he had had, because she just looked around distractedly. "Well, we'll see about that."

"I could help you with that," she offered. "I mean, I don't know much about restaurants and buffets, but when it comes to bars, I sure am your go-to girl." She winked at him and he chuckled.

He believed that Bianca wouldn't have approved of the change, but he felt that it was the right thing to do; deep down, he felt as if he'd been waiting to do that for a long, long time…

* * *

"I wish I could tell you, Carver," Nathaniel said, as they walked down the corridor, "but I wasn't told about it until last night. I met him briefly and he didn't discuss with me why he wanted to see you. We mostly talked about the Deep Roads."

"Do you think he's calling me to send me on a special mission?" Carver's voice sounded so hopeful that Nathaniel almost felt sorry for bursting his bubble.

"I'm afraid it'll have to do with that incident last month."

"Ah," Carver said, shuffling his feet before the door. "Nothing makes you feel more special than the fact that when someone important wants to see you, it's because you almost bled to death."

Nathaniel grinned. "Now, don't be like that. Would you feel better if I told you how jealous Kristoff is of you? He's hiding it quite well, but under that cool façade, I can assure you – he'd give anything to be in your shoes."

"That…  _does_ make me feel better, yes." Carver smiled at Nathaniel as his Senior opened the door for him.

"Here he is, sir," he said, and left the two of them alone.

Carver's good disposition vanished when he saw the man standing in front of him.

"The last time I saw you," Malcolm said relaxedly, "you did something incredibly stupid. Had it not been for your friends, you'd have died for sure."

"You…" Carver muttered, clenching his fists.

"Take a seat, Warden," Malcolm commanded. "It's time for us to have a little chat."

...


	86. Crawling in the Dark

He could feel his muscles tensing. There was the man that had abandoned them, left them to die, hurt his younger sister, mistreated his mother for years… The man who had never been a proper father.

"I said  _sit down_ ," Malcolm repeated.

"No, Sir." Carver's voice was cool.

Malcolm casually walked towards him. "Warden, when your First gives you a command, you comply." He was standing in front of his son now – he was almost as tall as Carver. He was so close that he could see how much effort Carver was making so as not to reach out and punch him. A brawny brute. That's what Carver had become. He wondered if his son had the courage or the heart. He clearly didn't have the brains.

Carver took a deep breath. "Why?"

"It's called 'chain of command'. You-"

"Why did you leave?"

Malcolm frowned. Carver's eyes were lowered and staring at something on the desk. "Why did I leave Lothering?"

"Why did you leave us?"

Malcolm shook his head. "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me." Carver looked up at his father. Malcolm could see him trembling slightly. He shook his head again and repeated, "You wouldn't understand."

"Why? Am I not smart enough for you? Am I not good enough for you? I never was, was I?" Carver was aware that he was raising his voice and clenching his fists. "Were we ever enough for you?"

"Don't get melodramatic, will you," Malcolm muttered. "If I hadn't cared for any of you, you wouldn't have survived the first years. Yes," he said tiredly, "I did things that  _may_  have been wrong, but there was nothing terrible about them."

Carver snorted and turned to his father. "You  _broke_  us!"

"I tried to give you the skills to survive."

"You almost killed us in the process!"

Malcolm's lips were pressed tight. He stared at his son for a while, and finally he said, "Cut the whining."

"You hurt Mama, you hurt the girls – what is _wrong_  with you? How fucked up are you? You disappeared overnight; we thought you'd died! And your name! Who the  _hell_  are you? And now this!" Carver opened his arms. "For the first time in my life, I felt proud of belonging to a group. I'd found my place. Now you come and ruin this too! What the  _fuck_  is going on here?"

Malcolm watched him. "Go on, let it out. Vent all that teenage crap once and for all."

Carver could feel his rage building up. His arms were so tense that he barely felt them. Through his teeth he asked, "Who are the Wardens?" To his surprise, Malcolm replied.

"They're my way of atoning for what I've done."

"The Blight?"

"Yes."

"The recruits are no coincidence, are they?"

"No."

"You're not working alone." It wasn't a question, and Malcolm didn't feel like he should reply. His silence was enough for Carver. "These people's families funded your project." His eyes opened slightly wider. "It was no accident. You targeted them."

Malcolm remained silent.

"You…" Carver felt sick. His father, or the people who worked with him –for he couldn't have done all that on his own–, had purposefully got to each of the people who now were Wardens. "You got them hooked on the stuff. The lyrium. Young people from good families, having access to drugs and money… So, what is it? Do the families pay you for saving them from the embarrassment of being associated to junkies?"

"Something like that," Malcolm replied amusedly. Carver felt disgusted by his father's smile.

"What about me?"

"I didn't expect you to survive. That was sheer luck. Well, not exactly. I guess it was your sister. You can thank Luz for that."

Carver laughed. "Lucía… She's different from us, isn't she?" Malcolm didn't say anything. "She and Anders… They have something." He was talking more for himself than for his father. "At first I thought that Bethany and Anders would… I don't know. They're supposed to be the same. But after Lucía got pregnant… Did you see it coming?" His blue eyes found his father's. "Do you know what happened when Ethan was born?"

Malcolm nodded. Carver looked at him inquisitively. "Ironically," Malcolm said, "what happened was what I'd set out to do in the first place, but through the way I didn't want it to happen."

"Lucía said you meant to keep them apart."

"I thought it would interfere with my plans for her. Anders has never been good for her."

"Why not kill him, then?" Carver's question made Malcolm raise his eyebrows. "It wouldn't be unlike you, would it? To get rid of something that's not useful to your cause?"

"I didn't say he wasn't useful, just that he's not good for Lucía."

"Are you speaking as a father now?"

"No, just with hindsight. Now, I have some questions for you-"

"Just one more," Carver said. "What is it that you intended to do?"

Malcolm's lips curved in a smile. "I'll only tell you this: everyone will be just like they were."

Carver relaxed. "Is that all? Well then, I'll tell you what you surely came for." Carver moved his head close to his father's and whispered, "I saw nothing."

"Nothing?"

Carver shook his head and smiled. "Not. A. Thing." He turned around to leave and stopped. "Oh, wait! I remembered something…"

He punched Malcolm in the face with such strength that Malcolm's head hit the wall behind him. Carver opened and closed his fist and wiggled his fingers. "Now we're even. Kinda." He put his hands in his pockets and left the room.

Malcolm rubbed his chin and smiled. His son was so predictable.

* * *

The question of whether Leto was welcome in Anders's house was a no-brainer, really: he was family, so he was expected to be around. Anders had not forgotten the last words they had spoken to each other, but he still didn't feel strong enough to object to anything.

Once the initial awkwardness had been overcome, Leto found himself helping around the house and handling the baby naturally. Three-month-old Ethan would stare at him silently, and Leto would stare back. Occasionally, they would blink.

"He definitely likes you," Lucía said one evening as she washed the dishes.

"I'm not sure it's like that." Leto's voice was soft. "He never falls asleep around me."

"It's not easy to make him sleep," Lucía confessed. "Sometimes he gives me a hard time. He'll just lie there, watching… I don't know what goes on in a baby's mind."

"Nobody does."

"I bet Anders will, once Ethan's a bit older." Lucía wiped her hands dry and walked towards them. She moved her face close to Ethan's and kissed one of his cheeks sonorously. The baby moved his arms and wrapped his fingers around a lock of her black hair.

Leto had to contain himself from burying his face in the curve of her neck. His feelings were as mixed as usual, but as he had told himself once, feeling something did not mean that he had to act upon it. He was aware that if he said something – _anything_ –, he risked losing the little things he'd got.

Lucía moved away and went into the living room. "Love?" she called, as she touched Anders on the shoulder softly. "Would you like something sweet?"

Anders had just woken up from a quiet post-dinner, medicated slumber. He smiled and nodded, but before Lucía could get away, he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her towards him. She sat on his lap, giggling as he put his arms around her and snuggled her.

"You weren't  _that_  asleep!" she laughed.

"Actually, I was," he said, a boyish smile flashing on his lips. "And I was dreaming about you."

"Oh? What did you dream?"

"I guess I can show you later, once everything gets oh so quiet."

"Aaah… Will it be quiet as well?"

"Well, everything but us." He kissed her as he pressed her against him, and was happy to receive her kisses in return. They cuddled for a short time and then she moved away. Anders watched her leave with a certain sadness.

* * *

Carver held onto Oghren's arm and got back on his feet. He wiped the dirt from his suit and bent down to pick up his rifle.

"Reckless as usual, pretty boy," the short man told him.

"I didn't want you to one-up me, y'know. I'm not planning on paying for that dinner."

"Aw, come on. You're good friends with the First, aren't you? You can ask him for a raise-" Kristoff started to say, but something on Carver's stiff posture made him stop. The youngest Warden turned on his heels and even though he couldn't see them, Kristoff could picture Carver's eyes – icy blue.

"Sorry," Kristoff muttered. Nathaniel elbowed him and glared as he walked past.

Oghren spat to the side. "So, what's the score?"

"Kristoff cleared three, I got seven, you got ten, and Carver nine."

"Well, look at that. I own those Spawnish asses. You're so paying," Oghren sniggered at Carver.

"Ah, but we're not done yet," the young man said, flashing a smile at the others.

"Carver…" Nathaniel called him as the others started walking. "You know… This isn't a hunting game…"

"No, it's not," Carver replied. "This is mercy killing for most of them. You know that. There are no Salvageables in this area, and we wouldn't want these to get up there any time soon, would we." Every time Nathaniel was around, Carver felt a little calmer. He knew that Kristoff never meant to be insidious with his comments, but the thought of his comrades thinking of him as the First's friend –or the fact that they could somehow relate him to his father– made him feel sick to the core.

Nathaniel patted him on the back. "Let's keep going. We should be meeting the others in 30'."

Carver nodded and put his head-up display back on with determination.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by Hoobastank.


	87. Voulez-Vous (Part One)

Aveline put the last cups on the tray and looked around. "Anything else I should take?"

"Here, big girl." Isabela handed her the sugar. Her familiarity didn't entirely strike Aveline as odd, but every time that Isabela referred to her like that, she wondered if the Rivaini woman was making reference to her weight or her age. She certainly wasn't much older than the rest of the group, but it was possible that her demeanor made her look or sound older. "You know it's not meant to be insulting, don't you? The 'big girl' thing?"

Aveline blinked. "Did I speak up?"

"No," Isabela smirked, "but I can see it in your frown. It's like calling you 'sport'. But you're too much of a woman for that."

"Right. Well… Thank you, I guess," Aveline mumbled before leaving the kitchen.

"Toast and jam, ready. Cutlery, ready. Leto!" Isabela turned to the young man. "Do you know where they keep the sweetener?"

"Second panel, top shelf, inside a blue jar," he replied. He was making sure that the beverages were ready. He was feeling a tad anxious about that meeting. Lucía and Anders had called for it a few days before and ever since, he hadn't been able to sleep well. Wanting to have their family and friends together in the same place –even Carver had come from Tantervale– only spelled "big announcement" to him. He wondered if Lucía was pregnant again. He hoped not. "Everything's ready," he sighed, before carrying a tray with jugs and pots to the dining room.

Varric was talking to Carver near the window, and Leandra and Benoit were helping Aveline to set the table. The bell rang and, even though they pretended to be cool about it, their hearts skipped a beat.

"I'll get it," said Donnic. When he returned, Cullen was tagging along, an air of mistrust in his face. "Lucía will be down in a minute, Major," Donnic said. "Er… Do you know anybody here?"

"Yes, I do. Thank you, Hendyr," Cullen replied calmly as he caught sight of Varric. Carver's back straightened up as he approached the pair. "Tethras; Hawke," he greeted them with a nod. "How's life with the Wardens?"

"Better than I thought," Carver answered. He extended his hand and said, "I never had the chance to thank you for what you did down there, Major. I don't remember much, but Varric here tells me that you led me out."

Cullen shook his hand. "It was nothing, really. I doubt we'd be here if it hadn't been for Lucía."

Carver raised his eyebrows and smiled sadly. "Yeah, I think I've heard that before." He excused himself and went over to where Leto was standing. Cullen watched him leave and when he looked back at Varric, the expression in his brown-greenish eyes had softened. "We haven't had a chance to talk… I'm sorry. I can hardly imagine-"

"It's alright," Varric said, raising his hands. "No need to say anything. Thanks."

"I read about your resignation in the bulletin."

Varric nodded and murmured, "I think we should talk about that. Some other day, perhaps?"

Cullen's eyes were fixed on Varric's face. If he knew what the other man wanted from him, he didn't let it show. "By all means," he murmured back.

"I see your hair's a bit longer. I bet the girls like it." Varric's voice was teasing, reminding him of his flirtatious behaviour with the recruits in the past. Cullen chuckled shyly and passed his fingers through his honey-ginger curls.

"That's all in the past. I've no eyes for other women since I married Ana. If my wife likes it- I mean… I…" Cullen was conscious that mentioning his marriage bliss to a widower was not the right thing to do. He blushed slightly and coughed. Varric watched him amusedly – he was used to getting the same thing from many people every day. He was about to say something when another door opened.

Anders looked around, feeling all eyes on him. He cleared his throat. "They're coming in a minute. Bethany's feeling better now, so she'll join us for a while." Everybody stood there in silence. "Please, take a seat. I see that you've finished pouring the beverages. I'm sorry we don't have anything stronger to offer you," he apologized, "but we don't keep alcohol in the house." Leto handed him a cup of tea and Anders thanked him quietly.

* * *

Lucía came out of the children's room, where Enya, Finn, and Ethan were sleeping under the watchful eye of a babysitter, and entered Bethany's bedroom. She'd been living with them since Ethan had been born. Her reaction hadn't been as bad as Anders's -thought it had meant a regression- and so Leandra had agreed to let her live there while she recovered.

Bethany had just finished braiding her hair when her sister placed her hands on her shoulders. "Are you sure you want to come down?" There was a tinge of uncertainty in Lucía's voice. "I wouldn't want you to get stressed…"

"I'm fine, sister," Bethany replied, turning around and hugging Lucía. "We have talked about this and… Well, you know what to do if… If something happens."

Lucía hesitated for a moment, but eventually she held her sister by the hand and led her downstairs.

* * *

When Lucía opened the door, the group stopped talking. The sudden silence was so unnatural that it made Bethany shelter behind her sister instinctively. Donnic saw her reaction and sighed sadly. That only confirmed what he'd thought all along: that she wasn't ready for a relationship. His sisters –only one sister now– would probably tell him that he was just as immature as Bethany was, but he thought that their take on the relationship had nothing to do with maturity. Bethany was no simple girl, and he… He was not ready for that, for what she was. He was terrified of not knowing how to deal with her.

As they sat down and started talking, Donnic congratulated himself bitterly on resisting Beth's advances. He wanted her, yes – she was kind, beautiful, and she clearly had feelings for him. She'd turned out to be more than he'd hoped for. When she'd appeared in his house, asking him to take her… She'd been a vision, a dream come true. But he'd known that she was not ready for a physical relationship, and even though they had started something, he'd stopped before getting serious. The last three months had done nothing but confirm his fears.

"Psst! Pass me the sweetener," Isabela whispered. Donnic mumbled an apology.

"-if I make myself clear," Aveline was saying.

"I understand, Commandant," Cullen replied. "But I think that we're all here because we felt something that day." He looked at Lucía. "When your son was born."

Anders held Lucía's hand under the table. "We wanted to give you an explanation about that. Or at least let you in… Into what we know."

Leto gave a sigh of relief. "Just that?"

"Yes… Just that," replied Anders, wondering why Leto sounded calmer now.

"I'm not sure what you're talking about," Aveline said.

"Past lives," Lucía said quietly. "That's what this is all about." She felt Bethany's fingers looking for her hand and she pressed them lovingly. "We have known about it for some time, to be honest, and some people… Some of  _us_ ," she corrected herself, "didn't want to believe it at first."

Aveline's right eyebrow was arched in an almost dramatic fashion. "Pardon me?"

"It's true," Leto said hurriedly, noticing the discomfort in some of the faces. "The memories come in the form of dreams, or visions, or something like that. You must have felt it."

Cullen cleared his throat. "Look, I… I'll admit that there was something there… Some kind of odd sensation that came out of nowhere. But I think that calling it 'past lives' is a bit too much."

Aveline laughed. "A bit too much? Frankly, it's ridiculous." She stood up. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got plenty of things-"

"Sit down, girl," Benoit said. "Don't be rude."

"I'm not being rude, father. But the idea is preposterous, and this meeting… It was a minor discomfort, at most. Why press this?"

Bethany's fingers tightened around Lucía's hand. She looked as if she was about to be sick.

Her father sighed. "You know I wasn't drunk when I had the accident, Aveline. I saw something that day. I don't remember what it was now. And Leandra… She saw it as well." Leandra nodded as her hand stroked that of Benoit. Aveline snorted.

"Well, I do not think it's funny." She turned to leave but Cullen stood up and called after her.

 _"Captain!"_  As soon as the word came out of his lips, he knew. She was a Commandant now. She was no longer the Captain  _–of the guard; the accusations against her, and her relationship with the Hawkes-_ Cullen pressed his hands against his temples. "What was that?" he muttered.

Bethany squeezed Lucía's hand.  _"One day…"_ she whispered.

"Beth?" Lucía's voice had inadvertently risen. "Are you okay?"

 _"If this is a joke, Knight-Capt-"_  Aveline started saying, but before she could finish, she became paralyzed. Donnic stood up and looked around. He caught sight of Bethany's feverish look. "What is going on?" he shouted. "What's happening to her?!"

Carver had moved beside his sister. She was trembling, shaking like a leaf. No, not a leaf - a volcano. She seemed to be holding on to something that was struggling to come out. He tried to hold her but she caught him by surprise. She turned and pushed him away, throwing him against the wall, as if he was nothing. Leandra let out a whimper and tried to get to her, but Anders stopped her. Lucía dashed to check on Carver and then she heard her sister's voice. A whisper, ancient and foreign.

 _"One day, the magic will come back,"_  she said.  _"All of it. Everyone will be just like they were."_

"Anders," Lucía called quietly, but Anders was just as enthralled with Bethany's voice as the rest of the group. Carver rubbed his head and gave his older sister a worried look.

_"The shadows will part, and the skies will open wide…"_

Lucía stood up.  _"Fenris!"_  she hissed. Leto's eyes landed on her and nodded surreptitiously. His last name seemed familiar to him in Lucía's lips, as if her voice had never called him by any other name. He got ready to jump on Bethany if it was necessary.

Isabela understood the look in Lucía's eyes and saw the knives on the table. Butter knives, but still, the girl could hurt herself. She realized that they could all overpower Bethany, but they could harm her in the process.

 _"When he rises…"_  Bethany was saying. Cullen and Varric were circling the table, moving towards her. Benoit had taken over Leandra, now that Anders was looking at Lucía.

 _"When he rises,"_  Bethany screamed,  _"everyone will see!"_

"Anders!" Lucía shouted as she put her arms around her sister.

"Everyone will see!" the girl screamed and struggled. "Everyone will see!"

But Lucía was not alone. Leto leapt forward and helped her restrain Bethany while Anders sedated her. Two minutes later, she was still muttering some words as Carver and Benoit led her upstairs. She was unable to climb the stairs on her own, since the sedative was more powerful than the usual dose and Anders was certain that she'd fall asleep immediately. Donnic and Leandra trailed along and closed the door behind them.

Anders sighed deeply and brought Lucía closer to him. She brushed his hair with her fingers and he kissed her forehead. She let go of him as she turned to Leto. "Thank you," she mouthed.

"What was that, Hawke?" Aveline said, her hands clinging to the back of a chair. "She… What she said… That sounded like…"

"I remembered something," Isabela muttered. "When we were in Starkhaven… I had a dream…"

"Not you too," Aveline croaked.

"Face it, Commandant," Cullen said in a firm voice. "There's something going on here, and I for one would like to hear the explanation."

Varric and Leto exchanged glances but remained silent. Varric turned to Lucía, whose hands were pressed against the table, and whose eyes were looking down. Anders hung behind her like a shadow, watching everyone. "Hawke?" Varric called. The look in Lucía's eyes was a bit colder than usual, and he could have sworn that she looked taller as well. She seemed different.

"Now you want them, don't you," she said in a low voice. "If you want explanations, we'll give them to you."

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: a song by ABBA


	88. Voulez-Vous (Part Two)

Lucía climbed the stairs and entered Bethany's room. Carver was the first to look up. He touched Leandra softly on the shoulder, and both of them left the room after Lucía.

"Will she be okay?" Leandra asked, rubbing her arms as if she was cold.

"Yes. A dreamless nap will do her good. Carver," she turned to her brother. "We're about to begin. Are you in?"

He hesitated. The temptation of clearly seeing something –whatever it was they had been chasing for years– was too strong. "I'm not sure if the solution will work on me, because of my condition, y'know."

"We've foreseen that. I've got another solution for you. A different one. But I'd rather you stay with me. Just in case."

"Who's ' _we'?"_  Leandra asked. "And what are you two up to?"

They didn't reply immediately. When they did, it was Carver who placed his hands on his mother's shoulders. "Whatever you hear, don't come down. Do you understand me?" He sensed his mother's hesitation, and so he hurried to say, "I promise that I'll explain everything once this is over. I swear."

Leandra stared into her son's eyes. They still retain some of the baby blue that he'd always had, but every day he looked more and more like Malcolm. Even the intensity of the colour in his usually stern eyes reaffirmed that he was the son of his father, whether Malcolm cared or not. She nodded. A thousand questions swarmed around her mind, but she remained silent, choosing to trust them.

* * *

Lucía poured the blue solution into the shot glasses. Varric chuckled. "I thought you'd said there wasn't any alcohol in the house."

"This is no alcohol," Anders said quietly. Someone on the other side of the room caught his attention.  _Cullen._  He was staring at the blue fluid with an almost feverish intensity.

"That's lyrium," he murmured. "Liquid lyrium."

"It is something connected to that, yeah; more like a kind of medicine," Carver explained. "The Wardens use it on their recruits to prevent the nightmares from happening. Some need it more badly, some don't. It depends on how long they've been exposed to veins of raw lyrium and how frequent their dreaming is."

"But we haven't-" Aveline muttered. "None of us here, except for you, has been in direct contact with lyrium."

"Which is why it'll work as an inducer for all of you." Anders's voice was strangely calm. Perhaps because he was swimming in familiar waters. Nothing was more certain to him than what he did for a living. Granted, this was not exactly what he'd been studying for so long, but he knew about the process and what they'd be going through, and was free enough to guide them. "Leto had a direct taste of it when he went to Seheron, and-"

"It was the single most painful experience I've ever had," Leto grunted. Isabela shifted in her seat and her eyes went from him to his cousin.

"So what is it that you're saying, Anders?" she asked. There wasn't fear in her voice, only a badly concealed curiosity. Varric and Leto recognized the tone immediately: she was already into it.

But Lucía replied in his stead. "We're asking you to trust us. Nothing bad is going to happen. We only seek enlightenment."

Cullen looked at her sharply. He remembered his own thoughts on the matter when they'd returned from the Deep Roads. Karl's face popped up in his mind. He nodded. "I'll do it," he said resolutely.

"I'm in as well," Isabela smiled, patting the table.

"Commandant?" Varric was watching Aveline, whose bright green eyes were trying hard to conceal any shadow of a doubt. She parted and shut tight her lips several times.

"Aveline…" Lucía called softly.

The red-haired woman looked up and saw her soon-to-be stepsister's sorrowful eyes. She was pleading.

"It's okay, love," Anders sighed. "She's afraid. It's just normal. If she doesn't want t-"

"I'm not afraid," Aveline muttered defensively. "Do we all need to do it?"

Lucía folded her arms just as her mother had done before. "There is something about all of us." She looked at Anders, who nodded encouragingly. "The day that Varric got married… Bethany felt something. Most of us, except for Var, were there."

"Bethany had a reaction to our conjoint presence in the place," Anders explained. "That is what we call 'resonance'. The more we share, the stronger and more vivid the memories."

Leto frowned.  _Sharing…?_  He'd spent more time with Isabela and Anders than he remembered and he'd never-

And then he knew it. He knew it was true like the fact that the sun rose in the east and set in the west.

He hadn't dreamed until Lucía had arrived in Kirkwall, and his dreams had intensified after he'd slept with her. And Anders… He'd been fine until he'd bonded with her at an emotional level. Her pregnancy had stopped his cousin from dreaming.

It was her, all along.

"I'll do it," Leto murmured.

Varric nodded. "Sounds fun. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I wouldn't miss it," he smiled.

"Well then," Aveline said resignedly, "I'll go for it. But you'd better tell us afterwards what you got from this… This…  _Thing."_

"Of course they'll tell us," Cullen told her as he glanced at Lucía. She smiled.

"Nothing bad will happen. I promise."

* * *

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" Carver asked Anders while Lucía was fixing his dose.

"I'm no coward." Anders sounded confident, just like when they'd first met.

"I meant… You've been through some shit."

"Your concern is touching," Anders pouted mockingly. "But your sister is convinced that it would be better to have me there as well." He looked around and there she was, syringe in hand. She bent down to kiss him. Carver looked away and entered the living room, where the others were waiting.

* * *

One minute – it was all that it took for them to fall asleep. Carver checked on the different doses that Lucía had lined up. He smirked. " _He_  told you exactly what to do, didn't he?" His eyes stared into Lucía's. Her gaze remained inscrutable. She knew that he wasn't referring to her husband.

"It was the only way to bring Anders back," she replied, smiling sadly. " _He_  told me how to help my husband, and I agreed to give him this."

Carver shuffled his feet. He wondered if he was up to the challenge of meeting his father again, so soon. "Will he come today?" he asked. But his sister shook her head and pointed to a camera that had been recently set up. The red light blinked continually. Carver shuddered.

"We're ready," Lucía said, as her brother pricked Varric in the arm.

...


End file.
